The Fool

Disclaimer: I don't think they celebrate this holiday where Hoshino lives.

So here's a short one-shot for April Fools Day. (Okay, not that short. Short for me, anyway. Which means it's about half the size of a normal chapter, and...) Be warned: there's swearing and fairly offensive terms... and I would just like to say that I do not have such strong opinions or would use some words... Anyway, enjoy.

It was a beautiful, warm April morning – the first April morning this year, actually. Most of the Order's staff had risen with the sun a few hours ago, and so it was in a reasonably full cafeteria where this short story begins. Allen was busy devouring the first-meal-of-the-month mitarashi dango and engaged in conversation with Lenalee, Link, and Miranda (or rather, he was talking to Lenalee while Link gave him suspicious looks and silently snatched bites of Lenalee's cake while Miranda reminisced about her miserable Aprils). The atmosphere was actually quite comfortable…

Then Lavi appeared.

The Bookman apprentice was running so quickly he nearly slipped on the shining floors; regaining his balance, he made his way through the tables as fast as he could before he reached that of the Exorcists. Panting, he placed a hand on Allen's shoulder, making the younger boy jump nervously and spin around.

"Ah. It's just you, Lavi." Allen breathed a sigh of relief. "Is something wrong?"

"Did Bookman have a heart attack?" Lenalee asked, concerned.

"No…" Lavi, still out of breath, slid onto the bench next to Allen. "No, nothing like that, Lenalee… It's good news… sorta."

"A girl agreed to date you?" Allen asked, shoveling another set of dango into his mouth. "Although that'sh ba' for he-"

"Allen, swallow your food before speaking," Lenalee grumbled. "Is he right, though?"

"Well…" Lavi leaned back and slung one arm over Allen's shoulders; Allen flinched and gave Lavi a suspicious stare. "Not with me, comrade… but you, on the other hand…"

"A girl?" Allen muttered, sliding out from under Lavi's arm. "I don't have the time for that sort of thing… For that matter, you shouldn't, either, Lavi."

Lavi pouted. "You've got no horomones, Allen, I swear- anyway, no, not a girl."

"Then…" By now, Link and Miranda had tuned into the conversation, curious.

"Allen… I'm not sure if this is good news or bad, but…" Lavi leaned close to Allen's ear, yet spoke in an exaggerated whisper – everyone heard anyway.

"Kanda's in love with you."

Allen's mixed expression of shock and disgust was certainly an interesting sight for the others. For a brief moment, the table – and any nearby that had been close enough to hear Lavi's news – was silent… and then…

"WHAT?!"

"Oooh, I think he's happy." Lavi giggled and ducked away from the other Exorcist in case a fist came flying – Allen was too stunned to react, however. "Well, I must be going – anything you'd like me to tell dear Yuu-chan for-"

"He is so dead," Allen muttered through clenched teeth, leaping to his feet.. "I've tried all this time to tolerate that Bakanda, and then… this…"

"Allen-kun," Lenalee said calmly, reaching across the table to place a hand comfortingly on his trembling fist. "Allen-kun, calm down…"

"…he is… so… fucking… dead…"

"Allen-kun…" Lenalee glanced nervously at Link, whose eyes had narrowed in suspicion. "E-even if Kanda… feels that way, it doesn't affect you, right?"

"Could it be that…" Miranda glanced nervously at Allen, then met Lenalee's questioning look. "He doesn't like…"

"He's homophobic?" Lenalee finished. Somehow, this made Lavi beam at her-

"Oh, you're a homo, Allen-kun! No wonder!" Lavi flipped his wrist down mockingly, then scrubbed the boy's hair and jumped back from the table. "I'll be sure to tell Yuu-chan as soon as possible!" He promptly made a quick getaway just as an (empty) plate of mitarashi dango came flying at his dead.

