Disclaimer: This is a songfic and my first attempt at writing about Death Note. The song is "Drag" by Placebo and it fits Near and Mello like a glove (I thought it was the safest type of latex to feature in my first story…XD). It's a Near x Mello x Matt pairing kind of thing, but it is as mild and non-sexual as I can humanly manage (keeping it PG is not my forte at all – just ask Chip). Don't own Death Note or Placebo – though it would be fantabulous if I did…they'd all be gay for Chip's amusement as well as mine. Listen to the song and you won't need any more descriptions; it speaks for itself. And if you're familiar with Near and Mello, you will probably see this like a movie. I do.

Summary: After the news of L's death, Mello cannot sleep and the redhead beside him isn't enough to keep him in bed. When Mello goes looking for a respite from his thoughts and grief, he finds himself running towards the bane of his existence trying to quench a thirst that won't go away…if it won't, then he will. "You're always ahead of the game while I drag behind…" NearXMelloXMatt one-shot with a hint of lemon. Maybe canon, maybe not…who knows? Slash. It's been brought and you've been warned.

"Drag"

by: Dale, of Candy Apple Heart Attack

Toss. Turn. Toss. Turn. Bump against Matt.

Toss. Turn. Toss. Turn. Sigh. Toss. Turn.

Bump against Matt. Turn. Growl. Toss. Turn.

Mello found himself chasing an elusive sleep in the most futile of manners and finally opened his eyes, frustrated and restless - it was going to be a long night and there was nothing to be done or that he wanted to do besides sleep the night away. He sighed and brushed his golden bangs away from his tired eyes, cursing his mind for refusing to stop thinking long enough for him to pass out for a couple of hours. It was all he wanted to do after having to take two huge blows that day – the news of L and Watari's deaths and the news that Near had been chosen to be the second L.

Being careful not to rouse Matt, Mello untangled himself from the sheets as well as the boy sleeping next to him. Mello covered the red headed boy's nude form with the sheets and ran his hand through the short auburn locks, his eyes roaming appreciatively over the sleeping form on the bed. His nicotine-addicted companion had consoled him and soothed him to the best of his ability as he broke down and mourned his idol and mentor. Mello's irritated frown softened as he contemplated Matt's face and tears threatened to rush forward once again. He had lost someone important today and he didn't want to think about losing the boy in front of him.

Matt had a relaxed, kind face by nature, but he looked even more peaceful when asleep. It was surprising to Mello that Matt hadn't even budged at all of the blonde's disturbances. He dressed himself with the clothes he had been wearing hours before as he watched the rise and fall of Matt's chest, making sure his cohort was still alive and safe from Kira's deathly grasp. He wished he could have a fraction of Matt's peace of mind at the moment…if only…

To Mello, Matt was more than just a partner – Matt was just about everything to him: friend, confidante, classmate, brother, lover, and guide. Matt was perhaps the only person in all of Wammy's house who knew Mello well (perhaps because the boy had been the only one that Mello had allowed to get close enough to befriend him even though many others would have gladly done so). Matt had something the rest of Wammy's children did not have; Matt being the third in line to succeed L had more in common with Mello than the rest of the kids in the House and it made the blonde happy to have someone to relate to while still being slightly superior.

Mello was always grateful to have Matt's infinite support and patience, but he was especially grateful to be loved by Matt. Mello knew he was not easy to get along with and his tempestuous mood was a dangerous thing, but Matt handled all of his quirks and outbursts admirably, knowing when not to take offense and when to step up and put Mello in his place. Matt's feelings for Mello were true and pure, and Mello could honestly say he returned those feelings; but there was only one slight obstacle that prevented them from forming a more lasting bond.

This slight obstacle held Mello back from giving all of himself to the lovely Matt and it had a name and a face. A name and a face that burned inside of Mello's skull every second of his existence with an intensity that was aggravating and amazing all at the same time. His lack of sleep and his overall attitude could be attributed to the slight obstacle and tonight's struggle was no different. The name and the face refused to leave his highly functioning brain alone, partnering up with his grief to torment him until dawn arrived.

It was strange to Mello that Matt seemed to be okay with their one degree of separation – either because he understood Mello and the situation he was in or because he had given up on capturing all of Mello's heart and had settled for having him in his bed whenever he had the chance. To this day, Matt had never complained about not being priority number one in the blonde's life and it was strange.

