A/N: Hey. I'm not entirely sure what to say: Happy L's Death Day? Or would you change the adjective into something like "Miserable L's Death Day"? Ah well. My elusive point is this: I wrote a short fanfiction, AU based, in celebration of L's fourth Death Day. It is, obviously, below. I would write more, most likely detailed apologies, but time flies on wings of silver and I can leave only with the promise of many more stashed-in-a-closet Death Note fanfictions. So, a pleasant Guy Fawkes'/Bonfire Day to you all, and I hope you enjoy my portrayal of L and Light in a Renaissance AU. Please read and review, flames are welcome as long as they provide helpful critique or factual disagreement. Thank you for clicking, hope you like it, and I wish only the best to you all. --Misfit

Life is like a box of chocolates; you do not know what kind you have until you have taken a bite. --Forrest Gump

Ǿpened

It was a dark night, storm clouds like a bruise on the damp sky above skeleton trees, lightning crashing through the stale air, wind whistling—

Okay, not really. It was actually altogether grey outside, the scant light present making it seem near gloaming when in reality it was closer to noon. The road was muddy and loose from disuse, fading easily into nondescript, ancient trees that looked ready to keel over any second. And it was probably this, this monotony, this monochrome, that had gotten Light Yagami horribly, horribly lost.

The brunet shivered in the autumn air, sepia eyes glaring out at every non-familiar piece of scenery. "Damn it!" he ground out between slightly chattering teeth. "Someone with my caliber of intelligence should not even have the ability to… misplace himself!"

He angrily kicked a nearby stone, cursing the strange man—Ryuk, was it?—who had so helpfully provided a 'shortcut' to the trial. Kira almighty, it was so stupid. Light should've known better than to trust someone with such an idiotic grin on his face.

His scowl darkened in time with the sky, and he picked up the pace when thunder rumbled in the distance. He cursed again for good measure. The mayor himself could judge the defendant for all Light cared—he just wanted out of this forest!

And, suddenly, he was.

Light stopped at the intimidating presence of a cast iron gate, staring in awe at the vast manor looming overhead.

The petulant eighteen year old took a few cautious steps toward the vertical bars, casually resting a hand on the cold metal. He jumped back with a shout, however, when the door swung open, its hinges creaking with accumulated grime. He wavered between stepping onto the spacious entryway and listening to the engrained politeness he had always adhered to. Eventually, after a much louder echo of thunder, selfishness won out, and Light ventured forwards, eyes shifting from side to side and his guilty conscience shoved to a far corner of his rather capacious mind.

Pausing once he reached the massive oak doors, Light knocked three times on the wood, faint splashes of water reinforcing his resolve. The young judge waited patiently, mostly out of habit—it was a big house, after all, and maybe the owner was in the bathroom, or playing Monopoly, or maybe he was just trying to prolong meeting the castle's master, because the grey-noon had faded and it was getting really dark. Besides—all of those cliché stories had to originate somewhere, right?

Despite his determination to not become a victim of some horrible scary movie plot, the rain had begun to pelt against his thin coat, falling in large drops. His hair was getting ruined, and, really, he was Light Yagami, for Kira's sake! Surely, should some beast or monster or creepy pedophile from beyond the grave appear, he'd be able to escape unscathed. His IQ was higher than his town's total population—that had to count for something.

So Light, after his hearty confidence/ego boost, hesitantly tried the rusted door handle, only mildly surprised when it swung inward at the softest touch.

"Er, hello?" Light pushed the door open further, walking a few paces inside. "I didn't mean to intrude, but—"

"Of course you meant to intrude," a deep, baritone voice interrupted. "You would not have walked through my doors had you not wanted something."

Light narrowed his eyes, glaring into the darkness. "I did knock."

"Yes you did."

"Three times."

"Yes."

"And you didn't answer."

"No."

"…"

"I'll take your silence as admission of the fact that you are done stating the obvious and introduce myself, in the hopes that you will do the same."

