After The Veil

Sirius was falling. Falling slowly through what he guessed could be air, or clouds, considering it felt like his body was touching several soft cotton wools at once. He was sure he was falling, though; he could feel the familiar odd sensation in his stomach as if he had jumped from a high cliff or diving board. But he did not hear the air soughing in his ears, so wherever he was or going to, he was not moving very fast.

At last, after what Sirius reckoned might have been hours or even days, he reached the floor. Or what he thought could be the floor, because everything – including the ground - was white and he had to blink repeatedly to get used to the bright light that was surrounding him. For a moment he just lay there on his stomach, bemused and in shock, still trying to realize what happened to him. He remembered he was fighting Bella in the Department of Mysteries. He and the rest of the Order had gotten there just in time to help Harry and his friends. Sirius frowned when he tried to recall who was with him. Remus had been there. And Dumbledore, Tonks… And there was a veil…

Sirius frowned. There was something very dodgy about that veil, but he couldn't place his finger on it. He shook his dazed head in an attempt to wake up his brain and suddenly it hit him. He had fallen through that veil. He was duelling Bella and she stunned him, causing him to fall. Apparently that thing was some sort of Portkey, because obviously he had travelled to a yet unknown destination.

Sirius's eyes were finally adjusting to the light around him. He had to blink twice to believe his eyes. He found himself laying on the floor of what looked like a surreal mix of the Gryffindor boy's dormitory at Hogwarts and the living room of the house where he and Mary had lived during the first war against Voldemort. Sirius shook his head again; this fall was affecting him more than he thought. Perhaps he was having a concussion. He was about to sit up slowly and look around him when he heard a desperate cry, very distant but audible nevertheless. "Sirius…"

Harry.

Sirius jumped to his feet and started to look for the veil. He had entered this place, so there must be a way out as well. Sirius strolled around in circles to find that archway or some sort of doorway, but there was no such thing in this room. On second thought, Sirius realized that the area around him wasn't exactly a room. It was very large and wide and seemed to stretch out as far as the eye could see. No matter in which direction he walked, the room seemed to move along with him. He paused for a moment and scratched his chin. Where in Merlin's name was he?

"He hasn't gone…"

Harry again. Sirius looked up, down and around him, but he couldn't tell where the sound was coming from. He gave a frustrated moan. His godson needed him more than ever and here he was, stuck in a freaking no man's land. He was almost wishing he was back in Grimmauld Place for a second. "Harry!" he called out and heard nothing but his own loud voice echoing around him like the loud bells of a church.

No answer. Sirius started to run. "Harry!" he called again.

Still no response, but Sirius could hear another familiar voice now, speaking to Harry. "He can't come back, because he's d-"

"He… is… not… dead… Sirius!"

Sirius could hear the anger and anxiety in his godson's voice and he was about to pull out his hair in frustration. What on earth was Remus thinking to tell Harry he was dead? He was not, he was still breathing and talking and running. He was very much alive, just not knowing where he was. "HARRY!" he yelled louder than ever before as he started to run again. "I'm coming, Harry!"

"He cannot hear you."

Sirius froze on the spot. He had not heard that voice in almost fifteen years, and yet it seemed like yesterday since it had last spoken to him. He didn't understand; how could she be here when she was dead? Apparently his head had hit the floor a lot harder than he was realizing. He did not look back. Instead, he resumed his pace and walked away from the voice. His only concern was to get to Harry. And perhaps finish off Bella in the process if he could manage it. "Harry!" he cried again.

"He cannot hear you."

The voice had spoken again. It did not sound angry or hurt that Sirius was not answering to its calls, or even willing to turn around. It had just repeated those words in a calm and patient voice, and when he still didn't respond as he stubbornly kept on walking, it spoke again, this time using his name. "Sirius," it said softly. "Harry can no longer hear you."

Sirius stopped walking and looked at the dormitory/house he was still standing in and realized there was nothing he could do right now. Remus and Dumbledore would have to take care of Harry for the moment until he had found a way to get back. Instead, he focused on the voice that was still lingering around him. He realized once more how much he had missed that sound – he had gotten goose flesh when she mentioned his name – and everything else belonging to that person. He closed his eyes. "Mary," he said quietly.

"Sirius…" the patient voice replied.

