Leap of Faith: Trust
by Bil!

T – J, S – Angst, Drama – Part 1 of 3
Summary: AU Shades of Grey. What if Daniel hadn't been the one to draw the short straw? Jack's teammates have faith in him even if he doesn't seem to deserve it.
Season: Three.
Spoilers: Shades of Grey, One Hundred Days, references to Legacy, First Commandment, In the Line of Duty.
Disclaimer: Not mine, naturally.

A/N: Although this is really a (very short) series rather than a single story, I'm collecting them under one name on ff,net for convenience and compactness.

This story very much relies on you remembering the events of Shades of Grey.

Trust
by Bil!

Jack sighed and picked at the label on his beer bottle. Idly he contemplated the available moves on the chessboard in front of him, as well as the quickest way to counter each strategy, but his heart wasn't in it and he slumped back in his chair, staring around his living room in case something interesting had turned up in the last five minutes. It hadn't. Jack sighed again.

He was bored out of his tree, with nothing to do but sit around waiting for the bad guys to show up. He'd already stolen from the Tollan, been insubordinate to Hammond (and even though Hammond knew what was going on that hadn't been easy because he really did respect the General), and taken the retirement option, just as planned. Now all he could do was wait. And wait. And wait.

Hiding away in his cabin wasn't an option because that would defeat the purpose of making him easy prey for the bad guys, and he had absolutely nothing to do but hang around, bored, since his life for the last two and a half years had basically consisted of work, work, and work (and wouldn't Daniel and Carter laugh at that after all the times he'd chased them off base!). It turned out that daytime TV was duller than a mineral survey on a desert planet – at least on a mineral survey he could needle Daniel and see how long the other man's patience would last. God, he hoped he'd get the chance to do that again.

He scowled at the chessboard. The worst thing about the boredom was that it left him with nothing to do but hope that this whole elaborate scheme would work, hope that it was worth the cost, and try very hard not to think about his team. He'd even cleaned the house from top to bottom with a furious intensity that would have flabbergasted Sara had she been privileged to see it.

He didn't care what happened to him, but pushing away his team – setting out to be as hurtful as possible – was just about the hardest, most distasteful thing he'd ever had to do. But he had to. He had to push them as far and as hard as he possibly could because otherwise they'd never believe this stupid charade – because if he didn't get them far away from him he'd spill everything no matter what his orders were.

Thor and Travell had no idea what they were demanding of him. Were it up to Jack, his team would have been the first to be brought in on this little rat hunt. He trusted them and believed in them: they deserved to be included. Dammit, hadn't they earned it? He'd begged for their inclusion – actually begged! – but Thor and Travell had been adamant and Hammond sided with them. The Asgard insisted that "no one but O'Neill must be involved" and Hammond said that if the rest of SG-1 were kept in the dark then their reactions to Jack's defection would be exactly as they should be and no one would be suspicious.

No one listened to Jack's protests. Didn't they understand what this would do to his team? SG-1 was built on trust, hard-earned and long in the making. Didn't they care about the price they were forcing him to pay?

It didn't matter. Jack had always done his duty and this time would be no different.

The immediate dilemma he faced was that he hadn't seen Daniel before he left the base. He'd tried, but Daniel hadn't been in his lab or any of the obvious places. This was a problem. Jack had already attacked Carter and was pretty sure he'd fobbed off Teal'c, but Daniel never gave up easily and that meant he would undoubtedly come here.

Since Jack had already found a couple of bugs during his cleaning frenzy and didn't doubt that there were more, he was going to have to push pretty hard to get Daniel out without giving anything away to the invisible listeners. He could do it, no problem; he just didn't know if Daniel would ever be able to forgive him.

The doorbell rang. Jack hoped it was the goon squad and not Daniel. It rang again impatiently and he chugged back the last of his beer and stood, grumbling "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," as it rang yet again.

The fourth time it rang, the intruder held down the button so that it didn't stop ringing.

Jack yanked the door open. "Keep your hair—Carter?"

"Sir," she greeted brightly, as if she hadn't turned into an impatient doorbell fanatic.

"What the hell do you want?" Where was Daniel? He peered over her shoulder, expecting to see someone else. Daniel, Teal'c, Fraiser, anyone. She'd never come to his house by herself before.

"I brought beer," she said, holding up a six-pack. Good beer too, not the swill he usually bought. There was a determined glint in her eyes and he capitulated. When Carter got determined there wasn't a hope in Netu of stopping her; that was why he was here and not on Edora pretending he'd make a good farmer.

"Fine," he groused and stood aside to let her in. She dropped her coat on the hall table and blithely tripped down into the lounge while he followed her. "Whaddaya want?" he demanded, accepting a beer.

He wished Daniel had come instead. He knew he could deal with Daniel; he understood Daniel. Didn't often agree with him or get where he was coming from, but understood him.

Carter, on the other hand... If he'd failed to get rid of her already then he wasn't sure what more he could do. Not only was she a woman – a species Jack would never understand – but she hid behind her good-soldier routine and even when it broke, like after Jolinar, it didn't give up any clues. Jack sometimes suspected there was a whole other person hidden behind those 'sir's.

