PRIMROSE ACRES 3

Chakotay abandoned his weeding and walked over to Kathryn's house when he saw her drive up. "Hi, what'd the doctor say? Here, let me help you with your bags." He gave her an irresistibly cute smile as he asked, "Did you buy something new to wear for our date tomorrow night?"

"No, it's OK; it's just the two bags. I picked up a few groceries on the way home and I'm afraid a new dress isn't quite in the budget. Oh, the doctor said I'm fine now, completely healed up and good as new!" Chakotay followed Kathryn into her house and poured them some cool drinks as she put the groceries away.

When she was finished, Kathryn sat at the kitchen table and stared into her iced tea as a serious expression overcame her face. "Chakotay, about our date tomorrow night, I'm afraid I have some bad news, I…."

"What?" he interrupted, "You're not canceling are you? Did I do something wrong? You'll look fine in one of your old dresses, you look pretty in everything! Kathryn, it's just dinner, no strings, no expectations, and I told you I'd pay for it…"

She grabbed his hands and silenced him. "No, of course you didn't do anything wrong, what ever gave you that idea? Relax, Chakotay, the problem isn't you, it's me. My sister called me a few minutes ago and her husband's great uncle passed away this morning."

Chakotay held Kathryn's hands more tightly. "Oh, Kathryn, I'm so sorry, were you close? Are you going to the funeral? I'd be glad to go with you if you'd want, take you to the transport station or shuttle port, whatever I can do to help."

"No, no, fact is I never even met him. Phoebe and Bruce are going to the funeral and the problem is the kids. Obviously they can't take three young kids to a funeral, Mom's away and most of my brother-in-law's family is going to the funeral too, so…," she looked up and tried to force a little smile, "So, Aunt Katie gets the kids while they're out of town as I was all they could come up with on such short notice. Anyway, I'm afraid I'll have to cancel our date as they'll be here as soon as Eddie gets home from school and Phoebs can get them rounded up and beamed over. Don't worry, we can go out another night, maybe in a month or so, as it will probably take me that long to get over three days with Phoebe's kids."

Chakotay chucked. "Well, I hope it won't be quite that long! Come on, Kathryn, I'll help you out, how bad can three kids be?"

Kathryn laughed sadistically as she got up to start lunch. "Famous last words! Chakotay, you haven't met Phoebe's kids, they're savages, they're awful, totally incorrigible and that's when they're behaving! Trust me, after a couple of days with them, it will take me a month to recover and I'll probably have to enroll in a twelve step program. I may be their aunt, but Eddie was only three when I left and hardly remembers me and the other two were born while I was gone, so we barely even know each other. My sister lets them get away with murder, no organization or discipline, and their house is total chaos 24-7. Would you like to stay for lunch? I'm afraid all I have is peanut butter and jelly."

Chakotay rose and wrapped his arms around Kathryn's shoulders. "Sure, that would be fine and I'm sure you're exaggerating, three kids can't be that bad. Besides, you're Captain Janeway, you can handle anything!"

"We'll see about that!" Kathryn exclaimed as she slapped a blob of peanut butter onto a slice of bread. "I don't think you have any idea what I'll be up against!"

"Well, Aunt Katie, you make a wicked peanut butter and jelly sandwich," he replied as they sat at the table, "so I'm sure you'll be able to handle the troops. I have to go to work tomorrow, but I'll be home by four and I'll be around all weekend to help you, if you'd like. I have two nieces and they just adore their Uncle Chakky, but then who wouldn't?" he said as he sat back and smiled.

"You have jelly on your chin, Uncle Chakky," Kathryn giggled. "How old are your nieces?"

"Eighteen and twenty-two, the oldest one graduates from the Daystrom Institute in a few months and she already has a good job lined up with a firm on Bajor, not that my sister and her husband are happy about her moving so far away from home."

"That's wonderful, I had no idea they were so old. Well, my nephew Eddie is ten, his sister Lizzie is five going on fifteen and little ET is two."

"ET? You mean like the little bug eyed character with the long neck in that silly old children's vid?"

Kathryn nodded. "His name is Evan Thomas, but they call him ET for short and, about five minutes after he gets here, you'll wonder exactly which planet he's from. He was an 'accident', in more ways than one my sister now says."

Chakotay chucked. "Oh, Kathryn, I'm sure he's just precious and, anyway, how do you manage to have a baby by accident these days?"

"It's easy, all you need is a scatterbrained husband who forgot about his appointment to get his contraceptive implant renewed, lied to his wife about it and then didn't actually get it taken care of until three weeks later. About eight and a half months after that, his little oversight was born."

"Oops!" Chakotay chuckled.

Kathryn laughed. "Well, that's not exactly the word my sister used when she found out she was pregnant and why. I think she said something more like…"

Chakotay waved his hands. "Never mind, I don't think I want to hear words like that coming out of your pretty little mouth. Kathryn, three kids, where are they all going to sleep? You only have one extra single bed, right?"

"Not a problem, she's sending a portable crib for ET and the other two have sleeping bags. I figured I'd put one kid in each of the two empty bedrooms and the baby and his crib in the guest room. They fight like crazy, so they have to be kept separated so they don't kill each other. I'm sure we'll manage somehow, I'll consider it a successful weekend if I can just send three live kids back and at least half my house is still standing."

"It'll be fine, Kathryn," Chakotay reassured. "Like I said, I'll be here and help you all weekend. I know, what if I take you all out to dinner Saturday night? We can go to one of those kid friendly pizza places or something, my treat."

"Well, I don't know about taking three kids out to a restaurant. Are you sure you know what you'll be getting into? I'm not exaggerating when I say those three are a handful."

Chakotay rose, stood behind Kathryn's chair and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "They're kids, Kathryn, it'll be fun, we'll make it a big camping adventure for them! Just lay down the law about how they're to behave at Aunt Katie's house and I'm sure everything will go fine and it will be good to spend time with them and get to know them better." He pulled her from her chair and started for the living room. "Come on, if the little one is two, you should probably check around the house for anything breakable or unsafe and we can pack it up and I'll carry it to the garage until they're gone."

Kathryn laughed. "You'd better get moving, you'll have to carry everything out to the garage."

"No, Kathryn, I just meant stuff like this glass doo dad on your coffee table, it's breakable."

Kathryn loaded all the objects from the coffee table into his arms. "Trust me, when it come to Phoebe Janeway's kids, everything is breakable! Do you need help to carry the sofa out to the garage?"

Chakotay started replacing the objects as Kathryn kept reloading them into his arms. He finally dumped them all down onto the sofa, sat and pulled her beside him. "Kathryn, don't be silly! All you need to do is move breakable and dangerous things, you don't need to clear out the entire house. I'll go get a container from the garage to put them in, it won't take but a few minutes to toddler proof the house. Oh, if you still have your phaser in that drawer in the kitchen, you should probably put that away."

Kathryn jumped up and started for the kitchen. "Are you kidding? I'll need it for protection and crowd control! Don't worry, I'll set it on stun, my sister probably expects them to come back alive. Damn, why didn't Starfleet let me keep my compression phaser rifle? Trust me, I'll need 'Betsy' more than ever!"

Chakotay and Kathryn got the house child proofed, put the dangerous and fragile things away in the garage and headed upstairs to get everything ready for the kids. Chakotay opened the closet in the upstairs hall as he said, "I'll run the vacuum in the spare bedrooms and you put out towels and all in the guest bathroom. Kathryn, don't you have more towels than this?"

She rummaged around in the closet, as some things were still packed in boxes. "No, I don't think I do and I haven't exactly done any laundry lately, so except for this one, I think the rest of them are in my hamper. Oh dear! I think there's some more beach towels in that storage locker by the pool, I'll go look."

"Don't bother," Chakotay replied as he handed her the vacuum. "They'll need them for the pool. Mrs. Westerman left a whole closet full of towels, so I'll go home and get some and there's some toys and games in a cupboard that she must have had for her great grandkids, so I'll sort through them and bring over some of them too. Don't worry, Aunt Katie, we'll be ready for the invasion when it arrives!"

She gave him a pathetic little smile as she set off down the hall with the vacuum, shaking her head. "The Borg I could be ready for in an hour, but my sister's kids? Ohhh…. angels and ministers of grace, defend us!"

Kathryn answered her sister's call as she and Chakotay headed out to the front sidewalk. Phoebe was talking at warp speed, "Thanks again, Katie! The kids are beaming in first, then their stuff and then we're beaming to the spaceport. Our shuttle's supposed to arrive home a little after seven Sunday night, but they're always late, so we'll probably be back about eight and beam over to pick up the kids, beam back to the station to get the car, then drive home. Have a good weekend and thanks again!"

"No problem, Phoebs," Kathryn said as she rolled her eyes. "OK, they're here, have them send the stuff." Kathryn smiled at her niece and nephews as she led them to Chakotay. "Kids, this is my friend Chakotay. He was my first officer on Voyager and he lives next door. Say hello to him." Kathryn turned as she heard the kids' stuff beam in and screamed, "Phoebe Janeway, there's a dog tied to a suitcase! You didn't say anything about the dog!"

"Sorry, guess I forgot. The boarding kennel wouldn't take him again after the fiasco last time, even though we paid for all the damage. We have to go, have fun! Bye bye, kids, be good for Aunt Katie!"

"Phoebe!" Kathryn screamed as she waved a finger skyward. She looked down and saw the dog take off, dragging the suitcase behind him. "Mugwump, come here, boy, stop!" she shouted as they all chased the dog and suitcase across the front lawn. The suitcase had come open and strewn its contents all across the front yard by time she caught up to the dog and grabbed him, just short of the street. "Stop that, get off my leg, sit sit!" The dog bolted from her and jumped up on Chakotay as Kathryn threw herself on the suitcase to try to stop him.

Chakotay grabbed the dog's collar and held him at bay as he offered Kathryn a hand up. "Are you OK?"

"Yes, I'm fine, just let me get his leash untied from the suitcase so we can take him inside. Mugwump, stop that, get off his leg! Sorry, he has a bad habit of humping people."

Chakotay shook his leg to try to get the dog off of him. "Maybe they should get him neutered? Kathryn, exactly what kind of dog is he?" Chakotay asked as he tried to probe under the layers of shaggy brown and white fur on the large unruly beast. Mugwump was huge, perhaps the size of a Great Dane, however he looked more like a cross between an Old English Sheepdog, an alpaca and a targh.

Kathryn started picking up the clothes off the lawn as they headed back to the house. "He is neutered, it didn't help. The vet isn't exactly sure what kind of dog he is. In fact, she's not even sure he's all dog. Kids, come here and help get this stuff picked up please."

"Stop that, get off me and sit, you…!" The dog kept at it, so Chakotay finally looked him straight in the eye and yelled, "Off me, sit!" as the huge shaggy beast finally gave up and slumped down. "Here, I'll get the dog in the house. Eddie, can you please help Aunt Katie to get everything back in the suitcase? Just leave everything piles up, as soon as I get the dog inside, I'll come back out and bring in all the stuff."

Kathryn was amazed. "Wow, you got the dog to sit and Eddie to actually do what you told him! How'd you do that?"

Chakotay shrugged his shoulders as he herded the dog and kids into the house, "I dunno, lots of good training from the best starship captain in the fleet? You all go on inside and I'll get everything carried in."

When Chakotay had everything carried in, Kathryn went through the pile and looked up. "Kids, didn't your mom send a crate for the dog?"

"Nope," Lizzie replied as she looked through the suitcase. "He ate his way out again, so we have to get another new one. Oh, Aunt Katie, all my clothes are dirty!"

Kathryn sifted through the mess in the suitcase. "Oops, so they are." She gave the dog a dirty look. "Thanks a lot, Mugwump! Oh dear, how am I going to wash all this?"

Chakotay rose from the sofa. "Not a problem, Aunt Katie, I'll just take it home and wash it for you. Come on, Lizzie, why don't you come along and help me?"

"NO!" the child protested as she grabbed her doll and ran back to the sofa. "I want to go home!"

Kathryn sat beside her niece and tried to comfort her. "Sweetie, you know Mommy and Daddy had to go away for a few days, but they'll be back Sunday night. Why don't you go with Chakotay and help him?"

Lizzie eyed him suspiciously. "I'm not supposed to go with strangers, Mom said."

"Lizzie, sweetie, he isn't a stranger, he's my friend, so it's OK."

"Is he your boyfriend, Aunt Katie?" she asked as a mischievous grin overtook her deceptively cute little freckled face.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay and smiled. "Yes, Sweetheart, he is."

"Do you have sex?"

"What!" Kathryn gasped. "Lizzie, how do you know about that?"

"Eddie told me. Geez, Aunt Katie, I'm almost six, I know about that stuff, don't you? No wonder Mom said you're such a prune."

"Prude," Eddie proudly corrected. "Mom says you're a prude and that's why you'll be an old maid forever and we'll never have any Janeway cousins."

"Is that so? Well, Eddie, why don't you watch your little brother and I'll carry your sleeping bags and stuff upstairs and, Lizzie, you can be a big girl and go help Chakotay do the laundry at his house, OK?"

"Do I have to?" Lizzie whined.

"Yes, young lady, you do!" Kathryn replied as she herded Lizzie towards Chakotay. "That's an order and I don't allow any whining here either."

The child looked up and rolled her eyes. "I don't take orders from my mom or my teachers, so why should I have to take them from you? I'm not in Starfleet, you know! This weekend is really going to suck big time!"

Chakotay immediately sank to his knees and looked the child in the eye. "Lizzie, that's no way to talk to your aunt! Now come on and help me with the laundry." She just stood there and defiantly put her hands on her hips, so Chakotay did the same, adopted an even more stern facial expression and added, "Come on, let's go, I'm not kidding! Lizzie, do I look like the kind of guy you want to mess with?"

Lizzie grabbed a bundle of laundry and headed for the door. "Yeah, you'll be easy, 'cause you like Aunt Katie and so you'll be nice to us to try to impress her. I know how it works."

Chakotay shrugged his shoulders, picked up the rest of the laundry and gave Kathryn a pathetic little smile.

Kathryn returned the gesture as she said, "Well, she is a Janeway, what did you expect?"

Kathryn and Eddie took the baby upstairs and ET fussed and pulled out the contents of the bottom dresser drawer while Kathryn got the kids' things organized, then struggled to get the portable crib set up in the guest room. "Eddie, do you know how to set this darn thing up?" He shook his head and went back to looking through his backpack. "Oh, Chakotay, thank heavens you're back. Help me with this blasted crib, I don't see how it goes. ET's been fussing since we got up here, I think he needs a nap."

He took the crib from her and eventually got it to unfold and stay that way. "There, I think that's how it goes. Kathryn, this crib has a lid, I've never seen one like that."

"You'll understand soon enough," she giggled. "ET is not your normal average baby."

"Oh, he's adorable, I'm sure you're exaggerating. Kathryn, the sofa was gone, why did you move it?"

"The sofa?" she scratched her head. "Oh, gods!" she shrieked as she dumped the baby in the crib and headed downstairs, "I left that blasted dog tied to it!"

The three ran downstairs and, sure enough, the sofa was gone. They split up to search the house until Eddie yelled, "I found him, he's in the kitchen, Aunt Katie, and so's the sofa."

