It's not mine if you know it. Thank you all my faithful fans. This is intended as a oneshot (that might change later if I can get the gumption) and a rather insistant plot bunny.
"You don't believe in God?"
"A belief in God requires a belief in the afterlife, which is just mankind's way of saying 'I put myself through all these rules of being good so I can go someplace nice' when in actuality there is nothing else, just this and then nothing." Well a prospective night of drunken fun was rapidly turning into an intellectual debate, not exactly what he planned but well enough if he proved her stupidity. And Gregory House was excellent at proving things.
"What would you need to believe in God?"
"A Miracle, and those seem to be in very short supply." House snorted, "I don't suppose your going to give me a situation where a 'Miracle' happened and expect me to begin worship of the 'Holy Trinity', because if you are then I sorely misjudged you."
"The Holy Trinity? Ah, now I have another question for you. If God is real do you think that any religion is the 'real' religion?"
Intrigued House answered "God isn't real, theory or otherwise. Religion is an 'end all' answer to an age old question, besides its covenant for people in power to use religion as a tool in the pursuit of power."
"You're avoiding the question."
"I'm more curious about what drivel your about to sprout off."
"Very well then let's approach this logically. The Big Bang straightened out four dimensions making length, height, width, and time measurable instead of being a convoluted mess. However if God existed he would have to exist before and after this event, True?" House gave a short nod and a condescending grin. "Now if God is this benevolent being religion paints him as -"
"God is not always benevolent in religion, not to mention the impact of multiple Gods."
"I thought you believed that man use religion as a means of control?"
"I do."
"Then what makes you think they got all the facts right? Like I was saying if God, or Gods, existed before the Big Bang and was benevolent then he would see the way religion would be disbelieved and used as a weapon. If we are all children of God why would he create evil in order to damn his future children. He must have known everything that would happen being omniscient and that alone takes away the premise of 'free will'."
"Ah so you are an Atheist."
"No. I just believe that God is infinitely more complicated and simple a subject than you realize."
"That is supposing God even exists at all, which by your terms any God, or Gods, that would exist would be nothing more than a callous chess player. If that was the case why bother to believe at all for a futile hope of any sort of false afterlife with the exception of control over the masses?"
"On that premise you believe I am an Atheist?"
"Your continued argument implies otherwise, however you weren't offended when I called you one."
"And what does that tell you?"
"That this conversation might continue on a bit longer before I prove you wrong."
"How can you prove me wrong when you do not have any proof either way?"
"I don't need to prove you wrong with evidence, the fallacies of your own arguments will do that for me." She looked at him in amusement, as if she knew something he didn't, that more than anything irritated him.
"I suppose then that if I offered you proof you would question its validity?"
"Unquestionably." She laughed.
"And what about magic? What would that do to your world order?"
"Magic doesn't exist, your one of those New Age Wicca people."
"Hardly."
"Hmmm." House eyed her, "if you really wanted to go that route then I would suggest that any sufficiently advanced technology appears as magic, that and sleight of hand."
"Clark's Law" she grinned, then with a sly look continued "I don't suppose you would agree if I asked to keep you?"
"That is not the usual reaction one has to a person debunking your beliefs."
"I happen to find you terribly charming. How about it?"
"As long as association was mutually beneficial" House waggled his eyebrows. He also hoped she wasn't backing off the subject; it isn't any fun if the quarry goes to ground before he could "correct" them.
"Back to the proof then?" House eyed her; there hadn't been an impression that she was able to read people like him. The symptoms kept piling up. "Then suppose that even with Clark's Law in mind there was no known technological solution?"
"I am not so narrow-minded to believe that life exists only here, simply the chance of such a possibility is statistically impossible."
"Aliens?" She queried with a delighted smile.
"That is supposing that out of all the worlds out there they would stumble across this one and either bother hanging around or not trying to covertly enslave us."
"You are cynical aren't you."
"It's not cynicism if it's true." She nodded her head in agreement, that's the first step in making people see the truth. Although House mourned lost chances with that body; she was young and nubile and since pretty much everyone was stupid he could deal with that, it didn't bother him in the least, but only if she didn't storm out.
"And it all comes back to proof, and Miracles." House had to hand it to her, she hadn't contradicted herself yet. "So I ask you, what kind of Miracle would it take to make you believe in some sort of higher power?"
"Higher Power, do you mean God or Aliens?"
"You're avoiding the question again, well then I'll take a guess. Since you've taken an obscene amount of pills since I met you and you walk with a cane I think you have an improperly healed injury."
"That is not exactly difficult to deduce."
"But the fact that you are comfortable with your cane and limp, despite the pain, implies that it is a permanent situation." There was no pity in her eyes. "I don't suppose you would drop your drawers if I asked?"
"Depends on where the dropping leads to. If however you're going to try some Faith Healing to take away my pain then I really would be disappointed in you."
"Perhaps I am only asking to distract you from questioning me."
"I would be disappointed for only a short time." She laughed delightedly once more. Seeing as it could go either way House saw no need to not do so, he would either be physically satisfied or intellectually by vivisecting her, a true win-win if he ever saw one. She came to his side and kneeled on the ground, smiling at him and brushing her fingers across his scars. That's not what held his attention however, the purple glow in the wake of her hand healing the tissue and the rapidly fading ever-present pain had pretty much halted all thought. Done with her work she stood up and walked to the door, House could only look at un marred skin. A radio clicked on;
"If God had a name, what would it be
And would you call it to his face
If you were faced with him in all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question
And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
If God had a face what would it look like
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in Jesus and the Saints and all the Prophets
And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
He's trying to make his way home
Back up to heaven all alone
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pope maybe in rome
And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
Just trying to make his way home
Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to heaven all alone
Just trying to make his way home
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pope maybe in rome"
House sat stunned on his couch just looking at his leg, but by the time he did look up she was already gone.