Counting Time

Part 2
by Bevino

beta'd by
Word Salad and Frathworth and Butts

The door swung open, and Sasuke peered inside, checking if the cost was clear. Naruto quickly flung his thin jacket over his shoulder and ran out, brushing past Sasuke who followed him down the stairs. They laughed as they ran, not stopping until they were outside in the warm summer morning. The sun was shining brightly and Naruto squinted as it hit his eyes. Sasuke, who had first run up the stairs, and then down, breathed a little raggedly, a faint blush covering his otherwise pale cheeks.

"When did he come back?" he asked as a bounced the football he had brought with him to the ground a couple of times, as they began to walk to the field. It was a perfect day to play, and later – they had decided – they would go to the lake in the forest and take a bath. Naruto grinned, perhaps a little strained, and put his hand behind his neck.

"Yesterday, bringing some old lady with him".

"Oh".

They fell quiet again, until Naruto pushed Sasuke on the shoulder and ran away, looking back with a playful grin. Sasuke had no choice but to follow him. Naruto would never beat him to the field!

They arrived at the same time, laughing between their heavy breathing, and laying down on the soft grass. It tickled Naruto around his neck, and he turned his head to look at Sasuke. Sasuke had his eyes closed and his chest heaved up and down in a steady rythm. He followed the movements and smiled. He pulled a longer grass from the ground and stuck it into Sasuke's ear, earning an irritated whine and followed by a tickle-attack.

The day continued like that. It was hot, they had summer break, and it was wonderful. They played and fought, their young legs moved against the ground as they raced each other through the day, chasing, laughing, smiling, living. But all days came to an end and suddenly Naruto looked up, seeing the sun getting lower on the sky and turning it pink.

"It's getting late," he whispered, eyes on Sasuke underneath him. The straddled boy frowned and nodded, getting up with his best friend and followed him home. They arrived to the apartment and stopped, Naruto nervous, Sasuke uncertain and uncomfortable. He looked at Naruto, saw the look in his eye and smirked.

"Do you want me to come up?" The smile on Naruto's face was priceless, and a warm feeling spread through his chest, but that he ignored. They walked up the stairs and stopped on the third floor, Naruto nervous again, Sasuke frowning again. The blonde boy put the key in the keyhole and opened the door as slowly as he could, not wanting the squeak when the door swung open to fast be heard. He made it this time and he walked inside, turning around to say goodbye to Sasuke.

A mysterious creaking sound broke the silence, and the boys' curiousness was triggered.

It was a repeating creaking, coming from the old man's bedroom. Again and again and closer and closer they came to the half-opened door. Carefully Naruto stuck his hand forward and swung it open some more and they looked inside.

There, on the old man's bed, was the old man with the old lady. The man was on top and the woman underneath and he moved over her in the same rhythm as the creaking. The bed was an old one and not a good one.

Now, perhaps they were boys, but they were not dumb. Sasuke had first learned about sex when he was nine, and he had found some of his older brothers magazines, hidden under the latter's bed. Naruto had first learned when he was eight, when Sasuke one week later showed them to him.

But this, this was different. This was real. Not like in the magazine, where all the boys and girls looked fairly good. No. The old man was ugly, he had a hairy butt and white hair and he smelled of alcohol. The woman had wrinkles in her face and had too much make-up and a cigarette hanging in the corner of her mouth, smoking as the old man fucked her. It was disgusting, it was ugly, it was old, but most of all – it looked hilarious.

Naruto was the first one trying to hide his laughter. Sasuke had more composure than that, but it was a well known fact that as soon Naruto started there was no going back for Sasuke. So, when he heard that muffled laughter coming from Naruto, Sasuke suddenly barked with laughter, soon followed by Naruto. Of course that was when the old man saw them and screamed, tearing away from the old lady who continued smoking as she laid unmoved on the bed, watching the man who she fucked run away naked after two children, with his small penis flagging around.

