Edward PoV

Running. It was all I had left. The run. The wind. Perfection in simplicity. I focused my thoughts on every blade of grass, every muscle and tendon's contraction, and imagined the pulse of my heart, should it still beat. As I sped through the jungle, every unique quality about every tree I passed was memorized, catalogued, and studied. I analyzed the bird calls, writing symphonies to each new theme, in the styles of Bach, Schoenberg, even Cage… The few clouds I could detect between the dense foliage became works of art, and I listed every color and brush style I would use to paint them. In short, I did my best to think of everything but what was tearing at my insides. It should have been enough to distract myself. If I were human, it would be.

But for this mind, this machine, there could be no such relief, because all I could see was her, in everything. The birdcall sixty-three seconds ago began with the same interval leap as her lullaby; the blue sky, no matter that it was the wrong shade, was hers. Each thought traced directly to that of which I was most ashamed—even the very forest itself held a near-constant image of her motionless form, lying lifeless the way she had looked when I abandoned her. She had been there for so long, searching for me. For her own good, I thought over and over, as I watched her from afar to make certain she would return safely home.

Safe. It was a farce, though, because that Wolf, Sam Uley, had found her, and I saw what he did to his Emily. The predator inside me had demanded that I kill him. Kill him for being just like me, and scarring the one we loved most. Then, I would have rescued her myself, and taken her away forever. I simply could have told her it was all a dream, just a nightmare. It would have been such an easy out, for both of us… her dreams, they were so vivid. She would have believed me. Believed me in a heartbeat. And, I could have taken that away from her, too. Taken away her pulse and turned her blood to venom, and made her mine forever, the way we both wanted.

It wasn't right, though. Her life was beautiful, a work of art. I would sooner have destroyed the Mona Lisa than taken away her soul.

Every second since then had been a struggle, a battle of wills, and it only got more painful as the days went by. I had been weeks? Hours? No… moments away from losing control completely and running back to beg for her for forgiveness, when Rosalie had called me. She called and said that Bella had killed herself, and my world almost ended. I couldn't believe her, and I had been right. Bella promised. Rose, that vapid churl, shouting at me that she had been right all along about meddling with humans, as though she had no idea she had destroyed my very being. As if she didn't care. What had she been thinking, to lie to me about something like that?

Even knowing what I knew now, I would never take back the call I had made to her home. Knowing she was alive was worth anything. It didn't matter that I had been forced to listen to my love choosing the first option, had to feel her absently, uncaringly, hang up the phone forty-nine minutes later, without a second thought for me. My Bella, did what I could not, what was impossible, and found someone new. She moved on.

It was unfathomable that I stayed on the phone for so long. So long, and for what? What had I been hoping would happen?

There was no point pondering, because I knew exactly my selfishness desired: for Bella to pick up the phone and intuitively know it was me, that I was there, not my father. For her to tearfully beg me to come back and make our broken halves whole again. To promises, again, that she would love me, and only me for all time, the way I loved her. God, should He exist for me, surely has a sense of humor. For instead of reuniting me with my love, no, my obstinate refusal to hang up led to me hearing the exact moment that she moved on from me. The pain had been unbearable at hearing her laughter. I kissed Jacob Black. I would carry the burden with me for all eternity. I kissed Jacob Black; it was like bells tolling the Apocalypse.

A vampire should have understood immediately that it all wasn't simply a waking nightmare. That the reality was me, sitting in that musty old hotel room a, holding onto the cell phone, knowing, she was there on the other end. So close, and yet lost forever. It was what I had promised for her, what I had planned. A happy, human life.

Why then, why had she chosen a child? The boy's thoughts were mundane, typical, and vulgar. How could she have fallen for someone so wholly different from me, and a wolf-pup, at that? He wasn't safe, he wasn't safe at all! Maybe the God that tortured me, though, would take pity upon her. Surely, surely, he had imprinted upon her, and though she was not guaranteed out of harm's way, at least he could not make the same mistake that I had. He would never leave her, this Jacob Black. He'd be the right one… the one.