By this time, Light had pinpointed the location of the voice—somewhere on the left hand side of the two story devil's staircase situated at the far end of the entry hall. Thus, he watched with much curiosity and equal irritation as the voice's owner descended into the scant light, revealing a rather… well… odd person, to say the very least.

He had a mop of messy black hair that seemed precariously perched atop the palest face the brunet had ever seen, with black, seemingly pupil-less eyes sunken into the white above high cheekbones and shadowed, insomnia-induced circles. He was wearing a white, long-sleeved shirt and baggy cotton pants, giving him a slovenly appearance that immediately grated on Light's nerves.

And, the most terrible, petrifying thing about him, something that would give Light nightmares for years to come—the man had no socks.

"If you have finished your perusal of my persona," the stranger smirked as Light's eyes immediately flicked upwards, "I am L, reigning lord of the castle you have so rudely broken into."

Light bristled. "Lord? I haven't heard of a one-letter lord around here. And, look, I'm sorry for coming in like I did, but it's raining, and cold, and I was just looking for a dry place in which to wait out the storm." He paused, and then added, as an afterthought, "I'm Light Yagami, Chief of Judges for the southern district."

"Hmph," the lord -L- sniffed. "Well, I have not heard of Yagami-kun either, and yet he seems to be as he says."

The brunet's eyes practically popped out of his skull. What?! How childish was this guy? Was he some weird social recluse that spent his time talking to dead people and their portraits? Jeez! The clichés from before came back en masse—pedophile!—and Light decided that a little water wouldn't kill him, right?

"Oh, well, sorry, again… Okay, I guess I'm not wanted, so I'll just go ahead and… leave," he said, backing up towards the door. Which was now somehow closed. Crap.

"My, you are rude, Yagami-kun. You must, at the very least, stay for cake."

Light scowled internally. Double crap.

---

"Would Light-kun perhaps like more sugar in his tea? I fear it might be lacking."

The somewhat trapped judge felt his eyes twitch, hastily shaking his head. "N-no, thank you." Light tugged his cup, full of already sludge-like tea, out of L's reach. "And are we on a first name basis already, L-san?"

L looked up curiously, eyes a bottomless onyx. "Hm? But Light-kun is the one who came to my house uninvited. Besides, he has been referring to me by my first name as well. And please, no need for the honorific, I was raised by an Englishman."

"It's not as if you've given me a last name to use!" Light bit back.

"This is true. Is Light-kun returning to his previous habit of announcing the obvious, perhaps?"

The usually calm brunet was practically steaming in rage. "Okay, you know what, I'm pretty sure the storm's abated, I'll just go along on my merry way, and leave you alone. The trial's tomorrow anyway, so I need to—"

"Light-kun wishes to leave?"

"…yes," Light replied, far beyond exasperation. "Light-kun wishes to leave," he mimicked in a ridiculously high pitched voice.

L ignored him. "Light-kun cannot leave."

"Light-kun can—wait, what?"

L stood without a sound, Light's suspicious amber eyes tracking his every movement. "I'm afraid I don't understand," the judge said slowly, fear and a vague understanding of where this was going creeping into his mind.

"Light-kun owes me something of value, and thus cannot leave until I have been repaid," L said, stately, in a tone far more equable to his lordly status. "Light-kun has broken something precious, I'm afraid, something quite precious indeed."

Unnerved, Light rose to his feet, hiding shaking hands in his coat pockets, but L continued regardless. "Closed things, once opened, will never retain what they had before, you see."

"But I didn't touch anything except what you gave me!" Light protested, epinephrine seeping into his system, brain screaming at him the question of 'fight or flight'.

"The fact remains, Light-kun," L said without ceremony, somber and unmoving, blocking the exit with his hunched body.

"You're not making any sense."

"Mystery, Light-kun. Mystery is what it loses, forever after."

"Unless whatever opened it never speaks of it, right?" Light responded, seeing, horribly, where L was going, his neurons happening upon the answer, and O' Kira, let him be wrong, let him be—

"That, yes, or is locked in the previously closed item for the rest of eternity."

