Thank you for all your reviews! I'm in a hurry so not much to comment on this time. You may notice Light to be OOC this chapter, but that is just the Death Note's doing.

Don't own DN etc etc!

Read, Enjoy and Review if ya wanna!

(btw no betad chappie! So sorry for any mistakes in advance!)

Chapter 23: Cracking Control

Diary,

L still wasn't listening to me. Not that there was much I could do about it, after all he was one of the most stubborn people I have ever met. Well I guess he kind of is the most stubborn.

But maybe this is why he had decided for the next method. Oh how I hated it! He surely knows how to torture someone. Yeah L, if you are reading this, you know fully well what I'm talking about! You may be an insomniac, but that didn't mean that you should have expected me to be able to that… that torture! like that.

Don't even dare to make another comment about beauty sleeps L…

After all, I had been right. It had not been smart to do that.

~ Day 13 ~ Light ~

Blinking, I noticed that I had closed my eyes just a little longer than should be considered normal.

My head felt so incredibly heavy that I couldn't resist and let it rest on my hand ever so slightly. I blinked once more, having closed my eyes even longer than before. My reflex kicked in and I sat up straight again, rolling my shoulders in an attempt to keep myself from relaxing too much.

Rubbing my eyes, I took them of the screen and glared at the source of this horrible idea.

It shouldn't surprise you that this source was none other than the sugar-loving detective that was just as alert as he had been thirty hours ago. Light had only seen him take a nap for two hours before that – while Watari was carefully keeping an eye on him.

Well, not personally but with the use of the cameras that were installed into the room.

Who know how long the detective had been awake before that.

Still thought it annoyed me I understood the importance of being watched. After all, much to my inner disgust, I couldn't be completely trusted. To be even safer, they had given me a bracelet that zapped me if I were to do anything crazy and out of control.

Or if I were to fall asleep.

Like I might be doing at the moment, I realised just a little too late. I frowned mentally as I had suddenly became aware of the fact that I had my eyes closed for far too long. If I were not to open them soon they might-

Zap!

Itai!

Letting out a small yelp and I hurriedly opened my eyes. In the corner of my eyes I saw L shift ever so slightly as if he had just sat back down. I glared at him and then at one of the cameras in the room. I didn't know whether L or Watari had done it, but surely the idea came from the detective anyway, so he was easy to blame.

'Couldn't you just nudge me L?'

"I already tried Light-kun. You were slow in responding. This method is much more effective."

Yeah and much more painful.

I grumbled under my breath, rubbing my right arm in an attempt to stop the tingling that lingered. My left arm was a victim to the cold and uncomfortable handcuffed that was pulled and rubbed against my skin nearly constantly. My right arm was forced to be a victim to the zapper instead.

With a bit of luck they wouldn't start putting tracking devices on my ankles.

Wait, I could totally see L doing that. Damn it, hopefully I had not just jinxed myself.

Allowing a tired groan to escape I sat straight in the far too comfortable warm and puffy chair that my mind indentified as a very potential sleeping spot.

"Light-kun."

L's voice got my out of my thoughts and I sighed unhappily as I tried to give up on that thought.

Jerk.

I hadn't slept for a full freaking 48 hours now. I didn't know what L was planning and he refused to tell me. Of course, being the genius I am, I could figure out that he wanted me to sleep naturally. The drugs were no longer a good option and at the moment I could only dig for information when I was asleep. The longer I slept the more information I got, so he must be planning to deprive me from sleep.

Unfortunately, seeing as I had turned this ball of energy as soon as my body had broken the sedatives down enough for it to have no effect, it made it nearly impossible for me to fall asleep. However it seemed that L had been planning this all along, since I did not catch one single twitch of annoyance, impatience or irritation from the man next to me.

It hadn't been all that bad in the beginning. Everything was fine for about 35 hours. I had been feeling strangely energised. Even L had noticed it and set me to work to find out all kinds of information about the 'suspect' pile that he had started days ago.

It was after thirty hours of being awake that I nearly crashed and that the situation was transforming onto a personal torture.

I felt my thoughts slipping away from me too many times the last couple of hours.

I need my sleep!

L was crazy if he thought that this would help at all. I kept having shivers and shivers… but didn't get any information. I had become numb and it was exactly this time that we should get the last little bit of information. Why didn't he fucking realise this?

