"He mourned you more," Owen said, not looking at his stepbrother. Anakin started, not having noticed the other man. The two of them were in the force, Anakin having only recently faded away from the celebration on Endor. Anakin wasn't sure why he had faded to come to a place where only Owen was present, but he'd only been dead a little while and wasn't sure of a good many things yet. He turned to see what Owen was looking at and saw…
"What is it?"
"A portal of sorts. Us non-force-sensitives can't go down to the living world, but we can watch through these," Owen turned to look at Anakin now. "I believe the Jedi have one of their own."
Anakin raised a brow, "trying to get rid of me already?" he asked with a sad sort of smile.
Owen shrugged and turned back to watch, "no. Just thought you'd want to go be with your family. Kenobi's your brother from what I understand."
So are you. Anakin thought, but didn't voice the words. He turned to look through the portal himself and saw Luke on Endor. After all, he continued to rationalize as he watched his son, it wasn't likely Owen would want to acknowledge a familial relationship with Darth Vader. Obi-Wan had forgiven him, but Obi-Wan and he had years of good times as a basis to restart a relationship. Owen and he had only met once, and Shmi's death and funeral weren't the happiest of memories for anyone.
"Yes, he is," he decided to reply. He could hardly make Owen treat him as his brother. He didn't deserve any family at all, but so many had forgiven him. He would count his blessings and retreat with grace. For a few moments the two stood in silence next to (the superior son, the better husband, the more desirable father) one another. Anakin made up his mind. He had something that needed to be done before he left. He turned his head to look at Owen again, determined. He opened his mouth, but Owen beat him.
"He mourned you more," Owen repeated his first statement.
Anakin snapped his mouth shut and frowned. That didn't make any more sense the second time around. "What?"
"Luke. He mourned you more than me."
Anakin smiled bitterly as he looked back at his son. "A whole community mourned you, everyone who knew you." He gestured at the portal, "I knew or was known to how many people? And yet all of them celebrated my passing. All but one."
"But that one is family."
"Yes."
There were a few moments of silence before Anakin spoke again. "He did grieve for you as well you know." Owen looked at him and he shifted uncomfortably while keeping his eyes trained on the portal. "I found out why he fought the Empire (me was the unspoken word that they both heard) so passionately. It was because of how you and your wife were killed."
Owe shook his head and looked back to the living world, "No. I – I was watching when Luke decided to leave Tatooine. He said that there was nothing for him there and he wanted to be a Jedi, like his father before him. I left him nothing. No memories, no dreams, no lessons. Apparently the only thing I gave him was the brief cynicism he used the first time Kenobi asked him to leave. He didn't fight the Empire to avenge me, but to be more like you."
There was a pause before he added, "he was always like you."
Anakin's mouth twisted, "what? Vengeful, arrogant, easily angered, competitive, conflicted, at war with the universe, immature," he paused then whispered, "lonely." He shook his head, "no, the only things I gave him were a couple additions to his looks and a few talents. Inherited things, not taught things. I didn't know him long enough to taint him."
"You only met twice, three times if you count the glance on board the first Death Star."
"Yes."
"He's going to build a New Jedi Order. He thinks it would be a good way to honor you and Kenobi." There was another pause. "I wish I gave him a few more fond memories."
Anakin snorted at that. "You did better than me."
"But he loves and honors you more." Anakin glanced at him briefly, but his stepbrother was stubbornly staring through the portal, though it didn't look like he was seeing anything. Owen swallowed and spoke with a voice that was a little too well controlled, "that's only right of course. You were his father. I was just his uncle."
"You had more time with him. Outwardly he may be like me, but you raising him doubtless left a greater impact on my son."
"I'm sorry you weren't able to raise him yourself. He's a good kid."
"I know."
There was another pause as they watched Luke. Anakin bit his lip and abruptly decided that there wasn't going to be a better time and that he had better get back to saying what he needed to, "I – well I was never good at these sorts of things but I – " he shifted and Owen wondered what could possibly make his stepbrother with no fear nervous. "I wanted to apologize. You know, first for your – uh death, but also for those 23 years with no contact. I mean, you couldn't have found me, first I was all over the galaxy then you thought I was dead anyways, but I knew where you were and didn't ever bother. Force is there one family member I treated right? Not even a "how are you?" or a "hope the harvest goes well" or even a "happy life-day!" Force I don't even know when your life-day is come to think of it and…. I'm rambling again aren't I?"
Owen blinked. He hadn't quite expected that. He coughed, "well I, I accept your apology. And I'm sorry as well."
