T I T L E : Naughty Karma Eavesdropping
C H A P T E R : Chapter Two
A U T H O R : ViviBell
R A T I N G : T - Uh, mature themes, but nothing explicit. Its more the language that is... coarse. Slightly
disturbing humor to say the least.
S P O I L E R S : Not really, no.
P A I R I N G S : Ha... Quite a few as far as this fic is concerned.
S U M M A R Y : Its not polite to eavesdrop!
Balthier finds out first hand that you wont always find out things you want to hear!

D I S C L A I M E R : Don't own SquareEnix's FFXII - or any of its original characters.

When Balthier returned it was so late, it's early; strutting down the tar-mat with an extra body to lean on. An airhostess volunteered to escort the young Archadian in fear of his walking onto the runway and getting pummeled by some unknowing aircraft. It was a hassle directing him and getting the man to tell him which vessel belonged to him, however after a few confessions of heartbreak and disturbing happenings upon the ship, she managed to catch its name.

The problem now was dumping this alcoholic before she got much of a look at the infamous Strahl.
"You know, pet, you're familiar-lookin'," Balthier slurred into her neck, giving a feminine giggle as he stumbled over his own footing, managing to cause the hostess to falter on her steps. "What's your name?"

"Ann?"

"Ann?" he repeated, showing a muted form of surprise. "I think I've done your sister… have you got one?"

"Several," she huffed, growing tired of dealing with the reeking stench of rum and ale which spewed from his mouth like a Marlboro's Bad Breath. She could only hope that the aircraft was close.
Well, it was her first sliver of luck of the evening.

"Ah, there it is!"

Balthier pointed groggily towards a docked vessel, hidden beneath the veil of the umbra. Despite the closeness, Ann could not make out any distinctive features and worried that the pirate was mistaken.

"How can you tell?"

He stretched his finger as much as he could, squinting to better his aim and vision.

"There. 'Cause I'm the only bastard who has a Viera co-captain."

Ann soon picked up on the form poised by the entrance of the Strahl – her distinctive ears twitching so voraciously that it was a wonder they didn't flick off. It was evident that her eyes were focused on the pair – primarily Balthier, who gave a listless wave in her direction.

It appeared that it was the only sign she needed to confirm the worst – Balthier was utterly hammered.

Her aforementioned ears gave another angry twitch before flicking backwards, the flipside of her ears turned to face them. She was furious.

"Balthier," she growled as Ann rested him against the stairway to the ship.

"'Lo Fran, my luff!"

"Where have you been?"

"I was with darling Ann over here," he pointed to the side where the Hume was not standing, earning a snort from both females. "I promised to show the girl how to work my Strahl; show her how to cop a feel of the knobs and so forth." He gestured lewdly with his hands to describe his true intensions which had always been clear to the hostess. "And you know what Fran…" Balthier said, deciding it was best to whisper though it was louder than it had been before. "I think I did her sister…s"

"Thank you, Ann for your aid. I will take care of him now," Fran said graciously, offering the woman a curt nod of her head before narrowing her gaze on the captain. Ann was all to happy to be dismissed and stepped away from the couple before jogging off back the way she came.

Balthier stretched out a hand, seeking aid from his partner.
He received no such luck.

"We were meant to have taken off hours ago, Balthier," she scolded him, watching the twenty-two year old wriggle on the ground, trying in vain to grab hold of the railing. "But you decided that you would drown yourself with your Hume drinks."

"Fran?"

"What?"

"I've got a headache," he said meekly while he managed to climb himself up the stairs into the ship. He leaned himself on the wall opposite Fran, holding his head in one hand to emphasize his point. "Could'ja do me a favor sweetie, and put the kettle on?"

He was not making any sense.

"You are drunk, Balthier!"

"Fran, a drunk man never is leading."

"You mean a leading man is never drunk?"

"Don't mock me!" he said, finally showing the beginnings of emotion. He frowned, and turned away from her, ambling towards his cabin. "I heard about you down in the town."

