"Rites of Passage"

A/N: As some of you may be wondering, what the heck is this? This is the bonus chapter that I promised in the endnote. As I've said, Winter Song is a story that evolved over time. Its humble origin was a simple Xander/Angel smut in which Xander effectively gets Angel to take his virginity as a final step to pushing him out the door as he runs far and fast from both his parents and Sunnydale.

As my readers know, this scene went down much differently in the actual story, and I'm glad that it did. Still, the final version of Winter Song was just so radically different in feeling, tone, and resolution than this original story, so I thought it'd be a kick for you, the reader, to see this. Also, purely because all of the Angel/Xander action was strictly PG-13 throughout Winter Song, here's a little present for all the faithful slash readers out there.

Warnings: As I stated, this is a smutty little piece, and there is graphic depictions of sex between two men. If this bothers you, don't read it. Second, this is a deflowering scene. If this bothers you, don't read it. Third, again, this is not part of the story Winter Song; it's the original idea that the story sprang from. It is not necessary and has been included as part of an Easter Egg for anyone who's interested.

Rites of Passage

by PyroPadawan (Pfenix-Goddess)

Where are we?

What the hell is going on?

The dust has only just begun to fall

Crop circles in the carpet

A sinking feeling

This fight was worse than any other and it was the icing on the cake as far as Xander Harris was concerned. He was done with this tiny little town and its tiny little people, with the way his father felt he could shove him around and get away with it, the way his mother would just crumple and let it happen. He frantically shoved whatever clothing occurred to him into his duffel bag. He packed some music that he didn't want to leave behind, and the comic books he'd collected, the few books he wanted, the money he'd earned and hidden from his parents so they wouldn't take it from him.

The last thing he packed was the picture, the one of him and Buffy and Willow underneath Buffy's oak tree. It had been snapped in happier times, before all of the shit had hit the fan and they were still as close as they used to be. That had been...Hell, Xander thought, and shoved it into the bag as well. Some memories were worth keeping. He sent the bag out of the window first before following it, nearly soundlessly with all of the practice. He set off toward Angel's and he didn't look back.

* * *

Spin me round and rub my eyes—

This can't be happening

When busy streets

A mess with people would stop to hold

Their heads

Heavy

Angel had first come into town about two years ago. Xander and Buffy and Willow had met him at the Bronze, shortly after Spike and Drusilla had gotten expelled from school (Buffy was celebrating, though Xander didn't know why; any kind of action was better than none at all in Sunnydale High School, and they'd at least made the place interesting). He'd walked into the Bronze looking for Spike, actually. Xander's initial reaction was that Angel was very attractive, which was an understatement to say the very least.

Angel was tall, his face like a Greek statue, his body built, his hands large and graceful, his feet big enough and his step sure enough to let you know that he knew the attention he attracted and was confident enough in the size of his equipment to acknowledge it. He made Xander's head spin, which Xander was careful to not let Willow or Buffy know.

It wasn't the first time that Xander had been attracted to a guy, much as he'd tried to ignore the other times. It hadn't worked then, either. There was something different about Angel, though; he wasn't just looks, he was mystery and fantasy come together. Xander may have fell in love with him then; he wasn't sure. Buffy did, from the way she told it. She boldly went over to flirt with him while Xander watched helplessly, too much of a coward to do anything about what he was feeling.

Angel kept showing up after that, and each time he did Xander would resent the hell out of him because he'd notice something else about Angel that was attractive. Angel was smart, well-read, and he could draw as well. He was just bumbling enough to make him that sexy gentle-giant kind, and he was tall, which Xander was a sucker for. If Angel would at least have had the grace to be an arrogant asshole about how attractive he was, then Xander could've forgiven him. But Angel didn't seem to register that, either.