Anakin looked at him strangely, "For what? Taking care of my mother? For loving her as you would your own? Going to save her when I wasn't even on planet? Raising my son? For loving him as you would your own? Trying to keep him away from people that might hurt him? For dying to save him without putting him in that danger in the first place? For doing everything I did wrong, right?" Anakin shook his head, "there can't be anything you've done that I can't forgive."
Great. His heroic brother thought of him as blameless. That made everything so much easier. Not! Owen straightened. "I wanted to apologize for lying to Luke all those years about you."
"You did it to keep him safe."
"That's what I always said but," this was harder than he thought, "it was also because I was jealous of you, I" dying was easier than this, "I always have been. Now I know that's not right or fair but it's true and I'm afraid it may have influenced what I said. If Luke somehow knew that, he would be right to favor you over me."
Owen turned to face his stepbrother like the man he was, and found the strangest look on Anakin's face.
"You were jealous of me?"
Owen raised his chin and nodded. Anakin seemed to be trying to wrap his mind around the concept with limited success. Finally, "why?"
This was it, no getting off easy here. Still, Owen had lived a hard life and he wouldn't try to weasel around or slink away. "Because you had everything." Better to just lay it all out bluntly. "Power you were born with and that you gained. Controlling the Force was second nature to you and you could decide the fate of practically anyone in the universe on your whim. You had a family, a mother who counted each day you were gone, a beautiful wife, and two children. You had looks with fans swooning left and right. You had intelligence: were a mechanical prodigy and a brilliant strategist. You had wealth, first through your marriage then as second-in-command of the Empire. You had fame certainly. Few people didn't know the Hero with No Fear. Fewer still were ignorant of Vader. You had everything that someone could want and were everything that someone could be while I – I was always just Owen to everyone except my family."
Anakin stared at him still. Owen met his eyes firmly and refused to squirm, but damn it was hard! Anakin finally spoke, slowly, as if weighting each word.
"I had everything I ever wanted," Owen knew that, "at the cost of everything I ever needed." Wait what? Now it was Owen's turn to send his stepbrother a strange look.
"I had, at various points in my life, everything that people spend their life pursuing, Power, family, intelligence, wealth, looks, fame – all of it. And they all meant nothing in the end compared to what I didn't have. I didn't have my family, not really. I spent ten years being told to forget my mother and didn't come after my dreams because Obi-Wan told me they were just a dreams and I was afraid if I insisted that he wouldn't think I was ready and hold me back from knighthood longer. Power was always a big draw to me."
Anakin took a deep breath and plunged on, "I spent the next three years being distrusted by my community, the Jedi, with good reason. At the same time you see I was secretly married. We should have known, we did know I suppose, that love isn't the be all end all and won't make everything magically turn out the way we want. In stories they make you think that star-crossed lovers had no choice but to fall together. That's not true. We knew the consequences, the risks, and we went through with it anyways. As for my children, Leia hates me and Luke barely knows me. I don't know anything about them, was only there with them, not even for them, at the worst times in their lives. What's Luke's favorite color? What's Leia's favorite food? I was there when Luke fell on Bespin, but not when he took his first steps or got hurt at school. I held back Leia after Alderean was destroyed, but didn't hold her when she needed to be fed or got sick. Everyone knew the Hero with No Fear and everyone knew Darth Vader, you're right. But what I needed more than anything in the world was my family. The people who saw me as just Anakin."
Owen seemed to have trouble responding. Anakin continued softly, "Don't you see Owen? Most of my life I was jealous of you."
Owen stared at him incredulously for a moment then, "do you mean to tell me that the two of us have been wasting going on twenty-six or more years being jealous of each other?"
Anakin shrugged, "I'm apparently very good at messing up relationships."
Owen noticed the resigned tone in Anakin's voice, "I think that the blame can be equally shared here."
Anakin gave a tainted smile, "Shall we try again?"
"Sure," Owen replied, wondering what his stepbrother was up to now. Anakin stuck out his hand.
"Hi, I'm Anakin Skywalker."
Anakin was well and truly crazy, of that he was certain, but Owen supposed he could play along, just this once. They shook hands and damn that joy of his was infectious! "I'm Owen Lars. I guess I'm your stepbrother."
"If you'd like," Anakin was giving the first real smile Owen had ever seen him wear. "But I would prefer to just be brothers."
"Just brothers," Owen made a show of considering, "alright, but on one condition." Anakin raised a brow and waited for him to continue. "That Kenobi might be an older brother of yours, but I'm also your elder by a whole three months and therefore reserve the right to boss you around. Understood little brother?"
Anakin threw back his head at that. And he laughed.