"What?" Kathryn gasped as she and Chakotay met up in the hall and headed to the kitchen together. "Oh, gods, Chakotay, look! That beast dragged the sofa into the kitchen somehow and got into the cupboards and ate most everything! Look, almost all of my food is gone. Mugwump, drop that Pop-Tart, it's the last one!" The dog looked up and wagged his tail as he swallowed the Pop-Tart whole and nosed through an empty cereal package. Kathryn picked up a handful of shredded wrappers. "Oh great, he ate most of the packages and wrappers too, now we'll have to take him to the vet!"

Eddie shrugged his shoulders. "Naw, you don't have to, he's done this a hundred times before. He'll just puke in a few minutes and then shit like crazy for a week. He'll be OK, no big deal, he's used to it."

"Great! Chakotay, can you take him outside and I'll go upstairs and see if I can get the baby to stop screaming and take a nap and where's Lizzie?" Kathryn shouted for her several times, but her calls went unanswered. "Eddie, go look for your sister."

Chakotay got the dog untied from the sofa as he said, "I don't know, she was right behind me when I came back and I locked the door, so she has to be in the house. I'll take the Tasmanian devil out and then go look for her. You go see to the baby. Don't worry, Kathryn, we can go to the grocery store, you'll need stuff to feed them anyhow." She gave him an exasperated look, so he gave her a hug. "Don't worry, I'll buy the groceries for you."

Kathryn sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. "Thanks, but it's not paying for the groceries I'm worried about, it's surviving a trip to the store with those three kids and what do we do with the dog while we're gone?"

"I don't know, we'll think of something, Kathryn. Dammit, dog, quit humping me!" Chakotay swore as he tried in vain to shake the dog off his leg. "I know, we can stop and get burgers or pizza or something for dinner and go by the pet supply store and buy a dog crate or a gorilla cage or something to put him in. Dammit, Magpie, get off my leg!"

"Mugwump, his name is Mugwump."

"What's the difference, he doesn't listen to anything anybody says anyhow!"

"He listened to you before."

"Well, he's not now. Kathryn, if you don't kill your sister when she gets back, I will. Oh dammit, he peed on my leg! C'mon, dog, let's go out. Heel, heel!" Chakotay screamed as the dog dragged him out the back door.

Kathryn left the mess in the kitchen and dashed upstairs to see to the baby. She picked him up and sat and rocked him, but he just kept on screaming. She checked his diaper, but that wasn't the problem, so she tried several of his toys, but he just kept on crying. "Oh, Chakotay, you're back. I don't know what's wrong, he just won't stop crying! Did you find Lizzie and where's the dog?"

Chakotay took the baby and sat down with him as he bounced him on his knee and tried to soothe him. "Lizzie was in the den watching cartoons and Eddie went in there too and he's watching the dog. Why's he crying? What's wrong, little fella, huh? Did you check his diaper, maybe he's wet? What's he saying? I can't understand him."

"Neither can I, I can't understand 95 of what he says either, I don't think he speaks English and Phoebe swears his head goes all the way around too! Yes, I checked his diaper, he's fine. Here, let me take him and can you find his sippy cup in that diaper bag and get him some milk or juice or something? Oh shit, I don't have any milk!"

"Shit!" ET said as he suddenly stopped crying and smiled. "Shit, shit shiiiiit!" He blew out a huge blob of snot onto his hand and smeared it in Kathryn's hair as he giggled and shouted, "Shit, Aunt Kay Kay, shiiiittt!"

Kathryn laughed as Chakotay took out his handkerchief and tried to clean up her hair. "Oh great, I taught him a new word! Oh well, at least it's one people can understand and he's happy now!" she said as ET babbled "shit" over and over again. "Let my sister undo it, that's the price she'll have to pay for dumping her demon spawn and their mongrel minion on me!"

Chakotay gave her a kiss on the forehead. "If you think you can hold down the fort for a few minutes, I'll run home and get some milk, put on some clean pants and check on the kids and the beast. I'll be right back."

As ET started fussing again, Kathryn yelled "Hurry!" It seemed like an eternity, but Chakotay actually returned in only a few minutes. "Thank gods you're back, I can't get him to stop fussing or screaming… that word."

"Here, let me," Chakotay replied as he took the baby, traded places with Kathryn and offered ET his sippy cup. "Kathryn, I had an idea. How about you and the kids stay here and I'll go to the grocery store, get a cage for that animal and pick up something for dinner on my way back. I don't know about you, but I don't feel like cooking."

"What, and leave me here alone with those kids? I don't think so! What was that? Something crashed downstairs, I'll go see what it was and clean up the mess in the kitchen. Please see if you can get the baby to take a nap."

Chakotay finally got the baby to sleep and joined Kathryn in the kitchen just as she was cleaning up the last of the mess. She held up the tattered remains of the Pop-Tart box and sighed. "I love these things and they were my special treat, why did he have to eat them? How did you manage to get the baby to sleep so fast and what happened to your shirt… and your pants?" She put her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle. "Chakotay, it looks like you wet your pants."

Chakotay laughed. "I told him an ancient legend, works all the time, he went right to sleep. He dropped the sippy cup in my lap and, by time I noticed, well… And this on my shirt, I hate to tell you what that is, he…"

"Never mind," Kathryn said as she stepped back. "I think I know what that is. I should have warned you, he does it all the time and has deadly aim. There's a waterproof apron in the diaper bag, next time you change him, be sure to put it on first."

Chakotay shook his head. "I wish you'd warned me sooner. I'll go home and change and I'll be right back. Kathryn, the sofa's back in the living room, you didn't move it by yourself, did you?"

She laughed as she tossed the Pop-Tart box into the trash. "No, I just tied the dog to it again, headed for the back door and made him drag it back. Seemed fair. Chakotay, what are we going to do about going to the grocery store? We have to have something to feed them and the dog didn't leave much. Oh gods, what was that crash? Eddie and Lizzie are fighting again, can you go see what it is this time so they don't wake the baby and I'll start a list?"

"OK, where'd you put the phaser?" Chakotay asked as he went to give Kathryn a hug.

"Oh no!" she said as she dodged Chakotay and kept him at arm's length. "You're not hugging me all covered in milk and pee! Go break up the war and report back to me on the double!"

"Yes, Captain," he replied as he headed for the den. It didn't take Chakotay long to return and, when he did, he handed Kathryn a PADD and joined her at the table as she sipped her coffee. "Here, I asked the kids what they wanted to eat and made a list. Does your sister really let them eat crap like that? May I have some coffee and do you have any whiskey I can put in it to help get me through the next hour?"

"Sure, help yourself to coffee." Kathryn scanned the list, "Chips, pizza, tacos, chicken nuggets, sodas, ice cream, fries, cookies, sugar cereal, brownies, Pop-Tarts, cheese burgers, candy…. Yeah, that's pretty much what they usually eat." She amended the list. "Get milk too and try to get at least a few healthy things for them that don't have so much sugar we'll have to scrape them off the ceiling. Get something that isn't pink or purple with a prize in it that we can eat for breakfast and juice boxes, get a bunch of those, they're harder to spill. Sorry, no booze for you right now, I need you sober, but, soon as we have the little devils in bed tonight, I think liquor will definitely be necessary. What was the fight about and what was that crash?"

"Well, the crash was when the dog knocked over the planter by the window because Wentworth was walking her dog down the street and the fight, well that I'm not too sure about, but it was related to which one of them got to pick the cartoons, who's the bigger butt head and who was to blame for spilling the bag of chips on the floor. Don't worry, the dog cleaned them up and I'll go get the vacuum and take care of the dirt and the dog ate the plant too and, spirits, but I hope it was poisonous! Oh, and that clock on your desk wasn't any sort of antique, was it? Oh yeah, they said they're hungry and want to know what time dinner is and if you have any more chips and will you take them to the toy store and buy them a galactatron commando pod battle blaster and a uh … oh I forget! Whatever, I said no and that's why Lizzie is screaming now. Oh, and she said I was a big dumb butt face spazonoid and you're a mean old prune."

Kathryn buried her face in her hands. "No, it was just the clock I got at the academy for winning third place in the plebe velocity tournament, that's all. Damn! Well, I've been doing some tactical planning and I think I have an idea. I don't know how long ET will sleep and, heaven knows, I want that kid asleep as long as possible, so what if one of us stays here with ET and Eddie and the other takes Lizzie and goes to the grocery store, gets the gorilla cage and picks up something for dinner on the way home?"

"Divide and conquer?" Chakotay asked.

"More like divide and survive, I should think. Oh, and pick up a bottle of liquor, I'm pretty sure we'll need it by nine, and Phoebe apparently didn't think to send any dog food, so get a bag of that too."

Chakotay picked up the PADD with the grocery list and added to it. "What kind of dog food? I take it I'm the lucky one that gets to go to the grocery store and the mall with a five year old?"

Kathryn waved her hand. "That monster eats anything, does it matter? Maybe she knows? Oh, and you'd better change your clothes first so the world doesn't think you're the one who isn't potty trained yet. Don't worry about Lizzie, you've had Starfleet tactical and Maquis commando training, right? I'm sure you can handle her, but better take a phaser and get back here as soon as you can, please!"

Chakotay rose and gave Kathryn a kiss. "I dunno! Here, I think I need a couple more of those kisses seeing as I may never see you again. Mmm, you're really pretty for a prune!"

Kathryn gave him a good swat across his backside. "Get out of here, butt head, and hurry back!"

Chakotay held her hands at bay and kissed her again. "That's butt face, my dear, and I'll be back as soon as I can, I hope."

"Lizzie, we don't need that, put it back!" Chakotay shouted for the thirty-second time as she snatched up a package of hamster food and tried to put it in the cart. "We don't need hamster food, Aunt Katie doesn't have a hamster."

Lizzie dodged him, grabbed it again and threw it in the shopping cart. "I know, but Eddie does, he put in his backpack. Well, it was 'til it got out, but I'm sure he'll find it, he always does! How come Aunt Katie doesn't have a hamster?"

"I don't know, she doesn't really like them and neither do I; they look too much like mice. Don't touch that, we don't need an ant farm, put it back! Lizzie, what kind of food does Mugwump eat?" Chakotay asked as her perused the wide selection of dog food.

"Dog food. Are you really so dumb you don't know that? Are you and Aunt Katie gonna have sex tonight?"

"No! Leave those alone, don't touch that! Sorry, Ma'am," Chakotay apologized as he started to pick up the boxes Lizzie had knocked over. "Keep both hands on the cart like I told you and don't touch anything! Lizzie, no, come here, don't touch that! Sweetie, we don't need cat food either… uh, do we?"

"Naw, the lady next door is taking care of the kitty, but ET likes to eat it for breakfast." Lizzie darted off, grabbed a bag of dog food and tossed it in an elderly woman's cart. "Here, lady, get some dog food!"

"Sorry," Chakotay smiled as he retrieved the dog food from the woman's cart with one hand and held onto Lizzie with the other as he put it back on the shelf.

The old lady smiled. "That's quite alright, they can be so precocious at that age, can't they? She's adorable, is she your granddaughter?"

"No," Chakotay sighed as he ran his hand through his hair and wondered if his gray were showing. "She's my girlfriend's niece. Lizzie, please apologize to the nice lady."

"Why?"

"Because you bothered her by putting something into her cart and because I said so."

"I don't have to do what you say!" Lizzie protested loudly as she tried to squirm her hand out of Chakotay's.

"Yes, you do. Now, apologize to the lady so we can hurry up and get out of here."

Lizzie looked up at the smiling old woman and stared at her until she finally said, "Sorry." She looked up at Chakotay, whose expression idled between exasperation and mortification, before she loudly announced, "He's my Aunt Katie's boyfriend and they have sex!"

When Chakotay retrieved his chin from the floor, he apologized to the woman, who seemed sympathetic to the things that kids blurt out. They headed to the next aisle as he tried to ignore the stares from the other shoppers, who had obviously heard everything. "Come on, I think I need some headache pills! Lizzie, don't talk about sex anymore, OK? It's not… polite and it's not something little kids should be talking about."

"Why not? It's where little kids come from or don't you know that either, Chakotay? Maybe if I 'splain it to you, you and Aunt Katie can make some babies like me and Eddie and ET?"

"Gods, I hope not!" Chakotay swore under his breath as he made a bee line for the pain relievers. "Just don't talk about sex anymore, OK?"

"OK, I won't… if you go get some more candy and we can go back to the cereal aisle and put back this crappy stuff for the good kind with lots of sugar and those things that 'splode when you pour the milk on."

"No, we're not feeding you kids junk, you eat too much and you're too hyper already. Come on, let's get some broccoli and see what other vegetables they have and then we have to get Aunt Katie some cherry Pop-Tarts because the dog ate hers."

Lizzie started whining, "No, I don't like broccoli or any other 'vegables' and I don't like Pop-Tarts either 'cause they look like shingles and taste like shit! I want candy, Flotter Flakes and Sugar Poppers 'splodin' cereal!"

Chakotay pushed the shopping cart on as he said "Lizzie, we're not buying any more junk and don't say shit."

The child stopped dead in her tracks and started jumping up and down and screaming, "SHIT, SHIT, SHIT… !" at the top of her lungs. Apparently bored with that, she then went on to throw things out of their cart at Chakotay as a crowd of shoppers started to gather and stare. He just tried to ignore it all as he picked things up and put them back in the cart, secure in the knowledge that the devil was five years old, had pigtails and wore a pink and yellow sundress.

Lizzie banged open the front door and yelled, "Aunt Katie, we're home and we got pizzas!" as she skipped into the kitchen and plopped the boxes on the table. One of 'em was pepperoni, but it's not now 'cause I don't like pepperoni, so I took it off in the car. Aunt Katie, did you know pepperoni will stick just like magnets?"

"Un, no, I didn't." Kathryn jumped up. "Shhh, your brothers are both upstairs asleep and so is Mugwump, don't wake them. How about you go in the den and watch cartoons until they wake up and then we can all have dinner? Where's Chakotay?"

"He's out in the car talking to himself and crying."

"Crying, why, what happened?"

"Nothin'. Well, I think he's just grumpy 'cause they told him not to come back to the Shop-A-Rama never ever again and he has a headache and some lady called him a pervert and the policeman yelled at him too. Aunt Katie, what's a pervert?"

"Uh, I don't know. Policeman? Here's some juice, you be quiet and go watch cartoons and I'm going to help Chakotay carry in the groceries. OK, Sweetie?"

When Kathryn got to the front door, Chakotay was coming in with the dog crate. Kathryn grabbed an end to help him with the large box as she asked, "Lizzie said something about the police? What happened, did you have an accident? Are you alright?"

Chakotay dropped the huge box on the garage floor, sat down on it and sighed. "No, I'm fine, we didn't have an accident or anything. Well… not in the car anyhow. The manager at the Shop-A-Rama called the police, that's all."

"The police!" Kathryn shrieked.

"Yeah, Lizzie got away from me while I was loading the dog crate onto an antigrav at the pet supply store and she somehow let all the hamsters out and the manager wanted me to either pay for them or round them all up and put them back."

Kathryn sat down next to him and gave him a hug. "Oh dear, you poor baby!"

Chakotay rubbed at his throbbing temples. "It gets worse, I had to pay for twenty seven hamsters and I got another citation for disturbing the peace. The good news is I can go to court for both of them on the same day. Oh yeah, some woman recognized me and asked for my autograph and then she got a picture of my ass while I was trying to reach under a shelf to catch a hamster. When I heard the camera I stood up real quick and my head was somehow under her skirt and she whacked me with her purse and called me a pervert. Come on, let me bring the groceries in and you can put them away while I set up the dog crate. I got pizzas for dinner."