Mello was not sure but he wasn't about to ask Matt about it, afraid he might damage the relatively happy medium they both seemed to have when it came to their relationship. Mello's questions would only challenge Matt's love and it was better not to challenge those feeling lest he ruined what they had. Mello liked Matt enough to love him and that was enough at the moment. He had decided long ago that he would not mention if that topic anything unless Matt brought it up first. Mello was brilliant, but he could screw things up when his emotions overrode his rationale. He didn't want to take Matt for granted, but the redhead did not seem to mind.

Mello stopped thinking about Matt and finished dressing and gathering whatever scattered belongings he had thrown around in the heat of passion and helplessness. He was confused about other things as it was and adding Matt to the mix could only make things worse.

Having recovered half a chocolate bar and his boots, Mello crept out of Matt's room noiselessly and padded down the hallway with his boots in one hand and candy bar in the other. There was no point on returning to his room because he would not be able to sleep for a while. Mello decided he would run laps outside in the courtyard until he had tired himself out enough to crash comatose upon his bed.

Mello popped the last piece of chocolate into his mouth and let it melt over his tongue. The blonde held on to the banister of the main staircase and descended without a hurry or sound, savoring the melting candy. The sweet mush coaxed memories of L sharing sweets with Mello to the forefront of the blonde's awareness and the boy shed a few more tears for his hero. He kept walking to keep himself from sinking down to the floor and taking roots on the spot.

Mello's mind was turning over rabidly one particular subject: Near. The constant thorn in his side and his biggest rival. That oversized infant robbed him of his sleep and peace of mind at every turn. Mello simply could not see how such a pathetic little kid could surpass him in everything and make him second best without even trying. Roger declaring Near L's official successor had been an insult to Mello's festering injury – a turn of events that had resulted in Mello blowing up at his caretaker and storming out of Roger's office in a fury. Matt had caught up with him and stayed with him the rest of the day. Mello could have killed the blank little idiot for taking his place.

His rivalry with Near wouldn't be such a big deal to him if it wasn't for his obsessive infatuation with the snow-haired boy getting in his way of living his life and becoming the next L. Mello's bitterness went further than just wanting to have what Near had; he wanted Near and not even his own mind could deter him from achieving that goal. It was frustrating that Near had taken a part of his heart and soul along with all the praise and prestige that should have been his. It wasn't fair and it wasn't fun.

The most infuriating aspect of the situation was that Near would accept his advances, but he would not commit to Mello. Near's rejection made Mello feel cheap and used, and it was more than he could take from the smug little bastard that had him by his heart and balls.

His empty fist clenched tightly and crumpled the chocolate wrapper into a tiny ball. Mello hurled the wrapper at a wall angrily and walked past Watari's portrait, without looking at it. There was too much on his mind and the image of his surrogate father would just make things worse.

The blonde reached the door that led to the courtyard and jimmied it open with a bobby pin he carried around in his pants pocket. He sat on the threshold overlooking a vast expanse of recreational fields and put his boots on; all the while thinking about the root of all his problems. Mello laced up his leather boots tighter than necessary in a display of bad humor and sighed forlornly.

The simple thought of that pajama-clad savant was enough to make Mello's blood boil in more ways than one. Being second best and not having his feelings returned was a tough blow for Mello who always tried so hard to excel and it never amounted to enough. It was disheartening at times, but he was damned if he was going to give up and let Near have absolute victory.

Mello would not let his life be defined by the shadows of the number two and would continue to fight day after day, even if it killed him. With Matt, things usually went Mello's way and ran smoothly, but with Near, success seemed to be a foreign concept and even his best plans were foiled by the younger boy finding a clever way around them. How he hated Near's cold demeanor and his methodical approach to everything – did that boy have any feelings?

Mello wondered why he didn't just stick with Matt and get over Near since he could relate more to the gamer than the oversized infant. Maybe the rivalry in his head would go away on its own after he forgot about Near and settled in with Matt. The white haired kid could be the next L if he wanted; Mello felt he could surpass Near's ability if Matt and him joined forces to capture Kira, bring his reign of righteous terror to an end once and for all, and avenge L. But Mello couldn't bring himself to let Near go. He just couldn't.