Xander wanted to hate Angel. Angel had come at the worst time – the fights with his parents were getting worse and worse, and he was fighting back more and more. The neighbors were all watching. Just let his parents find out that they had a faggot for a son. He'd be kicked into a 'change' camp faster than he could say "no way," and with far less grace. Xander wanted to believe that he could've stayed happily in the closet were it not for this big gorgeous lug who went out of his way to include Xander in the conversation even when Buffy and Willow seemed to forget that he was there.

* * *

Hide and seek

Trains and sewing machines

All those years—

They were here first

Spike and Drusilla were characters, to say the least. They'd blasted into Sunnydale High from whatever correctional facility they happened to be staying at; how they'd managed to make it into senior year as many times as they'd repeated grades and gotten expelled was beyond Xander. Still, it was hard to hate them when they went out of their way to aggravate the supremely dismal principal Snyder, whom the students and teachers all hated with a fiery passion.

Desperate for something other than what Sunnydale had to offer, Xander had started hanging out with Spike as soon as possible. Spike treated Xander like a little brother. He roughhoused him in the halls and gave him noogies and let him try cigarettes and drink beer and drive without a driver's license. Spike was in love with Drusilla, any fool could see that, and she certainly seemed attached to Spike, as much as Drusilla was attached to anything, vaguely crazy as she was. She could certainly get very angry though.

After Angel came into town, Spike was a bit more guarded. Through persistent prodding, however, Xander managed to get some of the story out of Spike. He and Angel went back to when they'd all met at parochial school when he and Dru were doing an early stint there. They'd all been attached to each other, although Xander had never quite figured out what that meant. Spike said enough to let Xander know that Angel had had one hell of a wild streak before something had happened to straighten him up.

They hadn't seen Angel in years. Spike didn't sound thrilled that he was back, but it was hard to tell, sometimes, with Spike.

* * *

Oily marks appear on walls

Where pleasure moments hung before

The takeover

The sweeping insensitivity of this

Still life

Angel and Buffy were sort-of dating, which Xander didn't understand. Willow was exasperated when he didn't get it, which was just another wedge that was appearing between them since Willow had found Oz, the cool guitarist guy. More and more, Xander felt like even his friends didn't need him. But how the hell was he supposed to understand a female thing without being female himself? Even Oz didn't understand, and Willow didn't give him exasperated looks.

He hung out with Spike more, instead. Spike was fighting with Drusilla about something, some guy she was tangled up with who didn't care about her the way she cared about him. Spike didn't seem to mind that she was sleeping with someone else. "Me n' Dru have never been exactly mutually exclusive," Spike explained. That night, he'd dropped Xander home early because he went home with a girl he'd met. Drusilla wouldn't be there so she wouldn't care. Xander found this all exceedingly cold, but what did he know? It wasn't like he'd had any experience.

Instead of talking about relationships, he talked about anything else with Spike. Buffy had, however, taken it into her head that Xander didn't have enough male friends, so she'd encouraged Angel to hang out with him. Xander always felt like an idiot because whenever Angel was around he was usually so flustered he'd start stammering, which was a nervous habit he'd thought he'd dropped a long time ago.

But there was something very calming about Angel once you were alone with him, as Xander found out, something zen and tranquil. Angel wasn't just an artist, he was an art appreciator, and for once Xander could hold an entire conversation with someone about the artistic merits of George Lucas' storyboards in Star Wars and not get stared at like a fully costumed Trekkie at Comic-Con. Was he just imagining the way Angel sat a little too close to him on the couch, or how their hands touched and didn't draw back, the way Angel wouldn't look away from his eyes when they met?

Xander jerked off furiously to thoughts of Angel's hands, how big they were and the way that Angel would sometimes catch Xander's hands in his. The thoughts of those hands and the pressure of Angel's muscular thigh against Xander's knee was enough to have him cumming hard enough to see stars some nights. There were nights that they hung out together that Xander was certain Angel could feel the thrum that Xander felt under his skin when Angel was around, and there were nights when Xander was sure that Angel felt nothing at all.