He turned around slowly as he opened his eyes and looked at her. Mary was standing several feet behind him and had not aged a day since the last time he had seen her. She looked absolutely stunning, unearthly beautiful even, with her bright blue eyes and long brown hair cascading over her shoulders, her skin positively glowing in the light. She was wearing robes, but they weren't modern clothing; it was a robe in the exact same color of her eyes that somehow reminded him of the goddesses of ancient Greece. But what was startling him the most was her smile. She was smiling more broadly at him than he had ever seen her in life, or at least in the last couple of years. He didn't know how long he had shamelessly been gazing at her, but she did not say a word. She just looked at him, smiling, as if she was waiting for him to say something. And after all this time - almost fifteen years to be exact –, when there was so much to be said, the very first thing coming to Sirius's mind was: "Where the hell am I?"

She shot him a curious look. "It would seem that this is your dormitory at Hogwarts, as well as… our house, I think. But only you know that for sure, since this is… Well, your thing."

"My thing?"

"Yes, this is your arrival, not mine."

"How did I get here? What is this place? How do I get out of here? What am I doing here- what are you doing here?"

She smiled. "Those are a lot of questions, but I will try to answer them for you as best as I can."

Sirius wanted to walk over to her, but just like the surrounding dormitory/house had done when he tried to find the exit, Mary seemed to back away from him with every step he took, although she had not moved a single muscle. "Wait, stop," he said, frustrated that – yet again – he could not touch her.

"I am not moving."

"Then why can't I get close to you?"

"Because you are not ready yet," she replied and Sirius recognized a note of sadness and longing in her voice, too.

He frowned at her. "Ready for what?"

She smiled sadly. "To cross over."

"What are you talking about?"

Mary took a moment to consider her words carefully before she said: "When you... pass away, you need time to… eh, say goodbye to your past life and accept the reality you're in. You see, your soul needs to be at peace before eh… before you can move on."

Sirius's brow furrowed even more. Mary was speaking in riddles and sounded more and more like Dumbledore, if it weren't for the "eh's" she was using every now and then. "Move on? Move on where?"

"Into our world."

He stared at her for a moment before something finally clicked. "So I'm dead?"

Another sad smile crossed her beautiful face. "We don't use that term often, we prefer saying "passed on"."

Sirius looked from Mary to where he thought he had fallen through the veil and back. "That fall through the veil caused me to die?"

"You passed on the very second your head went through the veil, yes."

"Are you saying I got killed by a bloody drapery?"

The corners of her mouth twitched and a somewhat sadistic little smile crossed her face; for a moment she looked just like the Mary he remembered from life. "Hardly the heroic death you have been dreaming of, is it not?"

He put his hands in his pockets and huffed. "This is not exactly what I had in mind, no," he said sulkily before his mind shot back into gear. "But Harry! There must be something you can do. He needs me, I have to go back!"

But she shook her head. "Harry is beyond your reach now. But there are others who will guide him and, eventually, he will vanquish Voldemort."

Once again, Sirius found himself staring at her. "How can you know that for sure?"

"Let's just say that we… eh, know things."

"What about James, he will haunt me forever!"

"Since both of you have moved on now, I suggest you can haunt each other."

"But I promised him to protect his son. He will be furious with me!"

"Actually, I think James will be pleased to see you."

Sirius pulled a hand through his hair and noticed how much shorter it was. "So…" he said, feeling bemused. "I am really dead?"

He could see that Mary was about to roll her eyes at him, and he smiled despite himself. Apparently some old habits really died hard. "You have passed on, yes. But remember, you still have to cross over."

"But there are still so many things I need to know…"

"I will try to answer your questions."

Sirius took a deep breath. "But this so strange. I don't feel like I'm dead, I mean… I'm still breathing."

"Who ever said you feel it when you leave the land of the living?"

"But Nearly Headless Nick once told me-"

"-He is a ghost, Sirius. That is something entirely different."

"Oh." He stood there for another moment, his hands in his pockets, still wondering if this was all an odd dream and that he was about to wake up to Kreacher's daily dirge. "But… If I've d- passed on, and you have, then what about Erin?"

Her eyes met his. "She's not far from here."

Sirius stepped forward, his eyes eagerly locked with hers. "Can I see her?"

She slowly shook her head. "Not before you have crossed over, Sirius, I'm sorry. I won't let you."

"And once I've crossed…"

"Then she's all yours. I know for a fact that she's aching to see you. Has been nagging about it for months, you see. Drove James and Brice nuts…"

Sirius's face lit up with a broad smile when he realized that his daughter was longing to see him that much. "That's bril- hang on. You knew I was going to die today?"

She nodded. "As I said before, we know certain things."

