"Not Your Typical 9 to 5"

Chapter 3: Troublesome Bosses

A/N: FINALLY, AN UPDATE! KakuHidaShika! Inspired by the 'lazy thinker' position. Oh, I think I should put up a warning.

WARNING: FUN WITH STAPLES! BLOOD PLAY! As well as graphic man sex.

Enjoy!

It was nearly noon, and Kakuzu and Hidan were having a little 'snack' before they left for lunch. The Jashinist was crushed between the wall and Kakuzu's body, the taller man's knee spreading Hidan's legs apart. Hidan was nipping at the stitching on Kakuzu's cheeks, kneading his ass while Kakuzu's hands were tangled in the albino's silver-white hair.

"Fuck, Kakuzu…" Hidan moaned as Kakuzu bucked into him.

The two men just started to kiss when the intercom buzzed.

"Sir?" Mrs. Nara said through the speaker.

Hidan cursed as the two split apart.

"Yes, Ino?" Kakuzu asked, tugging playfully on Hidan's tie.

"I'm going to order Chinese. Would you like anything?"

"Yeah," Kakuzu began. Hidan pulled a face.

"Not from that horrible 'Panda Star' shit hole!" he snarled.

"Sh! Um, Ino, how about you order from Lum's?"

"Oh, okay! What would you and Pink Eye want?"

"Why you little!"

"Sweet and sour pork for me. Maybe some beef chow mein. Wonton and chicken fried rice for the zealot."

"I don't like ri…"

"Is that it?" Ino asked through the speaker, cutting Hidan off.

"That's fine," Kakuzu answered. Ino told them it'd take about twenty minutes and ended the call.

"I fucking hate Chinese!" Hidan fumed.

"No you don't. Now where were we?" Kakuzu left a trail of wet kisses down Hidan's neck.

The albino wrapped a leg around Kakuzu's waist, hissing curses as Kakuzu yanked Hidan's shirt out of his pants and slipped his fingers underneath the silky shirt to tickle along the soft skin of his ribs and chest. The older man pinched Hidan's nipples and he gasped, another string of curses flowing out of his mouth.

Hidan in turn unzipped Kakuzu's pants and snuck his hand inside, slipping under the elastic band of Kakuzu's boxers to wrap around his cock. Kakuzu bit down on the albino's neck. Blood dribbled out of the wound and Hidan moaned from the delightful pain. He squeezed harder in response and Kakuzu jerked into him.

"Fuck, Hidan," Kakuzu growled, picking the Jashinist up, much to his chagrin and throwing him onto his desk.

There was a janitor outside the window, cleaning the glass. He gaped at the two men kissing at the desk. Hidan gave him the finger.

"Kuzu, close the blinds."

Kakuzu cocked his head, glancing at the janitor.

"Naw…he doesn't get paid enough as it is, no harm in giving him a show."

"Are you out of your fucking mi…FUCK!" Hidan cried as Kakuzu literally ripped his clothes off of him, tossing his shoes aside.

"Better," Kakuzu grunted as Hidan, now completely nude, turned red in the face and started to get up.

"What the fuck, asshole? How am I supposed to leave without any clothes?"

"Don't worry about that," Kakuzu said, pushing Hidan roughly back down onto the smooth wood and picking up the stapler. Hidan's pink eyes widened and he licked his lips in anticipation.

"What are you going to do to me?" Hidan purred, running a hand down his body to tease his own twitching cock.

"I'm going to staple you to this fucking desk," Kakuzu threatened.

"Oh the hell you are!" Hidan snarled, trying to get up again. Kakuzu just slammed him back down and pressed the stapler against Hidan's collar bone.

"Make me bleed, then, fucker," Hidan moaned, arching into the stapler as Kakuzu applied pressure. The Jashinist cried out as the staple poked into his skin.

"Fuck! Again!"

Kakuzu laughed and slid the stapler down, sure to let the next waiting staple's sharp prongs scratch Hidan's skin. The stapler stopped at Hidan's left nipple, and Kakuzu hesitated. Hidan placed his hand on top of Kakuzu's and forced it down. He grunted in pleasure as the staple stuck into the sensitive pink nub.

The window washer outside had his face plastered to the glass. He wiped at his massive nose bleed and nearly fell off of the makeshift lift he was on. Kakuzu glanced briefly at the man, who quickly pulled his mask back up over his face, then back to his 'work.' Kakuzu pierced Hidan's other nipple and leaned in to lap up the blood as he maneuvered the stapler down Hidan's ribs. He pinched the skin, making Hidan twitch, and stapled it together.

"F-fuck! Jashin, that hurts so fucking good. Don't stop! More, you bastard!" Hidan snarled, pushing down on Kakuzu's hand again to force a staple into his belly.

Kakuzu made a circle of staples around Hidan's navel and poked his tongue in and out of it. Hidan arched his back off of the desk. Kakuzu grinned wickedly at Hidan and the stapler moved lower. He planted a line of staples along Hidan's inner thigh. The muscle flinched at every piercing, sharp pain. Kakuzu did the same with the other thigh.

Ribbons of blood ran down Hidan's alabaster skin, settling in the creases on his body, the gentle dips between muscles, in his navel. Kakuzu lapped at the blood, feeling his cock throb painfully, aching to fuck the Jashinist like a rabid beast. He paced himself, however, settling with causing more pain.