Spike was the only person who'd guessed at Xander's secret, and he'd gone uncharacteristically serious with Xander one night and said flatly, "You don't want to get...tangled with Angel. It's hard to get untangled, and the people who do don't come out of it the same way that he does. He's...different," Spike said cryptically. When Xander tried to press, Spike refused to elucidate and instead clammed up and blasted the Sex Pistols to drown out Xander's questions.

That was how one night Xander dropped by Angel's apartment building. He usually went for long walks around Sunnydale, to escape his parents, and tonight he'd gone by the apartment buildings. There were only three of them in Sunnydale, and he knew through the town gossip vine that Angel, the weird art student (the neighbors tittered disapprovingly), lived in the middle-class of the three.

Xander peeked through windows to try to find Angel's living room so he'd know which apartment to go into when he'd noticed a bedroom window open and moaning coming from inside. Xander wasn't a peeping tom, normally, but he took a glance anyway, and froze. Angel and Drusilla were having passionate sex on the bed inside the window. There were a few candles lit, and Angel had very sexy red sheets Xander noticed.

Angel's sheets had dipped down, however, enough for Xander to see Angel's ass, which held his view captivated. Angel's muscular back dipped down to a perfectly shaped butt, and Xander's mouth positively watered as Angel's spread legs offered a glimpse down to that shadowed area where his balls were slapping wetly against Drusilla's crotch as he thrust strongly into her, his cock making wet noises that were somehow more arousing since Angel didn't know that he was there, watching.

Drusilla was writhing underneath him, rubbing her plump, full breasts against Angel's muscular chest. Xander was harder than he'd ever been in his life, and even though it felt dirty and wrong to stand there and watch like a pervert he couldn't look away from Angel's perfect body, feeling cheated somehow that he couldn't see Angel's package, which, if Angel's sheer size and the loudness of Drusilla's moans were any indication, was just as enormous as Xander had fantasized.

He reached down, adjusted his cock, and a line of fire went from his dick to his balls, already drawn up tight. Just barely picturing himself underneath that gorgeous body, his hands groping Angel's tight ass as Angel's cock pounded into him hard enough to make that slapping sound Angel's balls were making against Drusilla's ass was enough to drive Xander over the edge and he came in his pants like a horny 13 year old.

After that night, he began to see what Spike had meant. Angel was just as attentive to Buffy as always, just as flirtatious to Xander as always, and there was enough tension between Angel and Spike to cut a knife with. Maybe Buffy was just oblivious, but Xander thought he was catching on. The latest fight between his parents had left him shaken, and maybe that was enough to garner Xander enough courage to ask Angel one night if he'd ever been attracted to a guy before.

"Sure," Angel said easily, not bothered by the question. "Why do you ask?" He'd been a good listener, too, just like Spike drawing Xander's secret from him. Angel moved closer to him on the couch that they'd been sharing, and that was how he kissed Xander the first time, in that basement. Angel's lips were rough and lush and everything that Xander had imagined, the spark between them blazing into a glorious heat that rushed through him and he was suddenly hard and panting with want and Angel's tongue was in his mouth.

Angel's tongue was big and thick, too, and Xander sucked on it eagerly. Angel moved back, and Xander was afraid he'd done something wrong until he'd noticed that Angel's eyes were dark with lust, and something was bulging at his pants.

They hadn't spoken about it, but they still hung around each other after that. Angel wasn't hesitant in physically flirting anymore, and neither was Xander. As he drifted further away from Buffy and Willow he was drifting further into Angel.

His restless footsteps had taken him past Angel's apartment more often than not, where sometimes there would be Drusilla and sometimes other women. Once the window had been closed when Xander was sure he'd heard another man. He didn't look in anymore than he had that one time, though the temptation was there; he wasn't a peeking tom and he had no intention of becoming that sleazy. He could still cum hard enough to hurt thinking about what he'd seen that night, though.