This wasn't the first time Naruto had to run away from the old man and it wouldn't be the last either. It would take three years before the old man got away on a "business trip" which he never returned from. But now they ran, the second time that day down the stairs. The old man couldn't run around outside butt naked and even though he was drunk, he understood that. A long rant of curses hung behind them but was cut off at the heavy front door closed behind them. They were still laughing, even though it had been rather scary and Naruto wouldn't have the greatest time when he later had to go home to the crazy man. But for now, all that was forgotten and they laughed so hard Sasuke had to clutch his stomach and Naruto had a hard time breathing. Naruto was the first of them to cool down soon followed by Sasuke. Naruto shot a glance up to his window and decided that it would be bad if he went home already and decided to walk Sasuke home instead.

They walked slowly and talked a little, but mostly they walked quietly, thinking of that they just had seen.

Naruto didn't get it. Once, Sasuke's mother had told them about love. They had made funny faces when she had and made puking sounds. Mikoto – Sasuke's mother – had huffed at them and had told them that love was nothing to make puking sounds at because it was the most wonderful thing in the world! Now, Naruto had never had a lot of women around him as he grew up, but he still believed what she had told him. And he knew that people in love did the kinds of stuff his old man had done today and that was where he got confused.

Wasn't...getting together, so to say, an act of love? What he had seen now had not been an act of love. Love was something beautiful, something wonderful and sweet. This had been ugly and hairy. It didn't sum up and when he glanced at Sasuke sideways he knew that Sasuke was thinking of the same.

After a little more than half and hour they arrived at Sasuke's, their steps slowing down even more as they came closer. Suddenly Sasuke stopped and Naruto did so too, turning around and watching Sasuke, waiting for what he was going to say.

"Naruto?" Naruto nodded, smiling. "Have you ever been in love?" Naruto pondered for awhile, but then shook his head.

"Me neither," Sasuke said and turned quiet again. They stood like that, shuffling with their feet, sometimes snorting at the memory of the old man doing the old lady. Mikoto saw them from the kitchen window and called them in, asking if Naruto was going to sleep there tonight. Happily, Naruto agreed. Mikoto knew how he had it at home and never did she miss a chance to take care of him, even if it only was a little. Later that night, when Naruto laid on the mattress on the floor next to Sasuke's bed, he began to wonder again. Had he really never been in love? What was love, really? He knew he loved Mikoto, she was nice, but he didn't love the old man, even if he was the one who took care of him. Did he love Sasuke?

He heard Sasuke's soft snoring and carefully he got up from the mattress and looked at the sleeping heap of pale boy. He was turned towards the wall, so Naruto had to place his knee on Sasuke's bed and lean over him to see his face properly. Slowly, slowly, he brushed some hair away from the pale face and looked at him, wondering, judging. He furrowed his eyebrows and went back to bed, but did not fall asleep directly

He laid there thinking for awhile before smiling at his own thoughts.

If Sasuke and he were going to have...sex, it wouldn't be ugly. It wouldn't be hairy, and none of them would lay and smoke during it. It would be beautiful, wonderful and sweet.

He lit a cigarette on the way back to the kitchen, Sasuke left in the hall taking his shoes of. He smoked it nervously, and his hand trembled as he took it to and from his mouth. Like he was freezing.

That was one of the memories that came back to him, repeatedly. It had come back to him as he had walked through the hallway, just like he had all those years ago. That memory of Sasuke and him. The first time he had thought of Sasuke that way.

He took some cups out from the cupboard, sugar, spoons and tea-bags. He knew Sasuke would want that, and something hot would be nice in his own stomach. He turned around to see Sasuke walk into the kitchen and sitting down at the table. He wore black as always, black socks. He avoided his gaze, and he crossed his arms and rested against the kitchen sink, waiting for the lukewarm water in the water-boiler to boil again as he continued to watch Sasuke. The dark-haired man didn't say anything, just sitting, interested in the floor. The seconds passed, and the water finished.

A comforting kind of light shone into the kitchen. A cold blue, but with the hint of spring yellow. Spring had always made him happy.

He drew in a deep breath from the cigarette and blew it out, feeling the smoke between his lips, savouring it. Sasuke looked up, annoyed, making Naruto turn away, lifting the water-boiler, but as he did, remembering he hadn't been able to do it minutes ago.

It was as heavy, and the muscles in his arm quivered, cramping, giving up. He felt the handle between his fingers, angular, black, plastic. He gripped it harder and then relaxed his hand again. Doing it sometimes, trying to explain, to cover. He swiftly turned around again, smiling at the man on the chair.

