Length: about 2,300 words (And how is it that it gets longer with every new chap?)

Disclaimer Play: Grave Confusion

Short scenery description: Me, JKR and Second Ego stand in front of Alter Ego's grave. It's a sad, sad day...

Me (sobs into a hankie): He was... great, you know.

JKR (nods sadly): Yes, he was a wonderful Ego.

Me (chokes): And I really did love him so much.

Second Ego (smiling): Sure, no questioning that.

Me (turning to JKR): I mean, did I have another choice? We could've had the rights of HP from you if he hadn't messed up the addresses. Really, JK Rollings? He should've known better...

Second Ego (patting on shoulder): It's okay. Don't blame yourself.

JKR (smiling understandably): Precisely. It's not your fault. He really should've known- (frowns suddenly) Wait... he was a HE?

- To Be Continued -

OH! Now that's a revelation, my Alter Ego was male, who would've thought? ;D

Well, all the gender confusion aside, the song titles that I used for my headings, as always, belong to their respective owners. (Makes me wonder though what gender Second Ego is... hm, maybe that'll be explained in the next chap?)

Dedictation: My cactus Hugo is going wild at all the wickedly wonderful reviews you guys provide me with. ;) Thus, this goes to all those people out there who either reviewed, faved or put this on Story Alert (or all three together), including: SammXilXquinto, kk1189, Silvergal, Pyric, The Savior of the Broken, Flo M Nimo, Emmetluver, LittleLonnie, EllaQueenB, southernbelle08, Mistymist, Bookish Brownie and Veghindu101!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!! ;D

Oh, and now imagine me poking with a stick at all the others who maybe just enjoy reading this (thanks a lot) but don't review: How about making a fanfiction writer happy? (Takes only a second. And I love to learn from criticism, plus I promise to reply. What more can you want?)

Author's Notes: Merlin, it has been a while now, hasn't it? This took me so long again... well no, actually, I was procrastinating writing (all of it) lately, because I thought it better to learn for my finals. Hm... don't know if it works out that way. (We'll see next week.) And I swear I'm going mad at not updating my chaptered fics, I feel like the most inconsistent fanfiction writer out there! Anyway, here comes the funny'z again, I am not too happy yet and maybe I'll change one or two things later on. But for now, I dearly wish you fun reading...

OoOoOoOoO

Riddikulus! - Chapter 3: How about being... ridiculous?

7. The Joker – Part 3: Sirius B. Good

Previously:

GOOD HEAVENS!

Zombie Sirius pushed some strands of black hair out of his face and then went to look at the two people in front of him, cowered together on the floor, their faces white with fear, their pupils dilated to the most. He narrowed his eyes at them, his mouth curving up in a nasty grin.

"Hm…" he whispered in a deep haunting voice and a chuckle left his lips. "Fresh meat."

--

Silence.

Just utter silence.

...

And then, suddenly-

Tonks screeched.

Remus fainted.

Sirius laughed:

"KIDDING!"

8. Waterfalls

The moment Tonks walked into the kitchen of Number 12, Grimmauld Place, she knew that something wasn't right. No, on the contrary, she knew that something was very, very wrong. She could just tell as much from the fact that she had walked in, seen Remus standing right in front of her, eyeing her curiously, and the next moment a loud splash and an ice-cold shiver had run down her spine and – she'd been wet. From head to toe. Utterly, completely wet.

Tonks stood at the entrance, still holding the door handle in a firm grip, as she looked down at herself and saw her clothes dripping from water, felt the thousands of little drops in her hair, running over her face that probably looked as if she had just come out of a swimming pool. Another look, this time upwards, showed her Sirius standing on a ladder to her left, an empty bucket in his hands. She gaped at him.

"Excuse me?" she said in an utterly stunned voice, unable to decide whether to be angry or surprised at the moment. "What was that for?"

Sirius didn't answer. He just drew back the bucket and climbed down the stairs, then walked around her in a slow half circle, scrutinising her closely, until he stood on her right and said: "Don't you feel like… melting?"