She didn't seem to notice he didn't want her around. "I've been thinking, sir," she began.

"Uh oh," he said involuntarily and nearly winced when she smiled. Amusing her was not going to get rid of her quicker.

"I've been thinking," she repeated firmly, not to be put off. "I don't know what's going on – and I don't appreciate the position you put me in back there."

"Where?" he interrupted rudely and slurped at his beer in the hope that it would annoy her as much as it annoyed Sara. She didn't notice.

"When you forced me to choose between betraying you and lying to General Hammond." She looked at him as if expecting a response.

Mindful of his part, Jack shrugged and drank some more beer. "You don't owe me anything, Carter," he said harshly, slouching further down in his chair.

"The hell I don't!" she said with quiet vehemence, making him jump. Even off duty she didn't usually swear.

He stood angrily. "You owe me nothing, Carter. Now get out. Thanks for the beer," he added sardonically, "but the zoo's closing and you'll have to come stare at the freak show some other day."

She didn't stand, just sat there studying him with frank curiosity. "What happened, sir? Why are you acting like this?"

"Because I've finally had it up to here with sanctimonious aliens and patronising allies who don't mind asking for help but refuse to offer us any." He thought he sounded pretty darn convincing, but the only change in her expression was that it became more thoughtful, as if she was hearing different words to the ones he was saying. "We need to defend this planet and for that we need weapons and technology. If they're not going to give us what we need then we'll just have to take it ourselves." The thoughtful look didn't relent. He felt like a thorny physics problem and forced himself not to squirm. Come on, Carter, just buy it and get out of here!

"This isn't like you, sir."

"You already said that," he bit out. "And guess what? My answer's still the same. Go play healer to the emotionally wounded with someone else."

For a moment her arrested expression made him think he'd finally gotten through. Unfortunately, she swiftly returned to that dreaded determined expression. Jack fumed and didn't bother to hide it. While he appreciated the show of loyalty, couldn't she have picked a better time? Say, when he wasn't trying to make her leave him alone?

"Get out of my house, Carter," he growled.

"Not until you listen to what I have to say."

"I already know what you're going to say." Just go already!

"With respect, sir, I don't think you do." Dammit, where was the good little soldier who backed down at the first hint of her superior's disapproval?

"Well, I don't want to hear it."

She leant forward intensely. "Hear this: I'm not giving up. I learnt that after we gave up on Daniel when he was infected by Machello's Goa'uld killers."

There was a pause.

"Edora," Jack said, understanding now.

She shrugged offhandedly as if it was no big deal that she'd rewritten the laws of physics for him. "You never did thank me."

He knew that. He'd meant to but couldn't find the words and then Thor had come and now it was too late. She deserved so much more than just a 'thanks' but she wasn't going to get even that from him. Not now. "You should have left me there."

That had to hurt, he knew it had to hurt, but she refused to be fazed. "The Tollan would have picked you up before you'd been there a year."

"Oh." Well, that put him on the wrong foot. He sank back into his chair. She'd done all that work and it hadn't even been necessary? That was... bad. Because he was taking that work and throwing it back in her face.

"Look, sir, I don't know what's going on, but you're my CO."

"Retired, Carter," he said snidely. "Remember?"

"But you're my CO," she repeated firmly. "I'll follow you."

Damn, damn, damn. "What, you're aiming for a court-martial now?"

There was no hesitation in her. "I'm with you, sir. And I'm not the only one."

Oh, he was so banging their collective heads together if he ever got out of this. Couldn't they take a hint? Next time Thor and Travell wanted a favour they were damn well going to have to ask someone else or bring his team in as well, because he was never ever doing this again. He'd do a hell of a lot in the name of duty, but this was getting too much.

"Sure, Carter," he mocked. "I believe you. You'll give up your career in order to take up a life of crime. You know that's what you all think of what I did. You think it's a crime to defend our planet in whatever way we can. Well, I don't. I think it's a matter of survival and anyone who refuses to help us survive is the enemy. It's not theft if you're taking from the enemy."

"The Tollan aren't our enemy, sir."

"No? Because they sure as hell don't act like allies."

"Sir, can't you just—"

"No!" He jumped to his feet, looming over her. "I've said all I have to say to you, Carter. Just accept the fact that you clearly never had any idea who I really am and get the hell out of my house."

Naturally, she refused to be intimidated. Carter didn't do intimidated. "You're a good man, sir." He scoffed. "Your record—"

"My record, Major, is so classified even Hammond can't read the whole thing. You've known me what? Two and a half years? You don't know the first thing about me."

"Fine," she said, getting to her feet. Her voice was angry but the look in her eyes suggested she was humouring him. "Fine. I don't know you and you don't want me here. I'm going."

"Finally. For a genius you can be pretty dumb, Carter."

For some reason that coaxed a wry chuckle out of her. "Trust me, sir, I know. I can see myself out."

He shepherded her to the door anyway to ensure she left, chivvying her along.

"Keep the beer," she said as he yanked the door open. "I bought it for you anyway. When you need us, sir, just call."

