Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite.
Notes: I have so many things to say, but I think you'd probably not care and rather read this chapter. So, I'll just go rambling on in my profile page. Enjoy and don't forget to leave a comment. :Amaratta:

Chapter 7

A cool breeze blew gently into the dimly lit room where Byakuya sat with his eyes cast downward to the scarf that was laid on the floor in front of him. He had just exposed the weakness he had been trying to hide to Ichigo, and now he lacked willpower to look at the said orange-haired boy.

The Kuchiki lord was torn between a part that wanted to agree with Ichigo and give them a try, believing that somehow it might work out, and a part that told him they could never be happy together so it was best to let the man go before he could fall any deeper. On the one hand, he knew he didn't need the Vizard, so the quicker that man left, the sooner he would be able to go back to his peaceful yet lonesome life. Yet on the other, he didn't want that man to leave, and he silently prayed Ichigo wouldn't go.

The moment Byakuya heard the door sliding and clothes rustling, he felt his heart break. He had no doubt Ichigo had walked away. After all, there was no reason for the Vizard to stay when Byakuya didn't say anything in order to stop him, and worse, he might have pushed him farther away unknowingly.

Byakuya closed his eyes. Even if he had expected Ichigo to leave, it was still painful to know that the man had really gone.

He had his chance. That much, the Sixth Division Captain knew. Though he couldn't figure out why, Kurosaki Ichigo had implied that he wanted to start something with him, and yet he let that chance slipped through his fingers.

Now the man was gone, and he couldn't blame Ichigo for that. After all, it was a surprise that the young Shinigami captain managed to put up with him that far. Still, it didn't change the fact that for the first time in a long time, Byakuya wished he had lowered his pride and acted upon his feelings.

The Kuchiki lord bit his lower lip so hard he could almost taste his own blood. If he had been a lesser man, he would have allowed his shoulders to sack, but he was Kuchiki Byakuya, and Kuchiki Byakuya couldn't permit his emotions to get better of him even though there would be no one to witness it. It was too late to regret the things he didn't say or do. Even if he was broken on the inside, he still needed to hold his head high and acted like nothing bothered him.

Just as Byakuya thought about getting up and leaving the room, he heard a soft question that made him jump in surprise and forget about his serene façade if only for a short moment.

"If I promised not to leave, would you promise not to keep pushing me away?"

Quickly, Byakuya opened his eyes and looked up. He couldn't conceal his astonishment when he saw that Ichigo had yet to leave. If he were a type to act on impulse, the Sixth Division Captain would already wipe his eyes to make sure that they weren't deceiving him and that the orange-haired man he saw wasn't just a hallucination. However, since he had been trained to have so much self-discipline, all the Kuchiki noble did was staring dazedly at the much younger Shinigami.

Their eyes met and Ichigo asked again, "If I were to stay, would you give me a chance and let me in?"

Byakuya was speechless. All he could do was holding his gaze on the determined Vizard as he walked back towards him and then sat down when he was right in front of him.

Shouldn't the man have left already? Shouldn't he have realized by now that he deserved more than Byakuya could ever give, that a man like him could find someone else that would make him happy? Why would Kurosaki Ichigo, of all people, still bother with someone who could not even admit his own feelings when he said it himself that he knew his life would be better off without the said someone?

Byakuya blinked as he quickly shook the daze out of his system.

"Why?" asked the raven-haired Shinigami. "Why would you want to do that?"

Ichigo gave Byakuya a look that said that he too had no answer to that question.

"I don't know."

"That's not an answer."

Ichigo stared at Byakuya with his eyes narrowed. Apparently, the calmness that he temporarily possessed had already left him.

"Goddamn it, Byakuya, do you need to know a reason for everything? Can't you just be satisfied that I stay because I want to?" Ichigo burst out. "Sometimes I wonder why you always have to make things difficult and try to make sense of everything instead of just accepting that something just doesn't have reasons – like why the sky is blue, why the sun rises in the east or why I'm still fascinated by you when all you ever do is driving me crazy."

Byakuya looked at Ichigo for a considerable amount of time. He knew Ichigo's questions were rhetoric and didn't need any answers. However, he realized the situation required him to say something, yet he didn't know what to say except, "The reason the sky is blue is because—"

The impatient Shinigami grunted in annoyance and cut the noble off midsentence by capturing his lips with a kiss that was fueled by fury and frustration.

Byakuya's eyes were widened as he reflexively propped his uninjured arm behind him to keep his balance so he wouldn't fall down. The rational part of him screamed that he should shove Ichigo off or at least hold himself back since kissing wasn't going to solve any problem, yet Byakuya ceased to care when he felt Ichigo nip at his lower lip. His heart raced and he realized just how much he yearned for the other man's touch.

