Hey guys! Actually, I'm not sure if I want to turn this into an actual story, but I'm writing whenever I get the chance. Ricky's character intrigues me. He's portrayed as a jerk on the show, when someone who's suffered that much pain, wouldn't go anywhere near to being a real jerk. But I understand why he has sex with every girl he sees. He's trying to prove that he's a man, because he appears to have had his childhood (and virginity) stolen from his father, a possible raging drunk. Guys who are raped by other guys feel they have to prove they are really men by having sex with lots of girls. That's sort of how I interpreted it. I've read lots of books and seen lots of movies that touch that subject. Tell me what you think about it.
Love,
Alex
PureI don't know where I found the strength to tell Grace about my past. I never believed to have had that kind of power in me. It was hard to tell her. I didn't want her to see me like this. There are things about my past that people shouldn't know about. It hurts to know those kinds of things. It hurts to know that someone else has gone through those kinds of things. But it hurts even more to spill your guts out and try not to cry. I tried not to cry, but found myself taking tissues out of a Kleenex box on the table.
Grace dabbed at her eyes with a tissue as well. "Ricky, I don't think this makes you less of a man. It makes you more of a man, because you proved that you have the bravery to talk about it. You can never forget your past, but it doesn't mean it's going to control you for the rest of your life. You have suffered and I hope you can find it in your heart to love again." Her voice cracks and she pulls me into a hug. I hug her back, keeping my wounded right wrist on my lap.
"I know I'll be able to love. But first, I should start by loving myself. Not only do I abuse myself by being promiscuous, but also I abuse the various girls whose lives are ruined by this event. I ruined Amy's life. I don't know why I felt this could ruin mine. I'm not the one that has to walk around with a big fat belly reminding me of my mistakes. She does." My eyes dart back and forth and I sigh loudly, calming myself down. Grace nods.
"Go to her, Ricky. Ask her forgiveness." Grace tells me. Other days, I might have scoffed at the idea. Today, I couldn't agree more. "Grace?" I ask, taking her hand in mine. She nods at me, wiping away the last of her tears. I don't know how to ask her this question. I would never ask anyone else. I'd even reconsider asking her. But in order to be brave, I need to ask. It's either now or never.
"What's it like to be pure?" I ask. My voice nearly chokes. My emotions are overwhelming me and I force the tears back inside of my head. Grace slightly arches her eyebrows in surprise. She looks away from me for a moment.
"I don't know. Being pure isn't an emotion, Ricky. It's a way of life. It's not too late to be pure, you know. There's always time. No matter what people say, there will always be room in your heart to be pure. Even if you start now, God will forgive you. He will make you clean." Grace glances at me again, wearing a small smile.
I nod, grimacing a bit. "I don't think I'll ever be clean. That's one thing I'll never get back. I'll always be dirty and you'll always be clean. I'm a bad guy, Grace. As much as I want to change that, I know I never will. I'm not good enough for you." I squeeze her hand, avoiding her eyes.
"Ricky, who are you to tell me what's good enough for me?" Grace asks, turning my head to face her. She grips my hand. "I'll be with whoever I want to be with, you included. Not even God can tell me who's right for me." She smiles and pecks my cheek.
I chuckle lightly. Tom approaches us with a gauze wrap. "It's for your hand, Ricky." He says. I lift my hand and he wraps it around my hand. When he pins it, he pinches me and I wince. "Carefully!" I exclaim. Tom laughs. "Sorry." He tells me lightly. I nod and pull my arm away from his hand.
I kiss Grace briefly, drawing my tongue against her bottom lip. Hmm, some things will never change. I pull away from Grace, slightly smirking. Her eyes are wide, stunned. Tom pats my back. "I think it's time for you to go." He demands, in shock for his sister. I wave at her. "Bye, Grace." I say. She nods, recovering from the shock. "Bye, Ricky." She murmurs.
The door closes behind me and I jump in my car, carefully directing my right hand towards the ignition. I start the car and back out of the driveway. Grace and Amy seemed oblivious to how close they lived to one another. I arrived to Amy's house within minutes.
I get out of the car and arrive at the door. I knock a few times and a voluptuous girl answers the door. "Hi there. Is Amy home?" I ask. The girl rolls her eyes and turns around. "Amy, some guy is here for you and it's not Ben." Amy approaches the door.
"Oh great. This is Ricky, Ashley!" she exclaims at the girl angrily. Ashley sighs. "Oh, so this is the dude who impregnated you?" she asks. Amy shushes her instantly. I stand there, awkwardly. Amy turns to me. "Come on in." I step inside past her and stare at what I assume to be the kitchen. I follow Amy to a sofa. She sits on the couch in front of me.
Ashley follows, sitting on the recliner between the two couches. Amy stares at Ashley. "Some privacy, please?" she asks, sarcastically. I sigh loudly. Ashley scoffs and shakes her head. "Yeah, right. I remember what happened the first time you two were left alone. I don't want another baby boomer." Her voice was dry and sarcastic, and I had to laugh. Amy glares at me, then back at Ashley.
"Please, Ashley?" She says pleadingly. Her voice made me pity her, and Ashley fell for it as well. "Fine, don't do anything I wouldn't do. No, wait, you already have." She smirks at Amy and leaves the room. Amy faces me.
"What are you doing here, Ricky?" Amy asks me. She pushes her hair behind her ear, and rubs her stomach again. The only answer I can come up with is, "I want to be pure."