"They're fucking dead," Allen hissed, then activated his Innocence and stalked off from the table – apparently intending to follow through on his threat. At his departure, Miranda sighed and went back to her moping while Link stole a cake from under Lenalee's blank stare. She blinked. She blinked again. Then, her attention on the table again-

"Isn't anyone going to do anything about it?!" she cried, noticing the return of the normal mood in the cafeteria. "To save Kanda? Lavi? None of you are concerned for their lives?!"

The others shook their heads. Lenalee huffed and departed through the same exit Allen and Lavi had used. If no one else was willing to help, then she'd just have to do it alone!

(Lenalee silently prayed to herself that Lavi and Kanda weren't on the losing side. Fighting with Allen was always so much easier, anyway.)

Being one of the fastest humans in the Order, it didn't take Lenalee long to find the flicker of white stalking the halls of the Order in search of its… prey. Allen's erratic movements made it difficult to follow him, however. When Lenalee was finally close enough to be heard by the emotional boy, she opened her mouth to call out to him – only to find it covered by a hand that quickly dragged her into the shadows of another hall.

Was Lenalee being kidnapped?!

Of course, Lenalee would never stand for such a thing. By the time she was released, the attacker was covered in bruises and sores from her retaliation that he was sure wouldn't heal for a week. "Ow… Lenalee… You didn't have to…"

That voice was oddly familiar. "Section Chief Reever?"

He rubbed his head gingerly, wincing when his fingers came across a spot that Lenalee's searching fists had encountered. "Sorry, Lenalee. Listen – I've got important news from the Chief Monitor."

"From Nii-san?" Lenalee frowned. "Should we go see him, then?"

"Yeah, just… I think I'd better tell you the news first." Reever sighed and leaned against the wall; Lenalee felt a pang of guilt at seeing his physical pain. "See… the Supervisor, he's…"

"Yes?"

"Well… he's, ya know, getting married."

Lenalee's reaction mimicked Allen's earlier one, especially in terms of volume. Reever covered his head in case a stone or two had been dislodged by the volume of her scream.

"Come on," she finally grumbled, grabbing the sleeve of his coat and dragging him up the corridor (her former mission to save Allen forgotten). "We're going to speak to my brother… and change his mind for good…"

"After I refill my lemon-"

"Now."

Lenalee was scary when she was angry. Komui was not in for a pleasant surprise.

However, upon arriving at her brother's office, Lenalee found that the same was true for her. She pulled open the door, intent on finding her brother and whoever he'd agreed to… to… be with, and was about to scream at him when the breath was knocked out of her by a flying flash of white.

Allen-kun? The thought flashed through her mind, although it was clear that the tall figure hugging her tightly could not be the desired Exorcist. In fact, it was none other than…

"Brother!" Lenalee managed to gasp. "You're… I… can't breathe…"

"LENALEE!" Komui released her and pulled backwards to show Lenalee his tearstained face, desperately searching her own for… something. "Lenalee! Where is he!?"

"Where is… Wait, shouldn't I be the one asking that!?" Lenalee demanded. "Doing such a thing on your own without telling me – don't you think your sister should be the first to know such an important thing!? And yet-"

"That's what I've been saying!" Komui wailed. "How could you not tell your precious brother before anyone else!?"

"You didn't bother to say anything about-"

"The fact that my dear sister Lenalee is-"

"Getting married!?"

As the siblings fell silent at the other's words, Reever's suppressed laughter echoed through the room.

"You two…" He shook his head and gave them a wry grin. "It's obvious that the Supervisor would react that way, but Lenalee too…"

"Section Chief Reever, what are you saying…," Lenalee whispered faintly, slowly realizing the truth.

"It's a joke. April Fools, right? That day of the year."

"It's… a joke…" Komui visibly relaxed, putting away the deadly-looking weapon he'd taken out behind his desk. "What a relief… I thought…"

"Brother, you hear that sort of thing everyday," Lenalee murmured to him. "It was a surprise, though. I never imagined you would…"

"Not like he isn't old enough," Reever commented. "It wouldn't be unreasonable."

