Haha xD Sorry this is sooo late..Its been sitting on my computer siiiiince...December...After Caity sent it to me, and as me, Nae, am like, extreeeeme procrastinator extraordinare, it hasnt been put up till now. Why now of all times? Cause I have reading Caitys messagers over her shoulder and all of them kept bring up the fact that I havent put the chapter up...Hints much.

Disclaimer: We dont own jack sh*t. Except Caity owns this story, I spose.. And I own a massive stash of lollies and various other food items in my cupboard...

Gaara stared at the scroll in his hand; no it was more of a glare really. It was the stupid scrolls fault you see. It was all the stupid scrolls fault that he had to send his idiot brother, as every other shinobi in his village was conveniently not there, on this very important solo mission that could make or break his Kazekage position. I mean what is up with that? Out of a whole flipping ninja village he only has his brother left?

Rolling his eyes Gaara kicked his chair (it had wheels how awesome is that? Only a true Kazekage could have a chair with wheels!) away from his desk so he could look out the window and brood instead. A blank wall is not very exciting, plus the people on the road look like ants from all the way up here! Truthfully nothing slightly improved Gaara's sour mood more than watching those meaningless insignificant ants scurry around as if their lives held some meaning. Sometimes it even made him feel like laughing, not today however as he saw the most insignificant and meaningless ant of all hurrying towards his tower. That's right, you heard him, his tower!

"Hey Gaara, sorry 'bout being late, but dude the bakery down town blew up! And there was donuts everywhere!-"

"Kankuro-"

"-and the icing! Seriously! You are missing ou-"

"Kankuro-"

"-rock in my shoe, di-"

"Kankuro." Gaara was now seething, not only did he have to trust this mega-ly important scroll to his imbecile brother; he had to trust this mega-ly important scroll to his imbecile brother who had the nerve to ignore his authority!

Kankuro gulped and nervously staggered backwards, one eye on his certifiably insane little brother and the other on the door aka the gateway to keeping his life and dignity in one piece. Slowly the all important portal to a room that Gaara wasn't in was getting closer and closer. Kankuro's hand twitched towards the handle and...

"Kankuro..." Damn! He was so close!

"I'm going to regret this later, in fact I haven't even told you yet and I'm already regretting it..." Kankuro frowned; if he was going to insult him he could at least say it in a straightforward manner, all this beating around the bush and crypticness was confusing him.

"I have a mission for you. Now I am going to use simple words so that you will be sure to understand it. You take scroll to Konoha, give to Hokage. Do you follow me so far?" Kankuro nodded dumbly with a blank expression on his face, "Then come home. Okay?"

Kankuro nodded and took the mega-ly important scroll from his younger brother who was also his boss, okay how the hell did that work? Slightly peeved by his new realisation that his brother was his superior, Kankuro left the room in a huff but not before stowing the super duper luper scroll of importance in his kunai pouch.

Gaara sighed once the door had closed; he could already feel another village elder breathing down his neck after Kankuro screwed this mission up. Exactly like the one before that and the mission before that one... and so on and so forth.

Once outside Kankuro smirked to himself in satisfaction. It was always fun messing with Gaara; his kid brother actually believed that he had the intellectual capabilities of a monkey! After all it was always better to have the enemy underestimate you and as an added bonus he always got the easiest missions! It was a win situation, for him anyway, he did feel kind of sorry for that team of genin that Gaara sent on the missions that should actually be assigned to him... but not enough to actually take their place.

And thus, Kankuro began to forge a path from Suna to Konoha at top speed. The trees flew past in a pretty blur of colour- Okay I'll stop lying to you now. In reality Kankuro was ambling along the track at a snail's pace watching the pretty trees go by centimetre by centimetre...

Oh that snail was slowly passing him! He wanted to race huh? Well Kankuro wasn't about to be upstaged so he took off towards Konoha at a more ninja worthy pace. He reached the gates and stood there panting triumphantly or he was until he saw the same snail already standing in the middle of the village gates basking in the golden light of victory. A dark look flashed in his eyes, not only had been beaten by a snail of all things but it had the guts to stand there and mock him?

Crunch

Kankuro whistled as he walked towards the Hokage's office, that snail had guts alright; the proof was on the bottom of his shoe. Seems Gaara wasn't the only crazy murderer in their family...