The blonde hurled himself from the threshold and into the night, running endless laps around a basketball court trying to sweat out his sleeplessness, his loss and his intoxicating thoughts of Near.

Run. Run. Run. Complete lap.

Run. Run. Run. Complete lap.

Run. Run. Run. Think of Near.

Growl. Growl. Sigh.

Run. Run. Run. Complete one and a half laps.

His legs were aching and his heart and lungs were burning from increasing his speed every time a thought of Near popped into his head. Mello was starting to hurt all over but he ignored his growing discomfort in favor of trampling the periphery of the court some more. Anything to keep him from falling apart.

Running for hours was Mello's own silly way of proving that he was stronger than Near in at least one area, but deep down, he knew the only reason Mello was a better athlete than him was because he spent his time playing with toys and putting puzzles together. It was infuriating to admit that last thought, but there was no two ways about it – Mello poured his energies into being better than Near every single day, yet never quite made it. Mello was almost at the end of the line, unsure of what to do to shrug off the hand that fate had dealt him.

Not long ago he had taken pleasure in knowing L more intimately than Near did, but at the moment it was a complete and total hindrance – the more he knew about L, the more his death affected him. And he had known a whole a lot about the deceased detective.

There was something that Mello had not yet realized that could make his resolution waver and his pride kill him faster than a heart attack: Mello had never stopped to consider the fact that Near had become his driving force to living his life. His obsession with surpassing Near had taken such a hold on his life that the white haired boy had suddenly become the sole validating factor of Mello's existence. It wasn't about L anymore or pride – it was all about Near one way or another.

The alpha and the omega.

Mello was living for Near and without him he was nothing – far from romantic and ideal, this was a shocking truth that Mello's subconscious did not want to unleash upon his emotive conscience. The subconscious let Mello continue his aimless running deciding it was better to spare the blonde and keep him from doing something rash and highly regrettable.

(OoO)

Down on the courtyard Mello ran on, unaware that high above the ground, Roger watched him, his blonde-haired protégé, through his bedroom window.

The older man's thoughts had carefully considered naming Mello the next L in the event of the detective's death, but he had his doubts about it; Mello's volatile personality being the main concern. Near was rather young to take on such an enormous charge, but he was the most level-headed of the two; that trait being vital to Kira's capture. Mello might have been older, but he would eventually get too emotionally invested in the case and become counterproductive to the investigation. Not that Mello was completely useless…

The ideal scenario would involve both Near and Mello working together to defeat Kira since they were the top two at Wammy's, but every passing day, the hope of Mello setting his rivalry aside became more minute and far-fetched. The boy became more jealous and bitter day after day, making it difficult for anybody to reach him and get him out of that path. Perhaps Watari could have persuaded Mello to work with Near, but with their benefactor gone, Roger found it a moot point to try anymore and put his faith on Near – the boy originally chosen by L to become his successor. Still, Roger harbored some hope that Mello would collaborate some day.

Roger was mentally, emotionally and physically drained from the hectic day he had had and gave the matter no more thought. He stepped away from the window and turned off the lights. Without looking back at the window, Roger sought his bed and crawled under the covers to sleep off the pain of losing a part of his adopted family.

(OoO)

Mello's body was exhausted from running for such a long period of time and his head ached from going through the same scenarios over and over. He had finally chased insomnia and L away, but Near still haunted the corners of his mind. This realization elicited an exasperated grunt from him and he stood still, alone with the night, the swaying trees and his troubled breaths.

As if fate delighted herself in tormenting Mello, he looked up to admire the stars and the peaceful night sky, but his attention was veered toward a lighted window at the top of the west wing of Wammy's. Behind the curtain was a faint shadow that could barely be perceived due to the distance and height; but Mello could see it, he knew it was there.

Mello's eyes flashed with indignation at being watched by the shadow and their depths reflected a repressed yearning threatening to burst from within. As if on cue, the shadow disappeared from the window and Mello sprinted toward the building, his new destination being the room that contained the window and the shadow. His tired legs suddenly had an adrenaline boost and he was running past numerous closed doors, deserted hallways, looming staircases and shadowy alcoves. The thrills of desire coursed through Mello, taking his breath away more effectively than physical exertion or sorrow.