That was nothing to the time the window was open and he'd heard Spike, however. Unable to stop himself from looking inside, Xander had frozen as he watched the back of Spike's head move to the blowjob he was giving to Angel while Angel moaned and made encouraging noises. Again his view of Angel was obstructed by another body, but now he knew that Angel had a treasure trail that Xander's mouth desperately wanted to follow. Spike moved up from Angel's crotch and Angel kissed him lustily, and Xander had left before cumming again, just so he could get home first.

He was falling for a man who he shouldn't fall for under any circumstances, but one doesn't choose who one falls in love with.

He didn't feel the least bit guilty when Angel kissed him again.

* * *

Hide and seek

Trains and sewing machines

(Oh, you won't catch me around here)

Blood and tears:

They were here first

Xander and his parents finally had their biggest brawl ever, when Xander came out to them. He had fought with Buffy and Willow that morning, about something completely stupid, and it was just a sign of that ending too. Everything ended in Sunnydale, like dreams and hopes of ever escaping, and Xander wasn't going to let that happen. It had all gone down as badly as he'd expected it to, but what he hadn't been counting on was the force behind his father's punch to the jaw that sent him tumbling to the ground.

His mother had, for once in her life, stepped up to Xander's aid, diverting his father long enough for Xander to get to his room. He left without looking back, and this time he didn't stop at Angel's window, instead, he knocked on the door. Angel opened after a moment, wearing a white button-up and black slacks, looking like he'd just stepped out of the shower. He looked absolutely mouthwatering.

"Come on in," he said genially, shutting the door behind him. Xander was relieved to find that there was no one else there, which would make this even easier. "What's that on your jaw?"

"It's commonly called a bruise," Xander said, dropping his bag. How to word this?

"Oh, man," Angel said, and suddenly Xander was being pulled into a hug, Angel's lips at his forehead, and for a moment he just wanted to give in and let Angel take over from here. But no. He was here for a reason, before he could let himself talk himself out of leaving, like he had so many times over the past two years. Xander disentangled himself from the hug and sat on Angel's couch, like he had so many times.

"This is... I don't know how to say this, so I guess direct is good." Xander fumbled for an opening. Angel sat close enough that their legs were brushing, and that made this so much easier, that easy, familiar flirtation. "I want you to make love to me," Xander said simply, meeting Angel's widened eyes. "I want it to be you. I've wanted you so badly for the past year, and...God, I really, really need this now, Angel."

"Why me?" Angel asked, looking startled. Xander shot him a look.

"The only one who doesn't know about you and everyone else is Buffy," Xander explained. "I know that you're not trying to hurt her, or me, or anyone else. It doesn't have to mean anything."

Angel actually looked highly offended. "I don't fuck anyone, Xander," he said angrily. "I don't sleep with people I don't care about." He backed away from Xander on the couch.

"I care about you, Angel," Xander said, taking Angel's hand. "And...I need this to be you, before...before anything else."

"You're asking me to take your virginity?" Angel guessed. Xander nodded, blushing. "Oh..." Angel's eyes had darkened with lust, Xander realized, and it sent shivers down his spine. "Are you sure, Xander? Sure that you want it to be me, that you—" Exasperated and frustrated and nervous, Xander did what he'd been longing to do and just straddled Angel's lap, letting his ass grind into Angel's crotch as his lips fell on Angel's with a starving man's hunger.

Angel responded just as enthusiastically, and Xander felt that warm flicker of flame fanning into being again. There was a hardness so large pressing against his ass and that was making him shudder and shake in delicious anticipation. Angel was the first to break the kiss, and Xander buried his head in Angel's strong neck as Angel ran soothing hands along Xander's back.

"When I do this, it means something," Angel said gently. "It means something to me and to you, and I want to make it so good you'll never forget it." His voice held randy promise in it that left Xander breathless with lust. "I know that you're a virgin...as you might've guessed, that kind of excites me," Angel said. He wasn't ashamed of it, either, what he was saying, just stating fact, which was making this whole thing so comforting and regular and less awkward. "But we're going to take this very, very slowly, to make sure that you're comfortable, okay?"