His innocent tune continued to escalate in volume until he tripped on the bottom of the stairs that lead to the top of the giant red tower that the leader of the village resided in. Cursing under his breath, he hobbled his now slightly bruised self all the way up the stairway of death and despair.

"NARUTO! HOW DARE YOU STEAL FROM ME YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE PUNK!"

"G-Granny-"

POW!

As Naruto flew through the air and landed in the river on the other side of the village Kankuro could almost visualise the sign that should be above the Godaime's door; "Abandon hope all who enter here."

Kankuro shuffled from foot to foot nervously, not really sure if he was ready to face the famed 'Iron Fist' at this present time, he could just turn around and go back home to his sadistic little- Okay! The Hokage it is! Tentatively he nudged the door with his toe until it swung open completely and then proceeded to sneak into the room, hoping to leave the scroll on her desk and not have to actually come into contact with her. His plan was foiled however as a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist just as he was placing the scroll on the cluttered mess she called her 'desk'.

Shoot! That's the second time today that he had been stopped during one of his excellent plans! Was one of the requirements for being the leader of a hidden village mind reading? If so no wonder he wasn't picked, that just wasn't fair. Was it really his fault that he wasn't born with super powers? He blames the parents, really, what kind of parents allow their child to be born knowing that said child does not have super powers? Obviously not very good ones! When Kankuro had a child, they would be able to fly! And shoot lasers from their eyes!

"Is there something you wanted?" Tsunade's eyes narrowed dangerously and Kankuro knew he was about three seconds away from joining Naruto in his watery fate. It was time to grovel!

"Hello there Godaime-sama, did you do something new with your hair?"

"No."

"Oh... Uh well, that shade of lipstick you're wearing really brings out your eyes?"

"I'm not wearing any."

"Is that shirt ne-"

"GET ON WITH IT KANKURO!"

"Of course," Kankuro squeaked, shocked at his own unmanliness he cleared his throat and continued in a much more normal voice, "The Bra- I mean Kazekage-sama asked me to give you this... this..."

Kankuro's eyes widened, he couldn't find the scroll! Where was the damn scroll? He hadn't touched it since he left Gaara's office so he couldn't have dropped it. Maybe that bloody snail stole it from him! His dad had always told him, "Never trust anyone my boy! Especially your wife, she'll just take your money!" He supposed that it must apply to snails and super duper luper mega-ly important scrolls as well.

"Give me what Kankuro?" Oh god! Her voice sounded completely level and calm! He preferred her when she was yelling, it was much less frightening.

"Well you see, Hokage-sama, I seem to have temporarily misplaced i-"

"YOU LOST IT?"

"Temporarily misplaced i-"

"I CAN'T YOU BELIEVE YOU LOST THAT SCR-"

"No I temporarily misplaced it."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed into intimidating slits and Kankuro gulped. Perhaps he should have returned home and faced the wrath of the homicidal brat that wore the pointy hat and strutted about like he was all that. Oh that rhymed! But no time for that now, Tsunade was advancing. Advancing as in getting closer by the second, as in getting close enough to send him to where Naruto was, as in he was about to get soaked and he was glad that he had put on his water resistant make u- I mean war paint this morning.

POW!

Manly scream of pain

Splash!

"Hey buddy, she got you to huh?" Naruto asked as he worked on squeezing all the water out of his, way too bright to be legal, orange and blue jacket. Who in their right mind would let ANYONE wear those two colours together? Naruto was just lucky that his hair was blonde and his eyes were blue therefore there was nothing that clashed. If he had have had pink hair and green eyes like Sakura, the poor kid would have been even more of a laughing stock then he already was...

Kankuro opted for a dignified silence and ignored Naruto's remark, choosing instead to haul himself out of the water and proceed to dry his smexyness black jumpsuit thing. The number one hyperactive knuckle-head ninja seemed to not mind Kankuro's rude behaviour, either that or he just didn't notice.

"Anyway, Kankuro my main man! You are lucky you came to the village today, the bakery downtown just blew up and there are donuts everywhere!" Naruto waved his hands in the air to emphasise his most important point and jumped up and down on the spot. Kankuro frowned, a bakery blowing up? That sounded slightly familiar to him. But there was no time to live in the past now, there were free donuts to be had!

