A/N: I don't know what happened. I swear. This was supposed to be a SHORT one-shot. You know, one chapter long or something. And then... And then this happened. So, all my apologies to those who have me on Author Alert for spamming your Inbox. Sorry guys, but it's just too long to post in one single chapter, and obviously it HAS to be posted today.
This hasn't been beta-ed. I did go through it several times, so please forgive me for any mistake that may remain.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. If I did, I would not be waiting anxiously for the next chapter every single Friday.
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A few days before
"Yo, Renji! ... Man, what are you doing??"
Renji cursed silently; he had been so deep in thought that he had failed to notice the incoming reiatsu.
"Eh, Ikkaku-san... I'm, er... Say, what brings you here?"
The bald man sneered.
"Renji, are you wiping the floor?"
The red-head scowled, making his former Division mate laugh openly.
"I'd heard from Matsumoto that you were 'helping' at the shop, but this is not what I had in mind."
"For your information, I'm also training Sado in combat. And anyway, I'm not the one who gets to wear the Shirts of Ultimate Cuteness."
That shut the Third Seat all right, who glowered while Renji smirked.
"Ah... Matsumoto told you, did she?"
"Yeah."
"Huh."
"..."
"OK, so I wear stupid clothes and you wipe the floors. I guess we're even or something."
"Guess so... So anyway, what'cha doing here?"
Ikkaku scratched his head. Was it just Renji's imagination, or did he look just a tiny bit embarrassed?
"I'm, er, looking for Tessai-san. Seen him?"
"Yes, he's in the kitchen. What do you want with him?"
"That's none of your business, Abarai."
"OK, OK." Renji held up his hands in a placating gesture.
"Can you, er, show me where the kitchen is?"
"Nope, no can do, sorry."
"Hey? Why the Hell not?"
"Coz he said not to bother him. And when Tessai-san says not to bother him, you don't bother him."
"Oh... Well then, I guess I have time to listen to you telling me about your problem then."
"What the...? What are you talking about?"
Ikkaku laughed. "You're an open book Renji. I've known you for too long. Heck, you didn't even notice me coming! That says it all, so just spit it out already."
Renji hesitated. "Huh, well..."
The Third Seat sighed. "Lemme guess: in some way or another, it has something to do with Kuchiki Rukia, right?"
The Lieutenant felt himself blushing. "Hmm, yeah."
"So what is it this time? You're speaking to her now, so what's the problem?"
"Yes, we speak, but... Well, you know me, I'm not that good with words."
"No kidding."
"Hey! So anyway, I was talking about it with Rangiku-san, and she said there are, ah, other ways to show one's..."
"Feelings, Renji, the word is feelings."
Renji gritted his teeth; his bald friend was having way too much fun at his expense.
"Yes, feelings."
"OK... So?"
"Well, she mentioned a few things I could do, but the only one I can see myself doing is, er, giving Rukia a present, you know?"
"A gift, heh? Yeah, that's not a bad idea."
"Yeah... Except I don't know what to offer her. I mean, what do you give to someone who could buy half of Seireitei anyway?"
"Che. You idiot. It's not about the price, it's about the meaning."
"Hey?"
"It doesn't matter how much it costs. What matters is what you mean with it."
"... I don't get it."
Ikkaku sighed. "Look. If she gave you a cool pair of sunglasses, would you really care how much they cost?"
"Of course not!"
"Right. Because you'd just be happy she gave you something you like. Am I right or am I right?"
"OK, OK, I understand... So all I have to do is give her something that she would like, no matter how much it costs?"
"Basically, yes. But don't give her crap, still!"
"Hey!"
That made sense, Renji figured. So now, what did Rukia like? Well that was easy: she loved bunnies, especially Chappy... Hmm, he was already starting to get an idea!
"Yo, thanks Ikkaku-san, man!"
"You're welcome, moron."
Renji was about to yell back, when Ururu suddenly appeared at his elbow. She did not even spare him a glance, as she handed Ikkaku a folded piece of cloth and explained in her usual frail voice:
"Tessai-san is ready. Please put this on and follow me."
Ikkaku gingerly unfolded the garment and scowled as Renji started to laugh:
"Ikkaku-san... Is that a cooking apron??"
Indeed it was - a nice, big, pink apron, with frills on the edges. Ikkaku was obviously not happy but he still put the offensive piece of clothing on. Well, he tried to, to be more precise; he evidently had no idea how to wear such a thing. By the time he finally managed to figure out what went where, tears of mirth were rolling down Renji's cheeks, Ururu seemed about to cry from distress- but then she always looked like that anyway - and Tessai was hollering in impatience from the kitchen.
It was only after he stopped wheezing from laughter that Renji realised he still did not know just what the 11th Divisioner wanted from Tessai-san. He vaguely thought about sneaking around the kitchen to try to find out, but the murderous bursts of reiatsu and the unintelligible but definitely very loud yells coming from the cooking area discouraged him. He might be reckless, but he was not suicidal.