This is a drabble even by drabble standards – a drabblet? Drabblini? Anyway, it's very short and basically written for Mopcat, who is so lovely, and also WorldBMine, Eternity Curse, LoverFaery and HMxEB4ever.

…and, of course, I wanted to put in some Remus sexiness.

Disclaimer: INSERT GENERIC BUCK-PASSING HERE

There is no better place than the dinner table to ponder on the injustices of the world.

It's the unfairness of it that bothers me. The way Remus seems to be able to see into my soul without any effort at all while I - the Sirius Black, goddammit – am left in a constant state of bewilderment. The way I can never interpret that sideways glance, that raising of the eyebrow, that slight catch in Remus' voice. The way that every time I think that I've finally got it Remus will go and say something unexpected and confusing. He's so damn… so damn Remus.

Enigmatic. That's the word. Lovely word, rolls off the tongue. Enigmatic. Remus Lupin, enigma. Remus the enigmatic Lupin. The enigmatic enigma that is Remus Lupin…

Focus, Sirius.

Nobody else is a problem. Pettigrew is as good at hiding his emotions as he is at quidditch. If you've ever seen him try to dodge a bludger you will realise just how bad that is. He twitches when he's lying, and if that doesn't give it away the fact that he's suddenly developed an intense stutter will. To be fair though, Pete has a reasonable grasp of subtlety. He knows when to keep his mouth shut and let me and James do the talking.

As for Jamie boy – the kid is an open book. He doesn't try to hide a thing from anyone. Never has. He says it shows his natural honesty and bravery. Personally I think it shows that he's borderline loony. Take the whole thing with that Evans girl, for example. He likes her. Fair enough. She isn't bad looking, I suppose, but my god she's a harpy…what on earth does he see in her? For that matter, what does Remus see in her? He talks to her so much you'd think they were going out. That is clearly not going to happen, because Remus wouldn't do that… because my Remus would never ever like Lily bloody Evans…

Focus. Focus on the point.

What is the point? Oh, wait. I remember now. The point is, Jamie has a crush on the girl, and instead of doing the normal, decent thing and trying to impress her by hitting someone or pulling a spectacular prank or writing poetry or whatever it is lovesick teenagers do… he stands up on the bloody table in the great hall and announces to the whole school that he, James Potter, is in love with Lily Evans, and that he will be going out with her within a year.

I swear to god the man is an idiot. That's probably why I love him. I think I'd go completely mad without James around. He's more my brother than that git who happens to share my parents ever was.

Oh, no. What did I do? What did I do to deserve this?

It really isn't fair. Remus has chocolate mousse, and he's eating slowly. Putting it in his mouth and then… oh, holy fuck. I am officially jealous of a dessert spoon.

"Sirius?"

"Hmmm?"

"Sirius, what is up with you? I wanna know what you think about – "

La la la la… honestly, Prongs should know better. I do love him, but how can he expect me to concentrate when Remus is currently giving that spoon what appears to be the single greatest blowjob ever witnessed by mankind?

I think I'm going to go have a shower. A cold shower.