"Well then, maybe we should help them out and take those donuts off their hands. What do ya say Naruto?"

"You just read my mind..."

Kankuro and Naruto wore identical goofy grins as they raced towards the downtown donut shop, Kankuro would not lose this race! Besides, even if he did lose he could always have Naruto's guts join the snail guts on the bottom of his shoe...

"Nae?"

"Why yes Caity?"

"Why did you blow up two bakeries?"

"Well it seemed like a good idea at the ti-"

"Forget it! Did you at least the note somewhere that the dim-witted duo will find it?"

"Of course! How could you doubt my abilities? I thought we were friends! This makes me very sad Caity, very sad indeed..."

"Be quiet, I am scheming!"

So as Nae sulked in her corner of depressed –ness, the wheels in Caity's head were whirring away.... No quick catch them! Their whirring away! ARGH!

"Oi Kanky pal?" Kankuro raised an eyebrow at his new nickname; however he was simply too lost in the ecstasy of the donuts to care. Was it possible to be drunk on donuts? Cos' he sure felt like he was...

"Yeah?"

"What's with that sticky note on your back? HOLY FISH TRUMPETS! There's a whole heap of 'em! And they're numbered!"

After many incidents, including but not limited to: Falling on their face (Mostly Naruto), Nearly breaking their arm trying to twist the limbs in a direction that they were not made to twist in (Mostly Kankuro) and scaring the little old lady down the road by hiding her pruning shears (No comment), they managed to finally relieve Kankuro's back of all the little yellow sticky squares and place them in order.

"I'm telling you Naruto! It's 16 before 7 except after 1123!"

"No way, man! Everyone knows that 78 comes before 0.01! Duh!"

Okay, so they had a few minor disagreements ("YOUR MUM!" "NO KANKY! YOUR MUM!" "SHE'S DEAD YOU BUTTMUNCH!" "YEAH? WELL SO'S MINE!" "Ah gee... I'm sorry dude..." "Nah, I'm sorry to man..." hugs) they managed to rearrange the notes so that they made sense, somewhat.

Hello

Greetings!

Ahem, we have taken your super secret scroll! If you ever want to see it again make sure you meet my demands exactly!

Exact-a-lactly!

Take your hat and your purple waterproof face paint and leave it at the base of Hokage Mountain. You will then find another series of sticky notes that will lead you to your scroll.

Thank you for shopping at K-mart and have a nice day!

Kankuro visibly paled beneath his purple (IT WAS MANLY DAMNIT!) war paint and even Naruto seemed to grasp the gravity of the situation. His two most prized possessions, the very things that made him who he was, the fibre of his very being, were being forcefully taken away from him. The way he saw it he had four options.

Option number one

"Hey Kanky my brothe-"

Stomp

And that, my children, is the story of how Naruto joined the snail on the sole of Kankuro's flipping awesome right ninja sandal.

Hmmm, Kankuro snuck a glance at the unsuspecting blonde idiot next to him, it was tempting but no. That wouldn't make his situation turn around.

Option number two

"Hey Gaara, I misplaced, not lost! Cos' that's completely different, that scroll you gave me. Too bad it was important huh?" Kankuro's nervous and very much fake laughter filled the otherwise silent room as the explosive temper of the Kazekage began to reach its peak.

"I'm sorry, you did what? Dear brother of mine?"

"Uh well, I temporarily misplaced that scroll of your-"

"That's what I thought you said." Gaara sighed an almost regretful disappointed sigh, after all he was nothing if not an awesome actor, "Sand Coffin."

And just like that, Kankuro whatever-his-last-name-was along with the snail guts on the bottom of his shoe, became one mushy mess on the Kazekage's carpet. Gaara's sigh was real this time. He reached over and pushed a button in his desk.

"Yes Matsuri? Can you ask Phil-the-janitor to come clean up this mess for me? Thank you."

No, that wasn't the answer either. In fact that one completely unappealing and would be saved until he needed a last resort. He would never let his brother have the satisfaction of killing him and getting rid of the handsomest bachelor in Suna in one fell swoop! Never! He always knew that Gaara was after his crown, the stupidly pointy awesome Kazekage hat just wasn't enough for the twerp!