When Kathryn had unpacked all the groceries she headed out to the garage, where Chakotay was still trying to assemble the dog crate. She watched him as he got three sides standing, slipped in the corner rod and let go, only to have everything fall to the floor. He threw the rod into the pile and slumped to the floor as he said, "Dammit, I give up! This thing won't go together right or some of the parts are missing or the instructions are wrong or something."

"Shhh! Watch your mouth, Chakotay, you know what happened when I let a word slip in front of ET. Lizzie's in the den, she might hear you."

"So? Trust me, that kid knows more cuss words than I do!"

Kathryn gave him a pat on the back as she grabbed the corner rod and a side panel. "Here, let me, Molly had one of these so I've done this before. Chakotay, I can't believe you bought so much crap at the grocery store or so many things that weren't on the list. Heavens, all the cereal you got is nothing but sugar and chemicals, one of them says it explodes in milk, and you got three boxes of each kind. Just how much cereal did you think three kids can eat in one weekend?"

He knelt down beside her. "Here, let me hold this for you. The cereal has prizes in the box, I figured they'd fight unless they each got one. I didn't want to buy all that junk, but Lizzie had one temper tantrum after another until I did. I'm sorry, but I just got to the point where I would have bought a goat just to shut her up and get out of there as fast as possible!"

"Or twenty seven hamsters?" Kathryn giggled. "OK, all the candy and junk food I can see and thanks so much for remembering my Pop-Tarts and the fancy Italian coffee, but how come you bought four dozen batteries, hamster food, a blood pressure monitor, an egg separator, a home perm kit, four boxes of self sealing stem bolts, an ant farm, a bunch of grommets and six cherry scented enemas?"

"What!" he exclaimed as he dropped the panel he was holding up and the crate again fell into a pile of pieces. "I didn't buy any of that stuff! That little demon must have put it in the cart when I wasn't looking! Damn, no wonder it cost so much!"

"You didn't get any vegetables either and I know they were on the list and you forgot to get dog food."

"I did too get the vegetables, Kathryn! I got a huge bag of broccoli, two heads of lettuce, some asparagus, a half kilo of fresh peas, some…. Wait, I know what happened, if she put stuff in the cart while I wasn't looking, she probably took it out too. Damn!"

"What about the dog food?"

"Oh, gosh, I think I did forget that. Next chance I get I'll run home and see if my replicator can make dog food. I'm not sure, but Mrs. Westerman had a dog, so maybe it does. We had a little problem in the pet food aisle too."

"Another temper tantrum?"

"No," he grinned, "she kept telling some old lady that her aunt and I have sex or yelling 'shit' at the top of her lungs or… oh, what does it matter? We have all that awful cereal and that dog will eat anything, so why not just feed him that and where does Lizzie get all that from?"

Kathryn slipped the last side rod into the dog crate. "There, all done! Chakotay, go spend an hour at my sister's house and you'll understand everything. I can hear Lizzie and Eddie fighting, his nap obviously didn't last long, and I'm sure they woke ET, so can you please take the dog out to potty and then put him in the crate and I'll get the kids rounded up and dinner on the table?"

After dinner Kathryn and Chakotay cleaned up the kitchen while the kids fought in the den and Mugwump howled in his crate in the garage. Kathryn wiped up the table and looked up as another spot of tomato sauce magically appeared. "How did pizza get on the ceiling?"

"You're asking me?" Chakotay mused while he stood on a chair and cleaned it off. "Probably the same way pizza got all over my shirt, your dress and in my hair. As soon as we're done here I'll go home and change again. Why don't you go upstairs right now and change too and then gather up all your dirty laundry and I'll take it home and do it. I should have done it when I washed the kid's clothes, but I forgot."

"OK, thanks. Chakotay, it's only a little before seven, what are we going to do with those kids until bedtime? You'll stay until then, won't you?"

"Of course. I can't stay real late because I have to get up early tomorrow to go to work, but I'll stay until the little banshees are asleep at least. Kathryn, I know, let's take them and the dog to the playground at Primrose Park. They can run and play and scream and yell and fight all they want and it'll probably tire them out enough that it won't take long to get them into bed."

"Great idea! I'll go change and I'll be right down. I'd thought about the pool, but I think it's too chilly tonight. I left ET's stroller in the dining room, so please go see if you can figure out how to get it to stay unfolded, I couldn't."

The plan worked perfectly and, when they got to the park, the kids all took off. Eddie and Lizzie played on the playground equipment while ET played with another child in the sandbox. Chakotay put Mugwump in the fenced in enclosure for dogs and joined Kathryn on a nearby bench while the beast played with the other dogs. Chakotay slipped his arm around her shoulder as he said, "See, the plan is working perfectly!"

"Yes, it is, that was a great idea, Chakotay. Gee, maybe we can actually manage a few minutes of intelligent adult conversation? I really am sorry about this and thank you so much for helping out, I don't think I would have made it through the day without you." Kathryn leaned into his shoulder until she gasped, "The day… tomorrow, how am I going to survive tomorrow?"

"Don't worry, you'll do fine. I brought over those games I found and I replicated some coloring books and crayons, so maybe that'll keep them busy for a while? Kathryn, you commanded a starship with 150 people on it for seven years, I'm sure you can manage three kids for one day. I'll come over as soon as I can after work and, like I said, I'll take you all out to dinner. You all can decide where you want to go, but, if my experience today with Lizzie was any indicator, be sure to pick out someplace you wouldn't mind being asked not to go back to." Chakotay suddenly jumped up. "Mugwump is humping that man in the dog pen, I'll be right back. No, no, Mugwump, stop that!" he shouted as he dashed off to the rescue.

Kathryn sat back and giggled until she had the realization that she was not alone. "Hello, Mrs. Wentworth, my but how lovely to see you," she said as she faked a smile. She truly hated Primrose Acres' princess of pomposity, but knew there was value in trying to keep good relations with the powerful leader of the community's civic association.

"Good evening, Miss Janeway. All of the other benches seem to be occupied, do you mind if Fifi and I join you?"

She desperately looked around. "So they are. Of course, feel free to sit… and you too, Fifi."

Wentworth whispered something to the dog and spread a mat on the ground for the dog to lie on. "Fifi only speaks French. Do you speak French, Miss Janeway?"

"No, sorry, I don't." Kathryn bolted from the bench screaming, "No, no, ET, don't eat that!" She retrieved him from the sandbox, returned and sat him on her lap. "Excuse me, but he was about to eat another caterpillar. You know how they are at this age, everything goes in the mouth. ET, this is Mrs. Wentworth, can you say hello?"

ET smiled and giggled as he reached out for her dog and screeched "SHIT!"

"Oh my!" Mrs. Wentworth said as she turned red and shielded her dog. "No, no, please don't touch her, your hands are dirty. They, and heaven knows what else, have been in your mouth. He isn't yours is he, Miss Janeway?"

ET started fussing on Kathryn's lap as he repeatedly babbled 'shit' and drooled. Kathryn thought quickly as she reached into the diaper bag for a cloth. "Oh, no, he's my nephew." She looked up and smiled as she wiped off the drool. "They live in… Lithuania, he only speaks Lithuanian, that's their word for hello, of course. Do you speak Lithuanian, Mrs. Wentworth?"

"Uh, no, she replied as she moved farther down the bench. "He won't be staying long, will he?"

"No, just until Sunday night. My brother-in-law's great uncle passed away and they had to go to the funeral and obviously couldn't take the kids with them."

"Kids? There's more? Are they… like him?"

Kathryn pointed to the jungle gym. "Yes, the little redheaded girl with the pigtails is my niece Lizzie and the boy in the green shirt is my nephew Eddie. He's ten, she's five. Eddie, quit hitting your sister!"

"I thought you said they only spoke Lithuanian and why didn't they just leave the children with the nanny? They do have a nanny, don't they?"

"Oh, yes, of course they do, doesn't everyone?" Kathryn smiled. "The nanny went to the funeral too, Lithuanian custom, you know. Oh, Eddie and Lizzie were born here, before they moved, so they speak English."

Chakotay arrived, dragged by the dog until he managed to stop and flop down on the bench beside Kathryn as he tried to keep the beast from chewing his left shoe off. "I think I have him settled down now. Oh, hello, Mrs. Wentworth, lovely evening isn't it? How are you?"

"Quite well, Mr. Chakotay. Did you get a… is that a… dog?"

"No, Ma'am, I'm just taking care of it this weekend for a friend. He's mostly dog, we think. His name is Mugwump, he's really friendly and…" Chakotay was interrupted by Lizzie's arrival.

Kathryn handed her a juice box from the diaper bag as she said, "Lizzie, this is my neighbor Mrs. Wentworth, can you say hello?" Kathryn whispered something into the child's ear.

Lizzie stood up straight and proudly said "Bonjour, Madame Wentworth, je m'appelle Lizzie."

Kathryn sat up and looked down her nose in her best Wentworth imitation as she said, "Elizabeth studies French in kindergarten, she's very bright and I'm very proud of her. Say something else to Mrs. Wentworth, Sweetheart."

Lizzie grinned and stuck her fingers in her mouth until something came to her. "Aunt Katie and Chakotay have sex and I know all about it!"

Chakotay saw it coming and tried to lunge to clamp his hand over her mouth, but he was too late. As he did he lost his grip on Mugwump's leash and the dog seized the opportunity to jump on Mrs. Wentworth's Poodle Fifi and start humping her.

Wentworth screamed, "Help, help, get that fetid mongrel beast off my poor Fifi!" as she stood and spastically waved her hands in the air as her numerous bracelets jangled.

Chakotay managed to get Mugwump off of Fifi, dragged him away and tied him to the bench as he apologized, "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Wentworth, he accidentally got away from me. Don't worry, he's neutered."

Wentworth hugged her Poodle and sobbed. "My poor Fifi, she's soiled, she's ruined! Oh, look what that wretched animal did to her, her beautiful white coat is filthy and she's so upset she probably won't eat for a week!" She continued to babble to the dog in French to console it as she walked away.

"Chakotay, go apologize again and see if you can make peace before she calls the cops." Kathryn put ET in the stroller, grabbed Lizzie's arm and made her sit on the bench. "Young lady, you and I are going to have a talk! Lizzie, you can't go around telling people that Chakotay and I have sex. You're much too young to be talking about grown up things like that and you just embarrassed Aunt Katie. You have to promise me you won't say that ever again."

"Well, OK, but why not?"

"I just told you, it's not a good thing for little girls to be talking about and it isn't true."

"It's not?"

"No, Sweetheart, Chakotay and I are just friends. We, we don't have sex."

"How come? Don't you know how? I can 'splain it..."

Kathryn was getting exasperated and wanted to end the discussion as quickly as possible. "Well, because… because… um… we're not married, that's why."

"Are you going to get married? Will Chakotay get to be my uncle?"

Kathryn smiled. "Well, I don't know, maybe someday. I'm sorry I yelled at you, but what you did was very very bad. Now, promise me you won't mention the word sex again until you're much much older?"

"OK, I will, if you promise me you'll think about marrying Chakotay."

"I promise," Kathryn sighed as she smiled, gave Lizzie a hug and sent her to go play with Eddie. She took a toy out of the diaper bag and handed it to ET as Chakotay returned and she asked, "Well, did you make peace with Wentworth? Juice box? Apple or grape?"

"Apple, thanks," he replied as he sat on the bench beside her and struggled to get the straw out of the plastic and into the hole on top. "Yeah, I'm not sure I'd call it peace, but I offered to pay for Foo Foo to go see the vet for a sedative and to the groomer and she pretty much agreed not to call the police or sue me, but there's a damn bitch on both ends of that leash! How come the straw won't go in the hole on top of the box?"

Kathryn snatched the juice box from him, stabbed in the straw and handed it back. "Here, one day and I'm already an expert! I had a little talk with Lizzie and she promised me she won't tell people we're having sex again or even mention the word."

"And you believed her? Eddie, quit hitting your sister and get down from there and don't throw things. Sorry, Ma'am."

"No, but what could I do? Here, gimme a hit off your juice box. I'll have a talk with Phoebe about it when she gets back. I don't know where she got it from. Well, some of it came from her brother, but I think she probably overheard Phoebe talking to me a couple nights ago."

"And you told your sister we're having sex? Can I have my juice back, please?"

"No, of course not!" Kathryn grabbed another juice box from the bag and tossed it to him. "Here, just have another. It was the other way around, she was yelling at me because we're not. Eddie, quit that right now! Put her down, don't make me send Chakotay over there!"

"Me? Why do I have to be the bad guy? Why is your sister so hell-bent on getting us into bed? Can't we at least go on a few dates first? Dammit, Kathryn, I can't get the straw to go in, it's all bent up now. Why don't they make them sharper?"

"Gimme, they're for little kids, that's why they're not sharp." Kathryn tried and couldn't get the straw in either. "Here, just chew a hole in it and suck out the juice like Lizzie does. Phoebe just has different ideas than I do, that's all. Apparently she thinks the only way to a man's heart is through his penis or maybe she's figured that, with my cooking skills, I'll never get there through your stomach. I know we've known each other for seven years, but I want to do like you said and go on some dates first too. Is that so awful and old fashioned? There's no rush, is there?"

Chakotay slipped his arm around Kathryn and gave her a little kiss. "No, no rush, and, don't worry, you're already firmly implanted in my heart and soul. I'd really like it if we took our time getting to know each other too and your sister is wrong. As complex as you are, I now realize that, in a lot of ways, I'm just getting to know you, but there's one thing I've figured out about you already."

"What's that?"

"That I love you, Kathryn Janeway."

"I love you too, Chakotay," Kathryn sighed as she rested her head on his shoulder and they watched Lizzie throw dirt at Eddie as the sun set over Primrose Acres.

Kathryn settled down onto the sofa next to Chakotay as he handed her a glass of wine. "Thanks, I needed this and thanks for helping get the troops into bed and staying while I took my shower. I was afraid to wait until after you left because one of them might wake up and get into something or take a picture of me in the shower and sell it to the tabloids or something."

He slid closer and slipped his arm around her. "Well, I'd sure pay a lot to see Captain Janeway in the shower! That damn dog is still howling in the garage, how can the kids sleep with all that noise? Mmm, Kathryn, you smell good. Did the snot and pizza come out of your hair OK?"

"Yeah, but I had to shampoo twice. Maybe Mugwump will stop howling and fall asleep after a while, he has to be tired too. It doesn't seem to bother the kids, but they're probably used to it and heaven knows how I'll be able to get any sleep tonight. Mmm, this is good wine."

"Thanks, I think so too, my cousin gave it to me. I'll see if I can get some more next time I'm in town. Kathryn, if you want something stronger, I didn't stop at the liquor store, but I do have a bottle of brandy and I think I also have some…. Kathryn?"

"Huh, what?" she said as she stirred. "Sorry, I think I fell asleep, but it's not your company, I'm just worn out from the kids."

He got up from the sofa and pulled her with him. "That's OK, I'm really tired too and I have to get up early, so I think it's time to call it a night. Why don't you go on up to bed and I'll clean up and be here as soon as I can get away after class tomorrow."

"OK, thanks again for all your help and I'll see you tomorrow. Come here and let me give you a kiss."

"Mmm, may I have another one of those?"

"Yes, and a hug too!"

Chakotay hadn't even gotten half way out of the car before he was mobbed when he got home from work on Friday afternoon. The kids yelled and grabbed him to try to drag him to Kathryn's house as fast as possible. He tried to give them each a hug as he said, "Please give me a minute kids, let me go in the house, drop off my briefcase and change, OK?"