He was once again on the hunt for the inner peace that would allow him to sleep, even though it meant running toward his problems to embrace them with open arms. He ran and ran, not stopping until he had reached the room with the lighted window.

(OoO)

Wammy's House at night was a sight to behold – bright and relatively friendly during the day, the building seemed ten time larger and more imposing when veiled in the shadows of the P.M. Any other night, Mello would have been wandering around the building admiring its magnificence, but not tonight. Mello wasn't actively registering his surroundings except to note how much of an eternity it felt like to reach his destination.

Mello's eyes lit up when he recognized his surroundings and identified them as the perimeter of his destination – he could see the door of the room within his field of vision and there was a faint light coming from underneath the door. Every nerve in his body screamed with thrills, chills and bittersweet aches at the sight and the implications thereof; his frantic heartbeat was an echo blending in harmony with his footfalls and his ragged breath.

He stood still facing the door, not daring to knock or even move – he was paralyzed with apprehension and he found a tiny part of himself wanting to flee the scene and pretend he was never there. The rest of him refused to back down – he had come that far and he was going to get what he had come for. Silence battled his drumming heartbeat and his mind battled his unsteady resolve.

The door swung open and revealed a perfectly composed Near dressed in his usual attire of pajamas and an action figure dangling from his grasp. The sight of that boy never ceased to convolute Mello's feelings. So cold, so innocent, so oblivious, so cruel, so clueless, so right, so wrong…Near always made Mello lose his power of speech when they had their clandestine rendezvous so late at night. Tonight it was not different.

"Are you feeling better now, Mello? You were very upset when you left Roger's office"

Near addressed the leather-clad boy glaring at him in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes I was, and no, I am not"

Mello spat through gritted teeth, infuriated by Near's unwavering calm. Mello knew Near was fond of L and he must have felt some sadness at the news of his murder, but he showed none. It was unnerving and sickening…it was talking to a robot.

Mello took a step forward into the room, making Near take a step back into his domain. Mello's body was dangerously close to Near's, but the smaller boy did nothing to step away. The blonde's face hovered close to Near's and the snow-haired boy's even breath made Mello's own catch somewhere deep inside his throat.

"Is there anything you need from me, Mello?"

Near asked politely and nonchalantly, completely unfazed by Mello's blatant violation of his personal space.

"You bloody well know what I need…"

Mello growled in Near's ear, putting his arms around Near's waist and pulling the boy roughly toward his sinewy body. The younger boy tensed in reaction, but relaxed against Mello's body quickly. The older boy exhaled in Near's ear hotly, making the smaller boy shiver wordlessly in his tight embrace.

" No, I do not"

Near denied any knowledge of Mello's desire, even though he knew exactly why Mello had come looking for him – just as he came looking for Near almost every night. Mello tightened his hold on Near, whispering in rage

"Yes, you do, Near…don't fucking lie to me"

The blonde's gaze burned into Near's impenetrable one. No matter how murderous Mello's glare, Near's eyes never gave anything away. Mello seethed.

"Please, Mello, refrain from using such language. It's not necessary…"

Near scolded the older boy in his cultured monotone, his body perfectly still against Mello's quaking one; his blank demeanor a stark contrast to Mello's agitated one.

"Shut up!"

Mello hissed against Near's mouth and he mashed his lips to Near's, finally getting what he needed from the younger boy. The blonde wasted no time in attempting to deepen the kiss.

Surprisingly, Near opened his mouth to welcome Mello's aggressive tongue and need. Near gently responded to Mello's feverish advances with skill and depth, surprising Mello who always had to fight Near into submitting to his kiss; his sudden cooperation made Mello crush Near even closer to his body in a twitchy response to Near's ministrations.

Mello was deeply confused and lost to the kiss; so lost he had not noticed Near's hand dropping his toy and his arms snaking around his back to latch on to him. He felt those hands when they slipped underneath his leather vest to caress his back. Mello swallowed his gasps and Near swallowed his ardor slowly but steadily.

The blonde would have never imagined Near's hands would feel so hot or so soft against the frayed nerves of his skin, but they did. Mello walked the both of them further into the room until he backed Near into a wall. There, he tore his lips away from Near's swollen mouth and licked at the boy's neck, all the while whispering sweet nothings against the tender flesh.