Sirius looked back over his shoulder once more. "And what if I don't cross over, if I keep trying to get back to Harry?"

Mary did not reply at first and when Sirius looked back at her, he noticed she was shooting him a long, somewhat concerned look. "Then you will keep wandering in this parallel universe until you have found the courage to reconcile with your fate."

"And there is no possible way to return?"

She merely shook his head and he sighed. A part of him was still wishing, aching even, to get back to Harry and Remus, Tonks and the others. But a growing part was starting to realize that was no longer possible, and that he actually wanted to take this step. To get over to Mary, and Erin, and James and Lily and all his other friends who had died before him. The thought of dying was still something he had to get used to; for one, being dead turned out to be quite different from what he had imagined it to be. In a way he felt more alive than he done for many years, which would be the contradiction of the year. Even though he was missing Harry already, he also felt relieved, and free. Above all, he wanted to get to the girl he had been missing for so long. He looked at Mary, but she was not looking at him. Instead, she was intently eyeing the floor. "Look," she whispered and pointed to the ground.

Already the border, which wasn't strictly invisible but did not seem to be very audible either, seemed to be disappearing slowly. Sirius took a cautious step forward, and Mary did not move backwards. He looked at her. "Do I have to say a magic word or something?"

She smiled and shook her head. "You just have to feel it, but you already are."

She shot him an expectant look and Sirius suddenly realized she desperately wanted him to take this step. And for the first time, he sensed he really wanted to take it, too. He walked forward with three long and determined steps and finally found himself standing before Mary. He reached out and carefully touched her right cheek – he could touch her again! – and noticed it felt warm, alive even. She closed her eyes and tilted her head to the left at his touch. Then, she looked up and smiled. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, more than you could possibly know," Sirius said as he let his free hand run through her hair before he bent down to finally do what he had been missing out on for fifteen years. He kissed her. When they broke apart moments later, he tenderly cupped her face with his hands. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, thankful for the fact that he could say this to her face. "So sorry for leaving you alone that night."

Mary stroke his cheek with her hand. "You did what you had to do. It's not your fault."

"I know that's what you think. I watched Remus's memory earlier today."

"And I'm glad you did, but you must get this out of your system. You were not to blame."

Sirius turned away from her and stared out over what seemed to be a flowery field. The dormitory/house had disappeared, which probably meant he was now in the afterlife, or whatever it was. "Don't say that, Mary. I killed you and Erin with my stupidity, killed you all."

"No," she replied as she took his hand in hers. "Don't you see, Sirius? This was meant to happen. You were meant to propose to switch places with Peter, Lily and James were meant to take your advice. In fact, they were meant to be chased down by the Death Eaters, murdered even… Because ultimately, that will be Voldemort's doom. He will become a victim of his own actions and choices. Harry will beat him in the end because of everything that happened leading up that confrontation."

Sirius snorted mirthlessly. "Because the future is all written in the stars?"

Mary laughed. It was the first time he actually heard her laugh in this world, and he realized how much he had missed it. He found himself squeezing her hand tightly, as if he was silently begging her to never let go again. If Mary had been able to read his mind, she didn't say anything about it. "Well no, that sounds an awful lot like Professor Clearwater, but in a way…" she paused and continued in a more serious voice. "You were meant to leave for Godric's Hollow that night, meant to leave me and Erin alone. Our daughter was not destined to live long, just as I was not meant to grow old. Same with James and Lily… Everything happens for a reason, Sirius."

"Oh really?" he replied, turning back to shoot her a nettled look. "What about me ending up in Azkaban, then?"

She sighed. "I've always hated that, but it was inevitable. Look, I understand this realization will be hard to accept. It took James over three years."

Sirius pulled another hand through his hair and, once again, noticed how much shorter it was. "My hair, it's…"

"Exactly the same length as when I last saw you."

Sirius frowned and looked down at his hands. With a shock he realized that they looked younger and remarkably clean. This was odd, because Sirius remembered that he had slipped on a muddy stairway in the Department of Mysteries; his hands couldn't possibly be this clean. "How-?"

Mary looked down at his hands. "When you move on, your soul takes the form of what has been the happiest period of your life. And you haven't aged a single day, which I think I will take as a big compliment, because it means you experienced your most happy moments with me."

A grin flashed across his face, and Sirius realized that this also meant he had gone back to being the handsome guy he had been in his adolescent years. "Listen young lady, considering I spent most of the rest of my days in Azkaban and Grimmauld Place, I didn't get a lot to choose from, now did I?"