Option number three

Kankuro meekly placed his cat-eared hat and water resistant purple war paint in front of the Hokage Mountain Monument. He then strode away his head held high and tears glistening in the depths of his eyes that he would not allow to fall. Naruto patted his back sympathetically and spoke comforting words all the way to the scrolls hidden location. They found the scroll, gave it to the Hokage and lived happily ever after!

This one had a slightly happier ending then option two; however it had one slight flaw! He had to give up his identity and Naruto didn't get stepped on! Well that was two flaws, but who's counting? So that left Kankuro with his fourth and final option, an option so devastating that it could rip apart and distort the very fabric of time and space!

Option number four

Go to the Hokage tower and explain that he knows who took her scroll. Watch said criminals beaten into oblivion and then walk into the sunset to live happily ever after with both his hat and his water resistant purple war paint!

Kankuro rubbed his hands together as an evil grin spread across his face. Yes, he would use option four first, that way even that failed he had option one to fall back on to make himself feel better. He truly was a genius of epic proportions no matter what the twerp and Temari said!

His ("microscopically tiny..." "SHUT UP GAARA!") mind made up, Kankuro strolled towards the Hokage tower for the second time that day. However, upon reaching the stairs he very carefully placed his foot on the first step. After he was absolutely certain nothing was going to happen he pumped a fist in the air triumphantly and pointed the step.

"HAHA SUCKER! YOU WONT GET ME WITH THE SAME GAG TWICE! NO SIREE!"

He then turned to make his movie star worthy exit and tripped on the second step this time.

"I SEE HOW IT IS! YOU'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER HUH? GET A GUY WHEN HE AINT LOOKING! IS THAT IT? WHY ON EARTH DO WE EVEN HAVE STAIRS HERE ANYWAY? NINJA'S WALK UP WALLS! YOU SERVE NO PURPOSE!"

Having showed those damn stairs who was boss he used his chakra to skip the stairs all together, after all they were plotting complete world domination via killing Suna's handsomest bachelor-GASP! They were in league with the Brat! Everything made sense now.

"Kankuro, why are you glaring at those stairs?"

"Shhh Naruto! They'll curse you!"

"Ooookaaay, yep. I think you've had enough of the donuts budd-"

"BLASPHEMY! YOU JUST WANT THEM ALL FOR YOURSELF! NEVER!" Kankuro made the mad dash into the building, slammed the door and propped a chair up under the door handle. Satisfied with his work he straightened up and dusted his hands and clothes off, job well don-

"Yo Kankuro, you do know that the door opens outwards right?" Naruto jabbed a thumb over his shoulder to the door that was now open and the chair that was lying uselessly on the ground. Kankuro slapped his forehead with his palm and dragged his depressed self down the hallway to the Hokage's office. Why must everyone foil his plans? He was a good boy! He did everything he was told! ... Not very well, but he still did it right?

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF GAI'S HORRENDOUS EYEBROWS DO YOU TWO WANT?" Tsunade roared taking a shockingly large gulp of sake. Naruto grinned innocently and leaned over to whisper in Kankuro's ear.

"It must be that time of the month."

Needless to say Naruto was taking another dip. Turns out that the obnoxiously loud boy could not whisper to save his life, who would have guessed? Kankuro cowered-Er, stood behind the Hokage's office plant. It was a nice plant really, all green and healthy looking. It even had a pretty blue flower on i-

"Well? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Y-you see Hokage-sama, I was wondering... Er..."

"GET ON WITH IT!"

"I KNOW WHO TOOK YOUR SCROLL!"

Blink

Blink

"Oh really now?"

"Y-yes?"

"I wonder if this could be the same person that has been torturing my shinobi?"

"Y-yes?"

"Kankuro are you even listening to me?"

"Y-yes?"

"You're an idiot and your brother is a lot more awesome than you will ever be."

"Y-ye-WAIT THAT IS SO UNFAIR!"

Tsunade frowned, "Does this face look like it cares?"

Kankuro shook his head nervously, switching his gaze to the floor below him. The Hokage really needed to get some carpet up in here... and maybe a lava lamp or two. Oh! And an elevator! After all those stairs really need to go.

