A/N: Alrighty, this is not the last Frostbite fanfic. I am currently writing (and by currently I mean as soon as I am done typing this A/N I am going back to it...) a Frostbite fanfic that was requested by RoseBelikov18... (I only pay attention to the requests if they are about a scene I have already passed... So please don't request SK fanfics cuz I still need to re-read it and compile a list of scenes I am going to do.)

ALSO, I added some stuff to my profile about the fanfics soooo go check that out (and remember, the covers to these fics are all on my profile...)! And... hmmm.... Oh after the next one, I will be taking a week or two long break from the fanfics before starting on the Shadow Kiss ones. I have a lot of books that need to be read. and I need to spend some serious time on my own book.

Anywho, Enjoy the fic... lemme know what you think.

[Standard Disclaimers Apply]

P.S. I have been informed that this one isn't as good as my others... my response is... I'm burned out on Dimitri... I am running out of emotions to convey from him... thus the break...

I hadn't talked to Rose much in the days that followed the Spokane incident. I didn't know what I could say, what I could do to make that light return to her eyes. I hadn't seen it in a week and I missed that spark. She was walking around in a kind of haze. Answering questions without really knowing what they were.

I stood in the back of the room watching her as she watched everyone else. She was getting her molnija marks today, but her face looked as empty as it had at Mason Ashford's funeral. She looked like she had suffered a lifetime of trials and tribulations in the course of a few days, which she had.

She sat in the seat that was positioned in the corner of the room, her hair falling forward in front of her face. Lionel was sitting behind her with the needle against her neck. He stared at the blank canvas and frowned before speaking in a hushed tone to Janine and Alberta. The two women looked at each other momentarily before Alberta mumbled something to him, then he continued.

The familiar vibrating sound of the tattooing needle brought back the phantom stings that always accompanied watching a person receive their molnija marks. I knew I wasn't the only one as I noticed several guardians automatically reach up and touch the back of their necks. It wasn't just a tattoo. With every mark came the memory forever etched into ones skin. It wasn't just a sign of accomplishment, it was a memorial to the soul that had been wasted, the evil that had consumed it.

Though her face was almost completely covered by her hair, from my position I could see that she was biting down on her lip to keep from making a sound. Rose was never one to admit something hurt, but I almost wished she would make a sound. Something to let me know that the Rose I loved was still in there. Every time Lionel wiped away the excess ink as he was working, Rose would close her eyes at the soothing feel of the cloth against her inflamed skin. Looking at her face caused me to think about that night in my bed months ago.

"Did you really kill six Strigoi?" she asked me? My conformation earned a "wow."

I pulled her neck down to my lips and kissed her softly. As I gently grazed my teeth against her neck I felt her breath catch excitedly; I refused to think about it too much. "Don't worry. You'll have a lot more than me someday."

As Lionel finished up, he gave Rose instructions on how to care for the tattoos, though I was pretty sure she wasn't listening. Her mind was on the two little x's on the back of her neck, and what they stood for and who they represented. They were not just the two Strigoi that she killed, they were a constant reminder that she had lost a friend. They represented Mason and I knew that that would haunt her for the rest of her life.

When it came time to exchange words with the person receiving the marks, I found I couldn't think of anything to say. I wanted to tell her I was proud of her for surviving, that I loved her, that I was never going to let anything happen to her. None of it seemed like enough.

After Alberta had welcomed her to "the ranks" and hugged her, I came face to face with Rose. My chest tightened as she looked into my eyes, and I into hers. She was there. Just under the surface of her eyes, the old Rose was there. Looking at me with tears starting to rise. I was so happy and relieved that I thought I might cry myself. That was what I had needed. To know that she would heal… eventually, she would heal, just like her tattoos. I rose a hand to her cheek and my heart swelled as I felt her warm skin against my palm. I nodded and walked away, needing some time to get my emotions under control.

Throughout the day I found myself walking around thinking about Rose and what I would say to her. I wanted to tell her that she was my life, that I had turned Tasha down, that I loved her more than any man should. But no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't form the words properly. I couldn't show her, not in the state she was in. She was too raw, to broken.

