By Meo (actually by my bff Emily but that's beside the point)

Also, disclaimer:Neither Emily or I own Harry Potter. If we did….dear GOD.

AN – So this one time, in the band at the most recent basketball game…idk, my BFF Emily and I were really bored because we actually didn't play that much. She wanted to write, and so, in the spirit of Harry Potter, I told her to write the next great Harry Potter book on the back of a napkin she had. 'Cuz, y'know, that's how J.K.Rowling came up with the first book or whatever. SO THIS WAS BORN. Two were born, actually. And here they are.

-InitiateStory-

PART ONE – PIZZA BOX AND ONE NAPKIN

Harry is all like walkin' through a forest, and he's like, damn, man, my butt is itchy. So he rubs his butt against a particularly SEXUALLY shaped tree. Lo and behold, it is the rainbow dick sauce tree!

"Hey you!" said the homosexual plant. "What are you doing all up ons?"

"Nigga say WHAT?" Harry questioned. He rubbed once more and experienced his first 'prostate exam'.

Suddenly, Ron came out of the woods and surprised him! Along with Hermionie, Hagrid, Harry's mom's corpse, Dumbledore, and Neville. "Golly gee, Harry! You're a FAG!" Ron exclaimed.

"I guess you're right!" said Harry.

"Sure are!" said the tree.

"OH FUCK YES!!" cried Dumbledore.

Hermionie hung herself two days later. Nobody cared.

PART DEUX – FOUR NAPKINS AND NO BOXES AND MOAR INSIDE JOKES

Ron was skipping seductively as usual, when suddenly Voldemort popped up.

"You're naked!" complained Ron.

"You lack male genitals!" retorted the flaccid Voldemort. "And now, you're on LSD!"

"No I'm not."

"Yeah, I think you are."

A long, sensual pause ensued.

"Holy shit, I think you're right, George Carver! Never before has a poop cookie been formed in space!" and Ron was off.

Meanwhile, Harry was practicing his audition for American Idol. Ron kicked down the door mid-Meatloaf.

"Fuuuuuuuck, I found this thing! This thing is you!" Ron yelled as he flung a large stick at Harry.

"…Rainbow dick sauce?" Harry asked cautiously. "Yes, it is I, come to re—"

"OH HELL NAW!" cried Ron, ripping off his pants. He flung himself at the window and broke his spine.

"Oh my God," said Harry. "That is the hottest thing I've ever seen." He preceeded to fap out the window for three hours, forming Kristin Baker on Ron's broken body. She got up and told Hermionie that her hair was ugly. Which it is.

Hermionie OD'd four days later.

One person thought it was kinda sad, but everyone told him to stop being such a douche.

And he did!

We're so proud, Jimmy.

Love, Mommy!

THE END

Final Notes:

Kristin Baker is this girl that's funny. Not, like, as a comedian, but she's…if you look at her…she's just funny. That's all. There's more behind it but…I don't feel like explaining right now.

Also, if this offended you, then lol. All flames will be MSN'd to Emily for us both to laugh at.

BYE.