Tsunade stood from her chair abruptly, scaring ("SHE STARTLED ME! STARTLED!") Kankuro out of his wits. A scared ("STARTLED!") Kankuro usually reacts in one of two ways, hiding under the rug or falling to the ground and curling up in a ball singing 'I'm a little teapot' to himself.

"I'm a little tea pot, short and stout. Here is my handle. Here is my spout-"

"KANKURO!"

"Yes ma'am!" Kankuro shot up, his arms still in handle and spout position and followed after the Hokage. Next stop: Hokage Mountain.

"Hey Nae?"

"Yes my bestest buddy?"

"Do you think he'll show?"

"Nope! Not a chance!"

"Why not?"

"Have you seen what's in that scroll?"

"YOU READ IT?"

"Well duh!" Nae rolled her eyes, seriously how could she not? "Trust me it's worthless."

"You mean that we won't get anything for it?"

"Not a thing!"

"Well that sucks."

"Yup."

"I guess that there isn't really a point in us being here then is there?"

"Nope."

"Let's blow this joint." Caity threw the scroll over her shoulder before proceeding to leave the cavern inside Hokage mountain and-WAS THAT A BLOODY SIREN?

"RUN FOR IT!"

"I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

"Are you sure that they're in here?"

"Of course Hokage-sama..."

"They're not in here."

"It seems that way." Kankuro replied before gulping nervously, THAT'S THE FOURTH TIME TODAY THAT HIS PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED AND-OH HEY! A SCROLL! Stooping down to pick it up he noticed a very familiar wind country seal on it. He hugged it tightly to his chest, Thank you donuts! THANK YOU!

Grinning he handed the scroll to the Hokage, who blinked a bit taken back. Carefully, as if it might have some kind of infectious disease, Tsunade unravelled the scroll only to...

Send Kankuro flying back into the river. Disgusted, she threw the scroll to Shizune who silently added the scroll to the mountain of Tsunade's debts. How on Earth she managed to owe the previous Kazekage close to three million dollars no one will ever know.

Kankuro flicked the water out of his eyes and pulled himself out of the river muttering a few choice swear words. What had he done? He delivered the scroll right? Then why send him flying into a river? THAT'S IT! HE WAS RETIRING!

"KANKY BUDD-ARGH! OH MY GAWD! WHY ARE YOU STEPPING ON ME? AH! GET OFF! GET OFF! STOP IT! THERE'S GONNA BE A SANDAL IMPRINT THERE NOW! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Smirking in satisfaction Kankuro decided to go back to the sand village now, unfortunately he didn't have any Naruto guts on his shoe... only blood... and some ramen noodles... Never mind! It was time to go rub his success in his twerpy brother's face!

"GAARA! I HAVE RETURNED!"

Gaara restrained himself from slamming his head into the desk... repeatedly. Instead he opted for breaking the writing utensil in his hand as his door was thrown open with such force that it collided with the wall.

"Scroll delivered... In your... face..." Kankuro pointed tauntingly at Gaara looking pretty worse for wear. He was barely standing up, his face paint was considerably smudged (GRAPE ANYONE?), his clothes were ripped in several places and he was either very drunk or he had just come down from a sugar high.

"So you have." Gaara responded, his nose crinkling as he caught a whiff of that creature that called itself his 'brother'. Was that...

Sniff

What was that? Dirty river water and ramen noodles? Gaara decided then and there that he did not want to know and simply sent Kankuro on his merry way. After he was sure that he was gone, Gaara kicked himself away from his desk (On his AWESOME WHEELY CHAIR! CAN I GET A HELL YES?) and stared out his window, notepad in hand.

"Hmm, that's funny. Usually Phil only goes to the bar on Tuesday and Thursday nights when his wife's at work. Oh and there's Joe on his way to the market to get more sugar, right on time too."

Shut up!

It isn't stalking!

It's intent observation!

Yeah, I bet you thought I forgot all about you guys! Never! I was just kinda lazy and a bit caught up, Nae and I are going to an anime convention in January with our new family/cosplay group! I CAN'T WAIT! Anyway, that is no reason to abandon you! Plus I really wanna get these two stories I have up finished as I have some really good ideas that I can't wait to post!

Suggestions for who you guys want to see next! NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST CHAPTER! SO CHOOSE WISELY! ^^