Title: Sinking
Summary: Shawn and Rebecca talk about their relationship.
Notes/Spoilers: Set during Rebecca's pregnancy with Cameron. Inspired by the song 'Why' by Annie Lennox.
Pairings: Shawn and Rebecca

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I do. You're my husband." Her hands rested on her swollen belly, as she stared down.

"Why didn't ya look at me when you said that?"

"Sometimes it's hard being your wife." If she had been looking at him, she'd have seen the heartbroken look upon his face.

"Why?"

"Because I never know how you're going to be." She was nothing but honest with him.

"I always treat you right." He defended.

"I know you do. That's one of the reasons why I love you so much."

"What am I doing wrong?"

"You know honey." She looked at him, placed one of her hand on his. "You can't keep taking all these pills forever."

"I'm not... I won't forever. I need them right now. You know how bad my back is."

"I know. I know you're in pain."

"You don't... regret getting married do you?"

"No." Her response came without delay or hesitation. "I love you. I'm excited about having this baby. But I'm worried about you. So much sometimes."

"I might not be perfect, but I can still be what you need."

"You're all I need. You and this baby are my life. I wish you could stop doubting yourself. I wish you could talk to me. Be open and honest."

He looked away from her. "Some things are better not said."

He couldn't let her know those feelings he had about himself. He didn't think he was good enough for her, he didn't want her to realise it to. Thoughts swirled in his mind at her request to be open and honest. All the words that came to him when he thought about himself; selfish, unkind, mad, vicious, nasty... It wasn't just him who thought that, he knew a lot of others did too. And it made him feel scared and hateful of himself.

"It's okay, honey." She could see him mulling over her words. Wished she knew what he truly felt, but didn't want to push him on it. "Maybe one day we can get there. I'll help you cast those doubts away." She reached across to him and kissed him on the lips.

She got up to leave and her grabbed her wrist to stop her. His eyes were serious with worry shining through.

"Why do you love me?" He asked.

"Because of who you are." She answered. "The good and the bad."

"I love you too." He said, kissing her hand that he desperately held onto as if to prove himself to her. "I'll try harder to prove it to you."

"You don't have to prove anything to me." She looked to the side of him, smiled softly and walked away.

Once she had gone, he looked where she had beside him. The first sonogram of their baby was framed next to him. His baby. He knew he had to try harder for that reason alone. Sighing as he traced a finger across the picture, he picked up the book next to the picture.

The Bible. It was Rebecca's. She'd been reading it last night.

He pulled a pack of his pills from his pocket and popped several out, swallowing them dry.

He looked at the book that he'd picked up, rolled his eyes. "Like that's gonna help me." He said, placing it back down on the table, next to the picture of his baby.