"I'm gonna put this out", he said, referring to the cigarette. "Do you want to make the tea?"

He didn't wait for the answer, walked away to the toilet and threw the cigarette away, standing behind the wall, listening to the sounds of Sasuke getting up and pouring the water into the cups, shuffling a little and then sit down. He walked back, smiling foolishly, picked out the small chocolate cakes, and sat down.

It had taken him one year before he had understood that he was in love with Sasuke. He had been fourteen then, when he realised it. He had been twelve when it had begun, when they had seen the old man and woman fucking on the bed. Sasuke had been thirteen, just turned. Always the first to do things.

They had never talked about it again, even though Naruto knew Sasuke had thought about it as much as he had. They grew up, Sasuke met Sakura, and that was it. They had grown apart, those last years.

Or rather, Sasuke had grown out of him.

His stomach begun to ache again, and he knew he couldn't drink the tea or eat the cake. What went in would come up as quickly. He pushed one of the cakes in the direction of Sasuke, offering him a faint smile, leaned back and looked out of the window.

The minutes passed away in silence.

"Sakura and I, well…we fought." Naruto hadn't been ready, Sasuke spoke so suddenly. He jumped a little, fast to look up at Sasuke, who had placed both his hands and his eyes on his teacup. "I...I have thought about it, you know". He stopped and swallowed. "You know...what you did". Of course Naruto understood what he meant. What else had happened that would make Sasuke come over? It wasn't like he had been in the neighbourhood. For crying out loud.

When he didn't answer, Sasuke continued.

"Well, that is because we fought...because I've been thinking". They fought because Sasuke had been thinking? Well, that was a little funny. What else didn't Sakura allow him to do? Use the toilet? He snorted and Sasuke looked up. Their eyes met for a second, then Naruto looked away, looking out of the window. It was the same as before. In the corner of his eyes he saw Sasuke watch him for awhile before bringing the cup of tea to his mouth and sipping it. They sat quiet like that. Naruto could sense Sasuke's nervousness and that made Naruto nervous.

Why was Sasuke nervous? Was he here to confess his love? All he had said was that he and Sakura had fought and nothing more than that. Oh well, he had been thinking too. But what did he want? Was he going to turn Naruto down? Had he understood that Naruto was sick? Only the thought made his head spin a little and he felt nauseous. He didn't want to throw up. Not now, not when Sasuke sat in front of him, in his kitchen, listening, watching. He closed his eyes and hid it by looking down on his teacup, copying Sasuke. His stomach protested and he wondered if it was from his illness or from Sasuke being there.

Sasuke moved the spoon in the cup and he concentrated on the sound. Around and around the spoon went. Sasuke took one sugar in his tea.

He listened to the low music. The soft tact went into his ears and he tried to listen to the Swedish lyrics. He had heard them so many times before. Soft songs about breaking up, about coming home, about going away, about leaving.

What did Sasuke want? Why was he here? Why couldn't he just say what he wanted? Why had he had to be nervous? Why wasn't he leaving?

The thoughts spun around in his head. He moved his hand and grabbed a cold spoon, his own. The coldness seeped into his fingers and up the arm, up to his head. He tried not to breathe so hard, Sasuke would notice. He would also notice if Naruto sat with his eyes closed for too long.

The feeling of sickness suddenly went over. Again the room stood still and he looked up, hoping Sasuke hadn't noticed. He was looking at him though. Naruto didn't understand what the look meant. He had never seen it before. Sasuke looked normal but there was something in his eyes. Revelation? Suddenly he got up, almost knocking the chair over. He blushed and Naruto felt his mouth open up. He had never in his life seen Sasuke blushing. He looked up at Sasuke who just stood there with his hands hanging down his sides and trying to sort his feeling out. Was he angry, Naruto wondered. Was he angry, or was he upset? Why? Why was he blushing so furiously? For seconds he just stood there while Naruto sat looking at him.

"I'm sorry, it is clear that I misunderstood your...action. I'll be going."

Misunderstood? What was he talking about? Sasuke turned away and walked out of the kitchen, slowly, as if trying to keep his dignity. What had he misunderstood? What was is Naruto didn't understand? Sasuke had been the one talking, how could Naruto screw it up when he wasn't saying anything?