"Excuse me?!" Tonks exclaimed in a screech, wondering if her voice was loud enough now to wake up Mrs. Black from her deep slumber. Well, not that she cared that much at the moment. She turned to the other man in front of her who was still eyeing her in strange curious fashion up and down, rubbing his chin in deep thought. "Remus, could you please explain-"

"Told you it wouldn't work, Pads" he cut across her, looking at Sirius. "Though it was worth a try, I must admit."

Tonks' mouth fell open as she stared at him, incapable of believing or even comprehending what was going on.

"Damn, but I was so sure it'd work" Sirius said in a somewhat disappointed voice and looked as if he was about to pout any second.

"Hm, I was rather sceptical from the beginning. The way he described it, it just wasn't…" Remus trailed off, shrugging. "Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah" Sirius replied, sighing. "Yeah, I understand, it's just-"

"EXCUSE ME?" Tonks drew all the attention back on her as she let out a desperate scream. "WHAT the bloody HELL is wrong with you people?"

Both Sirius and Remus seemed quite surprised at her sudden outbreak. Tonks gave them both a scowl and Sirius took a few steps backwards, an anxious flicker on his face.

"Don't tell me you never wondered?" asked Remus, his tone incredulous and unbelieving.

"Wondered about what?"

He raised a curious eyebrow at her for a second before he walked over to the kitchen table and picked up a book that Tonks hadn't noticed had lain there all the time, being too busy with her desperate attempts at understanding why, at six in the morning, her cousin would empty a bucket of water right above her. As Remus came back to her with the book, he held it out in front of her so she could read the title. It was a copy of "The Wizard of Oz". Tonks stared at it, then shot Remus a deep frown. However, it was Sirius who answered her silent question as he darted forwards excitedly.

"You know, it says in there that female witches are supposed to melt when you empty a bucket of water on them" he said with quite a lot of enthusiasm in his voice which vanished instantly when he saw Tonks' deadly look directed at him. He bit his lip and added: "Sorry. Apparently didn't work."

9. The Kill – Part 2: Killing Me Softly

Death.

Tonks' heart stopped.

Stopped right in that one moment, the very moment she got hit – and died.

She was… dead. Just dead. Nothing more.

Well…

Honestly speaking, it came rather unexpected. And, if she considered it now, she hadn't believed either that the battle would be over that soon as well. At least not for her… She wondered idly how she had managed to lose at all when she had been fighting so hard, but it was all rather blurry when she tried to remember the fight. Ragged breath, open wounds, blood dripping from her body, heart beating fast and unsteady in her heaving chest, fingers so sweaty that she had had to tighten her grip even more to be able to perform her magic.

Yet she had.

Yet she had been able to attack, had been able to wound her enemy almost as much as he had wounded her. Yet she had fought so well and brave and never given up. She was an Auror after all. But-

In the end, it hadn't been enough to keep her alive. Apparently...

Oh, how could she have been so stupid? Why ever hadn't she taken this more seriously? Why ever hadn't she been more careful about her defence? Why ever hadn't she known that it would mean her death in the end?

But no…

She couldn't have known. In fact, nobody could have. On the contrary even, she had been so utterly convinced that she'd succeed in the end, simply had to, considering whom she had fought with. And yet, upon thinking back on that reckless belief, it seemed so childish all of a sudden, especially now that she had lost and the battle was over and her foe had won. And in retrospect, she was even a little surprised at her own naivety: How could she have underestimated her enemy so much?

From somewhere behind her, she thought she might've heard Moody, or rather one of his grumbles of disapproval about her lost battle, and she knew instantly that sooner or later she'd have to listen to another flow of his constant vigilance talks and how, once again, she hadn't paid enough attention and therefore… well, died. And worse even, the man would be right with it. Because she really should've been more vigilant, should've seen it come, should've anticipated every move of her opponent and-

Oh…

But it didn't matter anymore now, did it?

The battle was done. She had lost. She was dead…

Strange.