"Okay," Xander said. Angel captured his lips again, a promise, a pact, and then he was leading Xander to his bedroom.

* * *

Mm, what you say?

Mm, that you only meant well?

Well, of course you did

Mm, what you say?

Mm, that it's all for the best?

Oh, well of course it is

Mm, what you say?

Mm, that it's just what we need—

And you decided this?

Mm, what you say?

What did she say?

"So, what exactly do you know about what I'm gonna do here?" Angel asked, after Xander had laid back on his large, comfortable bed. The window was closed tonight, thank god. Angel had lit a few candles and left a lava lamp on for illumination, and the romance of the situation wasn't lost on Xander. He felt guilty for accusing Angel of cheating on Buffy when he knew that to Angel's mind it was so much more than that. Angel genuinely cared about him. He could hold onto that.

"Um...I know enough to guess the mechanics," Xander admitted, shamefaced. Angel chuckled softly, muttering "mechanics" under his breath.

"First, Xander, I'm going to kiss you until you're so hard for me that I can feel you, all needy and wanting beneath my hand," Angel informed him, his tone taking on a sexy teacher vibe that had Xander already squirming as blood rushed to his cock. Angel was as good as his word, too, his lips a line of fire on Xander's mouth, devouring him unashamedly, Angel's tongue doing a fair impression of a conquering king as he invaded Xander's mouth, teasing Xander's tongue to play, to tangle with Angel's marvelously thick appendage, tasting the spice of Angel's mouth, the faint tang of the occasional cigarette.

Angel's large hand trailed over Xander's chest, tickling Xander's sensitive nipples through the material of Xander's shirt, making Xander gasp. Angel took the opportunity to plunge his tongue even deeper into Xander's mouth as that large hand made its way to Xander's crotch, tracing the bulge there, finding Xander hard enough to break rocks. "Hmm," Angel hummed happily. "I'm going to have to get a toy out," he told Xander as he broke the kiss, his lips red and kiss-ripened. "You're so eager." He sounded endlessly pleased and aroused by this, and Xander fell back on the pillows, catching his breath as Angel opened a small box on his dresser. He took out something small that Xander couldn't see, a bottle of lubricant, and a condom in a bright red wrapper. These he placed on his bedside table.

"Xander, what I'm going to do now is undress you," Angel explained, still in his lusciously sexy teacher-voice, and Xander nodded like a zombie under Angel's spell. Angel smiled gently, lust burning in his dark eyes, as he moved Xander's arms above his head to lift Xander's tee-shirt off. He kissed Xander gently as his questing fingers tickled through Xander's armpit hair, trailing down to his chest. He tweaked Xander's nipples experimentally and Xander bucked, writhing beneath him. Angel grinned wickedly. "Sensitive there, are you?" he asked rhetorically, before he leaned down and suckled one harshly, his teeth teasing it to sensitivity. Xander groaned loudly and ground into Angel's thigh before he was cumming hard, his sigh of both achievement and loss buried in Angel's bicep.

"I'm sorry," Xander sobbed, after he came down. Angel chucked him under the chin like a child and kissed him again.

"Don't worry, baby," he said tenderly. "We have all night. And you're gonna get it back real soon," Angel promised. He unbuckled Xander's soiled jeans and slowly shucked them off, his hungry eyes devouring every inch of Xander's exposed flesh. Xander shivered, amazed to feel his own arousal beginning to return. Angel slowly moved his hands through Xander's leg hairs, tickling each one with sensation, his huge, massaging hands returning to Xander's thighs to bunch up Xander's boxers, the front of which were soaked with Xander's cum. Angel chuckled again as he removed Xander's underwear, too, leaving Xander naked on Angel's bed, spread out like a feast that Angel was eying hungrily.