"Guardian Belikov!" I turned at the sound of my name and saw Adrian Ivashkov walking quickly toward me.

"Ivashkov," I said nodding politely. I didn't like this kid and I had to keep reminding myself that he had helped me save Rose. The only problem was that he hadn't gone away after we had gotten back from the resort. He came along for Ashford's funeral and was still here. I knew it was because he was going to be studied by the other Morois here at the Academy. The more spirit users to pick at the better. I didn't really care why he was here, I just wanted him gone.

"Have you talked to Rose lately?" he seemed to care about her. I really didn't like Adrian Ivashkov.

"No not since we got back from Spokane, why?"

"I was just… well, she hasn't been dreaming at all." There was a hint of worry in his voice, almost undetectable by his usual bravado.

"Well, whether she dreams or not is really none of your concern. And I would appreciate it if you stayed out of Rose's mind." I turned to walk away from the man, ready to be rid of his presence.

I was about five feet away from him when he said "What's the matter Belikov? Afraid?"

I glanced over my shoulder and smiled at him, though the smile held no humor. "What would I have to be afraid of?"

Ivashkov smiled back. "That she might choose me over her teacher."

"Why would I fear that? You've already been in her head, remember?" I walked away and mentally kicked myself. I shouldn't have risen to the bait. God, I wanted to kill Adrian Ivashkov every time I had to speak to him. He was attracted to Rose and that fact in and of itself made me want to kick his ass, but he was so open with his advances that people had already started talking. I was not comfortable with her reputation being compromised by a royal Moroi playboy who was just looking for another thrill.

I kicked the door in front of me open and stormed up the stairs to my room determined not to let Ivashkov's words get to me anymore. I grabbed the book I had been reading before the school had left for the trip, and stomped back down the stairs toward the gym. I knew Rose would show up after her classes and I was determined to tell her something, anything to let her know that I was there for her… more so than Adrian Ivashkov.

I settled myself on top of some practice mats in a supply room and opened the book. I stared at the page for what seem like hours, looking at the words but not really seeing them. My mind was on Rose.

As if hearing my thoughts, she was there standing in the doorway of the storage room, looking at me expectantly.

"I thought you might come by," I said quickly placing my bookmark back between the unread pages.

"It's time for practice." Her voice was hollow.

I felt my heart sink as I shook my head. "No. No practice today. You still need to recover."

"I've got a clean bill of health. I'm good to go." She was trying to sound sure of herself. It didn't take a genius to figure out she was trying to fool herself as well.

I gestured to the chair beside me. "Sit down, Rose."

She looked at the chair reluctantly, then sat down. I moved my own chair so that I was face to face with her. I felt my chest give that familiar squeeze whenever I looked into her eyes. It was time to talk to her. I didn't know if I would ever be ready to tell her how I felt about her, but I needed to help her heal the wounds she had obtained in Spokane.

"No one gets over their first kill… kills… easily. Even with Strigoi… well, it's still technically taking a life. That's hard to come to terms with. And after everything else you went through…" I pushed the mental images out of my head and sighed, grabbing her hand in mine. Her fingers where soft and warm, exactly like I remembered. "When I saw your face… when we found you in that house… you can't imagine how I felt." I knew it was crunch time and I would finally be laying all my cards on the table. I didn't know how she would recieve my words, especially after she had been okay about walking away from me that day on the balcony.

She looked at me then; really looked at me. "How… how did you feel?"

The words came tumbling from my mouth before I knew what I was saying. "Devastated… grief-stricken. You were alive, but the way you looked… I didn't think you'd ever recover. And it tore me apart to think of that happening to you so young." My hold on her hand tightened briefly. "You will recover- I know that now, and I'm glad. But you aren't there. Not yet. Losing someone you care about is never easy." I was admitting that Mason had been more than just her friend. Even if it was the same situation as Tasha, I knew it would be hard to move on from.