It would've even amused her to some extent, the way she had lost, so pathetic and ridiculous, if it wasn't for the fact that she was so utterly dead this very moment which didn't feel that amusing at all. And yet she felt like laughing…

Damn.

It was all just too unreal. And as for the end, she couldn't remember much, except for the final hit – and complete darkness afterwards. It had engulfed her from head to toe, as if it had come out of nowhere, all of a sudden. Blood splattering, eyes dilating, blackening, moves stilling, slowly, and her limb body falling down to the floor. She had seen it all from the outside, witnessed every single moment of her demise as if she'd been a spectator, unable to interfere.

All the while she'd known that next to her Remus had been struggling the very same battle as her, attack after attack after attack. But as much as it had hurt her, she hadn't been able to help him, regardless of all consequences at that very moment. She had had to fight her own battle, fight for her own life, think of no one else but herself, even if it meant betraying loved ones in the process. Oh, if she had just paid more attention…

Shite.

And somewhere people had been cheering.

Somewhere Sirius had choked on his drink, gasped in surprised at the outcome of her battle.

But then-

Nothing.

Save death and darkness.

Game over.

…

Tonks stared. She stared straight ahead at the screen, unmoving. Next to her, Remus laid down his controller and looked at her, biting his lip. He cleared his throat.

"I… won… apparently. That's… er… What did you say this was again?"

Tonks winced slightly as she shook out of her stupor and turned to him, her mouth still wide open. She needed a moment to comprehend what had happened, but soon she recovered herself and met to glare at the man with a sudden intensity that he almost seemed frightened by her.

"A PlayStation, Remus!" she snapped at him, her voice shaking with anger and despair. "It's a bloody PlayStation and we're playing bloody Tekken and you bloody WON AGAIN!"

From somewhere behind her, Moody's grumble of disapproval and Sirius' roaring bark of laughter echoed through the house and drove her crazy.

A/N: Next on, I brought some bonus vignettes in that I wrote for pals of mine! ;D (Which will come as a surprise even for them as well, I reckon.) Enjoy reading...

Bonus #1 (Written for Bookish Brownie. I unfortunately couldn't decide which version to use, so I posted both and therefore it's on you to decide which one's better.)

10.1 Come Out And Play – Epilogue: Smells Like Teen Spirit

Mrs. Black glared at her opponents, her picture dripping with multicoloured paint all over.

She. Was. Furious.

No actually, she was outright fuming.

She wanted her wand.

She wanted the deadly curse - on them.

And, above all, she wanted revenge…

But even as she still thought about it, her opponents threw the paintball guns out of their hands, turned to one another – and started frantically snogging right in front of her picture.

Mrs. Black's mouth fell open.

"Oh, you've GOT to be KIDDING ME!"

XxXxXxXxX

10.2 Come Out And Play – Epilogue: With A Little Help From My Friends

As Sirius trotted down the stairs, he was greeted with three different, slightly surprising sights.

One, he didn't care about.

Another one got him laughing.

And the third, well…

As Sirius took the last step downstairs, he placed his hands in his pockets and examined the three interesting sights, smiling to himself.

An umbrella stand lay strewn about.

His mother's picture was dripping with multicoloured paint all over.

And his little cousin and his best friend were engulfed in a deep kiss, apparently oblivious to anything else.

Sirius shook his head slightly, catching his mother's eye in the process. It came as a surprise that she seemed quite calm, considering what had just happened to her.

"They paintballed me" she said, her almost whispered voice etched with a mixture of thorough anger and utter bewilderment. Sirius' smile widened into a grin.

"I know" he replied truthfully "Was my idea."

Bonus #2 (Written for EllaQueenB. Just one version. ;))

11. Question!

"My Lord?"

It was a cold, icy January evening as Lord Voldemort formerly known as Tom Marvolo Riddle sat in front of a warmth-spreading fire, his snake-like face illuminated by the flames, green eyes staring straight ahead and a hand absent-mindedly stroking the body of his most beloved pet, Nagini. He turned round slowly as he heard himself being addressed and was faced with a slightly anxious-looking Severus Snape who stood in the doorway, apparently waiting for a response.