"No, but… he would tell me if he was dating anyone first, right?" Lenalee said defensively. "I don't mind if- if in the future- you know…"

"Just as I'm sure you'd tell your precious brother first, right, Lenalee?" Komui asked her worriedly. "Like if anything was going on between you and… oh, say, Allen-kun?" (The choice of Allen's name was not a coincidence. Ever since that Order party, Komui had been reassured that Lenalee was not dating anyone, Allen included, but he'd been able to narrow down the list of potential candidates – and therefore targets – to a much shorter list. Allen's name headed that list, and also took up numbers two through eight.)

"Allen-kun!" The memory of her previous goal had been recalled. "Sorry, Brother, but I really have to go now-"

Komui's eyes popped. "You are doing something with him!?"

"No! No, that isn't it- I have to stop Lavi and Kanda from murdering Allen-kun! I mean, Allen-kun from murdering them!"

"Lenalee!! Don't go-"

Lenalee was already gone. Komui sunk to the floor, sobbing, as Reever patted his back awkwardly.

"Don't worry," he muttered. "I'm sure you'll be the first to know if anything actually happens… Unless Lavi's there while it happens…"

After searching most of the Order for her friends, and asking everyone she'd met on the way, Lenalee finally caught up to Allen in the entrance hall of the Order. Fortunately, this was before he'd confronted Kanda and Lavi.

Unfortunately, she found him just as he was about to do so.

"Allen-kun!" Lenalee jumped over the rail, Innocence activated, and landed right in front of the boy, arms spread wide… and facing the older ones. "Don't hurt him, please!"

"…Lenalee?" Lavi asked, puzzled. "What are you doing here? Ooh!" He snapped his fingers excitedly. "I know! You're here to witness the birth of a new love, aren't you? It's such a beautiful thing…"

A strange sound came from behind her; Allen had converted his arm into its sword form.

"I don't want to see Allen-kun be murdered-"

"It's fine, Lenalee, I can take that bastard Bakanda on any time-"

"In a million years, moyashi-"

"My name is Allen-"

"Oh! Pet names! How cute-"

"Lavi, don't you call Allen-kun by that, too-"

"But Yuu-chan came up with it in the first place-"

"Don't fucking call me that!"

Kanda leapt at Lavi, Mugen drawn. Allen took advantage of the opportunity to rush in and attack Kanda. Distracted, the older Exorcist spun around and blocked the blow, allowing Lavi to scramble away to the safety of Lenalee's location.

"This is their way of showing affection," Lavi whispered to her loudly. The fighting intensified. "It's a homoerotic display. One's gotta win, though, and he's gonna be on top-"

"Lavi," Lenalee groaned, "you really don't understand…"

"Oh, really?" He grinned and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. And suddenly, Lenalee realized what was occurring.

"It's not real…" she breathed, understanding dawning on her face. "It's… the first… It's all a joke…"

"And now," Lavi told her, placing an arm around her shoulders (although quickly withdrawing it at an angry glare from Allen), "we sit back and enjoy the result."

Perhaps it was because Lenalee had just been the target of such a prank herself that she failed to be amused at the proceedings. It could also have been that she disliked seeing her two closest friends try to murder each other simply because of a false rumour. No matter the reason, she decided it was time to spoil Lavi's fun.

"Allen-kun. Kanda." They ignored her. "ALLEN-KUN. KAN-"

Allen turned to look at her, and Kanda promptly whacked him on the head. As the white-haired boy crumbled to the ground, the other two turned to look at Lenalee – Kanda with the malicious glare of hate that he'd failed to change, and Lavi with a scowl. Lenalee ran towards Allen and fell to her knees, cradling his bleeding head carefully.

"What do you think you're doing."

Kanda gave a "che" and turned away; Lavi's scowl turned into a pout.

"You could nearly have gotten Allen-kun killed! Assuming he isn't dead now!"

"He deserves it. Fucking homo." Kanda spat on the ground next to him.

"Kanda, that was a joke. An April Fools Day prank." Lenalee glared at him angrily, then directed it towards Lavi. "He made all of that up just to see you two fight."

Kanda looked at Lavi questioningly. The smirk that Lavi had been unable to hide was more than enough evidence.

