Thomas and the Clichés
A typical Thomas and Friends episode, or at least as typical as it can be.
This is a satrical parody of, like, every episode of Thomas in recent series. The reason I know so much of how it works is coz my brother is a fan.
Disclaimer: the only engine I own is in the first section.
It was a beautiful day on the Island of Sodor, and the Fat Controller came to the sheds with an announcement.
"We have a new engine coming today," said the Fat Controller. "His name is Generic Engine Who We'll Never Hear Of Again After This Episode, but you can call him Xemnas. I trust that you will make him feel welcome by completely ignoring him and focusing your attention on our latest disaster."
"Yes, sir," peeped the engines.
A tidal wave/tornado/house fire (cross out as appropriate) had swept Sodor in the night, so everybody had a lot to do. Thomas had to pick up some glass windows and carry them to the windmill.
Henry, Gordon and James were, for some reason, picking up fallen trees in a siding out of the way. "I'm the fastest," pooped Gordon.
"No, I'm the fastest," pipped James. "I can go faster than you; and anyway, I'm red."
"My tender is ill," said Henry.
"I love being the fastest," said Gordon, "because I get to break all of the speeding laws on this island."
"What speeding laws?" chuckled James. "Haven't you heard? Sodor has no concept of law."
"Then what enables us to take passengers around the island and put them in dangerous situations?"
"I'm really very unwell," said Henry.
"I don't know," said James. "But it's certainly fun anyway. I love coaches."
"I love going fast," said Gordon.
"I love you Gordon," purred James.
Gordon puffed back a couple of yards. "Whoa, James, you can't do that! This is a children's show – we can't say anything beyond the number 15!"
James sulked.
"I'm having a heart attack," said Henry.
Meanwhile, Thomas was puffing along his merry way. The glass windows had already been assembled and placed in a haphazard fashion in the trucks. Thomas had once suggested that they assemble the windows when they actually get to the windmill, but the driver had just said "Work is Work, Thomas."
"Singing a song, singing a song,
To make this episode seven minutes long!" giggled the trucks.
"Shut up," growled Thomas, bumping the trucks.
This made the trucks cross. "Hold back! Hold back!" they screamed. But they held back so hard that they broke their couplings. Then there was trouble - they somehow managed to over-take Thomas and head straight for the windmill.
"Holy shi------er, I mean, bust my buffers!!" yelled Thomas. He tried to warn the windmill people...
But it was toooo late. Dun dun duuuun. The windows shattered on the windmill blade, sending broken glass flying everywhere.
"OH!" exclaimed Thomas.
Luckily, no one was hurt, but this made the Fat Controller very cross. "You have caused confusion and delay."
"Yes, sir, sorry, sir." Thomas felt terrible. And Thomas knew that it was allll hiiis fauuuult.
Later on, Emily was taking some flour to the mill. She was complaining to herself about Xemnas. "There should be an even number of boy and girl engines, sexism, I love Thomas," she muttered to herself, occasionally adding things about killer pies.
Unfortunately, she failed to notice the explicitly-large hole in the bridge she was crossing. (This was odd, as it was intact earlier in the episode.) She almost fell down the middle of the hole! She was hanging on for dear life.
"Help, help me somebody," she screamed. (Were she human, she'd have made a great Princess Peach.)
Thomas heard her calls on the other side of the island, and sped to the rescue, conveniently carrying the breakdown crane with him. His driver coupled him up with Emily.
He puffed and he pulled. He pulled and he puffed. And finally, he pulled Emily to safety.
"Thank you Thomas," said Emily.
"Any time, toots."
Emily paused awkwardly. "'Toots'?"
"My driver heard it in the ABC Counting Game after last episode."
The Fat Controller came to see Thomas. "Even though the windmill is still without glass, this makes up for your mistake earlier for some reason. You, Thomas, without really trying, are a Really Useful Engine."
Thomas just beamed.
"Please, sir, I was just thinking, sir," Percy butted in. "Doesn't it strike you as odd, sir, that we're always repeating the same storylines over and over again, sir, without any variation or plot-twists, sir?"
Everyone ignored Percy.