"Yes?"

The high, cold voice of the Dark Lord filled the room even though he hadn't spoken loudly at all. As the man in the doorway stepped forward into the light of the fire, it was in that moment that Voldemort realised that he was holding something clenched firmly between his fingers, some sort of fabric with which he was fiddling ever so slightly every now and then, giving him the faintest air of nervousness. It seemed as if the man was searching for the right words for his enquiry and he cleared his throat before speaking.

"My Master, I wanted to express my profound thanks for this gift" he threw the fabric in his hand a brief glance "and let you know that I am deeply honoured to be regarded with a birthday present by my Lord."

A moment of silence followed as the man attempted a smile, showing more of a grimace for it was rather unusual on him to curve up the corners of his mouth at all. Voldemort, however, returned his thanks with a cold look.

"Of course. Did you think I would not care about my subjects?"

The hint of a self-reproach flickered across Snape's face before he bowed his head deeply in front of his master.

"That would be truly foolish to assume, my Lord."

"It would be, now, wouldn't it, Severus?"

"Yes, my Lord, and I would never-"

"Is there anything else, then?" Voldemort cut across the man's words, his voice now tinged with evident boredom and a litte bit of annoyance. Snape once again started fiddling with what he held in his hands, a flicker of doubt passing his face as he seemed to consider bringing up a particular topic yet couldn't quite decide if it was a good idea. However, he went on.

"My Lord, I never mean to question your highly appreciated opinion-"

"Then don't, Severus" came the immediate retort with a noticeable hint of a warning. A muscle in Snape's left eye seemed to twitch for a second as he cleared his throat once again and spoke with renewed determination.

"I truly don't, my Lord, I would never, but there is one question I have to ask and I'm afraid that I am in need of an answer."

Voldemort contemplated for some time, still absent-mindedly stroking the snake on his lap and eliciting a hiss from the dangerous animal every now and then. It wasn't until a minute or two had passed that he waved a hand at the man in front of him and gestured for him to go on.

"Thank you my Lord" Snape said, bowing down once more before he straightened again and continued. "Like I said, I am truly honoured with this present but there is one thing I don't quite understand."

"Which would be?"

Voldemort tilted his head just slightly to one side and stared at the man with his cold eyes. Snape swallowed.

"I was wondering, my Lord" he said in a somewhat constricted voice, and for the first time held the fabric in his hands out for his master to see "I was just wondering: Why pink underwear?" Snape turned the fabric around "With panda motifs?"

OoOoOoOoO

Before I start: Notice something? I didn't kill off Sirius! Miracles do happen, people...

Well then, how about reviews? (Better come straight to the point, right?) I'll give you all heaps hugs and delicious muffins if you present me with a lil comment! And to all those of you who even grant me some concrit, I'll be forever thankful and promise to try and heed any advise. Todays review's bibe (apart from much love and muffins) is gonna be a game of Tekken (or any other Beat 'Em Up game you prefer) with your fave character! Sirius throws punches all around, Mad-Eye gets everyone with his stick, Remus attacks from behind with a book on your head, Snape stares everyone down (-shudder-) and Tonks is kickass anyway (plus you'll never know what she looks like, so better turn around and watch that evil umbrella stand)! ;D Have FUN!

Okay, everyone who's sick of my rambling, better skip this now 'cause I'm gonna talk about the vignettes again (and it's gonna be sorta long as well). For everyone else, here goes:

Sirius B. Good (original, rockin' song is of course "Johnny B. Goode" by the famous Chuck Berry) was... mean. Sorry. I know, it was short and probably not that funny at all, but I had to establish Kidding Sirius. Seriously, I couldn't let him stay a Zombie, right? (No actually, Sirius came to me in LOD and begged me to make him alive again. Normally, I'm not that acquiescent but he showed me that puppy-eyes-look and... bugger, can never withstand that one. ;D) Can't believe though that Remus actually fainted... -cough-

