Earning Back What's Been Lost Chapter 1: My Favorite Drug, a gossip girl fanfic

This first section is from Blair's viewpoint, the next will be from Chuck's. I don't have anything planned after that, so it might be a two shot unless people want me to keep writing but the original concept is just the after thoughts of everything.

I'm sorry guys I know I've already got two going and adding a third is just going to make updates on the others a lot slower. But I felt the need to write a fic about the new ending or whatever it is to CB.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters

Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.

Special Thanks to LitPrincess2787 for the final corrections.

Blair please. She kept hearing his words in her head even after he had stopped speaking. She saw the look in his eyes, the one that said that he meant his apology, even after the elevator door closed. And what Blair Waldorf wanted more than anything was to chase after him, take care of him and be with him but she stopped herself because she couldn't go down that road, not anymore. Her next instinct was to collapse on the floor in tears but she couldn't let anyone see that. Instead she turned and walked upstairs to her bedroom calmly and smoothly. However as soon as the door was shut she allowed herself to fall apart.

Baby Baby
When we first met, I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped into one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow

Blair let the sobs rack her body. When she told Chuck they were done, she hadn't even been able to look at him because she knew that if she had she wouldn't have been able to go through with it but she was done. She had to be. All Chuck ever did was make her miserable. She loved him and she told him that, she opened up her heart to him more than she ever had to anyone before but he just crushed it until there was nothing left. He had been the perfect combination of a boyfriend and a best friend, she could tell him anything and she promised him that she would see him through anything but he just ruined her, ruined her over and over again, until she couldn't bear it anymore.

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to ya (to ya)
Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do ya (do ya)?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you are the one to blame
And now I feel like - ooh!

She thought he could change. She thought that he was ready, was mature enough to have a relationship with her. Even if he wasn't ready, Blair at least thought that Chuck wouldn't hurt her again. But then he had and she couldn't move past it anymore. She didn't know how she was going to recover from it this time. It was too much.

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what i get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
You should just go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

Blair had been there for him for everything over the past month. She had given him everything he could possible need or want. But it took all her energy to do it. To take the awful things that he was saying to her without getting angry. To keep standing by him even though he was self destructing. She had done it though. She had let him use her to vent out all of his pain, but it was too hard now.

It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Nothing would have kept her away before today; but Chuck had broken something inside her when he told her to quit playing the wife. The words radiated hatred and the part of her that was still holding on, still hoping just snapped, in two. It was the kind of snap that caused little pieces to fall to the ground, disappearing forever. It was the kind of snap that couldn't be repaired.

Damn, ain't it crazy when you're loveswept
You'd do anything for the one you love
Cause anytime that you needed me, I'd be there
Its like you were my favorite drug
The only problem was that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know that it's not meant to be
You gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you

Blair stood up and straightened her skirt. No more tears, not over Chuck. She had to remove him from her life completely. Take out every sign of him. She hadn't been able to do it after Tuscany. She hadn't been strong enough; but now she was. Or maybe it wasn't strength that she had been lacking, maybe it was motivation. Either way, she was determined now, there was nothing that could ever be done to change the fact that she and Chuck could never be and now she had learned that there was a part of herself that had to stay within her, that couldn't be given to someone else because when she gave it away, it hurt too damn much when it was thrown back.

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to ya (to ya)
Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do ya?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you are the one to blame
Cause now I feel like - ooh!

After making sure that she had control of her voice she picked up the phone and called Serena. "S, can you come over? I know you are going through a lot right now too but I really need help with something." While waiting on Serena, Blair started working. Detoxing the room. But removing everything that made her think of Chuck was going to be hard.

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what i get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

When Serena walked in Blair had a large box on the floor that was already partially full. Serena started rifling through its contents. She pulled out item after item of Blair's favorite things; the red dress she wore the night of Serena's parents' house warming, a picture of Blair and Chuck from back in their sophomore year, the dress Blair was wearing when she left for Tuscany, a pair of deep red tights, a few headbands Serena recalled Chuck giving Blair, the dress and headband Blair had worn to Serena's mother's wedding. As she was looking at all the contents Blair continued tossing things. The next item, Blair's cotillion dress.

"Blair what are you doing?" Serena asked trying to get her attention. "These are all of the things that you've kept over the past few years all of your favorite mementos."

Blair turned her head as she threw a cream colored slip towards the box. "Detox, Serena. I am removing Chuck from my life."

Serena looked at the slip; it was the slip Blair had been wearing when she lost her virginity. "Blair whatever he did I'm sure that you guys will work it out, you always do."

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what i get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

"Not this time S. I can't do it anymore." Blair said feeling the tears starting to come back. At this she opened her jewelry drawer and pulled out the Erickson Beamon necklace Chuck had given her and dropped it into the box. "So please help me Serena, I need you. I can't do this alone." Blair said leaving her hand reached out after dropping the necklace.

Serena took Blair's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Tell me what needs to be done. We will get Chuck out of your life materially now, and work on getting him out of your system too."

At the end of the day Blair's large box was completely full. "Do you think you could get rid of this stuff S? I'm not sure I can do it."

Serena looked at her best friend. Blair was putting up a strong front but Serena saw through it. Blair could completely fall apart at any minute. She might be cutting Chuck out of her life as best as she could. But he was like her favorite drug and it was going to be a long road towards really and truly being over him. "How about we do it together?" Serena said giving Blair a smile.

Blair nodded and the girls lifted the box together to head out and find some place symbolic to dump it.

Spotted: B and S throwing a box full of expensive looking items into the river. Don't you know better girls, you should be recycling.

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A/N: I know short chapter, but I have a lot of homework and wanted to post what I had written so far.

Song: Rehab by Rhianna

Reviews are always appreciated.