Angel's huge hands that he'd fantasized about so much lately stroking his half-hard cock was all it took to have Xander back at full-mast, dripping precum as his exuberant erection signaled its hello to the world. Xander wasn't huge, probably about 7 ½ inches, probably average thick and normal balls, but he wasn't ashamed at all as Angel stared him up and down like he was the big bad wolf about to jump on Xander.

Angel's hands found something on the table and Xander watched in fascination as Angel revealed a tiny harness. He wrapped one leash around the base of Xander's cock, keeping Xander's erection, and the other he looped around Xander's still-tight balls. "Now you won't cum till you want to, baby," Angel explained, lightly kissing him again. Xander shuddered and moaned, sweat breaking out on his forehead at the light bondage.

Angel was moving toward him again and the lust in his eyes gave Xander the confidence he needed to move back slightly. Angel stared at him, inquisitive, and Xander hoarsely rasped, "Please, Angel, let me...I want to see you!" Angel grinned at him in understanding as he moved Xander off of the bed, till Xander was standing next to him. Then Angel lounged back on the bed, spreading his legs to show off the bulge in the middle, and he spread his arms, allowing Xander to do what he wanted.

First, Xander took off Angel's socks. Angel's feet were enormous and Xander laid a gentle kiss on the top of one. Angel shuddered, and Xander, gratified, slowly traced the contours of Angel's Grecian model face, lingering on those perfect lips that he had kissed, and Angel surprised him but reaching out and lightly licking Xander's fingers. Xander was shaking as he unbuttoned Angel's shirt and Angel watched him with approving eyes. Xander finally revealed that strong chest to himself, finally was able to touch and caress, and taste. God, the taste of Angel was addictive, the way that skin flinched and shuddered beneath his lips and tongue as Xander nipped at Angel's large, dark nipples, the way that Angel moaned when Xander finally, finally trailed that treasure trail to Angel's slacks. He slowly pulled them away to find that Angel wore no underwear, and his cock slapped meatily back against Angel's stomach as Xander removed his pants.

Angel's cock was enormous, at least 10 inches long, probably more, thicker than what Xander had imagined. It was so wonderfully formed, the head thick and glistening with precum, the long shaft that led to a pair of mouthwatering balls that hung low from Angel's cock, lightly dusted with hair. Xander moaned at the sight, and Angel sighed, "That's right, baby, look at it – you don't want to just look at it, Xander, you want to touch it don't you? That's right, baby, don't be ashamed, touch me, god, touch me." He was encouraging as Xander slowly reached out his hand and his shaking fingers lightly touched that massive, proud column of meat that he'd been fantasizing about for so long.

"Taste it," Angel ordered him, reading Xander's mind. Xander leaned in, inhaling the scent of Angel's cock, and flicked his tongue out at the tip to catch the glistening cum there. Angel's cum was sweeter than Xander expected, and he moaned, licking up and down that cock like it was a lollipop. Angel threw his head back and gasped as Xander reached those balls he was so curious about and he licked them too. Angel seemed to love it when Xander took one of them in his mouth, and he alternated them like a game of marbles.

"God, I want you to suck my cock," Angel sighed. Xander grinned up at him and Angel grinned back.

"I don't know how," Xander said coyly, baiting him. Angel gripped his hair lightly.

"You want me to teach you how to be a good cocksucker, baby?" Angel asked. "How to take my big cock down as far as you want to go?" Xander moaned throatily and Angel grinned. "Open your mouth and I'll show you, baby," he encouraged. Xander let him guide his mouth onto Angel's cock, learning through Angel's gentle instruction how far to go, how to not gag, how to swallow around the head, which Angel loved, judging from how he tossed his head and groaned his encouragement. Inspired, Xander sucked as hard as he could on the head, drinking down Angel's sweet-tasting cum until Angel jerked his head off.