Being unable to concentrate on the stupid video that we had been watching far too many times already, I instead tried to make L aware of the uselessness of this situation. Being the best detective in the world and by far the most stubborn, this of course should have been brought up so subtle and manipulative that L would think it was his own idea.

L would follow it then, because he was so stubborn and therefore this freaking annoying characteristic would turn into my advantage. I was going to do just that…

'L this is stupid. I am tired. I want to sleep and I'm actually falling asleep every ten minutes. Why are we doing this again?'

Alright so it was not as subtle as it should have been, but what do you expect? I was being deprived from sleep! It was the fuel for my brain! You didn't see me take away L's pile of candy did you? Even though I would have loved to do just that.

L sighed tiredly in annoyance.

"I do not wish to constantly repeat myself Light-kun" L drawled from the chair next to him, still staring at the videotapes. He had finally figured out which figure had been Kira that day, but had been unable to follow him any longer than a couple of streets.

Much to the detective's disappointment, I didn't remember anything from just seeing his figure. After all, his face was not seen as he wore the hood of his jacket over his head whole the time. The only thing I could do was confirming him as Kira by the clothes that he was wearing.

L wasn't faced at all by my bad mood and easily ignored the glare I was attacking him with.

"Well I forgot." I snapped at the detective. My voice sounded perfectly fine. In the last few hours my throat had been itching, but I had refused to tell the detective for some reason. Every time that I wanted to open my mouth to tell him, I was suddenly distracted.

A sense of foreboding started growing.

At hearing that my voice was perfectly fine, L's head turned to my direction so quickly that I was surprised that he didn't get a whiplash. It took only a mere moment for him to register the fact that my voice was once again much better.

'So if y-'

I stopped when L stood on his chair and hovered over me with a very serious expression on his face. "Light-kun has to stop hiding his voice from me." He practically ordered me and got even closer when I opened my mouth to protest.

"It is an indicator, whether you like it or not. Do you understand?"

I glowered at him. I was in a very – very – foul mood from this horrible method from him and did not feel like listening to him at all. "Fine L just let me sleep!"

"No."

I leaped out of my chair, doing my best to ignore the fact that L still towered over me as he was still standing on the chair.

Fine! If he wanted me to use my voice I would.

"I am not an insomniac like you and I will sleep fine right now! It had been freaking 48 hours! I have nearly fallen asleep six times and your ideas about waking me up don't help at all either! Getting cold water thrown over you does not help to keep me awake for very long and only will get me sick. Then this stupid zapper is even worse! Now if you only let me sleep, I'm sure you will get enough little hints for you to catch that goddamn Kira alright!"

The ramble tired me and for a moment I thought I was going to collapse. Luckily taking a few deep breaths helped and the swirling feeling in my head stopped. My throat ached because of the lack of exercise and by the end of my outburst it was difficult to make out what I was saying, but it did its job.

L stared at me with that blank expression of his.

Go to Kira.

I felt the world around me sway again but I had started this and I was going to finish this! I forced L to jump off the chair by yanking on the chain between us. His eyes widened slightly as he lost his balance and complied. As soon as he was within reach I grabbed his collar and shook it roughly to get his attention firmly on me.

"I know I am going to die L. I know you want me to go to sleep find information like your little slave but I'm not going to do that anymore." My voice came back perfect. I won't listen to L anymore.

L's eyes narrowed dangerously as he looked me in the eyes.

Kira.

Mentally I frowned. I was feeling so distant. The world continued swaying around me, expanding and going back to the right proportions but it disorientated me. I needed to go to sleep. For someone who had always taken care in sleeping enough these last couple of days were dangerous.

I growled at L, feeling so frustrated with him.

Get his name. Find out his name.

Had I been awake I would have been able to notice the thoughts that were swimming around my head. I would have been more alerted and in control, but as it was I was slipping. However, the desperate feeling remained and I punched L in the face. It threw him back into the wall nearby.

Zap!

I yelled out as I felt electricity once again run down my arm, but I was angry now. I managed to ignore it and stomped towards L. Said detective was shifting himself to stand up but I was there faster and slammed him once more against the wall.

Grabbing his arm I held it on his right and used the chain between us to constrict his throat. I was once again zapped, with a higher and more painful efficiency this time, but I didn't bulge. I couldn't bulge. I couldn't stop myself from doing all of this.

Something was wrong. The detective seemed to realise the same.