She laughed again. "Fair enough."

Her tinkling laugh had sent pleasant shivers down his spine and he wrapped his arms around her to hug her close. "Oh, I have missed you so much."

She sighed contently with her head resting against his chest. "Me too."

Sirius didn't know how long they had been standing there, hugging each other close like that, but at last he straightened up when he remembered that their family reunion was not complete yet. "Erin… I want to see Erin. Can I do that now?"

Mary let him go and nodded. "Of course."

He nodded back and said curtly: "Should I just call her or something?"

Her mouth twitched and he could see she was holding back a laugh. "Not quite. Just think about her. Think how much you want to see her, and you will."

Sirius nodded again and closed his eyes. He thought of Erin and of Erin only: how much he longed to see her again, to hold her little body in his arms again. When he finally opened his eyes, no one seemed to be there at first. At least, he wasn't holding her in his arms and nor was Mary. Right when he was about to ask her what he was doing wrong, a little girl was frolicking towards them. She was wearing a snow-white dress and seemed to be about five years old, with dark curls dancing around her pretty laughing face. Sirius shot a confused look at Mary. "But that's not a baby."

"Well, what would you expect?" Mary said, sounding amused. "It's been years, she must have grown in some way or another."

"But…" he stammered, staring at that little girl who was now running and had almost reached them. "It's been fifteen years. She should have been as old as Ginny. Or wait, the happiest period of her life… She should have been a baby!"

"Well," Mary replied thoughtfully. "It's a little different with young children, because they would be stuck in infant bodies for eternity, which would be some kind of prison to them, you know? So they do grow up, but slowly. Time up here is not the same as it is down there."

Erin had finally reached them and jumped into Sirius's arms, who had crouched down to catch her. Mary's explanation, although sensible, was a little difficult to understand, but he was nearly ecstatic to be holding Erin again. "Dad," she had cried when she jumped into his arms. "Daddy, you're here!"

"Yes," he replied, his voice filled with emotion. "Yes, I am."

He kissed Erin on her soft and curly hair and got up straight. His little girl had flung her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist and was now burying her face in his neck, just like her mother had done countless times before. He looked at Mary, who was smiling at them from a little distance. "It's just…" he said, having trouble to hide the obvious emotion in his voice. "She has never, will never…"

Mary stepped towards them and gently stroke Erin's head. "No, but she doesn't know any better."

"I know, but…" He closed his eyes for a moment while he smelled Erin's hair. "This is all so weird. This morning I was yelling at Kreacher for burning my toast again and now I am here. It's…"

"Overwhelming, I know," Mary said. She hesitated a moment before she said: "I know it is a lot to take, but there are other people who would really like to see you."

He looked at her. "You mean…"

She nodded. "Just think about them and they will come."

This time Sirius didn't even close his eyes. He just thought about how much he longed to see all of them. To be able to actually talk to them again would be…. Heaven, actually. He smiled as he saw the faces of his friends appear in front of him. James, Lily, Brice, Fabian, Gideon, Zabini, Marlene, Edgar… Every single one of the former Order-members were smiling down on him, there was no anger or hate in their expression, just kindness, and peace. But the faces he was drawn to the most were Brice, Lily and James. They were standing to the front and all three of them smiled and waved when he – still carrying Erin – and Mary made their way up to them. "It's so good to see you," Brice said, her wavy blonde hair gracefully falling over her shoulders.

"Welcome home," Lily said smiling as well, her beautiful emerald eyes twinkling in the bright light.

"I'm glad you made it, mate," James said with a playful grin on his face, his jetblack hair still as untidy as ever.

Sirius could do nothing else but smile back at all those loving faces around him. For a brief moment he remembered Harry and a terrible grief welled up inside him; the thought of leaving his godson behind was devastating, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. He had already died, and floating around between two worlds wouldn't help anyone, least of all Harry. Sirius looked aside and met Mary's eyes, twinkling brightly as ever, and Sirius realized that for the very first time in all those years, he was feeling sincerely happy again. He softly squeezed her hand and kissed Erin on the forehead. There was no other place he should be. He was finally home. He looked back at James and grinned at his old friend. "So am I."

-The End-

A/N: So they all end up together in the afterlife, or heaven if you choose to believe that. Either way, I've given them their (bitter)sweet reunion. Let me know what you think! And eh… Next up will be their fairytale wedding. Completely AU of course, but that doesn't mean it will be less fun! -Mara