"No, no, c'mon right now, Chakotay!"

He was flattered. "Gosh, guys, so nice to know you missed me so much. How is Aunt Katie, did you all have a good day?"

Eddie grabbed his arm and started tugging again. "Naw, we didn't miss you none, Aunt Katie told us we couldn't go swimming until you got home. She's fine except she has another headache. Must be genetic, Mom and Grammy Gretchen get them all the time too."

"Yeah, must be," Chakotay chuckled. "I tell you what, you go tell Aunt Katie I'm home and get ready and I'll be right over and we can all go swimming, OK?"

"Hooray!" they all screamed as they ran home.

Chakotay changed into his swimsuit and got over to Kathryn's house as fast as he could and found her on the sofa, trying to get Lizzie's hair into pigtails as the child did her best to squirm and dodge the brush. When she finished, Kathryn said, "OK, kids, go out to the storage locker by the pool, search through it and find the towels and toys you want, wait there and we'll be right out. The force field is on, so you can't get in the pool until Chakotay and I get there." She gave Chakotay a kiss as she said, "Boy am I glad you're here, I've had a dreadful day and most definitely need reinforcements."

One look at her was all he needed to know she wasn't exaggerating. He wrapped his arms around her as he said, "Not to worry, I'm here. Kathryn, you're still in your bathrobe and what happened to your hair? Are you sick? Eddie said you had a headache."

"I do and I haven't even had time to get dressed yet, the little bastards have been running me ragged all day I don't think I got more than ten minutes of sleep last night and the only thing that's been keeping me on line is coffee. The dog's barking and howling in the garage apparently bothered the neighbors next door. They called me a little after midnight to complain, so I had to drag the dog and the crate upstairs and put him in my bedroom, which did stop the barking, but then he whined all night and tried to chew his way out and that kept me awake. If you can go out there and handle them for a couple minutes, I'll go change and be right down. Eddie's been to summer camp four years now and he's a good swimmer, but Lizzie can't really swim and, of course, neither can ET." She reached up and pulled the pink sparkly scrunchies and bows from her hair. "Lizzie decided she wanted to play beauty shop. Considering how I looked before, it's probably an improvement.

"You look fine, just a little tired. OK, take your time and I'll see what I can do with them until you get there. Kathryn, you shouldn't have dragged that heavy dog crate up the stairs yourself, why didn't you call me to come do it?"

"It was after midnight and I knew you had to get up early and go to work. I didn't want to bother you."

Chakotay pulled her up off the sofa and gave her a hug. "There, you look like you needed that! It wouldn't have been any bother, Kathryn, you know I'd do anything I could for you. Geez, I can hear them fighting again, go on and I'll go send them to neutral corners."

When Kathryn finally arrived, she found Eddie and Lizzie, with the Flotter swim ring around her middle, in the pool and ET in an inflatable baby pool beside the deck chairs. She flopped down on the chaise. "Where'd the baby pool come from?"

Chakotay joined her as he said, "It was in the storage locker, Eddie found it and blew it up and I used a bucket to fill it from the pool. He's happy as the proverbial clam in there and we can keep a good eye on him and the other two from here and, if he poops and pees in the pool, which I'm sure he'll do, it'll be easy to clean up. So, tell me about your day."

"Well, you know about having Mugwump for a roommate, so I didn't get any sleep. ET woke up before the sun did, but I changed him and managed to get him to go back to sleep. Probably not a half hour after that, Lizzie banged down my door, which woke up ET, and demanded that I fix her breakfast. I tired to get her to go back to bed, but that was useless, so I left her in the kitchen and took the dog out and he dragged me all over the yard and had to whiz on every vertical surface in the backyard, including my poor gnome. While I was out there in my bathrobe, that idiot next door came out to water his flowers, and why would any sane person water flowers at O dark thirty, and he had words with me about the noise last night and threatened to complain to Wentworth about it if it happens again tonight."

"Well, maybe I can take the hound from hell over to my house tonight? I'm pretty sure your neighbor can't hear him from there and the house on the other side of mine is a good distance away and I think they're out of town anyhow. So, what happened after that? Here, sit up and let me massage your shoulders for you."

"Thanks. Well, when I got back inside Lizzie had decided to fix breakfast herself, which means Mugwump got to clean up an entire box of Flotter Flakes off the floor and we need more milk. She wasn't watching the baby and he found the crayons and played connect the dots with the wall paper in the dining room. It actually looks pretty good, so I may just have him finish. By time I got them fed and Lizzie started complaining she was bored, Eddie woke up and demanded to be fed, only he wanted waffles. Well, I told him I don't have a replicator or a waffle maker and I don't know how to make waffles anyhow, but he kept yelling he wanted waffles. I tried to con him with syrup on toast, but that didn't work and he was screaming 'child abuse', so I gave in and he had the leftover pizza and some potato chips for breakfast."

Chakotay chuckled as he picked some pink glitter out of Kathryn's hair. "Funny you should mention pizza, my car still smells like it and I must have had ten people tell me today that I smelled like pizza. I'm sure I got it all out of my hair when I washed it and I was wearing clean clothes, so I have no idea where the smell was coming from. Kathryn, what's this sticky stuff in your hair?"

"Peanut butter… or it could be maple syrup and or Plasma Play Putty, take your pick." Kathryn sniffed. "You know, you do smell a little like pizza." She started laughing as she remembered. "Oh, I forgot to tell you last night, but check in the back of your car and I think you'll have your answer."

He jumped up as he said, "I'll be right back and I'll bring us some iced tea. Would you like anything to eat?"

"Please, if you could replicate me a sandwich, doesn't matter what kind, as long as it's not PB&J. Eddie, give your sister the ball back and, Lizzie, you stay at the shallow end of the pool, sweetie, so Aunt Katie can watch you." Kathryn was on the verge of nodding off, so she took a quick dip in the pool and tried to wash all the mess out of her hair.

Chakotay returned, helped Kathryn out of the pool and handed her some lemonade and a sandwich as he said, "It's roast beef with lettuce and tomatoes, I know you like that. You were right, I checked the car and there were pepperonis stuck all over the back of the front seats. The stains wouldn't come out, so I guess I have polka dot upholstery now." He was interrupted by ET screaming at the top of his lungs and rushed to grab him. "What's the matter? Oh, your pool deflated, poor little guy! Here, let Aunt Katie hold you and I'll fix it for you." Chakotay looked at the pool and scratched his head. "The stopper is still in place, it must have a hole somewhere. Spirits, Kathryn, look, he chewed a hole in the pool! It's huge, too big to patch, we'll have to get a new one."

Kathryn picked the baby up and headed for the house. "Don't bother with it, it's after his nap time and he's rubbing his eyes so he must be tired. I'll go see if I can get him to take a nap and I'll be right back."

"Kathryn, I can see you're exhausted, why don't you take a nap too? I'll stay out here and watch Eddie and Lizzie and try to keep them quiet so you can get some rest. If they want to get out of the pool, I'll take them over to my house. Go on, no arguments!"

"Aye, aye," Kathryn saluted, "I'm too tired to argue. Thanks."

Almost two hours later the kids were still in the pool and Chakotay had joined them. He tried his best to get them to let him float on a raft in peace, for, after an hour of Marco Polo, he had a headache too. He sat up on the raft as a flip flop hit him in the chest, lost his balance and flipped the raft over, accidentally taking in a gulp of pool water. As he sputtered and started to tread water, he heard an all too familiar laugh. "I see you're up," he said as he swam to the side of the pool.

Kathryn reached down to give him a hand out. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"Neither could I," Chakotay said as he planted his feet on the side of the pool, grabbed Kathryn's wrist and tugged. He splashed her and let go. "I was just teasing, I wouldn't pull you in the pool like that, not after what happened to you. Have a good nap?" he asked as he got out and toweled off on a chaise.

"Yes, thanks, and ET's still asleep," she said as she sat the baby monitor on her chaise. She stood up and yelled, "OK kids, time to get out of the pool and go get dressed. We're all going out to dinner!"

"No, we don't want to and you can't make us!" Eddie and Katie shouted in unison.

"Fine then," Kathryn said as she stood and put her hands on her hips. "I'll just go and cook you dinner and you can eat in the pool. How do you kids feel about my homemade meatloaf and Brussels sprout casserole or would liver and broccoli stir fry be better? Chakotay, do you have any turnips or rutabagas I could borrow?"

"No, no, Aunt Katie, please don't cook, we'll be good, we promise. See, we're going in now and we won't wake ET up, we swear, just don't cook, OK?"

Kathryn laughed as she sat back down. "Am I good or what?"

"Isn't threatening to poison kids illegal?"

"Only if they die. So, where are we going for dinner and thank you again for offering to take us and I promise you and I will have a real dinner date when we're both recovered."

"I don't know, I thought you were going to decide? Kathryn, bend down, there's something pink in your hair, you have like, some pink streaks. Oh wow, there's a purple one too."

"I know. It's the Plasma Play Putty, I washed it out, but it must have stained my hair or something. Don't worry, I'll put it up so it won't show. Does it look that bad?"

"No, it's cute… in a Neelix sort of way. How about we go to that cheesy mouse pizza place, what's it called? And, after that, we could take them to the holo suite play land out near the mall or that place with the anti grav pods full of balls or maybe they'd like to go to Flotterland? It's up to you, you know them better than I do."

"Well, they had pizza last night, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind eating it again and they have other food there too, so I say that's a good idea. Eddie is too old, he hates Flotter now, so he won't want to go to Flotterland, but holo suites sound good and they can each do whatever program they want. I say, whatever will keep them occupied the longest and tire them out the most is the way to go. I don't know about you, but I'd really like to get them to bed as soon as we get home and be able to spend a little time together."

"So would I," Chakotay smiled as he stole a quick kiss. Let me go home and I'll get ready and be right back, OK?"

"OK. No, wait a minute. Chakotay, I know you offered, but you've already spent a lot of money on groceries, the dog crate, stuff for the kids and other things because of me and I know tonight will be expensive too. I can't until after the first of the month and probably not all at once, but I really do want to pay you back for everything, so please keep track and let me know how much it is. Chakotay, I insist."

"How about a trade?"

"A trade?"

"Yes, next month you cook me dinner two nights a week. How does that sound? We'll call it even."

Kathryn laughed. "Chakotay, you know I'm not a very good cook, that wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be calling it even, it would be more like getting even."

He nuzzled her neck. "And you know, if you put on perfume and wear something pretty and take your hair down, I never even notice the food."

"Stop that! We'll talk about it later. Go get ready and I'll go make sure the kids are ready. Hurry up, those three kids and a restaurant, I may lose my courage."

"Is everyone asleep?" Chakotay asked as Kathryn came into the kitchen.

"Yes, thank goodness! We managed to tire them out and the process was pretty painless. Oh, wow, you set the table for breakfast! You didn't have to do that, but thanks. Would you like to come over for breakfast?"

"Sure! I probably haven't eaten Flotter Flakes in at least forty years, it'll be fun. Actually, my mother wouldn't let us eat crap like that. Kathryn, come on in the den, I have a surprise for you."

"You got the grape juice stains off the sofa?"

"No, but I'll see if I can tomorrow and if I can fix the leg the dog chewed off your desk. Come on, just follow me, you'll see." Chakotay led Kathryn to the den, where he had lit several candles, put on some soft music and had a tray of cheese and crackers and a bottle of wine set out.

"Oh my, look at all this, how romantic!" she giggled.

"I hope so. If nothing else, you deserve a little R&R. Oh, wait a minute, there's something more, I forgot and left it in the bathroom. I'll be right back." Chakotay quickly returned and placed a vase of flowers on the table beside the food. "Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman."

Kathryn rewarded him with a kiss. "Thank you, they're lovely and all of this is so nice."

"You're welcome," he replied as he poured a glass of wine and handed it to her. "Kathryn, how come there's marshmallows in the toilet?"

She started laughing so hard she had to put her wine down so she wouldn't spill it. "Marshmallows? Well, I'm sure it was ET. Phoebe is starting to try to potty train him, as hopeless as that may be, and now that he's discovered the toilet, he puts any and everything in it… except what belongs there. I had to fish out Eddie's game pod earlier, so make sure you take a look before you take a leak around here." Kathryn picked up her wine again. "A toast, to the kindest and most thoughtful man I have ever met. Thank you, Chakotay, not just for this evening, but for everything in the last seven years. I love you."

His dimples would have done the talking anyhow, but Chakotay raised his glass and replied, "Thank you for everything, for believing in me and for being my friend, even when I didn't deserve you, and here's to all the good things that I hope the future holds for us. I love you too, I love you like I never thought I could love anyone." They clinked glasses, took a sip and stared into one another's eyes as their smiles lit up the room more than a thousand candles could have.

Kathryn sat back, drew up her knees and laid her head on Chakotay's chest as he slipped the elastic off her pony tail and played with her hair. "I love your hair, it's so soft and always smells good and the color is so pretty."

"The pink and purple streaks?"

"No, silly, the chestnut!"

She giggled. "It's not exactly my natural color, you know."

He leaned down, kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear, "I know, and mine's not exactly my natural color either."

"I know, but I like it black and, at our ages, we have to do all we can to stave off the effects of time and gravity. I'm doing the best I can and I happen to think you look pretty sexy, Chakotay."

"Do you?" he grinned.

"Yes, I do. I used to steal looks at you every now and then on the bridge and wonder what it would be like to run my fingers through your hair. I also had some other thoughts about you, but I think I'll just keep them to myself for now and I pray Tuvok couldn't read my mind."

"Well, I used to look at you too and wonder what you'd look like with your hair down and loose and how it would feel running through my fingers… and, when I was sure nobody was looking, I would watch your backside when you got up and went to your ready room."

"I know you did, I could feel your eyes on me… just like I know you're looking down my blouse right now."

"Busted," he replied. "Oops, poor choice of a word, but guilty, and I like what I see, I like it a lot."

"Do you?" she purred.

"Yes, in fact I was wondering if maybe you would… Uh, Lizzie, what are you doing here?" he asked as Kathryn bolted back up.

"I'm thirsty, I want some soda and can I have some cookies? Aunt Katie, were you and Chakotay having sex?"

"No, Lizzie!" Kathryn rolled her eyes at Chakotay and grinned as she quietly said, "Not much chance of that happening this weekend for some odd reason. Lizzie, sweetie, you promised me you wouldn't talk about that again, didn't you?" The child reluctantly nodded her head. "Chakotay and I were just resting and talking and having a snack, that's all. See, we have cheese and crackers and some wi… err… grape juice. You can't have any soda this late at night, how about I get you some milk and then I'll take you back upstairs?" She picked up the child and headed for the kitchen as she looked back at Chakotay and said, "I'm sorry, I'll be back as soon as I can."

When Kathryn hadn't returned after a half hour, Chakotay crept upstairs and found her curled up on the floor asleep, next to Lizzie in her sleeping bag. He tried to pick her up without waking her, but her eyes came open before he had her up off the floor. "Shhh, you fell asleep. Come on, you're tired, time for you to go to dreamland too."

"I'm so sorry, Chakotay. You went to all that trouble to make a nice evening for us and I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin it," he replied as he sat her down on the foot of her bed. "I enjoyed it and we can finish up the wine and cheese another night. You get some sleep and I'll clean up downstairs, see if I can get the marshmallows out of the toilet and the grape juice stains off the sofa, go home and be back bright and early to help you with breakfast and I'll even make us all some waffles. Oh, I'll bring back your laundry too, I forgot it when I snuck home to replicate the snacks."

