FEAR ITSELF

By: Blade-kun

Disclaimer: I don't own Persona. Posted this a pretty long time ago on livejournal, finally got it up here.

Minato remembers the first time he looked fear in the face. It was cloaked in shadows and pooled in blood. It stared at him with soulless eyes set in the face of death. There was the sound of screaming and the echo of gunfire. And above all of it there was a moon, painted in eerie green that seemed to be laughing, as if this whole thing was orchestrated for its manic amusement.

He remembers the sound of his heartbeat. Remembers how for one moment, it beat furiously in his chest, as that thing crept closer, loomed directly in his face. And just before he thought it was going to explode, there was an explosion in his head instead, and everything fell suddenly blank, and then his heart was steady again. He remembers a sick feeling curling his stomach, and a severing of reality, and the feel of his last tears drying on his face, and he knew that his life had ended, and for one moment he was overcome with an all-consuming hate. Then the hate melted into sadness, and then emptiness before the world went black.

Sometimes he wonders if he died that night. It felt like he did. Somehow, he could never quite feel alive after that. The whole world was a blur, and everything bled together in a distortion of sounds and images that never quite got through to him.

That was before he moved back to the place where it started.

From the moment he stepped off that train, it seemed the rush of time that his life had become had once again, for the first time in 10 years, slowed down, even stopped. And as he walked down the street, surrounded on all sides by a nightmare he'd had once before, he felt everything coming back into focus. Looking up at a night sky that had haunted him once, he stared back with the same chilling calm it seemed to radiate, even as it whispered death to him.

And this time, he felt no fear. No, it almost seemed that now, it feared him.

By the time he reached the dorm, a chilling cold had settled over his body, an absolution, a resolve, an instinctual knowledge that from the moment he set foot in that door his life was going to change forever and he could never turn back. So when he saw the little boy at the desk, he was not afraid. And when he picked up the pen to write his name and seal his fate, he knew that he'd made his decision a long time ago. Now, he was ready to act his part.

And now, as he stepped through the door as he'd done many times every day in the past months, and listened to various greetings faintly meet his ears from people he'd come to view as his companions, even dear friends, he felt that feeling all over again, so much so that his mind went empty and he grew still. Time, for a brief moment, stopped, as he allowed his thoughts to wander over everything that had befallen him since he'd returned, all the people he'd met, the places he'd been, the things he'd done.

Voices, hundreds and thousands of voices it seemed, rushed over him, until there was so much noise inside his head it seemed like the real world no longer existed. But the noise didn't hurt. No, instead, it was strangely comforting.

Suddenly there was a jolt, and he jerked very faintly as he was suddenly aware of the sensation of multiple hands grasping him. Blinking once, he saw the worried and anxious faces of his dorm mates all crowded around him, watching him warily as if they expected him to…well, something.

"Arisato?" Mitsuru spoke, "Are you all right?"

"You scared us, man," Akihiko added, "Zoning out like that."

"Yeah it's like one second you were fine and then the next you were like a zombie," Junpei agreed.

"We kept shaking you and calling you, but you wouldn't respond!" Yukari said.

He shook his head a little, slightly overwhelmed by them as he gently waved them off. Even Shinjiro and Ken seemed concerned, hanging near the back of the circle with pensive faces. Koromaru stared up at him with unwavering eyes.

"I'm all right," he said as they backed up to give him space, releasing their grips on him, "I just got caught up in my thoughts. Sorry to scare you."

They looked unsure, and Fuuka asked again if he was really okay.

He smiled. In all the time that had passed, he decided, everything that happened was worth it. Here before him, as he'd never known in his life, were people who cared about him and worried about him, something he'd never had before, not since his parents. It was for them he'd made that decision, even before he'd met them. To someone who was practically already dead, they'd given back a life, a meaning to his days. They slowed down his time again, and so for them he'd keep dragging his body across the darkness, and shoulder the weight of his choice, to give them the future he'd already lost once.

"Really," he said softly, "Everything's fine."

They all were a little surprised. Minato was probably the least expressive person in their whole group, aside from Aigis, so to see a smile on him was a rare sight, and they'd never seen one quite like the one he was wearing now.

He let it linger. When they finally drifted back to their previous activities, he quietly ascended the stairs to his room and fell onto his bed. He needed strength to fight. He knew, unlike them, that today needed to be treasured. Something dark was coming again.

And it did come. It came in the death of a friend, and another twisting of their paths, another hurdle to their beliefs and resolves. It came as a revelation that what they fought for was a lie, and their struggle had been used for another's cruel intentions. Again and again, he hauled them to their feet and lead them quietly back. And soon after that, it came his turn at last.

Now they knew.

Now, after so long, they finally understood the difference between himself and them. As death seeped free of his body, he felt a freedom that quickly changed into a hollowness. And soon after, another weight, heavier than all those he'd accumulated thus far. His time was running out.

He was losing all the things he'd gained again, as he held calm and gently gathered their shattered selves in his hands, moving on with his life to show them there was still a way to do so. The green moon was roaring in his ears and he found himself looking up to it with a dark smile.

The screaming of the shadows was at its peak, and he was gripping his gun tightly. He almost felt like laughing. It wouldn't be long now. In the very near future, they would have to press forward with everything they'd gained and learned, everything he'd known since the beginning. And he was glad they were afraid. Because it showed how much they had to lose.

He had nothing. That's why he was going to lead them into the heart of his darkness, bring them face to face with the same fear he encountered more than ten years previous. He was no longer afraid.

Now it was him that was to be feared.

And he was going to smile in death's face.