Xander's lips made a wet smacking noise and he would've been embarrassed if he wasn't so turned on. Xander's cock, trapped in Angel's cage, was so hard he knew that the second Angel wanted him to cum he would. "I don't want to cum yet, baby," Angel explained, breathing hard. He pulled Xander up to him and kissed him greedily, stealing his flavor back, which was so hot that Xander moaned again.

They laid there like that for a small bit of time, until Angel's breathing was back under control. His cock was still glistening with spit, and it made Xander giddy to think about. "That was amazing, baby, but now it's time for something even better," Angel promised. Xander nodded eagerly. "Do you want to do this face to face or on your knees?" Angel asked him gently. Angel's unabashed desire kept Xander's embarrassment at bay.

"Face to face," Xander said. "I want to see you," he explained. Angel smiled and kissed him again.

"Okay, baby," he said tenderly. "I want you on the bed with your legs spread, showing me your little hole. Put a pillow underneath you to lift you up a little more." There was something so dirty and so hot about the way Angel was instructing him, and yet there was such an incredible tenderness on Angel's face that made Xander feel more safe, warmer, welcomed, loved than he had in so long...He exposed his most intimate parts to Angel, unashamed. "That's so hot, Xander; you're doing so well," Angel praised him.

Angel slowly coated his long, thick fingers in lube. "What I'm going to do now is prepare you a little for me. I'm gonna hurt you, Xander; I'm big, and the first time always hurts a little. But it'll feel so good when we're done, baby, so good. Just trust me?" Angel was asking him, giving him the freedom to leave if he chose. Xander smiled and took Angel's slick and and guided it to where he instinctively knew it needed to go. Angel groaned throatily and plunged his middle finger up to the second knuckle into Xander's ass.

Xander gasped in shock, unsure; at first, it felt strange, this intrusion, but as Angel started to move, simulating fucking with his long, thick finger, it felt...good. His ass was unconsciously gripping Angel to keep him where he was, and Angel chuckled hoarsely. "Not going anywhere, baby," he promised, and then there was a second finger, and his ass burned slightly as it was stretched, but, God, so good, so good...Xander's head tossed on Angel's red cotton pillows, and Angel watched him with a hooded gaze as he added a third finger, fucking Xander hard on his hand, watching Xander lose control at the sensation.

That was when he crooked a finger and lightly brushed Xander's sweet spot. Xander bucked off the bed and yelled in pleasure as he saw stars, his balls tightening resentfully beneath their leather cage, keeping him from cumming as he so longed to do. Angel did this a few more times before he carefully withdrew his fingers.

"Okay, baby," Angel said, once Xander had returned to earth from his frustrated orgasm. "I'm going to roll the condom on now, and then I'm going to enter you." Xander giggled nervously, and Angel smiled too. "But if it's too much, if you don't want it, then tell me and we'll stop, alright?" Xander nodded, his nerves returning as Angel rolled the rubber onto his horse-sized cock. The thought of that monster in his ass was enough to set Xander's nerves on fire in both pleasure and pain. "Okay," Angel said.

He leaned in and kissed Xander softly, nudging Xander's legs apart until they were cradling him. Xander felt Angel's impossibly huge cock nudging at his hole and he shivered nervously. Angel kissed him quiet, murmuring against Xander's lips, and suddenly there was a burning fiery pain and Xander was hissing but then Angel was past the guardian ring an his huge, blunt cockhead was buried in Xander's ass, brushing Xander's prostate and making him yell with pleasure. "We're in, baby, we're in," Angel whispered, trembling with the effort to hold himself still.

Xander held Angel close, comforting him as he whispered in his ear, "Please, Angel, please," and Angel sighed with relief and lust and pleasure as he slowly, slowly moved. There was pain, yes, but that lovely sensation that being fucked was was back, and Angel's huge member nudged Xander's pleasure center with every slow, smooth thrust. It was better than fantasy; the pain was falling away and Xander followed his desires to clench Angel's gorgeous ass in his hands as Angel began to move faster and faster.

