A/N: i wrote this a while ago, and was mostly inspired by conversations and other random things that I've experienced. sorry if the beginning's a little...out there. but most of it is pure fluff.

italics mean he's singing.

disclaimer (I seem to forget these sometimes...): I don't own the characters, I just put words in their mouths.

"Sum, would you ever sacrifice your vagina for the human race?"

"What the hell kind of a question is that, Jones?"

"Just answer the question."

"…What are the circumstances?"

"The whole world has gone gay and humanity will die out if you don't have sex with some strange gay man you don't know."

"…? What the hell, Jones…"

"C'mon, Sum, be a good sport!"

"I—I guess. If it's to save humanity."

"I knew it. Bom chicka wah wah…"

"It's to save humanity!"

"I know, I know, I was just kidding."

"I hope you also know, that sometimes? I hate you."

"Ah, but that means sometimes you don't."

"…Can I eat my lunch now?"

"Of course."

"Don't steal my grapes, Jones."

"Why are you so mean to me?"

"Oh, stop pouting. God. Here, you big moocher."

"Sweet! Can I have your apple, too?"

"No. This is a Honeycrisp apple. Do you have any idea how delicious these are?"

"Duh, that's why I want it."

"No. The apple is mine."

"Well, thanks for your grapes, anyway. What would I do without you, Summer?"

"Starve?"

"No, no, I'm serious. Like, I would die without you. Well, maybe not die, but at least get severely depressed. …Don't give me the eyebrow, I'm trying to be serious here."

"What could you need me for?"

"Well, without you, I'll probably fail Chemistry."

"Freddy, you are failing Chemistry."

"Oh yeah. Well, I'd totally fail everything if you didn't always yell at me to do my homework—"

"—So you don't copy mine!—"

"—and I seriously believe you know my schedule better than I do—"

"—Someone should know it.—"

"—and I need someone to go to when I need some Harry Potter info, stat—"

"—For your information, even adults read Harry Potter.—"

"—and you know, there's that whole fact that I'm like, in love with you."

"…You're so cheesy, Freddy."

" God only knows what I'd be without you..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't give up your day job. …You're such an adorable dork, Freddy."

"Babe, I am so hip, I have trouble seeing over my pelvis."

"…Did you seriously just say that?"

"I saw it on an icon."

"You're lucky I love you, Jones. I don't think anyone else would know how to handle your imbecility."

"Love you too, Sum."