Right. Right, as always. Triple crap. Light's last thought were those of ironies and gods' playthings before the burning smell of chloroform clogged his senses and he passed out.

---

Light groggily opened his eyes, hastily shutting them when he realized what the two black blobs swimming directly in front of him were.

"Ayaugh!" Light crab-scuttled backwards, throwing a protective hand up in defence. His feet caught in something—sheets?—before he could make it too far, however, so he settled for glaring up at the person responsible for his hammering heart. "Kira, L! Don't do that!"

L merely blinked back innocently. "What is it that I should refrain from doing, Light-kun? Existing, perhaps?"

The brunet's glare increased in intensity as he tried to right himself, briefly noting that he was lying on an extravagant four poster bed. "Don't be a smartass. I meant sticking your nose in my face while I was sleeping! It's very rude, and I do not appreciate—" Light's manner-tirade was cut off by the bell-like clinking of chain links. He moved his arm experimentally, and found, to his horror, that yes, there was a glittering silver handcuff that connected his left wrist to the right of the man in front of him.

L leaped up beside Light, arranging himself so that his knees were bent and he was sitting on his heels. He raised his thumb to his lips, bottomless eyes boring into the teenager. "Hm?" he queried. "What does Light-kun not appreciate?"

"Light-kun," the younger said stiffly, his body trembling in anger, "does not appreciate being chained up like a dog on a leash! What is the meaning of this?!"

L hardly spared him a second glance, preferring to turn around and hop to the floor, jamming his hands in his jean pockets. "Well, the obvious answer would be that I did not want Light-kun to run away. Besides, for all I know, Light-kun is a rogue knight that has come to violently do away with me and steal my title." The lord's face morphed into an expression of mock reprimand. "Thus, I cannot allow Light-kun out of my sight."

Light spluttered angrily, forced to follow the other male out of the room when the chain stretched taunt. "That's ridiculous! I don't have armour, nor a sword, and I wouldn't want some creepy castle with more cobwebs than square feet anyway!"

L leveled him with another empty stare, reaching unto a nearby glass jar and pulling out a few—were those gummy bears? Light snapped him focus back to the other's face.

"The fact remains, Light-kun." Light scowled, knowing he'd soon come to hate those words. "Now, would Light-kun perhaps like to play chess with me?"

The brunet hoped to Kira that he would get used to the abrupt jumps in conversation, he really did. "Chess? Chess? You expect me to play chess with you? After you handcuffed me like some odd human pet?"

Light had the distinct feeling L was raising an eyebrow at him, but the man's thick black bangs concealed any eyebrows he might have had. "Well," L was saying, "it's not as if you have much else to do."

The judge sighed, capitulating the point and sitting down on the couch they had just arrived at, viewing the white pieces in front of him with a calculating stare. The corners of L's mouth rose in a childish half-moon smile and he sat opposite of the brunet, next to the black set.

"A word of warning, L," Light said as he took the first turn, moving a pawn two spaces forward. "I am rather intelligent, and have not lost a chess game in over a decade." It was not arrogance—though Kira knew Light had plenty of that—merely fact. Light thought it only fair, after all, that L knew who he was fighting against.

L only nodded, matching Light's advance with a pawn of his own. "Warning accepted, Light-kun, and returned. Your move."

Light nodded, scooting his bishop past the line of pawns. Talk was sparse after that as they focused on the game and their opponent, who, to each, was much cleverer than they had originally bargained for. During the game, Light's strategy relied greatly on his queen, and he was forced to replace her once after she fell victim to a bishop. L, on the other hand, leaned heavily on his knights, smirking slightly every time its unique L-shaped pattern caught Light off guard.

"Light-kun?" L asked during a brief lull in the game, both sides, preparing for another trap.

"Hm. Yes, L?" Light replied, twitching his fingers over a rook. Oh well, he thought, sacrifices had to be made. He moved it forward.

"Would you like to, what is the phrase, 'make this more interesting'? Say, for every piece of mine you capture, I will answer precisely one question you have, and vice versa."