He snarled silently and slammed the door shut, belated realising she'd left her jacket behind but in no mood to instigate another conversation by chasing after her. This was the stupidest plan in the history of bad plans. Stalking back to the living room, he picked up Carter's barely-touched beer and swigged it down. It was that or peer through the window like a lovelorn idiot at what could be the last sight he'd ever get of one of his teammates. He had too much pride for the latter and it would look too suspicious anyway. He had a job to do, after all.

You're a good man, sir, she'd said. No, he wasn't. If he was he wouldn't be trying to cause as much pain as possible to his best friends.

If only she would report this conversation to Daniel and Teal'c and prevent them from visiting as well. It wasn't that he couldn't do this all over again – he knew he could. But he didn't want to.

The things he did for his planet. Jack hastily opened another beer.

Really, it wasn't that big a shock to find Maybourne on the other side of his door. There was slime, then scum, then NID. Of course they were the ones behind all the thefts, causing all these problems and forcing Jack back into a line of work he'd been glad to leave in the past.

After a subtle game of pushing Maybourne away without actually going far enough to push him away (and boy was it nice to unload some bile on someone who actually deserved it), Jack let the man in. About three feet.

Maybourne accepted this restriction but looked around nosily and spotted Carter's coat still lurking in the hall. "I'm sorry, Colonel, do you have company?" Of course, he knew Jack didn't and he knew exactly whose coat that was.

Damn. Jack had hoped Carter's conversation with him would somehow slip under their radar. He'd known it wouldn't, of course, but he'd still hoped. He didn't want any of these rats getting their claws into his teammates. Still, he'd known whoever came would try to bring up the conversation they 'hadn't' overheard. One Jack O'Neill was undoubtedly a catch: A Sam Carter would be a much sweeter prize.

"No."

"It's nice," Maybourne said, "but it's not really your style."

He so hoped Maybourne was talking about the jacket. "Carter called," he acknowledged. "I kicked her out and she left it behind."

"That doesn't sound like you." Oh how Jack wanted to wipe that smug grin off his slimy face.

"Funny, people keep saying that to me at the moment. And here I thought I was acting the way I always do."

"Ah, yes. Your 'retirement'." Jack narrowed his eyes. "Oh yes, we know all about it. I have my sources."

I bet you do, you damned rat. "So I see." As if he didn't care, Jack abandoned the doorway and returned to his favourite chair.

Maybourne followed him, ignoring his uninviting scowl. "I presume you weren't too happy with what Major Carter had to say."

"I did say I kicked her out," Jack sniped. "She came to say she 'trusts' me. She thinks this is some kind of game."

"And you don't?"

What was that supposed to mean? He was getting way too paranoid. With good reason. "I think that if our so-called 'allies' won't help us then it's up to us to help ourselves. You know that if you know as much about my retirement as you say you do."

"I know more than you think," Maybourne said, sitting down. "I take it Major Carter doesn't agree with you, then?"

"She came out of some misguided loyalty. I guess she doesn't believe I mean it or something." He gave a humourless laugh. "Major Carter," he held the half-empty bottle up in a mock toast, "thinks I'm something I'm not."

"Which would be?"

Jack laughed again and sculled some beer. "A 'good' man."

"Are you saying you're not?" Maybourne questioned. Yes, humour the bitter drunk, you rotten skunk.

"I'm saying that there's time enough for 'ethical' methods when we know we're going to survive to enjoy them." Jeez, did anyone really buy into this crap?

Maybourne smiled. "I agree, Colonel. That's why I'm here. I'm part of a group that wants to see the defence of this planet take priority over the feelings of those people who claim to be our allies."

"Are you offering me a job?" Jack demanded incredulously.

"Just think about it, Jack," Maybourne said. "What else are you going to do? Drink beer and beat yourself at chess all day? You won't last a week. I'm offering you the chance to make a difference to the security of this planet. We need men like you, Jack."

"Now you're starting to sound like my teammates," Jack accused. "Believing in me despite the obvious."

"Major Carter said that?" Maybourne asked, an acquisitive gleam in his eyes. Jack shrugged as if it didn't matter. "Do you think she was telling the truth?"

Jack knew she was telling the truth. That was what scared him. "What, you wanna try recruiting her too?" he drawled.

"She would be an incredible asset to our—"

"You can't even convince me," Jack derided. "She wouldn't do it. She's like Daniel, too ethical. Honking great uncomfortable conscience. And she's too smart to be tricked into anything. She'd see right through you." Damn straight. Good old Carter.

"Pity. You couldn't...?" Maybourne raised his eyes suggestively, making Jack snort into his beer.

"What, seduce her? Maybourne, you've been watching too many Bond movies. I haven't even agreed to work for you yet, remember? And I wouldn't count on that happening any time in the next hundred years."

"Oh, you will," he said confidently. "You couldn't do anything else. You want to protect your country, just like I do."

"Get out!" Jack ordered. "I am nothing like you. Get out and leave me to retire in peace."

Maybourne went, but he didn't look at all disappointed. "I give you a week," he repeated as he opened the door. "Page me." Jack, who hadn't bothered to get up, just waved dismissively over his shoulder and didn't answer.

As a point of pride, he waited eight days before making the call.

Fin