Road to Nowhere

By KholdstareV

Camera...
Speed...
Lights...
And... Action!

-Duh Duh Duh DUH! Duh DUH Duh!-

"Good evening, and welcome to Mushroom City 4 O'clock News at 9. I'm your anchor Boo T, and this is my attractive co-anchor, Tee T. Tee T, what's our top story for tonight?"
"Well Boo T, we have an excellent story for all of you at home! The Mario Kart: Double Dash racing team has just won an award for being the safest professional kart racing team in the kingdom!"
"Is that so? Well, that's saying a lot, because they are the ONLY professional kart racing team in the kingdom! Hehe, I'm witty... Now then, we have reporter Virginia T at the scene right now. Virginia?"

"Thank you, Boo! I am here at the Double Dash headquarters where all the business takes place that keeps the Double Dash league running as smoothly as it does! Oh my! Here comes Toad! TOAD!! It's me, Virginia T, from the Mushroom City News Team! Please, COME OVER HERE!!"
"Ugh... Goddammit... Look, I'm a busy guy, and I hate talking to the press. Can I just go to work now?"
"Now that you've said that, no!"
"Urgh... Alright, fine. What do you want?"
"So Toad, Mario has been the President of every other Mario Kart class so far, but how is it that YOU managed to snag the position of President of the Double Dash Division?"
"Well, uh... It's a long story. When Mario had us all in for a press conference on what the big innovation of the next Mario Kart title should be, I came up with the idea that maybe we could have two riders in one kart. Mario liked the idea, so he made me President."
"Fascinating! So what exactly do you do as President?"
"I do, umm... all the things that a President would be expected to do 0o."
"I see. And, if you don't mind me asking, is there a Vice President as well?"
"Ehh, there IS, but... no one really knows who he is. Real mysterious guy. Even I haven't seen his face. All we know is he goes by the name Mr V..."
"Hm, how interesting! Any chance we can score a conversation with this Mr V, Toad? Um, Toad? Toad?! Oh, he's gone already... Damn. Well, I guess we can just cut that conversation out of the final take..."

"Umm, Virginia..."
"What, Boo?"
"We're LIVE."
"Huh? Oh, crap! Oh, I-I mean, uhh... Oh, goodness me! I guess we better find someone else to talk to then. Hmm... Oh, yes! There's Mario! The man we've been looking for! Hey Mario! MARIOOO!!"

"Huh? Oh, hey! It's that woman from the news! What's up?
"What's up, Mario, is that you are ON the news!"
"Oh really? For what?"
"Why, for winning that safety award, of course. And you, being the Chief Safety Inspector of the Double Dash team, I'd say that's mostly YOUR responsibility, yes?
"Hehe, yup. I guess so."
"Now, I hear that since Double Dash's launch, this has been your third completely accident-free year, am I not correct?"
"Umm, we're comin' up on three years. Yeah."
"Wonderful! How does it feel to know that this great honor is all your doing?"
"Well, it's not all MY doing. I mean, Toad's a great President. Wario's a hard-working member of the Safety Committee just like myself. Waluigi's been doing good as the Items Commissioner. King Boo knows his special effects. Koopa and Paratroopa are excellent automechanics... Ya know, I think it's cuz of all of us working together that we managed to win this award!"

"...You're boring."
"Bite me."
"Umm... OK! So long Mario! I'm a big fan! Aaaand... he's gone. Well, I'm tired of this place. Back to you, Boo!"

"Thank you, Virginia T! My Tee T, what a great honor for the Mario Kart team, eh?"
"Sure is, Boo T! Let's hope they can continue that fantastic run of theirs!"
"Let's hope so, Tee T. Let's hope so..."

"CALL 911! CALL 911!!"

A standard race on Wario Colosseum was in an uproar. None of the racers knew what the trouble was until they drove up to the site themselves.
"Mario, what's happening?"
"I don't know, Peach. I think it happened just up there, after that last jump before the finish line."
"OK, I'll get us there pronto!"

Peach drove the Red Fire along the stretch, over the jump, and slammed on the brakes upon landing. They examined the scene before them.
"Oh my God..." Mario said under his breath.
"What... What on earth happened here, Mario?""I don't know, Peach. I don't know..."

Mario, Peach, and all the other racers stopped at that very spot to observe the scene around them. They could only stare as the Colosseum became filled with the lights and sirens of approaching ambulances...