Kathryn giggled as she searched through her unmade bed for her nightgown, "You know, Chakotay, you're going to make someone a good wife some day."

He found the nightgown on the floor and handed it to her as he gave her a kiss. "I'd much rather make someone I know a good husband some day."

"Is that a fact?"

"It is!"

"Well, she'll be a very lucky woman," Kathryn teased, "but you get out of here before one of the kids catches us or you wake up the dog! Thanks again for everything and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Don't I get a goodnight kiss?"

"You just got one."

Chakotay pushed the door shut and slid his arms around Kathryn. "No, I didn't, that was just an ordinary kiss designed to last for only a short period of time. This is a goodnight kiss!"

As Chakotay was laughing to himself as he used a slotted spoon to scoop the marshmallows from the toilet and deposit them in a bucket, he was interrupted by a blood curdling scream from upstairs followed by the baby crying, Lizzie yelling and the dog barking. He bolted up the stairs and found Kathryn running down the hall in her nightgown. "Kathryn, what is it, what happened? Are you alright?"

She pointed to her bedroom. "There's… there's something in my bed! Something alive, it's moving!"

"What? Maybe you just had a bad dream or too much wine?"

"It wasn't a dream, Chakotay!" she protested, "and I'm not drunk! "I had just gotten into bed, I wasn't even asleep yet, and I felt something touch me. I swear, there's something in there!" Kathryn grabbed his wrist, led him to her bedroom door and pointed to the bed. "Look, see, there, there's something moving! Don't you see it?"

"Yes, I do. You wait there and I'll check it out." Chakotay took another look at the bump in the sheet that was most definitely moving, rubbed his chin and grabbed a hairbrush off the dresser to defend himself as he approached. The bump moved around a little more and then became still, so he grabbed the sheet and cautiously threw it back.

"Ewwww!" Kathryn shrieked as she ran off down the hall.

"Hermie, you found him!" Eddie yelled as he ran to the bed and scooped up the fuzzy tan and white hamster. "Gee, thanks, Chakotay! Come on, Lizzie, let's go get him something to eat and go back to bed."

Chakotay found Kathryn in the guest room trying to get ET to drink some milk from his cup so he'd go back to sleep. "Everything is OK, it was Eddie's hamster, apparently he brought it and it got loose. Lizzie said something about it at the grocery store, but I wasn't really paying attention and I just thought she was kidding."

Kathryn looked up and smiled as she rocked the baby. "Well, that probably explains why you ended up coming home with a package of hamster food. I didn't know what it was, it nearly scared me to death. OUCH! He's got me, Chakotay, help!"

"What?"

"The baby, he's got my boob, he won't let go, he's got teeth, OWWW!"

Chakotay reached down, paused and grinned, "Uh, what exactly do you want me to do, Kathryn?"

"I don't care what you do, just get him to let go! Phoebe just cut him off from breast feeding and…OWWW!"

Chakotay managed to get the baby unlatched from Kathryn, put him in the crib and shut the lid.

"Chakotay, stop snickering, it isn't funny! It hurts and it was embarrassing!"

He turned his back to her as he bit his tongue to stop laughing. "I'm sorry. Babies will be babies, it's perfectly natural and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I suspect, in that night gown, he saw what he wanted and, being a Janeway, he got it. Are you OK, did he break the skin? Do you want me to go get you some ice?"

"No," Kathryn sighed as she turned down the guest bed, got in and pulled up the covers. "I guess I'll live, but I don't want to sleep in my bed after that thing was in it, so I'm going to sleep in here."

Chakotay sat on the edge of the bed and brushed back her hair from her forehead before he planted a gentle kiss on it. "OK, I'll grab your sheets and take them home when I go and wash them and I'll go find something escape proof right now to put the hamster in. Are you sure you don't want some ice or at least a cold cloth?"

"No, thanks, I just want to get some sleep." She saw the mischievous twinkle in Chakotay's eyes, so she added, "And I don't need you to kiss it and make it better either! Goodnight and thanks again."

The next morning Chakotay let himself into Kathryn's house bright and early, armed with her neatly folded laundry, a stasis pod full of tasty homemade waffles and several popular interactive educational game chips he'd replicated. The house was quiet, so he assumed everyone was asleep, made coffee and sat at the kitchen table as he read through the morning news on a PADD. Chakotay jumped as Mugwump bounded into his lap, followed by Kathryn at the end of his leash. "Hi, boy, get off me! Good morning, you're up early!"

She gave him a kiss on top of his head as that was all she could reach with the dog between them. "The aroma of coffee, works every time and, thank heavens, the kids are all still asleep because we did such a good job of tiring them out last night. The dog was quieter, or else I couldn't hear him from the guest room, so I think I got a half decent amount of sleep. Have you been here long?"

"Nope," he replied as he got up from the table, got Kathryn some coffee and took the leash from her. "Here, let me take him out, it's raining." Chakotay hadn't bothered with any rain gear for the short walk from his house to Kathryn's, so he was soaked by time he got back inside with the dog. "Boy is it raining hard now and it's supposed to rain all day. Kathryn, Mugwump just shit his brains out and it was blue… with pink sparkles."

She laughed as she handed Chakotay a towel. "Well, he ate a whole box of Flotter Flakes yesterday and Lizzie can't find her pink fairy wand, so that probably explains it." Kathryn ran to the window and looked out before she poured herself another mug of coffee and sat down with a thud. "Chakotay, three kids and a dog, how will we survive a rainy day cooped up in the house? We can't take them to the park or use the pool to burn off all that energy."

"We'll manage! Here, I replicated a bunch of what look like really fun games for your computer, that should help. Did you sleep well and how's your boo… uh, chest?"

"Yeah, I slept pretty well, but I may try to grab a nap if and when the kids do. It's bruised and I'm pretty sore, but I don't think I want to go in to Starfleet Medical and explain what happened and don't you get any ideas about trying to grope me for at least a week."

"Kathryn, I wouldn't grope you! Well, not that I don't want to touch you, but, I mean, I would only do it if I knew you were comfortable with it."

She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze before she headed to the counter for more coffee. "I know, you've always been a gentleman and I appreciate that about you. After we've survived the weekend from hell and recovered, we'll sit down and have a talk. Don't look at me like that, I mean a talk in a good way, a talk about the future, our future." She gave him a reassuring smile as she said, "And I most definitely see you in my future, Chakotay. Oh, where did you put the dog food?"

"Top shelf of the pantry. Here, let me get it, you probably can't reach. I made waffles, want some?"

"Not yet, I need more coffee than this before I can chew, so I think I'll just wait for the kids to have breakfast, but I'm pulling rank, so make sure I get one."

"Yes, Ma'am!" he replied as he fed the dog. "Well, here's our little future starship captain now! Good morning, Captain Lizzie."

"Hi. I'm hungry, where's breakfast? I don't want to be a starship captain, I want to be a ballerina."

"You don't?" Kathryn pouted. "Why don't you want to be a starship captain like Aunt Katie?"

"Because the uniforms are really ugly and make you look fat! I want to wear a sparkly pink tutu and a diamond tiara. I'm hungry!"

"It sounds like your little brother is too!" Chakotay said as he popped up from the table. "Stay here, Kathryn, I'll go take care of him and bring him down for breakfast."

Kathryn got Lizzie a cup of milk as she said, "Chakotay made waffles, would you like one?"

"No, I hate waffles and I hate milk too. I want some soda and that Supernova Nuggets 'splodin' cereal!"

"I thought you said you liked waffles and it sure sounds like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed, young lady!"

"How could I? You're makin' me sleep on the floor in an empty room. I bet prisoners get better rooms than that! How come you don't have any furniture? I don't like waffles, Eddie does, and I said I don't want any milk, I want soda!"

"Well, too bad, because I said you're having milk and that's that, but here's a bowl and the cereal. Aunt Katie just bought this house and she hasn't had a chance to go buy furniture yet, but, next time you visit, it'll be better." Kathryn went to get the milk for the cereal as she muttered to herself. "Because next time you visit will be in about ten years!"

Lizzie poured the cereal into her bowl until it overflowed onto the table and then onto the floor. Mugwump dashed over and made quick work of cleaning it up. Kathryn put her hands on her hips. "Lizzie, what did you do that for? Look at this mess. You wasted a whole box of cereal!" She sat back down and rubbed her temples.

"I had to pour 'til I got to the prize and it was at the bottom. They always put 'em in the bottom, don't they? This cereal is a rip off anyhow, it don't really 'splode and it tastes yucky. Can I have something else? Aunt Katie, you got another headache?"

Kathryn looked up and forced a smile. "No, dear, I'm pretty sure it's the same headache I had yesterday." Chakotay entered the kitchen with ET and put him down on the floor. She looked at Chakotay and grinned. "You forgot to put on the apron when you changed him, didn't you?"

"How'd you know? I'm going to run home and put on a clean shirt. Need me to replicate anything while I'm there?"

"More milk and you'd better replicate another bottle of those little green headache pills, I think I'm going to need them, a lot of them." Kathryn got the baby a sippy cup of milk, cleaned up the mess, opened the waffles and started fixing breakfast plates for herself, the baby and Chakotay. "Lizzie, I need to run to the bathroom, can you watch ET until I get back?" She nodded, not bothering to look up from her cereal.

When Kathryn returned she saw that Eddie had come downstairs and was now sitting at the table eating a cherry Pop-Tart. She grabbed it from him and seized the box as well and put them on the counter. "Those are mine! You're not eating junk for breakfast. Here, look, Chakotay made waffles." Eddie just sat and stared at the plate. "Yesterday you said you liked waffles, didn't you?"

He pushed the plate aside. "Yeah, but these are square, I only like the round kind."

"Square, round, they taste the same, what's the difference? Oh, gods!" Kathryn exclaimed as she grabbed the baby's hand and dragged him away. "ET, no no, bad! Don't eat doggy food, Sweetheart! Lizzie, I told you to watch ET, he was eating kibble out of the dog's bowl." Kathryn dipped a waffle in syrup and handed it to the baby as she went to search for his bib.

"So? Mom says it won't hurt him, he does it all the time at home, but he likes cat food better."

"Aunt Katie, I'm hungry!" Eddie protested as he rooted through a box of cereal for the prize.

"Be careful, don't spill that!" Kathryn yelled as she lunged for the box, but she was too late and knocked over Eddie's orange juice in the process. "Oh great!" she sighed as she just gave up and swept it onto the floor for the dog to clean up as she slumped back into her chair. "Lizzie, where's ET and why is my chair wet?"

"Right here," Chakotay replied as he came in, handed the baby to Kathryn and put the milk in the fridge.

"Oh no, you're not getting anywhere near those!" Kathryn warned as she fended off the baby's sticky hands, aiming directly for her chest, and handed him back to Chakotay. "Did he have a waffle with him? I gave him one and do you know where his bib is?"

"No to both."

"Lizzie, don't eat with your hands, use the spoon. If you two are finished breakfast, why don't you go in the den and watch cartoons? In fact, why don't you go even if you're not! What was that?"

"Nothin'," Eddie replied, "Just Wumpie eatin'. Can we have some cookies?"

"Yes," Kathryn capitulated as she got up, got the package of cookies from the cupboard and handed it to Eddie. "As long as you go in the den and stay there, you can have whatever you want!" Kathryn looked around. "Eddie, where are my Pop-Tarts? Did Lizzie take them?"

"Nope, that's what the dog got off the counter."

"Mugwump!!" Kathryn shouted as she ran off in hot pursuit. She returned to the kitchen in a few minutes and found it deserted, so she sat at the table, propped her chin up on her hands and stared into a bowl of blue milk as she spun a red crayon around on the table.

Chakotay entered, joined Kathryn at the table and pushed her coffee mug over to her. "Here you go. They're in the den watching cartoons. They'll be fine and Eddie is under penalty of death if he doesn't watch his little brother and the dog. What's wrong with your coffee? You're not drinking it."

"There's a commando in it," she replied as she retrieved the little lime green action figure and tossed into the bowl of blue milk. Chakotay, it isn't even 0900 and I've already been defeated and surrendered to the enemy. They got my coffee, they got my Pop-Tarts, there's syrup in my hair, the kitchen looks like a bomb went off, there's a gooey waffle hiding somewhere in the house and my ass is wet because I'm sitting in a puddle of I don't even know what."

Chakotay got up and found a rag and a tray as he started to clear and wipe up the table. "I tell you what, I'm going to clear off the table and then you and I are going to sit here and have a nice civilized breakfast like real people and then you can go upstairs and take a long hot shower and get dressed while I clean up and we'll regroup and decide how to take back the ship from the enemy."

"OK, did you get the headache pills?"

"Yes. Here you go, and leave two out for me. OK, here's a fresh mug of coffee, orange juice, nice hot waffles and some strawberries, so eat and enjoy. Nothing blue, nothing that explodes and not a single little commando guy in sight."

"Thank you, Chakotay. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He fed her a strawberry as he said, "Well, if I get my way, you're never going to find out, because I sure as hell don't ever want to be without you."

When Kathryn came into the kitchen after she showered and dressed, Chakotay snapped to attention as he announced, "Captain on the bridge!"

She giggled as she pulled out a chair, checked to make sure that it was dry, gracefully sat in it and crossed her legs as she commanded, "Report!"

"Aye, aye, Captain. The galley has been cleaned, all supplies stowed, initial preparations for the lunchtime assault have been made and everything is ready for your inspection. The cadets are still watching cartoons in the den and have approved the lunch menu of tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. The missing alien waffle has been located and destroyed. The EMH reports that two surviving Pop-Tarts were found in an escape pod and are in serious condition, so they have been placed on life support, and here is your coffee, Captain Janeway, Ma'am."

Kathryn leaned back and laughed. "Oh my, I don't know how you did that with a straight face! So, where did the waffle and the Pop-Tarts turn up, or do I want to know."

Chakotay got himself some coffee and joined her at the table. I found the Pop-Tarts under the sofa. The wrapper has a few tooth marks, but I think they're OK. I couldn't find the rest, so I think the dog must have eaten them. The waffle was in the toilet and I put your clean laundry on the bed in the guest room. Oh, and what you sat in was orange juice. What do you want to do today? We should probably try to plan out something so we have the tactical advantage."

"Well, I thought I'd just pray that they watch cartoons until lunch and then maybe we can spring the games you downloaded on them? Coloring is a good backup plan and then there's what my mom used to do on rainy days and drape a sheet over something and make a teepee, playhouse or a fort and we'd play in that, very old fashioned, but fun. I know, maybe it can be a teepee and you can teach them some Indian stuff or tell them stories."

Chakotay laughed. "Kathryn, my people never built teepees!"

"Well now they do! Just make something up, I know you're good at that, Mister Ancient Legend."

"You know, we don't have to stay here, we could take them somewhere. Have they seen the art museum yet?"

"I don't know, but somehow I think taking them out in public again would probably involve the police, perhaps the National Guard, so it might be best not to. Besides, that asshole next door is usually home all weekend, so, if the dog carried on while we were gone, that might be a problem."

"Good point. How about we go upstairs and I'll tidy up while you put the laundry away and I'll help you put clean sheets on your bed and clean up your room and then it should be about time to start lunch."

After lunch both ET and Lizzie were tired, so Kathryn took them upstairs for naps as Chakotay and Eddie cleaned up in the kitchen. Chakotay checked out the table. "Thank you, Eddie, you did a good job! Do you help out your mom to clean up at home too?"