"Watari, stop for a moment." L said calmy as I started struggling against myself to stop what I was doing.

"Argh…" I growled, unable to release L.

Said detective kept eye contact whole the time as if he were fascinated by something. I didn't pay too much attention as I suddenly became aware of a mental comfortable blanket that was slowly wrapping itself around me.

"Stop thisss…."

You are safe… just find his name.

I felt myself blank out again.

No! Leave me alone!

The essence of Kira's power nudged me gently and cherishingly as if it didn't want to hurt me. I however refused to listen, hating it for trying to take away my control. I would prefer to die than to let that happen.

The pure emotion that I felt behind these thoughts seemed to startle it slightly but didn't get it to stop.

As it wrapped around me more, luring me away from the real world. My thoughts filled me with memories again and I realised that this had to stop. This stupid investigation with L had to stop. This was not working. Absolutely not working. I knew what I had to do.

Whether L liked it or not.

With all the effort I could muster I tore myself from the blanket to get in control.

I will do what you have to make me do, but I will have control.

It seemed to pause. I realised that it wanted to wrap around me to provide me comfort. It wanted to calm down all the fears I had, but I couldn't let it. I couldn't let it force me to do things without my knowing.

Eventually it retreated, a sense of sadness being left in its wake.

"Who is Kira?"

I was flung back to reality.

"What is your name?" I heard myself growl at L, who didn't seem to feel threatened by the tension on the chain by the slightest. Though I didn't believe his façade at all. My eyes quickly took in the differences. L had seemingly tried to get out of my grasp because I was restraining him even more forcefully against the wall.

I had him locked in place. I was in control of the situation. That gave me a lot of relieve.

"If you dare zap me again Watari, I will kill him!" I yelled as my arm twitched from the strain of the non-stop zapping that was being put on it.

"Who is Kira, Yagami-kun?"

I growled at him. I felt myself refuse which I didn't understand. I couldn't open my eyes to tell him.

L stared at me expectantly, his poker face made him appear calm as he always was.

"Who is Kira, Yagami-kun?" He repeated.

How L was able to keep that calm façade, that unnerving tone of speaking to a less intelligent person was impossible for me to understand. Here I was, unintentionally trying to choke him to death because I 'wanted' to find out his name.

"Tell me…" I whispered to him.

L's eyes had momentarily been observing my twitching arm – I couldn't really feel anything anymore with it, which could not be a good thing – and made eye contact again. His eyes narrowed at me.

"Do you realised what you are doing Light-kun?"

I let out a groan of frustration. Of course I realised what was happening right now, but I didn't have much control over it. If I were too resist too much that death note thing would get me away and I wouldn't be aware what I was doing anymore. I could overthrow it momentarily but I would have to use it where it counts.

The emotions that were being forced upon me didn't help much either. I felt myself chancing, being manipulated and it was strong. Anger was difficult to control and my own frustration with the detective only amplified that. He really should have let me sleep. Whispers were once again in my head calling out to me and I had no choice but to listen.

His name… go to Kira with his name…

How could I get myself out of that? Was there a loophole somewhere?

"Watari no!"

I was brought back to reality as suddenly a wrinkled hand grabbed my hand and twisted it around with a surprising amount of power. I yelled out in pain as the old man twisted my arm on my back. L didn't hesitate to use this distraction to push me on the ground.

My eye twitched with frustration as the two suddenly subdued me. L weighed me down by leaning his body weight on me so that Watari could get a better grip. I felt another handcuff snap around my previously handcuff-less hand and my hands were pulled together on my back. L had put his own handcuff on my other wrist. I struggled against them, trying to kick at the detective but Watari had already weighed my legs down too.

"Let me go!" I yelled at them, voice rough.

"Light-kun!"

"Let me go!" My heartbeat was going crazy. This was wrong! I had to get away! Wrong! Wrong!

'Go to Kira…. Go to Kira.'

"Light-kun! Calm down right now!"

The rush of panic that went through me was too much for me to hold onto my actions. I felt myself grow distant again.

"Let me go! I have to find Kira!"

That had not been the right thing to say. Oops.

I felt a hand – most likely L's - clamp on my shoulder and press down onto some sensitive spot in my neck.

Shit pressure point.

I cried out in pain as I felt my muscles protest. It hurt for a moment before suddenly all the muscles in my body were forced to relax. I tried to move them but it hurt to much and I had no choice but to relax.

