'Alas, Alas' Cried Legolas

A/N: This little oneshot was inspired on sports day. It was freezing cold and boring and I was forcing my friend to read LOTR, when she came across the line ' "Alas, alas," cried Legolas" (it really does exist you know). So we decided to have a poetry competition with that as the starting line, and we ordered my English teacher to judge it, because he's the kind of teacher you can say that to.

Disclaimer: Yes, my name is Tolkien and I invented 'The Lord of the Rings.' And my death was a conspiracy theory and I am now taking the piss out of my own work and posting it on Fanfiction...World Wide Web? What's that? Amazing!

'Alas, alas,' cried Legolas:

'My quiver, it is missing!

'I must have lost it when I saw

'Strider and Arwen kissing!

'I'll travel over hill and dale,

'Through Forest and through Fen.

'I'll brave the slopes of Gorgoroth

'To fetch it back again!'

He stepped into his silver ship

And weeping spoke a sonnet.

His breastplate was of adamant,

Upon his head a bonnet,

His shining spear of mithril wrought,

Upon his breast an emerald.

An image of that which he sought,

His sorrow-stricken mind enthralled.

Three hundred years along or more,

Despair the elven crew had claimed,

When Legolas a vision saw,

And, laughing, joyfully exclaimed:

'My friends, take heart, my quiver lies

'Over there on yonder rock.

'I would continue, but I feel

'A swift attack of writers block!"

To Yonder Rock the sailors sailed,

And Legolas did leap ashore,

And there his prize the elf beheld

With solemn joy and joyful awe.

Then, as his vision came to pass,

He heard a cry of: 'Legolas!'

Come rolling in upon the dawn.

He whispered: 'It is Aragorn!'

He smote his forehead with his palm.

The waiting elf-lords heard him say:

'O Elbereth! Gilthoniel,

'And Sugar! It's his wedding day!'

The Sundering Seas between them lay!

Neath storm clouds and torrential rain

He drove his ship upon the way,

To get to Middle Earth again.

Meanwhile, back at the Tower of Guard

The Bride and Groom stood waiting.

They said: 'If Legolas returns

'We're giving him a gating!'

Just then Legolas crept in

And up the aisle without a noise,

But Merry saw him and exclaimed:

'Old Hundredth, all together boys!'

Then louder than the Falls of Rauros

The famed Hobytlan led the chorus.

Gimli and Boromir raised a cheer:

'Hurrah! At last the elf is here!'

Sternly Aragorn looked down,

And wisdom sat upon his brow,

And also on his brow a frown.

He looked on the elf and said: 'How

'Is it, that though we set the date

'A hundred years ago or more

'One elf has dared to turn up late?

'You rascal! Down upon the floor!'

Then Legolas fell on his knees,

And stretched his hands out to the king,

And offered many heartfelt pleas.

(The Hobytlan had ceased to sing)

'My lord and king,' cried Legolas,

'Alas that this has come to pass!

By running wave and blowing grass,

I sorry am! Alas, Alas!

A/N: There you go, please review. Hands up if you get every single analogy. Extra kudos for anyone who knows what Old Hundredth is!