"Naw, my mom doesn't clean, she says there's no point. What are we having for dinner?"

"I don't know yet, but I'm sure Aunt Katie will work very hard to fix us all a nice dinner and we're going to eat in the dining room like civilized people, so I want you on your best behavior, young man!"

"I'm not civilized, my teacher Miss Ronda said so, she said I was 'incorable'. Does Aunt Katie have to cook? Can't we go out to dinner, get pizzas or order some good food?"

"Incorrigible," Chakotay corrected, "and she was right. No, we're eating here and lunch wasn't so bad, was it?"

"No, and nothing was burnt or lumpy or tasted like shit, so Aunt Katie didn't make it, did she?"

"Well, no, she didn't, and don't say shit. Hi, Kathryn, did you get ET and Lizzie down for their naps? Wow, you changed! That dress is very pretty, it looks nice on you. Oh, you forgot to put on the apron, didn't you?"

"Uh huh. Eddie, I think the dog should go out again, so can you please go get him so that Chakotay can take him out and then we have a nice surprise for you, so meet us the den." Kathryn got two mugs of coffee and a juice box as she headed for the den with Chakotay in tow as she said, "I figured we could play one of those games that you replicated on my computer and pray that he either enjoys it and it keeps him busy or it bores him so much he'll go take a nap." Kathryn took a good look at her desk before she sat. "Do you think you can fix my desk?"

"Yes, I can fix that, but I figured it would make more sense to wait until they're gone and then fix everything at once. There's the desk and the wallpaper in the dining room and the pizza stains won't come off the ceiling in the kitchen, so I'll repaint it for you and see what I can do about matching the molding that the dog chewed up and where he banged the walls up dragging the sofa around the house and if I can get the play putty out of the carpet in the living room. You were going to get a new sofa anyhow, weren't you?"

"Yes, I suppose I'll have to now." As Eddie came into the den, Kathryn asked, "Eddie, where's the dog? I asked you to go upstairs and get him, please."

"I did. He don't need to go out now, he pooped all the way down the stairs, so I took him back. What's the surprise."

Chakotay jumped up. "You stay here, I'll go run damage control."

Kathryn picked her computer up off the coffee table, opened it, slipped in the game chip and placed it on Eddie's lap. "Look, Chakotay got a game for you!"

He took one look and shoved the computer in Kathryn's lap. "It's an educational game, they're boring! Do you have Galactic Battle Blasters, Virtual Morgue, Mutant Alien Brain Popping or Gore Gore and Score Some More?"

Kathryn put the computer back on his lap. "No, and you shouldn't play violent games like that, they're awful. You don't get good grades in school, so this may help you, and I bet it's a lot of fun. Look, it's called Queen Grammatica, it's a game to help you with your writing and I know you like to write stories, don't you? OK, why don't you give it a try."

"No, I don't want to. Aunt Katie, can't we go look for snakes or something fun like that? Do you have an attic? Is it haunted?"

"No! Now, come on and give it a try. Look, you're supposed to write a story and Queen Grammatica will help you with it." Eddie just sat there and defiantly stared at the screen. "Eddie, don't make me get out my recipe for meatloaf!"

"OK, OK, I'm typing! You fight dirty, Aunt Katie!" Eddie groused as he started typing. After a few moments Queen Grammatica popped up and suggested that he check the last word. "What?"

"Well, look, Eddie, you misspelled a word, it should be 'you're' and not 'your'. See, Queen Grammatica is explaining it to you, you're is a contracted form of the subject and verb you are and your is an adjective indicating possession. Fix it and go on."

"Who cares? You understood what I was sayin', didn't you? It's just a dumb story." Eddie typed a few more words. "Now what?"

Kathryn looked at the screen and didn't see what the problem was, so she suggested, "Just tap Queen Grammatica and she'll tell you." After the lengthy explanation Eddie kept typing until the screen froze up, so Kathryn looked again. "Oh, I see, you have to go back and make the change she said before you can go on. Apparently she doesn't like it if you don't fix the errors she pointed out."

"That's dumb, who cares? It's my story, isn't it?"

Kathryn made the change for him as she said, "Well, I don't think it really matters, but Queen Grammatica says you have to change it. There, now go on with your story, I like it. Eddie, do you want to be a writer when you grow up?"

"No, I want to be a storm trooper death squad commando or a coroner, I just write for fun. I like to write commando stories and stories where my hamster Hermie can talk and sometimes I make it so he can fly too!"

Kathryn smiled. "That's very imaginative, you'll have to send them to me so I can read them. Oh my, what now?" Kathryn read the sentence several times. "Eddie, I don't see what the problem is, so let's see what Queen Grammatica has to say about it." Before Kathryn could tap the screen, Queen Grammatica popped up and launched into a lengthy diatribe of lay versus lie. "Oh my, now she's giving you her opinion even when you didn't ask for it and she won't stop! My, she's quite condescending, isn't she?"

"What does condescending mean, Aunt Katie, and how come she won't shut up?"

"Well, condescending means that Queen Grammatica thinks she's better than you are. I don't know why she won't shut up, I've told her to exit three times now and she won't. I think there's something wrong with her."

"Yeah, there sure is! I'm sorry, Aunt Katie, but writing stories is no fun when Queen Grammatica is around, so I'm gonna go upstairs and lay down."

"That's lie down, Eddie!" Queen Grammatica squawked from the computer screen as she waved her magic scepter of syntax, tapped the holy grail of grammar and sparks flew.

Eddie's face took on a wicked grin. "I got somethin' to wave too! Up yours, Queen Grammatica!" Eddie shouted as he gave Queen Grammatica the finger. "You're warped demento evil and I'm gonna write stories however I want so it's fun!" Eddie ran from the room crying.

Kathryn looked at the little troll-like Queen Grammatica figure sitting on her throne and shouted, "You bitch! You just ruined a kid's day. Take your holier than thou smug condescending know-it-all attitude and shove it up your big fat pompous ass!" With that, Kathryn slammed her computer shut, pulled out the game chip, ran down the hall and flushed it down the toilet. "Good riddance!"

"What was that all about, Kathryn? Eddie just ran up the stairs crying and you don't look so good either."

"I'm just fine now. That Queen Grammatica program you brought was absolutely the most annoying thing I have ever seen! Don't worry, I just put her right where she belongs. Let's go in the kitchen and make some fresh coffee, shall we?"

"Good idea, I think you need to have a cup of coffee and be sitting down when I tell you what the dog did to the stairs. He hit every stair but one and I scrubbed and scrubbed, but the blue stains won't come out. When I finish my coffee I'll go out and rent a carpet cleaner."

"And leave me here alone with those kids? I don't think so! I was planning on pulling up the carpet on the stairs anyhow. This house has some age to it, so I pulled back the carpet in a spot and, sure enough, it looks like there's nice hardwood under there that just needs to be refinished. It's on my list of home improvement projects."

"Well, let me see it sometime as I can probably give you a good idea of how much time, work and money a lot of them will be. One of the few things I had somebody store for me when I left for the Badlands and actually managed to get back was all my tools, so I can probably do a lot for you. I know I can most certainly refinish wood."

"Thanks, I might just take you up on that and I think I would like to learn how to do some things too. It might be fun to work together on some projects. Well, what about dinner? I want to fix a nice nutritious meal that they'll eat, but I haven't been able to come up with any ideas."

"Well, why don't you sleep on it? You said you wanted to take a nap and now would be a good time and I might just stretch out on the sofa and try to grab one too. That would be OK, wouldn't it?"

"Of course! Chakotay, you can use the bed in the guest room if you want to."

He smiled as he ran his finger along her jawline and asked, "What about the bed in your room, Kathryn?"

Kathryn batted her lashes as she played with Chakotay's tattoo. "So, you think those dimples of yours are going to get you into my bed, do you?"

He grabbed her hand and kissed it. "A guy can hope, can't he?"

"Well, yes, he can. Chakotay, I don't think it would be such a good idea with the kids here, even if we were just taking a nap, do you?"

"No, you're right, heaven knows what your niece would say if she saw us!" Chakotay said as he took Kathryn's hand and they started up the stairs together. "But I hope, one day, you will think it is a good idea and say yes."

Kathryn fell asleep for a few minutes, but awoke when she thought she heard one of the kids crying. She checked all three rooms, but they were all asleep. She found she felt a lot better and was no longer tired, so she went to the kitchen and had coffee while she looked through a PADD of recipes her mother had given her.

"Whatcha reading?" Chakotay asked as he slid his hands around her shoulders and kissed the nape of her neck. "You still have purple and pink streaks in your hair, you know." He got a glass of water and joined Kathryn at the table.

"I know I do, it wouldn't come out and Lizzie said it looked cool, so I think I'll just go with it until Monday. If you couldn't get the play putty stains out of the rug with that stuff you used, I'm sure it won't come out of my hair any time soon. I'm looking through the recipes Mom gave me, but they all either look too complicated, are something I know one of the kids wouldn't eat or require ingredients I don't have."

That shouldn't be a problem. Remember, I have a replicator, so I can run home and get you what you need. How's your headache?"

Kathryn looked up from her PADD and smiled. "Funniest thing, as soon as the kids go away, so does my headache. Chakotay, before I came downstairs, I checked on the kids and I saw you sleeping in the baby's room and is there anything that maybe you want to tell me?"

"Tell you? Like what? Quit giggling, what do you want to know? I have no idea what you're talking about, Kathryn! I took a nap on the bed in the guest room, you said that was OK, didn't you?"

"Yes." Kathryn's giggled turned to a laugh as she stared at poor Chakotay while he tried to figure out what he could have possibly done wrong. "Chakotay, you were curled up on the bed with the dog."

"I know. He was whining and keeping me awake, but as soon as I let him out of the crate, he was happy and stopped. He jumped up on the bed, I didn't think you'd mind."

"I don't, Molly slept with me all the time, dogs in bed works for me. Chakotay, when I checked on the baby I accidentally made a little noise and the dog raised his head to see what it was. When he did, you snuggled him closer and said 'Go back to sleep, Kathryn.' "

"I did? Really?"

"Yes, I swear."

"Well, I suppose I was dreaming about you, that we did take a nap together. That is one of my dreams, you know, to sleep with you in my arms."

'I know," she smiled as she gave his hand a pat. "I should warn you, I'm not usually a very good sleeper, I toss and turn all night, get up several times a night sometimes and I occasionally have nightmares too."

He took her hand and gave her a warm smile. "Well, maybe you just need somebody to hold you at night and make you feel safe?"

"You're right, I'll get a dog!"

"Kathryn!"

"I'm just teasing! Well, not about the dog, I do plan on going to the shelter and adopting one pretty soon. I want to wait a month or two until my finances are in better shape, maybe month after next." She picked up the PADD again. "Help me decide what to fix for dinner. Mom is an old fashioned cook and most of her recipes look pretty complicated to me. I need something I can figure out, that's vegetarian so you can eat it and something all three of the kids will eat… that's not pizza."

"What about spaghetti?"

No, they had pizza two nights in a row and I've eaten spaghetti almost every night since I moved in. I'm sick of it, sick of Italian food!"

Chakotay jotted on his palm, "Note to self: first date, don't take her to Italian restaurant! What about macaroni and cheese then? Most kids like that and I love it and you like it too, don't you? It's good rainy day food! See what you need and I'll run home and replicate it and check my messages."

Kathryn was suddenly excited. "Yes, I think I can make that and I have a jar of Mom's homemade stewed tomatoes and I think I'll make a salad and why don't you pick out a couple vegetables. It doesn't matter which ones, they hate them all, so pick out what we like. I know, I'll bake brownies for dessert." She made a list on her PADD and handed it to him. "Here, this will do it and thanks again."

"No problem, I'll be right back and, when the kids wake up, I'll see what I can do about keeping them out of your hair. It's still raining outside, but I'll think of something."

By the time Chakotay got back, Eddie was up and Kathryn had fixed him a snack and sent him to the den with his bag of commandos and his hamster. She and Chakotay ran upstairs to check on the other two kids. They met up in the hall as Chakotay reported, "Lizzie is still asleep, she's curled up with her doll and wearing a tiara, she looks so cute. Is ET still sleeping too?"

"Yes, he is, but the dog wasn't in there. Where did you put him? He probably needs to go out again."

Chakotay scratched his head. "He's in there, when I came downstairs I put him back in his crate."

"Well, he's not there now, are you sure you latched the door?"

"Yes, of course, maybe Eddie has him?" Chakotay replied as he cracked the door open and saw that the dog was indeed missing and not in the room.

"No, he doesn't, I just came from the den. Hurry up and help me look for him, but be quiet, don't wake up the kids." They checked in Lizzie's room again and he wasn't there nor was he in Eddie's room, so they headed to Kathryn's room.

"Mugwump!" she shrieked, "Oh, no, what have you done? Bad dog!" The beast was, of course, happy to see them and jumped up on Kathryn and started humping her thigh as he barked and the baby awoke and started to cry. "Chakotay, look, he got in my closet and chewed up all my shoes, they're ruined! Oh, jeez, he shit all over the rug too and chewed up my pillows Look at this mess! Nana gave those pillows to me, they were real feather pillows. Damn!"

"Gods, Kathryn, I must not have latched the door securely, I'm so sorry! Don't worry, I'll get you new shoes and pillows. Go take care of the baby and I'll take the dog out, put him back, make sure the door is latched and clean up the mess."

Kathryn sat on the floor and sobbed. "My Italian leather sling backs! These cost me almost a week's pay, I bought them on my last trip to Italy! I just loved these shoes, they made me look so tall, but I could still walk in them and they were designer!"

"Kathryn, honey, I'm so sorry. Come on, go get ET before he turns purple. I'll take you to Italy next weekend and buy you all the shoes you want. Stop crying, they were only shoes, they can be replaced."

"Only shoes? Only shoes! Chakotay, do you know how hard it is to find comfortable shoes that look good? It took me years to put together a collection of absolutely wonderful and perfect shoes for every outfit and occasion. You may just slap anything on your big clumsy feet and call them shoes, but to me shoes are so much more than that, they're an expression of who I am! Look at these, my poor babies, my favorite black spiky heels that looked perfect with everything; sexy yet not trashy, and fit just right and didn't pinch my toes. I'll never be able to find another pair like them!"

Kathryn's tears were contagious. "I don't know what I can do other than to say I'm sorry. Go get ET, don't worry, I'll take care of this."

The commotion woke up Lizzie as well, so Kathryn took care of the baby and got all three kids set up in the den with a sea of toys and a threat of meatloaf for dinner if any of them fought or came into the kitchen. Chakotay had left the additional things she needed on the counter, so Kathryn put the pot on the stove to boil the macaroni and started grating cheese. Chakotay returned and put the dog back in his crate, testing that the door was securely latched three times. He went down to the kitchen to get some cleaner, rags and trash bags and opened his mouth to speak, but Kathryn just glared at him, so he thought better of it and went upstairs to clean up the mess.