I opened my eyes to glare at the detective when they heaved me into sitting position, my legs folded under me.

L was crouched in front of me and Watari was holding me upright, allowing my body to lean against his while keeping grasp of the chain between the handcuffs.

"Let me go…" My voice sounded tired and strained.

"Light-kun where is Kira?"

I spit at him. "Don't know."

L frowned at me and wiped the salvia from his face in disgust. He stared at if for a moment. "His behaviour his changing rapidly." He muttered to Watari.

"Is not!" I shouted at him, thinking about spitting again but decided against it.

L ignored me and started studying my eyes even more closely. "Light-kun what are you feeling right now? "

I couldn't believe that he dared to ask that. Anger filled me. I needed to get to Kira. I wanted to go to him!

The detective must have taken my furious glare as an answer. He gave me an absent nod, but seemed to be more interested in something that his eyes had caught. I barred my teeth as he started to reach out for my face. I made a move to bite him, but suddenly found my head being restricted by Watari's hands. I tugged on my handcuffs but still found them unable to move. I deduced that Gramps must have put the chain under his foot while I tried to get myself out of his grasp.

I clamped by eyes shut as L's fingers came closer to my eyes. I snarled at him when I felt him try to pry one eye open.

"Leave me alone!"

The urge to glare at him was too great and I opened my eyes and therefore gave him the opportunity to take a closer look.

"Interesting…" He muttered, acting if I was some kind of specimen.

"Light-kun are you aware that you are currently not yourself?"

What the hell was he talking about? Of course I was myself! I hated him so much when he said stupid things like that!

"What the fuck are you talking about! Stupid fucking detective, you are not that bright it seems!"

I was completely myself! I might have been acting slightly differently a few minutes ago and deluded myself that Kira was bad, but I understood now. I just had to get to him. Then everything would be alright.

A troubled glint flashed in the detective dark eyes. "I'm very sorry Light-kun it seems that you were right after all. I should have listened to you more closely."

I had no clue what he was talking about and kept glaring at him. Growling. I wasn't really sure what made me act like some kind of cornered animal but it felt right to act like this.

"Watari please get the sedative ready." L muttered right in front of me.

My eyes narrowed even more. No way. That would mess up the plan!

I snarled as Watari forced me back on the ground and I felt another pair of hands replace his previous grasp. I yanked on the chain in an attempt to get free, but L was prepared. That stupid detective was not going to stop me. Feeling very desperate, the wheels in my head started spinning full stop and I suddenly became very silent.

Being the best detective of the world, L knew that this was not a good thing when it concerned me.

"Light-kun, please don't do anything rash. Can you hear me?"

I ignored him completely, though a part of me made a small note of the concern in his voice. Strange. Slowly but surely a strategy was forming in my head. It was risky, it could possibly go wrong, but it had the highest percentage of succeeding. So I waited.

"Light-kun, I hate to repeat it but do not dare to do something stupid."

I still ignored him and remained as silent as possible, staring blankly in front of me for the next ten minutes. I started to feel calm. It was very silent in my head. It felt peaceful. L may be very observant, but this behaviour was unknown to him. I was an exception to what was happening most of the time, but wasn't immune.

I could imagine the question running through his head. Was this normal? Would I be able to get out of this state? Was this a trick?

A small part of me was scared, as if it realised that something had gone wrong. I frowned at that part, not knowing why it thought like this. After all, I was acting like myself right?

Stop this! Break free damnit!

Huh?

I absently noticed that Gramps once again entered the room, carrying a small suitcase.

" – has been in this blank state for nearly fifteen minutes." I caught L say.

His hold had not relaxed the whole time for me to escape the whole time, so I kept waiting.

"Does he react at all?"

I blankly stared ahead as they once again heaved me into sitting position.

"No I tried to push some nerve points that should at least be painful enough for anyone to react but he hasn't given any sign."

Now he mentioned it, I finally realised that he had indeed been poking me, even though it hadn't been painful at all, just slightly annoying.

Watari slowly crouched in front of me and started moving two fingers to the left and right, trying to get a response from me. He tried hand signing, clacking his tongue and several other sounds. He even dared to gently hit my cheek a couple of times but I didn't feel like complying at all.

"-thing went wrong with the pressure point in his neck. Can you release him?"