"Be mine, Nate…let me claim you…Please…"

Mello begged between kisses to Near's collarbone, completely entranced by the murmuring heartbeat of the boy and the unblemished pallor of his skin. There was so much Mello wanted to do to Near, so much he wanted the younger boy to feel…so much that Near would love if he only gave Mello the chance to show him. But Near never did – their foreplay never evolved to the intercourse Mello craved; their steamy moments always ending in Near walking away from Mello's reach and putting himself behind those mental walls that were impossible to breach.

It didn't seem that way this time…until Near spoke.

"It cannot be, Mihael, It just cannot be…"

"Why the hell not?" Mello hissed at Near, his eyes plastered to the younger boy's looking for the excuse that would banish him to his lonely room without his craving being satisfied.

"You know it is not appropriate and besides, it would compromise our standing and the situation in general"

Mello dug his nails into Near's arms and the boy stood still without flinching.

"Bullshit. Who cares about appropriate or our standing?"

Near kept his mouth shut and Mello's mouth moved against the shell of his ear.

"If we can love together, we can work together…Please, Nate…Near…let me take you. I'm already yours – why don't you take me in?"

Mello was pleading with his sworn enemy and part-time lover for the umpteenth time since he had been coming to Near's room to kiss him and fondle him. And all those times, Near had turned Mello down, not wanting to commit.

"I am more than willing to work with you, Mello. In fact, I would like you to join the investigation, but I cannot love you. We can work, but we cannot love…you have to understand"

Near had shot him down again. What a surprise.

"I don't have to understand anything, goddamnit! Why the hell do you lead me on if you won't let me have more of you, all of you? You know I want you and yet you have the courage to turn me away! Why, Near, why? Explain to me why you won't take me…"

Mello had stopped kissing Near and was now shaking him by the shoulders, the boy's back bumping almost painfully against the wall; Mello's rage was barely contained inside his body, threatening to explode at any second.

"It is not so easily explained, Mello…you have to understand…"

"For the last time, damnit…I don't have to understand anything! If you won't take me, fine. This will be the last time I come here looking for you, Near. I you don't want me, you'll have it your way" Mello pushed away from Near and turned on his heel, heading toward the door.

"Have a nice life, Near. Have a nice fucking life." the bitterness in Mello's voice dripped like heavy syrup from each word and he walked away from Near without looking back.

It would never be any different, no matter how hard Mello tried to bring Near around – the boy would never budge.

Wammy's House was no longer Mello's home – the building had ceased to be his haven the moment Near had rejected him. His mentor and his father were dead, and his beloved was no longer reachable. Nobody else mattered enough to keep him behind, except for one person. Mello could no longer stay in that place and he headed back to his room.

"You're leaving Wammy's, aren't you?" Mello could hear Near's quiet emotionless voice from behind him. It was more of a statement than a question. It always was with Near. It was no wonder he hated his guts.

Mello refused to acknowledge the one he had left behind and continued to march back to his room. He would pack up his belongings and he would go rouse Matt to tell him he was leaving Wammy's for good. If the boy wanted to come along with him, he'd be happy to have a friend with him; but if he did not, he would become yet another reason why Mello could no longer call Wammy's his home. One way or another, Mello was going to leave and no one could stop him.

Instinct told Mello Matt would want to go with him wherever it was he was going to go. Mello trusted his instinct without a question – it was the one thing he had left to trust at the moment.

Besides, leaving the shelter would give him the opportunity to start looking for Kira. He had no idea how he was going to find the bastard, but there were some ideas floating around in his head already.

Mello was going to work extra hard, as usual. He was going to invest all his energies and dedication to catching Kira before Near did. He did not have many resources or leads, but he would have Matt. The boy would be enough.

Kira went after criminals. If he became one, he had a fairly good chance of bringing Kira to him instead of having to chase his invisible trail. It wasn't a very elaborate plan, but it could work with some more thought and Matt's help.

They'd figure something out sooner or later. They always did.

Author's Note:

Chip: Wasn't that wonderful?! That was her first attempt at Deathnote and it was damned good, peeps. Now, go and review and make my Dale happy ...or I will sick Beyond on you! (Giggle)

Dale: ...(Silent)...(Glare)...We have the Shinigami Eyes...we know who you are.