No longer able to deny the intense desire that was elicited by the heat of raw emotions, the noble shut his charcoal eyes and returned the kiss with an equal amount of passion, matching the Vizard frustration with his own.

It was after a low moan was heard that they both pulled back, coming to their senses. Neither realized whose moan it was, yet at that moment, it didn't seem to make much difference.

Ichigo stared at Byakuya with his hazy eyes as he moistened his swollen lips. There was a trace of challenge in the man's hoarse voice when he said after he regained his normal breathing, "Tell me it isn't what you want."

A stubborn part of him wanted to tell Ichigo just that, but Byakuya couldn't lie, not after his action had betrayed him. So all he could do was looking at anywhere but into Ichigo's eyes and keeping his silence.

"Why are you still fighting it? Is denying yourself pathological with you?" Ichigo asked. His voice coated with despair. "Just this once, can't you stop thinking and follow your heart for a change?"

The head of the Kuchiki family closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts, which wasn't an easy thing to do considering his heart rate and all stirred up emotions.

"Because I don't know what you're after," Byakuya replied truthfully then he sighed and asked the question that no matter how hard he tried to figure out, he couldn't seem to find a logical explanation, "Why do you still bother with me after all this? Surely you can find someone else that can make you happy the way I can't."

"You're right. I could find somebody else if I wanted to," Ichigo agreed. "But I don't want anybody else. I want you, Byakuya, even if you make my life miserable. It's not like I'd do much better without you anyway."

The captain of the Sixth Division looked at the captain of the Third Division for a long time, studying the man's expression. The sincerity that shone in his eyes and the seriousness of his voice when he said it made it impossible for Byakuya to pass Ichigo's word up as a joke, yet his sense of self-preservation stopped him from taking it too seriously.

Ichigo stared back and it seemed he could read Byakuya's doubt and hesitation somehow.

"I never joked about feelings, and I'm not gonna start now," noted the Vizard. "I don't know how, when or why I came to feel this way about you, but those days away from you have been hell for me. It was almost as if I couldn't function properly, and if I could choose, I'd rather not repeat that experience."

"What you feel is just a craze," Byakuya countered. "It's either that, or your competitive side just wants to crack my façade and prove to yourself that nothing is unattainable for you."

The way Ichigo stared at Byakuya with his mouth hung slightly opened in shock would be considered funny if they weren't in such a predicament.

"Is that what you think?" Ichigo demanded in disbelief. "How the hell can that idea even cross your mind? If all I wanted was to know what it's like to be with another man, I could save myself a lot of trouble and go find someone who has that orientation, but I'm not interested in any random guys. Only you make me feel this way, and it's not because I want to satisfy my competitive side like you accused me of. Shouldn't I already be off to brag about having done it with Kuchiki Byakuya instead of being here if that was the case? Get to your fucking senses, and don't you dare act like you know what I want better than I do!"

Despite having fought with the man for so many times he had lost count, Byakuya was still stunned by the rage that flared up in Ichigo's reiatsu. He had never seen the boy that serious or that angry in any fights.

The orange-haired Shinigami took a moment to close his eyes and take some deep breaths to calm his fury for he knew it wouldn't get him anywhere unless he wanted to start yet another bloody fight with the nobleman.

"It's true I didn't ask for any of this, and it's true I said my life would be better off without you," Ichigo noted softly after he had suppressed his anger. "But I know now that without you, my life would be so dull or even empty. I want you, Byakuya, and not anybody else. I'm sure of that now. I want you in my life no matter which way you'll have me. So, please, stop pushing me away."

The dark-haired noble blinked. Was he hearing things or did Kurosaki Ichigo, the prideful and confident captain of the Third Division, just use a pleading tone?

"I know you've been hurt before," the Vizard continued, feeling the urge to goad the noble a little more as the man had yet to say a word. "And I understand that you're probably scared to get hurt again. Hell, anybody would. I won't blame you if you want to keep me at arm's length, but I'll ask you to reconsider. We don't live in the past or in the future, but we live in this moment. It's one thing to learn from the past and be considerate about the future, but it's another to let them take complete control of how you're going to lead your life.

"I wish I could tell you what'd happen in the future. I wish I could guarantee you it'd work out between the two of us, but I can't. All I can say is that I'd rather have something and then lose it later than never having it in the first place."

Byakuya looked at Ichigo in awe. He never expected something like that to come from the imprudent Vizard, and yet it seemed Ichigo could talk if he wished to.

