Disclaimer: JKR and Tolkien own everything.
The Last Declaration of Lord Voldemort
I, Lord Voldemort, am very sorry for being so mean. I hereby renounce all the dark arts, and have enclosed a list of all my sinister followers, in hopes that they will be punished as the Ministry sees fit. Many of you may ask why I have chosen to retire from the lucrative business of All Monstrosities Brutal, Inhumane, Diabolical, Evil, X-tremely bad, Terrible, Repugnant, Ominous, Unfavorable, and Sinister. Many have also questioned my decision to drop my membership with the Fundamentally Unsavory, Corrupt, and Heinous Society In Argentina. This is a complicated issue. I have long felt a growing detachment from AMBIDEXTROUS and FUCHSIA and their involvement and blatant support for all crimes, even those not committed for any apparent purpose. I have decided to dedicate my life to the study of feminism in Colonial New Guinea as it is a subject which I have always found deeply interesting, but which my busy schedule of deaths, resurrections, and subsequent enslavement of the human race and reign of absolute terror on all who defy me, left little time for. I have also fallen in love. I have met a man who is my soul mate, and we have decided to build a little cottage on Lake Sunbeam in the hills of Northern Connecticut. There, Sauron and I will construct a one-room schoolhouse and teach the woodland children how to knit, bake, and design window treatments. I wish the very best for all those wizards and witches I have acted perniciously towards. I deeply regret any inconvenience and hope you can forgive me.
Love,
Lord Voldemort
"Wow," said Snape, as he read over the declaration, "I hope he didn't name me."
"You were a Death Eater!?!" yelled Harry and Ron in surprise.
"Of course, Potter, you found out about that in the last book, don't you remember?"
"Oh yea."
"Let's get some cheese." Said Ron.
The End
Author's Note: If you flame me I will not hold it against you, I simply ask that you not flame someone else who actually worked hard on their story. People are very brave to post because they open themselves to you mean people who get some sick satisfaction out of making them feel worthless. That's pretty pathetic, so just vent your frustration over your sad little life on me, okay?
Have a nice day (
The Last Declaration of Lord Voldemort
I, Lord Voldemort, am very sorry for being so mean. I hereby renounce all the dark arts, and have enclosed a list of all my sinister followers, in hopes that they will be punished as the Ministry sees fit. Many of you may ask why I have chosen to retire from the lucrative business of All Monstrosities Brutal, Inhumane, Diabolical, Evil, X-tremely bad, Terrible, Repugnant, Ominous, Unfavorable, and Sinister. Many have also questioned my decision to drop my membership with the Fundamentally Unsavory, Corrupt, and Heinous Society In Argentina. This is a complicated issue. I have long felt a growing detachment from AMBIDEXTROUS and FUCHSIA and their involvement and blatant support for all crimes, even those not committed for any apparent purpose. I have decided to dedicate my life to the study of feminism in Colonial New Guinea as it is a subject which I have always found deeply interesting, but which my busy schedule of deaths, resurrections, and subsequent enslavement of the human race and reign of absolute terror on all who defy me, left little time for. I have also fallen in love. I have met a man who is my soul mate, and we have decided to build a little cottage on Lake Sunbeam in the hills of Northern Connecticut. There, Sauron and I will construct a one-room schoolhouse and teach the woodland children how to knit, bake, and design window treatments. I wish the very best for all those wizards and witches I have acted perniciously towards. I deeply regret any inconvenience and hope you can forgive me.
Love,
Lord Voldemort
"Wow," said Snape, as he read over the declaration, "I hope he didn't name me."
"You were a Death Eater!?!" yelled Harry and Ron in surprise.
"Of course, Potter, you found out about that in the last book, don't you remember?"
"Oh yea."
"Let's get some cheese." Said Ron.
The End
Author's Note: If you flame me I will not hold it against you, I simply ask that you not flame someone else who actually worked hard on their story. People are very brave to post because they open themselves to you mean people who get some sick satisfaction out of making them feel worthless. That's pretty pathetic, so just vent your frustration over your sad little life on me, okay?
Have a nice day (