"Oh? Really? Any other rules?"

L nodded once, knowing he was unable to retract his challenge and slightly regretting it considering the now predatory look in Light's eyes. "Should one of us refuse to answer a question, or lies, there will be no penalty, but they lose the opportunity to ask anymore questions. Also, should I win, Light-kun must agree to help me with something of my choosing, but should he win, I will… release him from his obligation."

L was taking a risk—of course he was, he had been since he even allowed the well-dressed boy to walk up to the gate—but it was a calculated risk (at least, now that he knew what, no, who, he was dealing with), and if this 'Light Yagami' could help him catch that blasted serial killer, and break up the repetition… it was worth it.

Light nodded, pleased, and resolved to win, resolved to escape, only to realize that L had just taken the rook he had set up for sacrifice, and that he owed an answer.

"What is Light-kun's favorite color?"

The brunet choked on air. That was L's question? What?! "Er," Light replied, suspicious, but he couldn't find any ulterior motives in such a common question. It was so normal, so not-L. "Red."

"Ah."

And the game continued. Light captured a pawn of L's next, aligning his pieces to take out L's queen first, then immediately afterwards his king. "How long have you lived here?"

"To my considerable knowledge, my whole life," L said promptly, then picked up a knight with only his thumb and forefinger and easily knocked over the pawn Light had just used to attack. "Why does Light-kun wish to leave so badly?"

Light was thrown for a loop again, wondering if L was going to continue alternating between general and serious. "That should be obvious, L."

"I desire a reply nonetheless."

"Huh." Light paused, thinking it over. "I do have a family waiting for me, and a life, you realize. But…"

"But?" L prompted, rocking a little in his queer sitting position.

"What it boils down to… no… I suppose it is a matter of being unable to change anything caged in a mansion. This world is garbage, and, well, I became a judge to help cleanse it. I can't do any good trapped here," Light finished, surprisingly truthful, before scooting his queen forward.

The battle for victory recommenced, with Light learning of Watari, L's godfather, of sorts, and the three other boys who had once lived here, and L learning of Light's family and the fact that the boy apparently hated sweets and the number fourteen.

Light grinned suddenly, and moved his queen two spaces to the left. "Check, L." It was check, sure, but there was only one direction L could move to save himself, and when he did, Light's bishop would be waiting with open arms…

However, to Light's imminent confusion, L smiled as well, and moved his knight—wait, when did that get there?—in front of the queen's range, blocking her off from L's king and simultaneously opening a path for the black rook to take Light's king. "Perhaps, Light-kun, but I believe it is now Checkmate."

The brunet gaped like a fish thrown over a volcano as L flicked the white king over. "My apologies for ruining Light-kun's winning streak, but I do so hate to lose. Now, for your assistance. Come along."

Light resigned himself to the chore—he might fudge the truth often enough, but he would never skirt the responsibility of a lost challenge. "Fine. I'll make sure to win next time, though."

L smiled his mysterious quirky smile again. "I am sure you will try, Light-kun. Now, follow my lead."

The brunet's tan features morphed into a scowl briefly. "It's not as if I have a choice."

"Ah, the obvious once more."

Giving up (but only for now: it was a tactical retreat, nothing less), Light acquiescently caught up with L, who led him through three locked passageways and down a spiraling staircase. He paused in front of two metal doors, looking around at Light for the first time since the chess game. "Light-kun… must never tell anyone what I am going to show him."

The brunet rolled his eyes and raised his left wrist, pointing to the silver cuff for emphasis and deciding L was far too melodramatic for his own good.

The older male nodded, as if reassured, and twisted both black handles, allowing Light to walk into a room that looked oddly like the control room for International Affairs, or a rebellion's take-over-the-world base, if you'll pardon my repetition.

"L—what is all of this?" L was already sitting in a chair, situated below a map of all of East Asia.

The lord took a deep breath, steadying himself. "This is my headquarters, Light-kun. The headquarters of both Eraldo Coil and Daneuve, the world's two greatest detectives."