They were both moaning and sweating and heaving; Xander had never felt such glorious power as he had over Angel in that moment as Angel thrust his huge cock deep into Xander. Xander clenched him tight and Angel howled as he pulled back and slammed back in, his gentleness forgotten as Xander slapped his ass, driving him on, making Angel's balls slap loudly and wetly against Xander's ass. The pain was like riding a constant high, making him moan and his cock futilely leak fluid as the straps stopped him from cumming.

Angel rode him like a madman, moaning Xander's name, thrusting in hugely, smacking Xander's ass with his hand as he slammed into him over and over, fucking his way to heaven as he told Xander breathlessly. It was a blur of candlelight and bliss and pain and Angel's gorgeous features as Angel gasped into Xander's ear, "I'm going to cum, baby, you're gonna squeeze it out of me, gonna make me fill you up with my cum, god, Xander, love you, want you, oh, god," and then Xander was holding Angel as the other man shuddered and yelled, his cock pulsating strangely in Xander's ass.

They stayed that way for a moment, Xander holding him as Angel stayed connected to him intimately. "Are you alright?" Xander gasped, his cock so hard it hurt. Angel grinned deliriously as he nodded, before he looked down at Xander. Still inside Xander, he reached down and light wiped some cum with his finger from the leaking edges of the condom and Xander obediently sucked the sweet liquid down. Angel's eyes burned as he whipped the straps off of Xander's cock and said, "Cum for me, Xander, now," and then he thrust his still-hard cock harder than ever as he rode out Xander's orgasm. It was the longest orgasm of Xander's life, striping his belly and chest with cum.

The last thing Xander remembered before passing out was Angel leaning down and licking him clean, kissing him and reassuring him, still connected so intimately, held and loved and wanted. Xander slept peacefully for the first time in months.

* * *

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth

Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs

Speak no feeling, no, I don't believe you

You don't care a bit, you don't care a bit

Xander woke up wrapped in Angel's strong arms, his ass aching but he felt so wonderful that he didn't care. Angel sighed and snuggled closer when Xander moved, and Xander smiled tenderly as he snuggled back.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" Angel asked, holding him loosely.

"Yeah. One of those things that I have to do," Xander said. He felt sad unexpectedly. Angel wasn't just a friend now, he was more. More than Xander had expected.

"How are you feeling?" Angel asked now.

"Wonderful. Better than...Thank you, Angel. Not just for last night, but for everything," Xander murmured, matching Angel's soft tone.

"I love you," Angel answered, and Xander knew that he meant it, in his way. Xander kissed him for that. "Maybe you could come back some time? Or write? You have my address," Angel said, kissing him back.

"That's definitely on the menu," Xander agreed, and he surprised himself by meaning it.

"Good luck," Angel said, releasing him.

"Goodbye," Xander said, taking one more kiss.

The sun was shining brightly over Sunnydale as he left. Walking hurt a bit, but it was a good ache. Xander walked past Willow's house, where he used to play, and he was comforted by Oz's van in the driveway. They weren't as close as they had been, but it was good to know that she had someone to care for her. Buffy would have Angel, and if not Angel then someone else. Buffy was good at finding friends, even if she didn't admit it. He smiled to himself, keeping Angel's kiss with him as he headed toward the bus station and a new day where anything was possible – even coming back here to keep a promise to a beautiful artist.

End

A/N: So, there you have it, folks – the complete Winter Song, from inception to conclusion. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this, and I hope to see you all in the first chapter of "Crystal," Winter Song's sequel. In case you skipped ahead to this part, I'll reiterate – I won't post the first chapter of "Crystal" until I'm at least five chapters ahead of myself, so that way we'll be cutting back on long waits in between chapters.

Until then, peace and love. And a hot sex scene, if I do say so myself. See you soon!

Thanks—

PyroPadawan (Pfenix-Goddess).

Song used in this story: "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap [Speak for Yourself]