...oh.

Quickly he stood up, but after the last nausea attack it wasn't a smart move. Everything went spinning again, around and up and down at the same time. Through the sickness he could see Sasuke disappearing from the kitchen into the hall and he knew that if Sasuke went now he would be gone forever. He put one hand to his head, trying to make it stop. He grabbed the table with the other as he took one step forward. His stomach flipped, but instead of vomiting, he whispered. Whispered, because it was all he could do.

"Sasuke", he said. It was nothing than a mere whisper. Even he didn't hear it. Sasuke didn't stop. "Sasuke", he tried again, forcing out the words from his mouth. He was sick. He had cancer. He was going to die. He was going to die! He had fucking cancer and he was going to die! And it sucked! He hated it! Trying to pretend that it was nothing! Not telling anyone, not telling Sasuke! Because it would hurt too much! It would fucking hurt so much...! It would hurt Sasuke so much...much more than it hurt Naruto that he was going to die...

Because it was so, wasn't it? It hurt more being left than it hurt leaving? Of course it hurt being the one who died. But when Naruto died, he would be gone. He would never feel a thing again. It would hurt but then it would be over.

But Sasuke? Sasuke was being left. Sasuke would have to deal with the years after his death. The sorrow, the mourning. The knowledge of knowing you could have done nothing to prevent it and nothing to get them back. To get Naruto back.

Naruto didn't know when but the world had stopped spinning again. Maybe it was because he sat on his knees on the clean floor. Maybe it was because everything seemed to hopeless. Or maybe it was because he had realized that tears run from his eyes.

Oh lord how good it felt to cry.

One thing he hadn't realized what that he had kept chanting Sasuke's name over and over again. Not until Sasuke stood in the door opening with wide eyes at the wreck on the wooden floor. And he didn't stop until Sasuke kneeled in front of him and put his hands on Naruto's shoulders, rubbing them gently.

Between his sobs Naruto finally said what he wanted.

"You didn't misunderstand Sasuke". His voice was low and broken, destroyed temporarily by tears. "You didn't...I..." He didn't have to say anything more. Sasuke's arms went hesitantly around his back and he was carefully hugged into Sasuke's chest. It was warm and solid, just as Naruto had imagined it to be.

It was dark. Not the dark it was at night. Not the kind when you close your eyes. But the one that it in the heart where all the suffering is.

It could be depression. It could be having lost your mother, your sister, your granddad, your dog. That old grasshopper you named that summer when you were nine.

The darkness could also be from the time you were bullied, laughed at in school. When they kicked dirt over your face or when they called you a slut.

It was all the shed and unshed tears gathered.

It could be a disease. A dream you remembered, always called to mind. A nightmare where you were chased by wolves trying to get into your house.

It was dark. It was the kind of dark that lied deep inside your heart and mind. Everything bad happened to you gathered in a big dark. Perhaps forgotten but always there.

Naruto stood in the dark. It wasn't cold and it wasn't warm. It was terrifying, this darkness. Something shook and pictures fell down around him. A wolf came and pushed him forward but he pushed back. The wolf bit him in the arm and he scolded him, telling you didn't do that. The wolf went away and he looked ahead. More wolves walked in front of him and he followed. Cages appeared at his sides. There was a lion in one, a panther in one. Beasts of prey watching him with trained eyes. There was a purple dragon with long lashes. Another wolf with yellow eyes. A big bear. And a polar bear ninja.

The wolves were gone and Naruto was his English teacher. Through his teachers eyes he saw a horde of rabbits passing by and suddenly Sakura was too his left and said that the geese were loose. Naruto went back to himself and begun to run. If the geese were loose they were after him and he didn't want that. He heard a snake from behind coming closer having slitheredthrough the bars. His legs felt heavy as stone and it felt like he ran through jelly, slow motion. The snake appeared with slit eyes. Naruto tried to scream but no words emerged from his mouth.

A rabbit bit the snake and they were gone and forgotten, Naruto had turned away.

He stood up in front of the biggest cage of them all. Something shook again and a voice was heard from the dark.

Naruto, it said. Then a little louder.

A big fox came close to the bars and looked down on him. Naruto, it said and then it said boy in another voice.