"I do not understand."

"Pffft!" Please! You know exactly what I am talking about – Vaan and Penelo told me everything!"

The silence that wedged in-between them was a signal that Fran had indeed, understood what he was hinting at.

"So you discovered the dilemma we met at the Cerobi Steppe?"

"What? You didn't think I wouldn't find out?" he spat, halting outside Vaan's door and transforming his tone into a low whisper. "I would like to discover how much there is that I don't know!" With that, he leaned his head towards the door, and as predicted, could hear multiple mutterings coming from within.

Fran looked uneasy. "What are you doing, Balthier? This is not right!"

He hushed her with a wave of his fingers, concentrating on the dull voices within. "Finding out what other kinky things have been going on behind my back!"

"Penelo! You're still holding it wrong!"

"I know, I know! But I just want to hold it tighter so it doesn't fall out of my hands like last time!"

"Can you hear that?" Balthier inquired, knowing full well that the Viera could pick out every sound coming out of that compartment.

"Don't worry! Move it around some more – use those techniques I showed you."

Balthier had enough.

"That's it!" he yelled, opening the door and stumbling inside. Fran was right on his heels, holding him upright from the waist to prevent him from falling. The scene was exactly… not what the sky-pirate had been expecting.

Penelo had whorled round to face him, sword in hand. Vaan was equally as startled and bawled his fists in preparation for a fight. When they realized it was just their captains, they loosened up, but their dubious expressions never left their faces.

His sights were fixed on Penelo. "You're not naked?" Rather, she was fully clothed. The girl in question looked horrified by the statement, but had no time to voice her distaste.

"What are you doing?" Vaan asked suspiciously.

"I should be asking you the same thing!"

"What we discussed about this morning – that is what we are doing!" Penelo exclaimed, a fearful glint in her eye immerging at the prospect of Balthier going back on his word and telling them off for their activities.

Balthier eyed the sword.

"This is not what we discussed! You both are meant to be doing it!"

"We are doing it!" they said in unison.

"No – doing IT: Fornicating, copulating, reproducing, sexual intercourse, having sex, like you said you were this morning!"

"You are not making sense, Balthier," Fran interjected, earning herself a glower from her partner.

"Look – I told you I heard you two last night! And you said you were – "

"Practicing it!" Penelo intermitted, reminding him that she did recall what she had told him this morning.

"Yes! It being, sex!"

"No, it being sword-fighting!"

"Oh, is that what you call it now adays?"

"NO!" Penelo's face flushed bright red, and she waved the sword in her had to highlight its true meaning. "S-W-O-R-D-F-I-G-H-T-I-N-G!"

"You thought we were doing it?" They both convulsed in disgust and the blonde girl almost thumped her friend over the head with the handle of her blade.

"Last night it sure sounded like it!"

"We were – wait. You were the one outside our door?"

Balthier could feel Fran's piecing gaze on his back; burning holes into his skin as it were.

"Well – yes, but that's not the point! What about this morning? You agreed to everything I asked and even elaborated on it! You said you were doing it and that you were embarrassed that I found out!"

Penelo began trying to explain while Balthier developed his point. Fran could be seen making curses under her breath. Vaan decided to clear it up once and for all.

"Embarrassed and scared! Don't you remember the weapons rule?"

"The what?"

"No fighting with swords, poles or guns inside the Strahl," the two teenagers recited.

It was soon becoming less ambiguous to Balthier; the sounds, the sexual directions, the connotations. He stared flabbergasted at his traveling companions, unsure what to admit, or whether he should admit to defeat. He couldn't – there were too many things yet to be solved.

"But you said, Basch's thing is so thick you can't get your hand around it!" he cried out, pointing a finger at Penelo temporarily before turning to Vaan.

"And you said that Ashe has got one too!"

"Yeah, the handle is so thick I cannot get my hand around it."

"And Ashe has just bought a new katana!" The pair stated, answering their designated questions. They were both glowering at Balthier – Penelo shaking her head in disgust while Vaan looked down at him like a father would to his mischievous son.