What the man just said made his thought wander briefly to his late wife and the bittersweet memories she left behind. If he could turn back the clock, would he choose not to meet and fall in love with her or would he still love her regardless of the consequences?

Byakuya's expression was softened as he had his answer.

Ichigo had him there. In fact, if Byakuya were to be honest, he would have to admit that the man had him since the second he walked back into that room and that Ichigo wouldn't need to say anything to get him to change his mind and comply with what he wanted. It seemed there was something about Ichigo that Byakuya couldn't resist. After all, it wasn't the first time that he found himself losing a debate against that boy or the first time Ichigo undid his decisions for him, and somehow, the Kuchiki noble knew it wouldn't be the last.

Normally, he would find that fact disturbing, but now, he just couldn't bring himself to mind as he realized it was probably that trait that drew him most to Ichigo. After all, it wasn't every day that someone would stand up to Kuchiki Byakuya without being intimidated by his name or reputation, much less make him have a second thought about any of his decisions.

Meanwhile, Ichigo studied Byakuya with several emotions flickered behind his amber eyes and started to fidget after a long moment of silence.

"Damn it, Byakuya, I practically bared my soul out to you, so can you please stop sitting there like you're an ice statue? It's nerve-wracking," Ichigo said, disrupting Byakuya's train of thoughts. "Just say something even if it's that you think this whole thing is a mistake and that you want me out of your life."

With that said, Ichigo looked at Byakuya with a mix of hope and fear in his eyes.

Byakuya found it ironic that Ichigo should think he would still be able to reject him despite everything that happened. Shouldn't he have already known by now how much power he held over him? The Kuchiki lord almost chuckled as he just realized that he had been too caught up in his own insecurity to see that perhaps he held that same kind of power over the Vizard as well.

While he didn't think there were any other ways to interpret Ichigo's word, there was still one last thing that Byakuya needed to know.

"Are you sure of this?"

Even though he probably still felt unsure on the inside, Ichigo managed to give Byakuya his trademark scowl as he returned with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "Would I still be sitting here if I weren't?"

For a long moment, they sat in silence, staring deep into each other's eyes as if to study each other's feelings. Byakuya could see a flash of anxiety in Ichigo's eyes and he remembered he had yet to say anything to assure the younger man that he wanted the same thing.

While he knew he should say something, he knew he had never been good when it came to expressing his feelings. Not to mention, he never dreamed Ichigo would have that kind of feeling for him and only thought he would face with rejection, so he never prepared any word to say for the current situation. So, instead of searching for words that probably wouldn't come out right, he decided it would be best to let his action speak for him.

Slowly, Byakuya leaned towards Ichigo and pressed his lips against the Vizard's with tenderness even he forgot he was capable of. All disapproving thoughts once again arose within the back of the noble's mind, but he silenced them and allowed himself to take in the lightheartedness and peace he hadn't experienced in a long while.

For a moment, Byakuya wondered why he had been fighting it for all that time, yet he let all thoughts flee from his mind as soon as he felt Ichigo's fingers tracing his face experimentally. There would be more than enough time to do all the thinking later. At that point, he simply wanted to savor the moment.

Neither of them was certain how long time had passed until they pulled back for air. The noble Shinigami pressed his forehead against the younger man's before he opened his charcoal eyes only to see that Ichigo had already looked at him with questioning look.

"Does that mean I have you now, Byakuya?"

For the first time in a long time, a small smile graced the noble's normally stoic face.

"Yes, but," Ichigo cringed when the word 'but' was uttered. "Just for your information, Ku—" Byakuya paused to correct himself, "—Ichigo. I tend to be very possessive when it comes to the people who are dear to me."

Relief was clearly written in Ichigo's expression while his permanent scowl broke into a genuine smile as he noted Byakuya's choice of words and the way the noble called him merely by his given name for the very first time since they knew each other.

"Possessive, huh?" Ichigo drawled and moved to close the small gap between their faces. Just before their mouths met, he whispered, "I think I can live with that."

If there were still any traces of doubt and fear left in their hearts, they seemed to be melted away by the second Byakuya chuckled into the kiss.

Deepening the kiss and pulling Ichigo closer, Byakuya knew his time for running and hiding was over. It was time he came out of his emotional shield. He still realized there would be many obstacles waiting for them down the road and that not everybody would agree with their newfound relationship, but somehow he believed they could cut through all obstacles together, literally and figuratively. He couldn't care less if people were to say what they were doing was wrong.

After all, he had already decided. If what they were doing was wrong, then for once, he didn't want to be right.

The End

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