Author note: Hallo all! I'm new to these here waters, but I'm completely in love with Ashes to Ashes, and the Alex/Gene dynamic, so I thought I'd write them a fucked-up romantic two-shot. :D This is possibly a tad OOC - well, I say a 'tad' xD - but hey, you'll like it anyway (she says hopefully). Contains no notable spoilers (unless I haven't been watching closely enough), and features a slightly softer Gene than we're all used to, a Ray that almost gets knocked out by his flying DCI and a rather nervous Shaz.

But to hell with all that - let's fire up the fiction Quattro! Oh, and don't forget to review, there's a good bunch of fans. :D

Narrow-Minded Arsehole

It was an extremely dreary Wednesday morning at the London Met HQ, and Ray Carling and Chris Skelton were playing Confectionary Scrabble whilst attempting to shuffle through various case leads, none of which really led anywhere at all. Opposite them sat a seriously peeved Alex Drake, who was racing through form after form after pissing form of her boyfriend's paperwork in a desperate attempt to get them all finished so she could do something vaguely exciting.

"C-A-N-D-Y, candy!" Chris called triumphantly, and Shaz grinned at him from across the room as Alex rolled her eyes, burying herself in caffeine to cope with their ridiculous antics.

"You bastard!" Ray cried, scandalised as Chris smirked and helped himself to a pink wafer victoriously. "Triple word score too! That's twenty-seven pissing points!"

All of a sudden, the office door burst open, and in strode Gene Hunt, his usual face of thunder firmly in place. Instantly, the Scrabble board was covered in no less than fourteen recent cases that were neither Ray's nor Chris's, and they cleared their throats delicately, trying to make it look like they were doing something that was in some way productive.

"Right," the DCI called out as he strode into the office with intent, exuding a sense of extreme irritation. "Raymundo, Christopher, I've just had a tip-off from the Holier-Than-Thou arseholes upstairs - we've got a dead boy in the middle of a screwed-up gangland hellhole. Now get your bloody coats on!"

Ray and Chris grinned, grabbing their leathers, and the trio turned to go as Alex stood up from behind the desk.

"What about me then?" She demanded, and Gene stopped dead, turning to face her.

"I told you earlier," he said simply. "We've all got overdue paperwork and I'd like you to do it - after all, you're a bloody woman, you're good at that stuff…"

The woman gaped at him, anger lancing through her veins.

"I've been doing paperwork all week!" She retorted furiously. "A DI should not be stuck in a pissing office for five days shuffling through all your shit!"

Alex and Gene had been romantically involved for a little over a fortnight now, and whilst during the first week he had kept a close and protective eye on her, this week he was simply taking the piss. She may as well have gotten an office job, and she was beginning to suspect that he had been purposely saving up the miniature paperwork Everest in front of her for the last month just to keep her station-bound.

Gene, meanwhile, gave a shrug of indifference.

"Ray and Chris need the experience," he explained casually. "Or shall I sit down and teach them Advanced Document Revision 101?"

She seethed internally, but there was no way in hell that she would give him the satisfaction of noticing her fury.

"No, I want you to stop being a wanker and give me a proper bloody job to do!" The psychologist yelled, and something deep within the DCI snapped as he abandoned his position and strode lividly towards her.

"Do you really want to know why I've kept you in all week?" He snarled, almost directly in her face - but she was damned if she'd back down.

"If you'd be so bloody kind!" She spat in response, and he growled.

"Alright then, here it comes!" He stormed in towering rage, eyes intently staring into hers. "I love you and I don't want you getting bloody hurt!"

Despite the fact that Alex and Gene's relationship was common knowledge to the three involuntary eavesdroppers, they all reeled in shock, and no one more so than Alex - his protectiveness was touching, but he was having a laugh…

"For god's sake, Gene!" She began in exasperation, uttering a deep sigh. "I'm not made of bloody porcelain! Surely you respect me more than that?! I'm not an idiot - I'm not going to go Charge of the Fight Brigade on you, alright?"

Gene was rather glad that no one but her could see the full volume of his hurt, and he growled furiously, a part of him beyond livid at her inability to understand.

"This is not up for discussion," he answered clearly, his fists clenched tightly in emotional turmoil.

"I am not doing any more bloody paperwork!" She screeched, and Gene's expression hardened.

"Am I to understand that you're refusing my instructions?" He enquired with an air of bitter sarcasm and haughty authority, and Alex barely restrained herself from hitting him.

"Yes!" The DI almost screamed, and the Northerner gifted her with a hard stare.

"Then you leave me with no choice," he snapped, nearly spitting with rage. "Detective Inspector Drake, London Metropolitan officer two-zero-eight-three-five, I am suspending you pending further notice for insubordination towards a superior and for being too much of a loud-mouthed tart to fuckin' listen to me!"

Gene was bowled clean over by the force of her slap, stumbling backwards and almost into the wide-eyed Ray, who moved quickly to avoid being the DCI's personal trampoline.

"Then fuck your job!" She roared, shoving the paperwork off the desk where it floated destructively to the floor and covered the stunned Gene. "And fuck you, Gene Hunt!"

Alex stormed out of the office, tears in her eyes as he shoved aside Ray and Chris, both of whom watched her depart in utter astonishment.

Gene staggered to his feet, aghast at the documents that littered the floor and privately gutted at what he'd just done.

"Not a word," he spat out in warning as the trio of officers looked at him as though he was an utter twat. "Not a pissin' word!"

The bystanding threesome all remained tight-lipped as Gene shot Shaz a commanding glance.

"Get this cleaned up!" He ordered ferociously, and she nodded silently, beginning immediately. Seething, he returned his angle to the gaping dynamic duet who were now behind him.

"And as for you two," he barked, "we're going on a bloody picnic."

He swept from the office, and Chris waved a goodbye to the edgy Shaz, who gave a soft smile in return as she scrambled to re-arrange the fallen documents, before exchanging looks with the equally bewildered Ray and flanking the DCI up the corridor.

Author note: Well, that's it for chapter one - I'll post the second and final one tomorrow, assuming you liked this one. :D Reviews will win your virtual muffins, I promise.