AN: Sorry for the delay, loyal reader-type people. I was suffering from a touch of writer's block for a while there, but I'm fine now. And this fic has been C2'd! Exciting! Anyway, without any further ado, I present Chapter Two...

The Turks: A Chronicle of Insanity

Chapter Two: Elvis Corpse, Part Two

After much distressed, urgent and above all loud screaming of demands from Elena, Rude and Tseng waded out into the ocean and dragged the corpse to shore. Much shouting and running away was done by some of the more delicate tourists, and the rest either stood around muttering and watching the scene unfold, or went right on with their napping.

While the three Turks who were assembled at the shoreline fussed around the body anxiously, Reno slowly unfolded himself from his beach towel and sauntered over to them. He sat with a dull plonk on the sand beside the Elvis corpse and, barely able to contain his mounting excitement, declared, 'It's a Murder Mystery! Do you think it'd be a little too inappropriate to say "Elvis has left the building"? Man, this is the best vacation ever!' His expression was that of a small boy in a giant killer robot store, but his ear-to-ear grin gradually dissolved as his coworkers glared him into silence.

'Yes, Reno,' said Elena, her voice as cold as a popsicle in a snowstorm. 'Yes, I think that would be inappropriate.'

'Oh.' Reno looked dejected as he asked, 'Can we at least solve the Murder Mystery?'

All three men, without quite knowing why, turned to Elena for the answer. Sounding every bit the mother hen, she conceded. 'Oh, all right. But make it quick, because I don't want to waste all of our vacation time around this corpse!'

'Score!' exclaimed Reno, jumping and punching the air overenthusiastically. 'And I already have a suspect!'

'Who?' asked Tseng in disbelief. 'We only found the body just now! Who could you possibly have found to be a legitimate suspect?'

'Uh...' The redhead cast around for someone suspicious-looking, and found a five-year-old girl innocently licking an ice cream. He shot over to her and dragged her to the rest of the group. 'Her! She's our number one suspect,' Reno announced, his childlike excitement returning in a flash. He turned to the little girl, crouching down so that he was at her level, and put on the most fierce, menacing look he could manage.

'Yeth?' inquired the child, through her ice cream cone, staring up at Reno with wide blue eyes.

'Don't try and play innocent with me!' he warned, thoroughly enjoying himself at this point. 'Is it true that, while nobody was looking, you snuck away, murdered this man' - he pointed to the Elvis corpse - 'and dumped his body in the sea? Confess!'

'Reno, I really don't think that's a good idea,' cautioned Elena, but it was already too late. The little girl looked from the dead man to Reno, and back again. Then, without so much as a warning sniffle, she burst into tears.

'Nice going, Sherlock,' muttered Tseng, dragging his colleague a safe distance away from the unfolding scene.

Both Elena and Rude hurried to try and pacify the child, while Reno looked on in sad bewilderment. 'What did I do?' he asked the beach in general. 'I was just interrogating her. When I was her age, I'd have killed to see a real dead body close-up. Which would have been pretty effective, if you think about it.'

Meanwhile, growing increasingly tired of Elena and Rude's efforts to stem her flow of tears, the girl pushed them aside, trotted over to Reno, stuck her tongue out at him and threw her ice cream at his chest. It collided with a wet thwap. Then she ran off, undoubtedly to inform her parents of her small victory. Reno stood and stared blankly into space as the sticky pink stuff slowly slid down him and landed on the sand at his feet. His mind was racing as his face reddened. Something as humiliating as this had never happened to him before, much less at the hands of a little girl. All those embarrassing defeats at the hands of Cloud and his posse were nothing compared to this. It was a little girl! And what was worse, Reno was being laughed at - not just by his fellow Turks, but by random beachgoing tourists. It was infuriating him very quickly, making him wish he hadn't left his mag rod back in the hotel room. Through the haze of embarrassment and anger he could just make out Elena walking towards him, carrying his towel.

'Here you go, you great useless idiot,' she said coldly, throwing it at his face. 'And if you still want a solution to your so-called Murder Mystery you'd better stop daydreaming and come with me.'

At these words, Reno suddenly snapped out of his stupor, his face lighting up like a chandelier and his huge, childish grin returning. 'Really? What the hell are we waiting for? Lead the way!'

Pushing their way through an increasingly thick throng of tourists, the two arrived at the place where the corpse had lain, and Reno was shocked to find that this was no longer the case. The mysterious Elvis was still there, of course, but it was no longer laying. It was also no longer a corpse. The once-dead man was standing a little unsteadily, propped up by Rude and Tseng, with a towel around his shoulders. Somebody had procured a comb for the man, which he was running through his soaked hair absentmindedly.

Reno had difficulty finding words at first, but after a while he managed to settle for, 'You're not dead!' and then, after further deliberation, 'This shoots my whole damn Murder Mystery vacation straight to hell!'

'Your concern is touching,' snapped Elena, words dripping with sarcasm, as she elbowed the redhead in the ribs. Then she turned to the Elvis and her expression softened in a flash. 'Are you all right, mister?' she asked him. 'I thought you were done for.'

'I'm just fine, miss,' he drawled. 'And thank you for helpin' me outta the water. Thank you very much.' He seemed to get his bearings, wandering off up the beach, still running the comb through his dripping hair.

Reno, upon hearing the ex-corpse's final comment, had tried to restrain himself. This was as useless as trying to plug a volcano with a feather. He burst out laughing, dropping onto his knees and rocking back and forth uncontrollably like he was having a fit. The other three simply stared down at him with cold eyes, as though they really wished they didn't know him right at that moment. But Reno ignored them, all inhibitions gone, and just kept cackling and thrashing like a madman, crying out, '"Thank you very much"!' in a perfect imitation of the Elvis's voice.

He didn't even stop when Elena kicked him in the knee and stalked off, muttering darkly about idiots, Murder Mysteries and wasted vacations.

End of Elvis Corpse.

Wasn't that fun? Next chapter will involve...yes, an Airship. And maybe a special guest star, cough cough nudge nudge. See you then.