Boy.

Yes? Answered the boy. He was a boy now.

Boy.

It was all it said. Boy could hear the growls from the other caged predators They all wanted out.

It was dark and they were his fears and memories and sorrow. And the big one...

The fox...

Face it. You have already begun, continue. Let it out. Let it free. Show it, let other people tame it. Let other people help you hope.

What will happen if I let you free? He asked.

Boy...

Naruto...

He turned the key.

Naruto!

And opened the cage.

Naruto! Wake up!

And the fox smile and he smiled back and the goose cackled and Naruto got his head chopped of by a knight sitting on a swing.

It was hot and something cold on his forehead.

Teach me how to walk on water.

"Naruto," a soft voice said. "Naruto! Please wake up!"

Let's see what will happen now.

He opened his eyes and saw a blurry shadow.

On Sunday he didn't die. Nor did he die on Monday or Tuesday. For three months he had counted down to that date. It would be a Sunday. Three months from now it will be a Sunday and then I will die. But he hadn't and not on the next day or the day after that.

He felt like crap. He hadn't left his bed in twelve days, not since he had that fever dream. Sasuke had practical moved into his apartment, it was made for two. Running here and there, one second and Naruto's side and the other getting out to get more groceries. Helping the nurse who now came daily, who took more and more tests and talking about getting an appointment with the doctor. When he was fit to, of course. And a smile and then back to feeding him pills.

["Why ain't I dead?" The words came out as sobs in the telephone.

'Hello? Who is this?'

"Why ain't I dead doctor?" The crying got to him and it felt hard breathing. Sasuke was out again doing whatever Sasukes do.

'...Naruto? Is this Naruto?'

"Why?"

'...Naruto. I think you should talk to someone. Another doctor.'

"I don't want to talk! You said I was going to die! Why am I not dead?" The doctor talked rubbish and Naruto hung up. He still cried when Sasuke came back and calmed down when those arms hugged him closely.]

It become Thursday and Friday. A week. He didn't know how much Sasuke knew. He knew he knew something, more than Naruto wanted. Sasuke talked to the nurse that came by everyday and Naruto didn't know what he did when Naruto was asleep. Sasuke helped him to drink the water after his medication and he helped him swallow the puree. He didn't know what the nurse had told Sasuke but he had asked her not to answer any questions. Sasuke didn't ask him. He smiled when he helped Naruto to sit up, when Naruto was awake Sasuke was awake. When Naruto was nauseous, Sasuke begun to talk about when they were small and all they had done. All the fun things and all the stupid things. And sometimes something sad, but soon followed by something happy.

Dark bags begun to appear underneath Sasuke's eyes and sometimes when Naruto was awake and Sasuke didn't know, Naruto could hear Sasuke walking back and forth outside his room cursing and crying. But when he came to Naruto's room he didn't say anything. Just smiled (which honestly was creepier since it was Sasuke). They didn't talk about their feelings. They didn't talk about Sakura or the fact that Sasuke was at Naruto's.

Naruto felt like hell. His stomach hurt and he vomited much but he didn't die. When Sasuke talked about memories he thought that now, now I can die happy. When he threw up in the bed he thought that now, please, now let me die and get away from this. But when Sasuke caressed his back and gave him pills that would make him better he thought that perhaps another day. Perhaps just this thing once again.

He dreamed much but he didn't remember about what in the morning.

After two weeks they took him to the doctor and went through all sort of tests. The doctor said it was too early to say and that he would have to come back in two months.

This hell for another two months?

Sakura tried to get in touch with Sasuke a couple of times. He didn't know how many times. In fact he didn't recall much about what happened those months. It was the same deal everyday and frankly, he did sleep most parts of the days. Most of it he did know because Sasuke told him afterwards. Sakura tried to talk but Naruto didn't think Sasuke ever let her for more than wanting her out of his house.

And one day when Sasuke walked into Naruto's room he was greeted with Naruto who had raised himself in the bed with his hands in his lap.

"How long will it take for one to get some food around here?" They still didn't talk about important stuff. Naruto still didn't tell Sasuke about his disease. Sasuke had probably figured it out, for Naruto had been without his cap and wig many times. But Naruto hadn't told him so Sasuke didn't talk about it.