Light's jaw dropped again. "What?!" He looked around, seeing it with new eyes. "Oh, Kira, you have the emperor's seal over here, and this is the report for the Beyond Birthday case! Holy… why are you even showing me this?"

L furrowed his brow and hugged his knees closer to his chest. "I must… I must admit to watching Light-kun previous to his coming here—no, Light-kun, let me finish—on account of his outstanding intelligence and moral conviction, and might have, perhaps, tricked him into coming here with one of my subordinates for this purpose."

"There was no trial or murder convict, was there? And that whole 'mystery' spiel was…?"

"Not in the way you believe, Light-kun, and my excuse was only partially formed by fiction. The murderer listed in the invitation is one that has not been caught yet, and, I believe, will not be caught if I try to find him alone. He knows my mind far too well." Light wondered, bemusedly, how anyone could ever know L's mind in such a way. L continued his explanation. "I need Light-kun's help." L seemed somehow exhausted, as if it had taken great effort to admit his weakness.

Light smirked slightly at the display. "So the great Eraldo Coil and Daneuve are asking for my humble help?"

"Oh, I would not call it humble, per se, Light-kun."

"Hm." Light ambled over to a chair next to L, sprawling across the seat. "Of course. I did say I would, didn't I?"

L stared back at him wryly, thumb back at his bottom lip. "Do you need time to think about it?"

Light snorted scornfully. "Not at all. This is a hell of a lot better than anything I could find at my town, in the world, really. It's practically Kira Himself watching out for me."

"It's a rather dangerous job, Light-kun, being my envoy, and you must live in the castle until the case is solved. Perhaps even longer, should I not trust you to keep my secrets. The result of a single chess game is not enough reason to so drastically change your life." L curled his toes, and Light noted the nervous gesture for later use.

For now, though, he just barked a laugh. "Trust me, L, I have never been more grateful to lose a game."

L bobbed his head, and then turned to point at a red pin on the map above him. "Very well, Light-kun. Now, this town, Shibuya, was where Beyond Birthday's last victim was found. This green dot, however, is the last place he was seen. I have some theories concerning his current whereabouts, and…"

Light Yagami nodded, committing each fact to memory as the cogs in his brain began whirring to find a pattern, forced to work at full capacity for the first time in a long while. He grinned; this was, if nothing else, going to be interesting.

---

"…I knew—gah!—that these bloody handcuffs…ngh…were some weird sort of—fetish!" Light barely managed to gasp out the last word of his accusation, cornered as he was between the solid wall and—"L!"

The onyx hair tickling his now-abused neck paused, and Light came face to face with the detective. "Hm, Light-kun is smart. It only took him five and a half months to puzzle out."

"Yeah, I like to think so. I've got to hand it to you: this is one hell of a way for celebrating my hundredth ca—mph!" The teen was interrupted by a pair of lips crashing into his own; after all, it's rather hard to speak without using one's mouth. L ran his tongue over the edge of Light's white teeth, and the other cautiously widened his jaw. A harsh battle for dominance ensued, neither willing to give ground. Long fingers wrapped around Light's waist as the judge's own tanned ones tangled in wild strands of midnight black.

"Ngh…L…Don't…" Light struggled for breath, leaning his head back against the stone that was already half-supporting him.

"Yes, Light-kun?" L grinned, trailing a line of teasing butterfly kisses down Light's now-exposed throat.

"Merciful Kira, L, don't—don't stop." The brunet's eyes fluttered closed as his grip in L's hair tightened, pulling the detective even closer. Light could feel L's smirk on his skin, and the response made him shiver.

"Oh, I was not planning to, Light-kun." And he dove back in.

End Note: Thanks for reading all the way through! So, please, please review! It would make me ever so happy :D Happy Bonfire Night, again, and I'll probably see you again soon, with another oneshot called Crooked. If you liked this, be on the lookout for it. I say again: please review, and, as always,

Love,

Misfit