"You… bastard…"

"Oh shit! Lenalee, why'd you have to-"

Lavi sprinted off, chased by an angry Kanda. Lenalee watched them leave, decided Lavi was getting exactly what he deserved, and settled down to make sure Allen was all right.

His grey eyes opened a moment later, still slightly cloudy from his previous unconsciousness.

"Lena…lee?" he murmured weakly. "Is that…"

"Yeah." She brushed his bangs away from his forehead, then from the light gash farther back; Lenalee was pleased to note that the bleeding had stopped.

"Did I… get… him…"

"Er…" Lenalee bit her lip, hesitating. "Actually, he kind of… got you…"

"Then… let me up." Allen tried to push himself into a sitting position, although he needed the support of Lenalee to maintain it. "Have to… kill…"

"Allen-kun, there's nothing to worry about," she told him soothingly. "It was all a joke for April Fools Day. That thing about Kanda liking you – Lavi just made it up to see your reaction."

"He did?" Allen frowned. "Have to kill… Lavi too…"

"Kanda's doing that right now," Lenalee said quickly, stopping Allen from his attempt to stand. "You can get him later, Allen-kun. Regain your strength now."

Allen considered his options for a moment, then decided that it would, after all, be best to stay with Lenalee for the time being. While Kanda chased Lavi around the Order with death threats, Lenalee explained to Allen about the prank that Reever had pulled on her and Komui – omitting the references to Allen, of course – which made Allen laugh, to Lenalee's frustration.

"It isn't funny!" she protested, helping Allen get to his feet. "You don't think what Lavi did was amusing, do you? Of course, Brother and I didn't nearly kill anyone, but-"

"Reever-san isn't sadistic," Allen muttered. Suddenly, he stumbled - and Lenalee caught him, barely managing to stay balanced with both of their weight. "Sorry," Allen muttered, attempting to straighten his body without moving any closer to Lenalee than he already was. With their faces separated by mere centimeters, this was a difficult task, although with Lenalee's help he was soon able to stand on his own.

"I'm just happy that you're not hurt, Allen-kun," she told him warmly. And then Lenalee smiled.

"Wait." Lenalee had turned to leave; Allen grabbed her wrist carefully. "Lenalee…"

"Allen-kun?" What was that serious expression? Allen was hardly as cheerful as Lavi, but this… "Is something wrong? Does your head still hurt…"

"No, it isn't that." Whatever Allen was feeling at that moment was hardly a new experience, and he was fully aware of this fact, but somehow, after hearing Lenalee say such a thing and smile so beautifully… and it wasn't a rare expression for her either, but somehow… "Lenalee, I…"

Somehow, he needed to tell her what he'd previously thought was better left unsaid, for everyone…

"I think…" Allen swallowed nervously. "I might… be in love with you?"

Lenalee didn't say anything for a few minutes, but stared carefully into his wide grey eyes. Finally, she responded – and, to Allen's despair, she began to laugh.

"Oh, Allen-kun!" she gasped, "you almost had me there!" Allen's expression turned into one of horror and he released her wrist, although Lenalee failed to notice. "For a moment there… I actually… believed you… you're really good at this…"

"Lenalee?" he whispered nervously.

"I thought… after seeing two of them… I'd catch them more easily… but Allen-kun, I almost believed you even after that!" She beamed at him, catching Allen off-guard and erasing his shocked expression. "Don't worry; I won't tell anyone else how convincing you are!"

Lenalee trotted off, leaving Allen to stare at her departing back desperately.

She thought it was a joke… An April Fools Day one…

"I suppose it serves me right, being so spontaneous," he muttered to himself wryly, following her at a slower pace.

"Who's the real fool here…"

The Order party was in the second D.Gray-Man Reverse novel. I didn't make it up. xD

I'm sure you're wondering "If she has the strength to write all this in the space of a few hours, why isn't she updating anything else?". That, or I only wish you were thinking that, because it'd boost my ego. Yeah, um. Never mind that, then.