As he bagged up all the ruined shoes, and the dog had indeed managed to ruin every shoe in Kathryn's closet, Chakotay wondered what he could do to make amends. Kathryn was sensitive about her economic situation and he knew she already felt bad about all the money he had spent on her. Of course he hadn't kept track as it didn't matter to him, for he would gladly give her every credit and worldly possession he had, but he knew it was quite a lot and her promise to repay him was probably genuine. Chakotay got a second trash bag and started cleaning up all the feathers from her pillows. Kathryn had often spoken fondly of her grandmother, so the pillows most certainly were special to her. Getting all the feathers into the bag proved to be difficult, so Chakotay finally got the vacuum and that did a much better job. He cleaned up the rest of the mess, although the stains wouldn't come out of the cream colored carpet no matter how much he scrubbed. Chakotay put back the things the dog had knocked over but hadn't damaged, tidied the bed, carried out the trash and went home to get some of the spare bed pillows he had as Kathryn now only had the one on the guest room bed and he knew she liked to sleep with several pillows. Unfortunately, his replicator was just a small basic kitchen unit and only made things commonly found on grocery store shelves and not things like shoes or pillows.

When he returned he could hear Kathryn chopping something in the kitchen, however he thought it best to leave her alone. At this point, any offer of help on his part would probably be perceived as a comment about her lack of skill in the kitchen. Chakotay put the pillows on her bed and, satisfied that the room was clean and smelled good again, he left and just stood in the hall, wondering what to do with himself. He was in no mood to deal with the kids, so he flopped down on the guest room bed and gave the dog a dirty look as Mugwump wagged his tail and looked at Chakotay as if he had done nothing wrong. "It's not your fault, Wumpie, that they haven't bothered to train you and that I somehow didn't latch your door, even though I'm sure I did. I guess we're both in the doghouse how, huh? What do you think, should I just go home and let her cool off? No, I can't do that, she needs my help with those kids. If there's one thing we learned in seven years out in the Delta Quadrant, it was how to be professional and put our differences aside and work together when we had to. They say falling in love with your captain isn't a good thing to do, but I couldn't help myself and I have never regretted it, except when I let her down, like now." Chakotay rolled over, reached his hand through the bars and gave the dog a scratch on the head. "Well, what do you think, should I just stay here a while or go and try to talk to her?"

"I think you should try to talk to her," Kathryn said as she sat down on the bed next to Chakotay. "I'm sorry I got so upset. I think dealing with those kids, too little sleep and too much coffee just made me a little short tempered. Friends again?" she asked as she held out her hand.

"Always!" he replied as he took it, sat up and hugged her. "I'm sorry, Kathryn, I really am."

"Apology accepted," she replied, "but you, Mugwump, you're still on my shit list, buddy! Can you come downstairs and help me with dinner?"

"Of course," Chakotay replied as he got up off the bed and checked to be sure the dog's crate was securely latched. Kathryn got up and checked it as well before she headed for the door. "Don't trust me?" Chakotay chuckled.

"A good captain always checks up on her first officer, even if she happens to be in love with him!"

Kathryn and Chakotay worked together in the kitchen to make dinner, the shoe fiasco now something they could both laugh over. When he finished making his salad creation, Chakotay showed it to Kathryn for her approval.

"It looks lovely, but you'll have to take the onions off because the kids won't eat anything with onions in it, if they can see them." Kathryn took the macaroni and cheese out of the oven and slipped the brownies in. "There, they should be done by time we're ready for dessert and we can have them warm with ice cream on top! Oh my, the macaroni and cheese looks a little dry, doesn't it?"

"Not a problem," Chakotay said as he added a little milk and stirred it. "If a casserole is too dry, all you have to do is add a little milk or water. I'll go put the food on the table and you muster the troops for the mess hall. They haven't bothered us once and I haven't heard any screaming or yelling either, how did you manage to keep them quiet?"

"It was easy, I threatened them with meatloaf for dinner."

Chakotay chuckled, "Is your meatloaf really that bad?"

Kathryn gave Chakotay a wry smile as she handed him a tray to carry the food into the dining room. "Let's put it this way, if Starfleet replaced photon torpedoes with my meatloaf, we'd never hear from the Borg or Cardassians again!"

Kathryn got the kids rounded up and into the dining room just as Chakotay had finished lighting the candles. She pointed to a chair and said, "OK, Eddie, you sit there and Lizzie you sit there and I don't want any squabbling or throwing food during dinner. We're going to eat like a civilized family, even if it's the only time you ever do. Chakotay, the table looks wonderful, where did the flowers come from?" Kathryn asked as she sat with the baby on her lap, for her sister had neglected to send his high chair."

"I replicated them when I went home to get the other things. Here, let me take the baby, you deserve to actually get to eat without him trying to shove macaroni and cheese up your nose." Chakotay took his seat with the baby, dipped his napkin into his water and started to scrub ET's face. "Looks like you got into the coloring markers, little guy, your forehead looks like modern art!"

"Nope," Lizzie piped up, "I gave him a tattoo so he'd look like you, Chakotay. It's cool, isn't it?"

Chakotay kept scrubbing. "Well, not at the dinner table. This isn't coming off, I made sure I replicated washable crayons and markers, I don't understand it."

"Oh, I didn't use those, I used the crayons I found in Aunt Katie's desk."

"What?" Kathryn gasped. "Sweetie, those weren't crayons, they were my drawing pens. You shouldn't have gone into my desk and messed with my art supplies." Kathryn giggled as she started serving the food. "Chakotay, you can stop scrubbing, they're permanent Vulcan ink pens, it probably won't come off until he starts high school… and I'm sure you'll have fun explaining that to your parents, won't you, Lizzie?"

"I didn't do it, Eddie did!"

"Liar, did not!"

"Did too!"

Chakotay broke it up. "Stop fighting, you two, Aunt Katie isn't the only one who knows how to make a meat loaf! Here, Eddie, have some broccoli. Aunt Katie worked very hard to make us this nice dinner and you're going to eat some of everything."

"I don't like broccoli! Can I go get Mugwump? He likes it."

"No!"

"Then, what am I going to do with the broccoli and these gross orange things?"

"They're glazed carrots and you're going to eat them."

Eddie checked out Chakotay's plate. "I don't see you eatin' no carrots!"

Kathryn reached across the table and dumped a heaping spoonful of carrots onto Chakotay's plate as she smiled at him and said, "You're right, Eddie, Chakotay should eat some carrots too!" He looked up at Kathryn and gave her a desperate plaintive stare, for she knew he absolutely hated carrots even more than leola roots. She whispered, "Carrots for shoes, fair trade, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes, Kathryn, please pass the salt."

There were a few skirmishes during dinner, some spilt milk and a barrage of complaints about the vegetables, but dinner went well otherwise and was one of Kathryn's best efforts to date. Chakotay made Kathryn sit during the entire meal and he was the one who had to constantly jump up to run damage control and back and forth to the kitchen. He brought in the desserts, passed them out and took his seat again as Mugwump suddenly bounded into the room and tried to jump up on the table.

Luckily, Kathryn's quick reflexes allowed her to grab his collar and stop him before he had managed to do more than shake the table and knock over everyone's glasses. "You!" she shrieked, '"What are you doing here? I checked your crate door right before dinner and it was latched, I know it was! How did you get out?"

"He can get outta anything," Eddie replied. "Dad says we shoulda named him Houdini. He's real smart, 'cept he's only smart about being bad and not about being good."

"Stay here and enjoy your dessert," Chakotay said as he rose and handed her the baby. "I'll go take care of him."

Kathryn finished her dinner, got the kids settled in the den with the kadis kot game, cleared the table and headed upstairs to check on Chakotay. "What's all this?" she asked as she inspected Mugwump's crate.

Chakotay smiled as he made a final adjustment and stood up. "Well, I found an old tow chain in my garage and I took the magnetic lock off my shed and found an old style mechanical lock, so I used that too. I don't think a rabid targh could get out of that crate now!"

"A targh I'm sure about, that dog I'm not!" Kathryn smiled as she took Chakotay's hands. "Chakotay, obviously what happened wasn't your fault and I owe you an apology. You've never lied to me and I shouldn't have doubted your word," she said as she slid her arms around his neck and kissed him.

He returned her kiss. "Apology accepted, Kathryn."

"Again, I'm so sorry. Well, we had better get downstairs and take care of the dishes."

"The dishes can wait, Kathryn," Chakotay said as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. "I think we need to apologize some more, don't you?"

"Ummm hummm," she trilled as she snaked a hand into his hair, picked a bare foot up off the floor and kicked the door shut.

Sunday morning came blissfully late and without rain. Kathryn and the kids were already in the kitchen spilling milk and cereal and fighting over prizes when Chakotay came in with a plate of homemade cinnamon rolls and a smile. "Good morning, troops!"

Kathryn looked up as she took a handful of kibble away from the baby and he started to wail. "Good morning to you too! Would you like Flotter Flakes or Commando Crunch this morning?"

"Neither," he replied as he took the baby from Kathryn and pulled out a chair for her. "You sit and have your coffee and a roll while I make omelets. What kind would everyone like?"

"Eww, I hate eggs!" Lizzie said as she wrinkled her nose.

"Me too, they're all rubbery and gross!" Eddie added.

By the time Chakotay had made the omelets, the kids had finished breakfast and gone into the den to do Kathryn didn't care what, as long as they were quiet.

"Here you go," Chakotay said as he slid a plate in front of her, "a real grown up breakfast. Oh, wait, I have a present for you," he said as he left and quickly returned with a package wrapped in beautiful floral paper and a pink bow. He placed it beside her plate. "Go on, open it."

Kathryn carefully removed the wrappings, opened the box and smiled. "Shoes!"

Chakotay slid his chair over next to hers as he took a shoe out and handed it to her. "Not just any shoes, genuine leather Italian designer shoes from the newest collection of some guy whose name I can't pronounce, guaranteed to be both comfortable and fashionable. The lady at the shoe store said any sane woman would die for these. Don't worry, she also said you could take them back or exchange them if you don't like them or they don't fit."

Kathryn slipped them on and walked around the kitchen. "They fit perfectly, like they were made for me! They're very comfortable, the perfect shade of beige that will go with almost anything and I just love them! Chakotay, you went all the way to the mall early this morning and got these for me?"

"No, they came from that boutique downtown next to the new wine shop. I went to the mall first, but that same security guard that was there the other day was on duty and he recognized me and, well…"

Kathryn sat on Chakotay's lap, gave him a kiss and draped her arms around his shoulders. "Thank you, I really do love them and you're pretty amazing, do you know that?"

"Yup! I'm glad you like them. Sit down and eat your breakfast before it gets cold and then maybe we can go sit on the porch and have coffee and I'll tell you just how amazing I think you are."

A little later, everyone headed out to the pool and they had had a wonderful morning and early afternoon, complete with a picnic lunch on the porch. The screaming, yelling and constant fighting went on, however Kathryn and Chakotay just took more little green pills and rejoiced in the fact that the kids were going home that evening and, after a week's sleep, some intensive psychotherapy and a couple bottles of wine, they would probably be fine.

All three of the kids were getting tired, so Kathryn herded them into the house as she said, "They're all exhausted, I'll get them down for their naps, you take the dog out and clean up the porch and I'll meet you in the den and maybe we can curl up together on the sofa and grab a nap too?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I sure like the sound of that!"

It didn't take long to get the kids off to dreamland, so Kathryn took a quick shower to shampoo her hair again, in hopes of getting the pink and purple streaks out. She went downstairs and looked around for Chakotay, but couldn't find him, so she went outside to look for him. "There you are! Where did that come from? It must be older than I am!"

"Probably," he said as he rubbed the dirt off the old barbeque grill with a rag. "It was in the back of my shed, Mrs. Westerman left all kinds of things in there when she moved out. The picnic at lunch went over so well, I thought it might be fun to replicate some hamburgers and hotdogs, potato salad, baked beans, corn on the cob and all and have an old fashioned family cookout for dinner."

"Oh, Chakotay, what a wonderful idea!"

"I thought you'd like it and I bet the kids will enjoy it too. Well, that's enough for now, let me go wash up and I'll meet you in the den."

When Chakotay went into the den, he started gathering up the ocean of toys the kids had spread all over the room until Kathryn arrived. "Chakotay, I think there's something wrong with the downstairs toilet, would you mind taking a look at it when you get a chance?"

He started for the bathroom with Kathryn following behind him. "Sure, I'll do it right now. What did ET put in it this time?"

"Well, as you can see, there's some Flotter Flakes in it, so I tried to flush them, but they wouldn't go down. It must be clogged up, can you just blast it out with a toilet phaser or something?"

"Toilet phaser?" Chakotay chuckled. "Kathryn, there's no such thing as a toilet phaser! Do you have a clog buster or an old fashioned plunger?"

She shook her head no and gave Chakotay a pat on the back as he rolled up his sleeve. "Well, maybe you should invent one? I bet you'd make a fortune and then we could both retire!"

"I'll give it some thought," he said as he got down on his knees, reached in and pulled out and handful of crayons."

"So that's what it was!" Kathryn laughed as she held up the waste basket.

"Yup, but there's more," Chakotay replied as he reached down into the toilet again. "I can feel something else down there, but it's wedged in pretty tight."

"What is it?"

He repositioned himself as he grunted and groaned and tried to retrieve it. "I can't tell, but it's hard and too far down and so narrow down there and my hand's so big, I just can't get a good enough grip on it to pull it out. Whatever it is, it's really wedged in there tight! Shoot!" Chakotay exclaimed as he gave up and went to the sink to wash his hands. "I'll go home and get some tools and see if I can get it out."

Kathryn shrugged her shoulders, knelt down and plunged her hand in the toilet. "Let me give it a shot, my hands are a lot smaller than yours, so maybe I can get it out. Yes, I can feel it, I think I can get a grip on it." Kathryn repositioned herself so she could reach farther down the plumbing. "Yup, no problem, I have it now!"

Chakotay held up the waste basket. "Great, pull it out!"

"Uh, I can't. Chakotay, I think my hand is stuck."

"Stuck, what do you mean stuck?"

"Stuck! Stuck as in I have a good grip on it, but whatever it is and my hand are too big to come out at the same time and my hand's so wedged in there now I can't let go, I can't even move my fingers. Chakotay, help, I can't get my hand out!"

He reached down, grabbed her forearm and tugged, but she immediately screamed out in pain. "Kathryn, what can I do?"

"I don't know, just get me out of here! It hurts, I think my hand is swelling! Please get me out of here!"

"How?"

"How the hell should I know!" she glared at him. "Go get some tools or something!"

Chakotay scratched his head as he surveyed the situation. "Kathryn, that's an old toilet and it's all one piece. I could disconnect it from the wall and the floor, but it would make a hell of a mess you'd still have a toilet stuck to your hand."

Tears started coming to her eyes. "Dammit, Chakotay, it really hurts now, please do something! Owwww!"

"I'll go get help, I'll be right back, stay right there!" Chakotay said as he ran from the bathroom.

"Stay right here? Like I have a choice?" Kathryn yelled as she rolled her eyes. "Hurry!"

Chakotay called the rescue squad. Two men beamed in immediately and one of them asked, "What's the problem, Sir?"

Chakotay was now beside himself from listening to Kathryn's cries; all his Starfleet training had gone out the airlock and he was now in full panic mode. "Oh, help, please, it's Kathryn, hurry!"

"Calm down, Sir. What's the problem?"

"It's Kathryn, she's stuck in the toilet!"

"You mean… on the toilet? She's a… uh… a large woman?"

"No, she's small. She's stuck in it, her hand… oh come on, hurry please!" The men followed Chakotay as he ran through the house and led them to the bathroom. "See, the baby put something in the toilet and she tried to get it out and her hand got stuck."

The rescue squad leader stifled a grin as he scratched his head and assessed the situation, for he had never seen anyone with their hand stuck down a toilet full of blue cereal before. Kathryn looked up and grinned through her tears. "Could you gentlemen please get me out of here?"