How could that be, though? How could anyone be perfect for Bella save me? I needed her, just as she needed me. It was clear, from everything, that we were destined for one another. Her mind was closed like no other, and her blood sang to me. She had known what I was, and shown no fear, not ever. My fearless, beautiful, innocent, selfless Bella…

Safe, though… she was safer with another, and human. I needlessly reminded myself that her success should give me comfort. No matter what, however, I could not escape her scent, the pull of her. Even now, it only got worse with every step I took away from her. Unlike a computer hard drive, my mind could not be wiped clean of Isabella Swan. She would haunt me for all eternity. That was why I had started this mad run down the continent, because, if I did not run away from her, I would return. For someone so perceptive, how was it that she hadn't realized there was no dial tone, that I was still there, waiting for her? Sometimes, I decided, it was for the best, as I had already ruined her life enou—

Suddenly, in the midst of this desolate rainforest, I heard a voice shouting. Someone's thoughts, when I had successfully avoided humans for days on end. Almost unintentionally, I stopped. The surprise at hearing this particular voice flooded my mind with questions that drowned out all my other thought processes. It left my instincts bared. Knowing, down to the second, how long it had been since I last drank only made the ache, the need, the hunger, gnaw at me with more vigor. I could have killed anything with a heartbeat at this moment. It was a very good thing, then, that this was no human, but Rosalie.

--so very sorry, please let me explain. Edward, Edward, can you hear me? Edward! I'm so sorry! She's alive! We're all here, Edward. All of us. Edward, we're coming. We'll--

My family was here? Sometimes it was extremely inconvenient to have a precog as a sister. How Alice had known I would arrive at this spot, when I had done everything in my power to appear uncaring, random… well, I guess that was the problem: when your mind is like a machine, you cannot act at random. The crux of the problem, of all of it—not a family of bloodthirsty vampires and a single drop of blood sending them into a frenzy… no. It was that I overrode my constant desire to be with my Bella forever, my love for her. Instead, I went with logic. Jacob Black was right; I have no heart.

While I stood there, motionless, contemplating the futility of everything, Alice called Rosalie and spread the word to the rest of the family that I was waiting. They would all be here in a few minutes.

Edward, Edward! Please! I am so sorry. I was just so… so angry with you, that I didn't even…

I muted Rosalie's voice, so that it became a low hum in my peripheral, and pretended I couldn't hear her meaningless apologies. There was no point in understanding her; she was one of the most illogical, self-centered minds on the planet. Whatever reason she had for fabricating Bella's death was irrelevant.

Soon, the rest of them trickled into hearing range, first it Carlisle and Esme, and then Jasper and Alice. They were all thinking the same sort of thoughts, trying to comfort me, clearly. She's alive, she's safe. Edward, we all love you, everything's going to be alright. Of course Bella was alive! What could possibly make them think otherwise? It didn't make any sense. Unless… unless Rose hadn't been lying to me about Bella jumping.

My God! What had I done to her? If I were not already a soulless beast, unworthy even of Hell, I would have begged for damnation at this moment. Then, my last brother entered my range of hearing. Somehow, in this moment of agony, and vulnerability, in the worst and lowest moment of my life… how is it that I could start laughing?

Leave it to Emmett, at a time like this, to be comparing my tortured existence to Forrest Gump. He was so right, though. Running through Brazil wasn't going to change anything, couldn't reverse time, couldn't hide how much of an imbecile I had been. There was nothing left to do, then, but to laugh. To laugh, because I could not cry.

Rosalie came into sight first, and I understood it was so that she could make peace with me. I ignored her, laughing all the harder to drown out her desperate appeals to me. Insane, yes, I was being insane, and it was liberating.

Alice came towards me after a time, and she reached out a hand, putting it gently on my forearm. Her thoughts were focused on her visit to Forks. On Bella's jump, and rescue, and Jacob Black. Images of her beautiful face, so changed from my memory, should have caused me even more pain, but I had gone past the pain threshold. Even the PS Alice had written, breaking the promise I'd forced her to make, just sent me into an even more frenzied bout of hysterics, because what did it matter now? She had moved on, after all… Finally, though, I looked up, and my eyes dug into Alice's little pixie face, searching for comfort I was finally ready to accept. At that instant, her thoughts faltered, and my artificial mirth disappeared, replaced by a rage that not even Jasper could suppress. All those months, wasted!

"What do you mean, Victoria's in Forks?"

My shout was deafening, and before the reverberations had ended, I had spun around, and started running again. Faster than I ever had before, because now I had a goal:

I had to save her… one last time.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this little thing. (-: Feedback, of ANY kind, is much appreciated.

THE SEQUEL IS UP!

It's called Just One Little Twist, unless I've come up with something better and haven't bothered to update this.