Ten Long Years

Summer was dying, fading into autumn now. It wouldn't be long before the castle walls were filled with students. He dreaded that day. He knew he was not meant to be a teacher but he had no choice. It kept him safe and employed with some kind of income. He knew the students did not like him but that was fine with him for it was a mutual sentiment. Now, at the age of thirty-two, he was coming back to where it all started. The small village was quiet as he appeared in view. Most of the houses were run down and worn with a decade's worth of weather beating. But he didn't care about those houses. He was only focused on one in particular. He reached the gate and stopped in his tracks.

"You owe it to her," he reminded himself softly. He had failed her. She wasn't supposed to die all those years ago. Slowly, Severus pushed the gate open and made his way up the front walk. He reached the door and stopped once more. He knew it wasn't locked but it brought up such strong feelings. Swallowing his emotions, he pushed the door open and walked in. The house felt like just a shell. The carnage that had taken place a decade ago had left it hollow and sad. There were still some photographs hanging in clouds of dust along the stairs leading up to the second story. He would go there after he did a look around the first level.

Severus took his time, wandering through the sitting room and the kitchen. It was unremarkable, nothing special to it. There was nothing that said she had been there. He couldn't even claim to feel her presence in the place. With slow steps he began to climb the stairs, stopping to dust off the pictures with his hand. She stared back at him, smiling.

"Forgive me," he whispered. Her facial expression dampened a little at his utterance but brightened quickly. He couldn't help but choke out one small sob.

As he ascended towards the bedroom, he was hit with the feeling of her. It was what he was looking for desperately. He moved first to the baby's room. He didn't really need to go in there but just knowing she'd spent time there compelled him. He sunk into the dust covered rocker, running his hands over the arms. He could see her rocking her infant son to sleep in the chair. He surveyed the room and saw old trinkets and a baby photo of Harry. Seeing that picture brought forth an anger within and he left the room.

He took several deep breaths before entering the master bedroom. This room was filled with her, every square meter. Severus inhaled deeply with satisfaction. It was almost like having her back. It had been such a long ten years for him, having lost all that he held dear, even if she didn't realize it.

"My beautiful Lily," he breathed, running his fingers over the tussled comforter on the bed. No one had even bothered to set it right. With the flick of his wrist, it was straight. He simply stood there just letting her wash over his skin. He looked around the room and saw a desk. He wasn't sure why but he could feel her pulling him towards it. He crossed the room in a few strides and ran his fingertips over the aged wood. The middle drawer was slightly ajar and he pulled it open. Sitting atop some old papers was an envelope with her writing on it. It bore two words; Severus Snape. She had written him? They hadn't spoken in over ten years. Why would she have written him? He lifted it from where it rested and blew some particles of dust off it. It was sealed. He couldn't open it, not now. He suddenly didn't feel right being in the house. He tucked the envelope into the pocket in his robes and disapparated from the spot.