"Yes, Ma'am, we will." He reached down into the toilet and tried to guide her hand out. "Relax, Ma'am, and let me help you and we'll have you out of there in a jiffy." One yelp from Kathryn was all it took. "Wow, you're really wedged down in there, aren't you?"

"No kidding! It really hurts and I can't even feel my fingers anymore."

The rescue squad leader thought for a moment. "Sir, if you could go get some ice please, as much as you have." Chakotay nodded his head and ran off for the ice. "Ma'am, please try to relax. We're going to do this the old fashioned way and I'm going to put ice in the toilet and that should take down any swelling and shrink your hand and then I'll bet we can slip you right out of there." Kathryn nodded her approval, thinking it made about as much sense as anything at this point. They dumped the ice in the toilet and it did serve to dull the pain somewhat, but soon Kathryn started shivering. Chakotay ran to the den, grabbed the afghan off the recliner and put it around Kathryn's shoulders as her teeth chattered and her eyes watered. The man reached down into the toilet again. "OK, let's give this another try, Ma'am. You just relax and I'll gently work your hand back and forth and slip it right out.

"Oh, gods, it hurts, isn't there something else you can do?" Kathryn asked as he gave up and she reached her other hand down to try to free herself."

The man sat back on his heels and thought. "Soap, do you have any liquid soap?"

"Yes!" Kathryn said, "Soap, why didn't I think of that? My grandmother used to use soap all the time to get things unstuck. Chakotay, go up to my shower and there should be a brand new bottle of oil cream body wash, it's maroon, on the shelf, go get it, hurry."

The paramedics tried to help Kathryn into a more comfortable position as they waited. Chakotay returned in less than a minute with the bottle and the man held it under the water and tried to squirt it deep down, where Kathryn's hand was. "OK, Ma'am, give it another try."

Kathryn wiggled and squirmed and both men tried to help her, but it was ultimately to no avail. Kathryn sighed again. "It's no use! My hand is numb, I don't even know if my fingers are moving now and it really hurts."

Chakotay took another look as the two rescuers stepped back. "Why don't we just disconnect the toilet and beam her and it to the hospital?"

"Oh no!" Kathryn yelled, "You are NOT beaming me to the hospital with a damn toilet stuck to my hand! There has to be another way!"

"Well, Ma'am, there is one more thing we can try, but, if it doesn't work, we'll have to beam you and the toilet to the hospital as your circulation has probably been cut off for a long time. Sir, can you go get a bucket, something to bail the water out with and all the cooking oil you have? We'll bail out as much of the water as we can, pour in the oil and give that a try."

Kathryn nodded and waited while the men worked. As they bailed the water, Chakotay ran home and quickly returned, out of breath, with a large bottle of olive oil. "Here, use this too. Don't worry, Kathryn, we'll get you out!"

When all the soapy water was out and the oil was in, the man reached down and gently worked Kathryn's hand back and forth as she pulled and screamed. Finally, her hand came free as she fell backwards and shouted, "Thank gods!"

Chakotay helped Kathryn to a comfortable position sitting on the floor as he handed the paramedic a towel and rubbed her back. The man scanned her with his tricorder, examined her hand and asked, "Can you wiggle your fingers?" She tried, but it was very painful and they would only move slightly. "Ma'am, your hand it pretty swollen, I really think you should let a doctor check this out to be sure there's no permanent damage. Come on, we'll beam you to the Bay Area Trauma Center."

She finally mustered a slight smile as Chakotay helped her to her feet. "Thank you, thank you gentlemen so much. I'll get it checked out right away, but I'm in Starfleet, so I'll just beam to Starfleet Medical."

"Glad to be of service, Ma'am," he replied with a smile, which became even broader as something hit him. "Starfleet, that's it, I knew you looked familiar! Aren't you Captain Janeway, the one who got lost in space for years and years and then got back? Yeah, you are, I saw you on the news, now I recognize you! You're a real hero around the station, you know!"

"Yes, thank you, I am Captain Janeway," Kathryn reluctantly admitted, "and he's my first officer, Commander Chakotay."

"Nice to meet you both, no wonder you looked so familiar!" He poked the other man in the ribs. "Come on, Bob, they're never going to believe this back at the station, we got to rescue Captain Janeway!"

"Uh, gentlemen…," Kathryn stammered, "maybe you could leave out the part about exactly what happened to me and what you rescued me from? Maybe you could just say a houseguest slipped and fell at my house or something like that… couldn't you? It could just be our little secret and I'd be happy to come down to the station next week and pose for pictures and sign autographs for everyone."

"Yes, Ma'am, of course, you're secret's safe with us. Well, we have to get back, but it was very nice to meet you two and make sure you have a doctor look at that hand."

"I will, I promise. Likewise, nice to meet you, and thanks again," Kathryn said as she slumped against the wall.

"Hold on, Kathryn, I'll see them out and I'll be right back and then you are beaming to sick bay!" Chakotay returned quickly and helped Kathryn to wash off her hand in the sink and wrap it in a towel. "It does look pretty swelled, so you had better beam right out. I'll stay here with the kids and, with any luck, you'll be back before they wake up. Here hold it up so it doesn't throb so much. Come on now, hurry up."

"Thanks, I am hurrying. I still can't wiggle my fingers and want them to make it stop hurting as fast as possible." As Chakotay handed Kathryn her com badge, she gave him a quick kiss. "Thanks again, I'm sure I'll be right back and I'll call you if it's going to take more than a few minutes."

It was more than a half hour before Kathryn returned and Chakotay was getting anxious. He rushed to her, "Are you OK, how's you hand?"

She showed it to him and flexed her fingers as she sat down on the sofa in the living room. "It's fine, see? Just a little red, that's all. They zapped it and it's fine, doesn't even hurt now, good as new, no permanent damage. It only took so long because there was a group of nursing students there and the doctor had to use me as a show and tell while they all did a really bad job of not snickering and laughing. Are the kids still asleep?"

"The baby is, but Eddie and Lizzie woke up a few minutes ago, so I fixed them a snack and they're in the den supposedly packing up all their toys. Stay there, I'll get you some coffee, I'm sure you could use it." Chakotay returned with the coffee, put it on the table, sat down and placed a towel in Kathryn's lap.

"What's this? Not another present, I hope."

"No," Chakotay grinned. "While you were gone I cleaned up all the mess in the bathroom and this was in the toilet. I guess, when your hand finally came out, it did too and nobody noticed. Don't worry, the toilet works fine now. Well, this is what was down there and caused the problem."

"Thanks," Kathryn said as she unwrapped the towel and started laughing so hard so almost fell off the sofa. "Oh gods, I can't believe it, it's Neelix!" She finally composed herself, took a sip of coffee and went on. "Not long after we got back, the toy company sent me a case of samples, so I sent each of the kids a set of Voyager action figures." She tossed the colorful Talaxian onto the coffee table. "I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that Neelix is still the source of headaches, predicaments, emergencies and embarrassment?"

"Doesn't surprise me a bit, he always had a knack for getting into trouble!"

"Oh well, I suppose we should just be grateful it wasn't the Janeway or Chakotay doll that he chose to flush down the toilet."

"Kathryn, Chakotay is an action figure, Janeway is a doll," he corrected as he gave Kathryn a hug. "I'm glad you're OK. Do you want to go upstairs and lie down for a few minutes?"

"No, I'm fine and I think I can hear ET fussing." She listened for a moment. "Yes, the little potty plugger is definitely up, so I'll go take care of him and then we can make sure to get all their stuff rounded up and packed, start our cook out and pray that my sister and her husband get here early."

Chakotay started a fire in the grill and went home to replicate the ingredients for their cook out while Kathryn got sleeping bags, toys, clothes and a hamster packed up and assembled at the top of the stairs. They carried everything down and piled it up with the rest of the kids' things in the foyer. Kathryn looked through the pile. "OK, kids, Chakotay will carry down the crib, but are you sure you have everything?"

"Yes!" they all replied in unison. "Can we go outside now?"

"Why don't you go and check around the house again first, I'm pretty sure you missed things."

"No, we didn't, Aunt Katie," Eddie assured. "You said we could go swimming again until dinner, can't we go out to the pool now?"

"Well, OK," Kathryn said as they started for the back door. She stopped in the living room, picked up a plastic tiara that was sticking out from under the sofa and put it on her head. "Are you sure you got everything? Maybe you should look again because Aunt Katie gets to keep whatever you leave behind!"

"NOOOO!" they screeched as they ran off to search the house again. ET fussed to go with them, but Kathryn picked him up and sat on the sofa with him. "Not you, little buddy, I'm not letting you out of my sight until your parents get here!" She picked up the Neelix doll on the coffee table and handed it to him. "That's Neelix, Sweetie, and the two of you sure caused me a lot of grief today because you shouldn't have flushed him down the potty! I hope you get to meet Neelix one day, he's a lot like you."

As Chakotay came in the back door ET ran to him and shoved the Neelix doll at him as he babbled "Nix Nix, Tay Tay, Nix Nix potty!"

Kathryn smiled, "See he can talk, it's just that I think he speaks Talaxian! How's the cook out coming?"

"Fine, I put all the food on the porch, but it'll be a while yet before the coals are ready. Anything I can do to help you out… Princess Kathryn?"

She stared at him until she realized she was wearing the tiara. "I like the sound of that! Why don't you pack up all that kid food we'll never eat, no sense in it going to waste. Oh, and if could please carry the crib down and put it in the foyer with the other stuff?"

"Sure, the dog crate too?"

"No, leave that. I'm keeping it as I can probably use it when I get a dog. Come here, ET and stay with me, Uncle Tay Tay will be right back."

Chakotay sat him on Kathryn's lap as he brushed back his sandy hair and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Oh, gosh, I forgot! I think I have some stuff at home that will get all that mess that Lizzie drew on his forehead off. Hold on, I'll go get it."

Kathryn gave ET a kiss on his rather extensive and flowery looking orange, pink and purple tattoo and brushed his hair back over it. "Don't bother, let my sister find it when she gives him a bath tonight and worry about it." Kathryn gave the baby another kiss. "Besides, I just love a man with a tattoo!"

The kids swam while Kathryn watched them and Chakotay got the grill ready and cooked the hot dogs and hamburgers. The food smelled so delicious and the kids were so hungry that they didn't have the anticipated problems prying them from the pool to eat dinner. As Kathryn gathered up the watermelon rinds from dessert and Chakotay wiped up sticky hands and faces, their prayers were answered as Phoebe and her husband arrived almost an hour early to pick up the kids.

Chakotay carried their things outside as fast as he could and dumped them on the sidewalk out front as Kathryn and her sister chatted in the kitchen. Kathryn laughed, "Problems? Yeah, only about a million of them. You owe me, Sis, you owe me big time! They all had naps today, played in the pool and they just had dinner and sorry to send them home all wet like that. Sorry the dog is all wet too, but he rolled in the flower bed, so I had to hose him off. Gosh, I hope it doesn't mess up your new car when you drive home from the beaming station." Kathryn started shoving Phoebe towards the door. "Sorry you have to rush off, but I know you want to get right home. I'll call you tomorrow and fill you in on all the details. When I find all the stuff the kids undoubtedly left behind, I'll pack it all up and send it to you. Oh, ET learned a new word, I'm sure he'll surprise you with it soon!"

Kathryn and Chakotay hugged and kissed everyone and waved goodbye as they beamed away. "Thank gods!" Kathryn said as she slumped into Chakotay's waiting arms. "That was the three and a half day weekend from hell!"

"It sure was," he agreed as he put his arm around her and they went back in the house. "I think have the perfect cure, let's sit on the porch and finish off the wine from the other night, shall we?"

"Terrific idea!" Kathryn said as she got the glasses, Chakotay got the wine and they met up on the porch and sank into the loveseat. Chakotay poured the wine and Kathryn raised her glass as she toasted, "Here's to outwitting the enemy once again and somehow managing to crawl back from the jaws of hell!"

"I'll drink to that! And here's to a beautiful woman who is an amazing aunt and my best friend."

Kathryn clinked her glass to his as she said, "You're a pretty amazing uncle and I couldn't have done it without all your help. You're my best friend too, Chakotay, and I love you."

After they took a sip, Chakotay sat his glass down, took Kathryn's from her, put it on the table as well and pulled her up onto his lap as he leaned back. They exchanged kisses and Kathryn sighed as he snuggled her to his chest and she wrapped her arms over his. "This is nice, Kathryn, the perfect way to end a day. All days should end like this."

"Yes, they should, shouldn't they? A nice dinner, a beautiful sunset, wine and cuddling up with the one you love." As Kathryn settled into Chakotay's embrace, he shifted his position to get more comfortable until they both jumped up and screamed "OUCH!"

"Oh, Kathryn, I'm so sorry, what happened?"

"When you jumped your arm slid across my chest and bumped my breast and it's still pretty sore and it hurt. Why did you jump like that, did something bite you?"

"I don't know," he said as he rubbed his backside and cautiously reached down into the love seat cushion. Chakotay laughed as he fished out a commando figure with its rifle pointed straight at him. "Yeah, when I moved to get more comfortable, this little guy stabbed me in the butt."

They both laughed, carefully sat down together again and cuddled up again. Kathryn grabbed Chakotay's arm and placed it across her middle. "It's OK, I like it when you hold me, just keep your arms down here for another couple of days."

"Like this?"

"Yes, that's perfect. Well, let's reminisce. Over the last three days I've had to scrub peanut butter, syrup, pizza, glitter, snot and play putty out of my hair and both of us were doused with milk, juice, snot, slobber, and urine repeatedly. I now know that I'm a prune, a tyrant, a bad housekeeper, a lousy cook, a prison matron and absolutely no fun whatsoever."

Chakotay chuckled. "Yeah, and your boyfriend is a big dumb mean butt head pervert who hates hamsters and eats little kids for breakfast. I have to go to court on two charges now, will probably end up with a criminal record, can never go to the grocery store or mall again and I'm pretty sure they'll never let us into the holo suites or Cheesy Mouse again either. Everyone at work thinks I'm Italian now because smell like pizza, the upholstery in my new car is ruined, I don't have any clean clothes left and I think I technically had sex with the dog that tried to rape Mrs. Wentworth's Poodle."

"You think you have problems? The man next door is pissed at me and the Primrose Acres busybody undoubtedly thinks I teach kids profanity, let them eat bugs and that I have sex in front of them, even though my five year old niece told me I don't know anything about sex in the first place. The wallpaper in my dining room, sofa in the den, selected woodwork, carpet in most every room in the house, the kitchen ceiling, my feather pillows, coral dress, bathrobe and all my shoes are ruined."

"Don't forget about your hand," he prompted as he pulled it up and kissed it.

"Oh, yes, and I got to sit there at Starfleet Medical this afternoon with pink and purple streaks in my hair, no shoes, no bra because I'm so sore I can't wear one and blue goo all over me while some Vulcan doctor stoically and methodically explained in excruciating detail to a dozen snickering nursing students how Captain Janeway got her damn hand stuck in a toilet and it took her first officer and two guys from the rescue squad to get her out! Kathryn leaned back as Chakotay cradled her and she finally let out a sigh. "Chakotay, please promise me we'll never have kids. I don't think I could take it."

"I promise, Kathryn, neither could I."

THE END

O7/19/08

I do not have a beta, therefore I take credit for all foul ups, bleeps and blunders. This is a work of fiction and no actual kids, dogs, hamsters, Pop-Tarts or action figures were harmed writing this story.