((A/N: Just a quick note to say that as far as LotR goes, I am only familiar with the movies. This will not follow the books in any way, just the films.))

Life of a Ring

Part I

Chapter One.

Hello there! What? What's that? The War of the Ring? Frodo? Gollum? My point of view? Why…I'd be happy to tell you! Finally, a chance to tell my side of the story! To prove that I'm really a nice guy!

Well now, I hardly know where to begin. Aaaah yes, the war. Well, it all started when Sauron was having one of his usual bragging moments…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, yeah, buddy I know. I thought. If I had eyes, I would've rolled them. Yes, yes, you're going to rule Middle-Earth, and everyone will bow down before you, and nobody will stand in your way…I've heard it all before.

It was a usual day. I'd wake up in the morning-yes, even though I'm a Ring, I can sleep-to find a bunch of scary dudes staring at me admiringly. What did Sauron call those freaky guys again? Forks? Whatever. Then, I would be left alone with my mostly-bored thoughts for a while, until Sauron would come in a start bragging.

In case you didn't notice, this was around where I was now. And what bragging it was. Not only would Sauron say the same thing every day, but he would also use the same words to describe it! About how powerful and awesome he was, and how he was destroying all the villages in Middle-Earth…to be honest, I felt a bit bad about that last part.

Apparently, as soon as he created me, he started putting his plan into action "In honor of my all-powerful creation!". Oh yeah, I'm all-powerful all right. I'm a Ring! How powerful can I be?! Sure I'm indestructible, everybody seems to have an irresistible attraction towards me-must be my dashing good looks-I can turn my wearer invisible, and have a great tattoo, -"One Ring to rule them all."-but that doesn't make me all-powerful! Anyway, back to the story.

As I said, Sauron was bragging when a…fork? Spork? Aaaah whatever, one of big S's minions barged in. "My lord!" He said in a gravely voice. I hate that voice. Makes them sound like they haven't had a drink of water for years. Although, since we were in Mordor, that was probably true…Anyway, back to the…minion of Sauron's.

"My lord! Armies of men and Elves have entered Mordor! They will soon reach the tower!" the minion cried. Sauron cackled maniacally. He did that quite often during his bragging fests. "We will crush them!" He cackled. "Send all the Orcs we have to battle!"

Oh yeah! That's what those guys were called! But…a battle? Oh crud. A battle probably meant that Sauron would fight-the nut could never resist chopping people's heads off for long-and that probably meant he would bring me!! I had never been in a battle, but I'd heard of them, and I didn't have any desire to be a part of one. This was gonna' be a bad day.

xXx

Whoa! Yikes! AAAAEEEEEHH!! I screamed. In my head, that is. For your information, ring's can't scream no matter how powerful they are. Anyway, back to my screaming.

It was for a good reason! Complete chaos was everywhere! Everyone was dying!! I wanted to shut my eyes, but I don't have eyes, therefore I was unable to shut anything.

Oh man, Sauron was coming (So was I, as I was currently attached to his middle finger). Uh oh. He was taking his big macey thing!! He raised it up and…YAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!! HE KILLED ABOUT TWENTY GUYS IN ONE SWING!!!

What a mean dude!!! And look! He had killed some poor guys father! I felt really bad. Just my luck that my current master had to be a psychotic maniac.

Uh oh, the guy who got his dad killed was really mad now. Pfffffffff. How did he expect to kill Sauron with a broken sword? I mean, you can't blame the guy for trying, but seriously…WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

He did it! He chopped me off Sauron's finger and actually killed him! If I had lips, I would've kissed that guy. Finally I was free! No more listening to Sauron's bragging! No more hearing the gravelly voices of those…Corks? Whatever. The point is, I WAS FREE BABY!! OH YEAH!!!

The dude who killed big S picked me up off the ground. Dude, you ROCK!! I thought. Thanks a million man!! He couldn't hear me for I was but a ring, but I still felt like I should thank him. At least until two minutes later.

Um…Hey buddy, why're we going to my birthplace? Oh wait…you can't hear me. Dang, being a ring is frustrating! My savior-I think I heard someone call him Isildur-was carrying me to the Crack of Doom, along with some Elven guy. I had always wondered how those dudes looked like before they were turned into…Dorks? Hee hee…that sounds like a good name for them. That's what we'll call them from now on 'kay? 'Kay.

Anywho, we soon reached the Crack of Doom. Despite being born here, I had never liked this place. It was scary. And talk about hot! You think it's hot in Arizona? Well believe me when I tell you my friend, that ain't nothin' compared to here.

Huh? The Elvin guy was yelling something…Uh oh. Destroy me? Oh no, oh in the name of myself no. I had just been freed! I had places to go, things to see! I wasn't entirely sure how exactly I was going to get to these places, being a ring and all, but at least I could go wherever Isildur went! I wasn't sure how good of an owner he'd be, but he would have to be better than Sauron!

The point is, I WAS TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!

Wait a second…what was Isildur waiting for? I mean, I was in no hurry to die, but if he wanted to kill me, you'd think he would've done it by now. Wait, what'd he just say? NO?!?!?

That's it. I love this guy.