Anyway, Waterfalls (think it was a song by TLC) always gets me rolling on the floor just by picturing the scene. That's what comes out of Sirius reading books! Makes me wonder, however, why Remus agreed to this...? Well, I actually once considered (when I was little and unknowing) to empty a bucket of water over my sister after I read the book (she might turn out to be a witch after all, right?). I never did it, of course, or else I wouldn't be alive anymore. ;) So now, I reckon that Sirius and Remus will go off and follow the yellow brick road instead. Or shouldn't Tonks do that since she'd fit more into the role of Dorothy (Dora - Dorothy, even almost fits with the name)? If so, Remus needs to be the Scarecrow (since I always rather thought that the Scarecrow was dead sexy, though I can't exactly explain why) and Mad-Eye is the Lion (always afraid, always on "constant vigilance" ;D) and... hm, Tin Man could be Sirius then or maybe Severus (because that man sometimes really needs a heart)... It'd make a fun fic, don't you think?

Up next, Killing Me Softly (I prefer The Fugees' version, but everyone can decide for themselves) - That one was sorta disappointing. I had many different set ups in my head but they all somehow didn't work out - neither did the one I used in here, in my opinion. But anyway, it's still fun to imagine how Tonks would even lose against Remus when it comes to playing PlayStation (my inner 21st century child knocked on my head and said: "Chess was yesterday. What about the next generation?"). Well, I did actually look up if it'd work with the time line (yeah right, accuracy in ridiculous fics, now that's ridiculous!) and it DID work out, the first PlayStation was released in '94 and the first Tekken in the same year. -sigh- Hm, it's been a while since I played Tekken the last time (or any game at all)... I was actually pretty good. And there was a character named Panda in there! (I do have a thing for pandas - and cacti. ;D) Well, well...

Er, the bonus chaps? All credit for them actually goes to the people I wrote it for, since I never would've written them without those wonderful fanfiction writers (and their inspiring me). Give me a lil shove into the right direction and I might write you a funny as well. ;) Speaking of which...

Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana? Ring a bell?) or With A Little Help From My Friends (Beatles, of course, love the Joe Cocker version though) - This one sprung from one of Bookish Brownies' reviews. Look it up, I thought it was such a good idea! (And I was pouting that I didn't think of it first...) I do like the second version more, though, for I love Sirius playing matchmaker - and being mischievous on his mum. ;)

Question! (song by System of a Down, but they have better ones) - Aw, I always knew Voldemort had a soft spot... somewhere. Or is he just humorous? Anyway, this one came to me after a conversation I had with EllaQueenB (-gives hugs-), and I know it's not exactly R/T but it just worked too well with Sev and Tom. And furthermore, this one made me look up Voldemorts name since I somehow couldn't remember if it was Tom Vorlost Riddle or Tom Marvolo Riddle (though I suspected the latter). The first is actually the German name; it has been altered in almost every language to fit in with the second book (remember the whirling around with the letters thing?). Well, and when I looked it up, I discovered many other fun Voldmort names and you wouldn't believe it: In French, he's called Tom Elvis Riddle - Gettit? Everyone thought Elvis was dead but only a few insisted that he was still alive. Turns out they were right... ;D And another thing: In Icelandic, he's actually named Trevor Delgome - OMG! Notice something? It's Neville's TOAD! All the time, Voldemort was in disguise as Neville's TOAD! If we'd just known earlier... (sneaky little amphibians). XD Anyway, just look up the names, some of them are really hilarious!

Oh dear...

Sorry for the long ramble, I just had so much to say. But thanks to everyone who actually made it through (- my, you must be persistent)! And before I say goodbye: Anyone saw the Chelsea-Liverpool game yesterday? OH, it was SO GOOD! And they were both playing so well, I was engrossed in the match till the last second! (And I wasn't even cheering for one side at all, it was just soo enthralling that I couldn't take my eyes away anymore. CHEERS for football! - Or soccer, that is...)

Well then, so long!

Let's all chase toad Voldemort through the lands (or look out for Elvis?); bye bye und tschüß