"-sedative first"

Why was I suddenly missing parts of the conversation? What was going on? I was starting to blank out.

"No L, we need to be sure that we didn't disrupt any of the nerves to the brain that causes harm. It might be lethal."

The man behind me sighed in defeat and started prodding me again in the neck. I realised that Watari was in front of me, holding my shoulders secure. I felt myself tense slightly as something seemed to pop in my neck. Finally they got their first response as I groaned in pain when my brain once again aware of every sensation in my body.

As soon as the feeling of my whole body returned and I acted.

With a surge of energy – I didn't know where it came from but didn't waste a moment to use it – I pulled myself free from Watari too fast for L to stop me. I blanked out for a moment and suddenly found myself behind Gramps with the chains wrapped around his neck.

This was wrong.

Get him to tell you name.

"-Light, stop right now."

"Tell me your name." My voice lacked the emotion it usually had.

My hands moved on their own accord. I had lost control again. Why was I acting this way? I mentally struggled, realising that I was once again wrapped in this warm blanket that dimmed my awareness.

"I will tell you my name if you calm down right now."

Suddenly the hold on me weakened and I was able to twist free.

L who had been carefully looking in my eyes, hands up in sign of peace, noticed the slight change immediately.

"Light-kun if you hear me, you have to stop this."

My body started shaking and I felt Watari tense slightly. "I- I can't" I whispered. A sudden wave of fear overwhelmed me. It took me a moment to realise that my cheeks were wet. My emotions were like a rollercoaster. I had to make sure Gramps was safe. I had to make sure that he couldn't tell me anything so I would leave him alone.

"Light, I'm sure you can"

I laughed at him and shook my head. "No I really really can't."

L slowly started closing in. "L don't!" I yelled at him as I felt myself tense the chain between my hands even more. I could feel Gramps heartbeat going crazy and his heaving breaths as he slowly but surely was struggling to breath.

The detective paused.

"Give me the sedative. Damnit. Then I can't hurt Watari."

"You can let him leave."

I shook my head firmly, keeping an eye on L the whole time. Eventually L stared at his friend for a moment and eventually nodded. "Throw it." I stated as he made a move to come closer with the sedative in hand.

"Let me do it." Watari said calmly, understanding the situation. "Watari, if you even dare to make a move against me I won't be able to stop myself." I warned him very carefully, meaning every word.

Kira's power was even greater than I had imagined.

I glanced at L as he was watching his old friend. His eyes were constantly flashing with emotions that were gone to quickly to indentify. He was thinking I realised. We were at a stalemate. Watari made no move against me and I gently let him down as he went unconsciousness. I took a couple of steps away from him, feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

I moved my hand to my head, a headache was once again forming. "Please, just tell me your name."

"No."

Jerk.

I blanked out again.

~ Scene Break ~ L ~

The detective woke up silently, very much aware of the voices around him. A hand touched his shoulder in an attempt to wake him and his hand shot out to subdue it. A startled sound came from the man – Matsuda – L realised.

"L what happened."

L blinked slowly and glanced at the Chief who was crouched next to him. Watari was still sleeping silently but had been moved to the couch. Good.

Slowly, L sat up and gingerly touched the spot on his head that Light had hit for the last time – knocking him out in the process.

They had fought like they had often done, but this time with a more important goal behind them. L still remembered facing Light-kun just a minute before he had been knocked out.

"Light-kun… are you going to die if you don't comply to the orders?"

The teenager in front of him remained very silent and twitched ever so slightly. L took it as an affirmative.

They didn't make a move to attack eachother anymore and there was a long pause.

"L Lawliet…"

Light-kun startled. Eyes full of disbelieve.

"Why did you tell me your name? You want to die?"

"No I don't want Light-kun to die."

Light-kun had remained silent before speaking up.

"You are going to try and stop me?"

"I might."

He had been knocked out not much later.

The detective closed his eyes, heart heavy as he remembered the message that Kira had sent him not long ago. "Those that hide in the shadows won't be able to follow the light."

What was he going to do now?

~ End Chapter ~

Phew just finished it! I'm leaving for a intro-week for my university…. So this is slightly rushed. I hope you like it though!

I will try to update next weekend again, but that depends on the energy I have left after this week. Lol.

Oh! Kira may appear next chap! So let me know who you think he is! (and why if you feel up to it!)

Hope to hear/write from/to you soon!

Till next time!