Hidan's cock was rock hard by now, pearly white fluid shimmering at the head of it. Kakuzu sucked hard on the head, making Hidan let out a high pitched cry that the other employees surely heard. Kakuzu promptly moved up and pinched Hidan's lips together and stapled them shut.

"Mmmf!" Hidan mumbled, holding up his middle finger.

"Ah ah ah! That's not nice, Hidan," Kakuzu muttered, waggling the stapler as a threat.

Kakuzu let the stapler graze down Hidan's pulsing shaft and Hidan let out a muffled scream as the older man stapled his balls. He moved down between Hidan's ass cheeks and the priest sat up, shaking his head no.

"All right, I suppose that would be too much, even for you."

Kakuzu set the stapler down and forced Hidan's legs up so he had a better angle at the Jashinist's ass. He encircled Hidan's entrance with his tongue. Hidan groaned throatily and picked up the discarded stapler. While Kakuzu rimmed his hole, Hidan planted more staples into his skin while toying with the head of his cock, using the precum to masturbate with.

And that delightful sadomasochistic scene was what SHikamaru walked in on, carrying a large brown bag full of tasty carry out. The younger man's eyes widened for a moment before he rolled his eyes, sighing heavily.

"How troublesome. Now Hidan will probably ask me to join him," Shikamaru mumbled to himself.

Kakuzu and Hidan paid the young man no heed as he walked up to the desk and placed the food on it.

"Here you go, I'll leave you two to it, then."

"Wait!" Hidan gasped, ripping out the staples on his lips.

Shikamaru paused and glanced behind him, hands in his pockets.

"Come here and pull these fucking staples out, seriously!"

"Hidan, he's married. And that was supposed to be my job," Kakuzu said in almost a pout, removing his tongue from Hidan's ass to pluck a staple out of Hidan's thigh with his teeth.

"Please?" Hidan begged, looking from Kakuzu, who'd started to finger fuck him, to Shikamaru, who scratched his nose.

SHikamaru glanced out the window, perhaps to gaze at the clouds, and spotted the perverted janitor.

"You're letting Kakashi watch?"

Kakuzu shrugged and the movement caused Hidan to emit a cry of pleasure.

"Fine…" Shikamaru said, relenting.

"About time, fucker!"

Shikamaru sighed again and kicked off his shoes, then methodically stripping off his suit. Last to go was his tie, but Hidan shook his head.

"No. Leave…ah…ah fuck, Kakuzu, hit that spot again! No…Shikamaru…leave the tie on."

"Whatever," Shikamaru droned, dropping his hands. He approached his bosses.

Kakuzu was driving Hidan wild with his expert fingers and tongue, there was so much precum oozing out of his cock it looked like he'd orgasmed already.

"Where do you want me?" Shikamaru asked.

"Sit," Hidan instructed, patting his bloody chest.

Shikamaru clambered onto the desk and did as he was told. Hidan grabbed Shikamaru's hips and scooted him closer. The Jashinist immediately squeezed the base of Shikamaru's limp penis and engulfed the head, sucking him hard. The young man bit his lip and began to rock his hips, rubbing his bare ass against Hidan's chest and pressing the staples deeper into his skin.

Kakuzu straightened up and neatly took off his clothing, folding each article and setting it onto the office chair. Then he positioned his cock at Hidan's saliva coated entrance and thrust into him. Hidan gasped and moaned. Shikamaru threw his head back and Kakuzu sucked on his fingers, getting them slick. He slipped a hand between Hidan's chest and Shikamaru's ass and pushed a finger inside of him.

The young man bucked faster into Hidan's mouth, now fully hard while Kakuzu thrust into Hidan, quickly working three fingers into Shikamaru, stretching the tight entrance. Hidan pulled his mouth off of SHikamaru's cock.

"I want to cum inside that tight ass of yours," Hidan panted, and Shikamaru lifted up his ass. Kakuzu removed his fingers and guided Shikamaru over Hidan's dripping cock.

Shikamaru lowered himself down slowly until Kakuzu gripped his hips and slammed him down, forcing the young man to take in all of Hidan at once. Hidan gasped at the feeling and Kakuzu thrust into him harder. Hidan didn't last long as Shikamaru rode him and Kakuzu struck his sweet spot, and soon, the Jashinist cried out as he came deep inside the boy on top of him.

Shikamaru came all over his chest and thighs, and last came Kakuzu, who pulled out and shot his load all over Shikamaru's back.

When they all could move again, Hidan sat down on the office chair, as his clothes were ripped beyond repair. Shikamaru stayed to eat lunch and then left quietly, walking as if he had a stick up his butt.

"You think his wife suspects anything?" Hidan asked, toying with one of the staples still stuck into his skin.

"Probably," Kakuzu replied, using his chopsticks to pluck a tasty clump of sticky rice out of the little white paper box.

"I'm taking this stapler home," Hidan said, caressing the simple office tool fondly.

"No. The company is short on staplers as it is."

"You fucking cheap bastard!"

"Love you too."

Next chapter will feature Kisame and…not Itachi…pick a Suna or Konoha or Sound nin to go with Kisame!