She looked down suddenly, focusing her attention on the floor. "It's my fault," she said in a small voice.

"Hmm?"

"Mason. Getting killed."

My heart broke upon hearing those words. "Oh, Roza. No. You made some bad decisions… you should have told others when you knew he was gone… but you can't blame yourself. You didn't kill him."

When she looked at me again she had tears in her eyes. " I might as well have. The whole reason he went there- it was my fault. We had a fight… and I told him about the Spokane thing even though you asked me not to…" A tear rolled down her cheek, and I reached out, wiping it away.

"You can't blame yourself for that," I said, gently. "You can regret your decisions and wish you'd done thing differently, but in the end, Mason made his decisions too. That was what he chose to do. If was his decision in the end, no matter your original role."

She looked as though she might break down as she spoke her next words. "I just wish I'd been able to… I don't know, do anything…"

She pulled her hands from my grasp and stood up. "I should go," she said, voice thick with emotion. "Let me know when you want to start practice again. And thanks for… talking."

As she started to turn I knew I had to tell her everything before I lost her for good. "No," I said suddenly.

She glanced back at me. "What?"

I looked at her and tried to convey all of what I was feeling in that look. "No," I said again. "I told her no. Tasha."

"I…" she shut her mouth in complete shock. "But… why? That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You could have had a baby. And she… she was, you know, into you…"

I smiled humorlessly. "Yes, she was. Is. And that's why I had to say no. I couldn't return that… couldn't give her what she wanted. Not when…" I got up from my chair and took a few steps toward her. "Not when my heart is somewhere else."

She looked as though she might cry again. "But you seemed so into her. And you kept going on about how young I acted."

"You act young because you are young. But you know things, Roza. Things people older than you don't even know. That day…" I knew she would know which day I was referring to. "You were right, about how I fight to stay in control. No one else had ever figured that out- and it scared me. You scare me."

"Why? Don't you want anyone to know?"

"Whether they know that fact or not doesn't matter," I said with a shrug. "What matters is that someone- the you- know me that well. When a person can see into your soul, it's hard. It forces you to be open. Vulnerable. It's much easier being with someone who's just more of a casual friend." It was the first time I had admitted that Tasha could never be more than a friend. It killed me to say rememebering her words when I had turned her down. She loved me but would never call me on my issues the way Rose could. She just couldn't see it the same.

"Like Tasha."

"Tasha Ozera is an amazing woman," I said. I felt like I was trying to save face here, to make up for how I had treated her. "She's beautiful and she's brave. But she doesn't-"

"She doesn't get you."

I nodded. I was laying all my cards on the table. "I knew that. But I still wanted the relationship. I knew it would be easy and that she could take me away from you. I thought she could make me forget you."

Rose seemed to get lost in her own thoughts momentarily before she said, "But she couldn't."

"Yes. And so… that's a problem." I wanted her to fight me on it. To tell me that it wasn't a problem. Some hint that she still wanted me.

"Because it's wrong for us to be together." It wasn't a question.

"Yes." Strike one.

"Because of the age difference."

"Yes." Strike two.

"But more importantly because we're going to be Lissa's guardians and need to focus on her- not each other."

"Yes." I felt my chest tighten again. She seemed to be fine with this.

She looked pensive for a moment then looked at me. "Well, The way I see it, we aren't Lissa's guardians yet."

Time stopped and I lost control over my own body. I reached out and took her face in my hands and kissed her. It was soft at first, merely testing the waters. But then the kiss deepened and we were both lost in the moment. It took all of my will power to pull away, as I kissed her forehead and held her close. I was so glad to have her back in my life and elated that I could finally be honest with her. I didn't want to lose her like that again.

I had to leave now before I said or did anything more that I couldn't take back. I ran my fingers through her hair and grazed her cheek before stepping toward the door.

"I'll see you later, Roza."

"At our next practice?" She asked. "We are starting those up again, right? I mean, you still have things to teach me."

I stood in the door way and smiled over my shoulder at her. "Yes. Lots of things."