Instead, they went back to being friends again.

Sasuke was still there when he had to throw up or when he was too weak to lift the glass of water. But it was lighter now and Naruto went to more check-ups at the doctor. But all the time it was "too-early-to-say" so it felt useless. When they took him out, they pushed him around in a wheel chair. His own doctor even pushed him to a therapy group where the people (who could) stood up and said, Hi, I'm so-and-so and I'm depressed! Naruto still only listened.

But it was now, when the darkness started to scatter, he began to think again. Why was Sasuke in his home? Was it because he felt guilty? Was it because he loved Naruto? Was it because he had nothing better to do?

Sometimes when he felt ugly and disgusting he began to cry. He pushed Sasuke away and went down in a depression. Sasuke looked tired when he came to his senses again, perhaps days later, but he didn't show.

He felt a little better today. His stomach hurt but Sasuke had put a record on and the soft song calmed him down. The soft tact went into his ears and he listened to the Swedish lyrics. He had heard them so many times before. Soft songs about moving on and finding the path again, about everything turning out okay in the end. Sasuke sat on a chair next to his bed, keeping the rhythm with his foot as he read a magazine. He glanced at the watch around his wrist and got up to make Naruto some mild noodles and his medicine. Naruto laid down his own magazine in his lap and watched the door, listening to the sounds Sasuke did from the kitchen.

The past month he had tried to tell Sasuke so many times.

Hi, I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I have cancer!

Too fucking cheerful.

Too fucking hard.

He had stopped counting time. He didn't have a new time. No more months left to live. He didn't even count the weeks and days anymore. He had lost count.

(He didn't count the time from where he should've died either).

He had gotten tired of counting time. Time was not important. All he knew about time was that he wanted to spend the rest of it with Sasuke. He didn't know if he really was going to get better. He didn't know if he never was going to get sick again. He knew that he had wasted too long not being with Sasuke and he didn't want to do that again.

Pondering like that forever, until Sasuke came with his food. He put it gently next to Naruto and handed him the chopsticks. Naruto took them without looking and began to eat slowly. Sasuke watched him as the late summer sun shined like gold through the was opened and the smell of flowers made its way into the room. Sasuke had hung up white curtains and made Naruto's bed with white bedclothes. It was the colour of cleanness and not sickness and Naruto even wore a white t-shirt. (Any cigs, Naruto asked. No, you're going to quit. Boo.)Naruto's hair was still damaged, it would never be what it had been again. But Sasuke loved the new hair. it was always so short that it felt like the fur of some soft little animal. Come to think about it, Sasuke had to rinse Naruto's ears later.

Suddenly, Naruto lifted the chopsticks and pointed them at the wardrobe across the room. Sasuke raised a delicate eyebrow and questioned him with that.

"In the wardrobe", Naruto answered with hit mouth occupied with noodles. "There's something for you there". Sasuke walked up to the white simple wardrobe and looked. He saw nothing and Naruto mumbled that he had to dig deeper. After some poking about Sasuke's hand clasped around something hard and he pulled it out. It was a little box covered in black velvet. He snapped his head up to meet Naruto's eyes but Naruto's soup was very interesting at the moment. His eyes went back to the small black box and he opened it up.

"A ring?" he asked after a moment.

"A ring," Naruto confirmed. He looked up at Sasuke and Sasuke looked back. Until his lips began to pull in the corners and he went up to Naruto and laid his hand on the soft head.

"A ring?" he asked again, playfulness in his voice. Naruto huffed annoyed and tried to look away but Sasuke took his chance and planted a kiss on Naruto's lips. The blonde boy's lips were a little chapped but still soft. Sasuke pulled back and smiled but Naruto didn't. Instead he took the pale boy's hands into his own pale hands and looked up in the dark eyes and suddenly... suddenly it wasn't so hard anymore.

"Sasuke?" Sasuke sat down on the bed and nodded.

And for a moment time stood still but began ticking again.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto and I have cancer."

The End

Oh, look at that. I finished it. I hope you like the ending of it. I didn't want to make too much out of it and not say everything about it, because cancer is a terrible disease. Anyway, many thanks to Word Salad and Frathworth and Butts for getting it this good. Thank you for reading! And don't forget to review!

/bevino