"Then… then-" his finger finally came to rest on the Viera behind him. She was startled to say the least.

"I do not own a sword."

"Exactly!" came Balthier's triumphant reply. "So she did have a gang-bang out in the Steppe!"

Penelo was shaking her head more forcefully now. "No. We ran into some trouble – some thieves wanting us to hand over our money. We were tired from all the poaching, whereas Fran – who had left her bow at the inn, incase you thought she was naked from my description – was all riled up and ready to go protect us."

Oh no. He saw Fran's gaze harden on him.

"And since we were too tired to fight, she grabbed Vaans sword – the sword in my hand – and fought them off and I was envious because I have just decided to train with a sword and Fran is such as skilled fighter, even though she doesn't enjoy using them!"

Balthier grew desperate: there had to be something he was right about.

"But-"

"Balthier," Fran drawled behind him, her tones laced with disdain. "If you replace the ambiguities with the word, weapon, or sword, I am sure it will all come to you. Now, I think we have wasted enough time on your fancies. You can make it up to Vaan how to use the Strahl while I give Penelo a tutorial on how to best wield a sword."

The youngsters' faces brightened at the mention of their compensation, however they still managed to glower at Balthier who was itching to find something else to pick on to prove his theory.

"Gosh, Balthier, eavesdropping on us?" Vaan scolded.

"Going out and getting drunk, making Fran all worried?" said his blonde partner in crime.

Fran had already exited the compartment and was making their way towards their room. Unsure how to retain any shred of dignity, Balthier hurriedly followed his Viera out of the room, closing the door loudly behind him and leaving Vaan and Penelo to their sword-fighting, despite the fact that it was against the rules.

"But Fran!" he winged, "I am going to have a hangover! I cannot teach Vaan tomorrow!"

Fran's reply was locking herself in their room, making sure the captain could hear the ominous click of the lock.

"Fran!" Please acquiesce my request and open up!"

"You thought that I would mate with a Seeq? Several Seeqs in fact?"

He cringed hearing the anger in her voice. "Mate… mate is such a strong word, Fran my love!"

"Then what do you think I did, Balthier?"

Well, to be honest I thought you got on all fours and gave them a show of your mouth-work, he thought, but managed to contain his musing. "I-I don't know. Can't you just see beyond this though?"

"The fact that you do not trust me?"

"Fran, you do walk around with half of each arse cheek hanging outside of your bodice, I can't help assuming-" she broke something inside, and the inebriated pirate realized he had gone too far.

"But this is beside the point," he said quickly, wondering from the hustle and bustle coming from that room, whether the Viera was looking for a gun to shoot him with. He obviously needed to appease her and fast. "Can't you see how jealous you make me? The fact that I worry because you are such a beautiful Viera that anyone would be mad not to ravish on sight?"

There was no response.

"Fran?"

"What?"

"Can I come inside."

"You can sleep in the cockpit."

"Fran," he moaned, banging his forehead against the door. "Please let me in."

"No."

"I-I will… tickle your ears for you?"

"No!"

"I'll let you drive the Strahl!"

"I do that anyway."

Gods, this Viera was infuriating. Who knew this rabbit could resist his charms and offers for a good tickle?

"Fran…?"

"Go away, Balthier. I want to sleep."

"I'll give you some carrots if you let me in."

There was a brief pause then the faint resonance of shoes against the metallic flooring. The door shuddered and Balthier could make out the resonance of a click – the door unlocked.

Gets her everytime.

N O T E S : Another short one! Hope you enjoyed it loves, and thanks for all the comments and subscribers! xD
I will say this though - this is not meant to be an accurate representation of my views of the characters and a display of my writing abilities - hell no!
Its just a little something I decided to write. Didn't take long - didn't spend time thinking about any special words. It was more just getting the general
idea written down.

Thanks again, poppets! Hope you like this:
Lord knows that we've probably heard things that sound worse than they actually are.