"Hey, Edward?"

"Yes, love?" Edward turned his golden eyes towards the love of his life.

"Can vampires reproduce?" She raised her eyebrow slightly, a look of serious concentration on her face.

"No." He answered simply.

Bella gave a short laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Nuthin'"

"…Tell me."

"You're like the ultimate birth control.…." She grinned. "I'll never need to buy a condom again."

"Again?"

"Yes, again."

"Well…" He sat up straight on the rug and looked up at her. "there are such things as STDs in this world."

"Psh." She laid back on the black, leather couch.

"What?"

"Six words: one, hundred, and, seven, year, old, virgin.…" Her head turned to face a clearly bewildered Edward. "What?"

"What's so bad about being a virgin at 107?"

"What's so good about it?" She sat up. "Dude, for the last 90 years, you've been supermodel hot, surrounded by sexy women, and surrounded by supermodel hot, sexy women that liked you and somehow you still haven't gotten laid. If it weren't for the fact that you're dating Bell—me, I'd think you were gay!"

Edward's eyes set into a glare as he leaned forward and he bared his teeth. "Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Bella?" He snarled.

"It's me—Jacob, dumbass. I thought you would at least recognize the smell…or the voices in my head…."

Edward straightened himself again. "Do I even want—"

"—Want to know why I look like your 'love'…? Prob'ly not, but I'll tell you anyways. You see, I was walkin' down the road on my way to Quill's when these two red-head twins appear out of, like, nowhere! They had these crazy, wooden sticks that glowed at the ends and this nasty crud in a cup. They dared me to drink it, and, well, it's not like I'm gonna wimp out of a challenge, so I drank it."

"And?"

"And…then I got sick."

"Idiot." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Am not! And look, Cullen, it's not like I threw up or anything! I'm not weak…! But I did run home. And when I got there, my head didn't hit the ceiling like it normally did. So I went to the bathroom to see what was wrong and, tah dah, this is what I saw."

"…So you came straight here—to my house."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Why else—to talk, no duh. And, I kinda wanted to see how long it would take for you to figure out who I was…." Jacob sat up. "But you didn't…." He smirked. "I had to tell you." The smirk grew to a smile. "Who's the idiot now!?"

"Still you."