A Very Naruto Christmas
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Normal speech
Kyuubi in Naruto's mind
Thoughts/Naruto to Kyuubi
Kyuubi/Kyuubi Naruto out loud
Summons
The fresh, new-fallen snow gave everything in Konoha a white mantle. The market was bustling as the number of shopping days till Christmas counted down. And one Naruto Uzumaki was humming familiar tunes to himself as he carried an armload of packages.
Oi. Kit.
What do you want, furball?
Hurry up and go home.
Huh? Why?
I've got my own little gift for you, boy.
Okay…so I have to be home for it…why?
Because I don't want people to see you pass out in the middle of the street and make you spend Christmas in the hospital, alright?
Ah.
He hurried home.
"This better be good, fuzzy," Naruto grumbled, standing in front of Kyuubi's cage. The fox grinned and pushed what appeared to be a summoning contract scroll out of the cell.
"Ummm…I already have a summoning contract, remember?"
Kyuubi chuckled.
"I doubt that sphere-shaped toad will mind. In fact, he agreed to let you have more than one."
"Say again?"
"You didn't know? The place the summons creatures live is the Demon Plane. I exist on both levels of existence simultaneously."
"Mmm-hmm. Funny how you never mentioned this before."
"You never asked."
Naruto grumbled to himself as he unrolled the scroll and signed it. Kyuubi began laughing.
"What is so funny, furry?"
"Congratulations, kit. You just became the first person ever to sign the Fox-Summoning contract."
"Fox…summoning?"
"Yup. Now, I have an idea what you could give those five females…I think their names are Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Tenten, and Temari?"
"This better be good…"
Kyuubi gave a smarmy grin.
"Trust me. They'll love it."
A few hours later, at the Hyuuga compound
The Rookie Nine, Team Gai, Kakashi, Kurenai, Iruka, Anko, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Shizune, and the Sand Siblings were having a blast at Hinata's Christmas party.
Kiba poured himself a glass of punch and sniffed it.
He turned to Neji, Tenten, and Gai.
"Whatever you do, for the love of god, keep Lee as far away from this stuff as possible."
"Dare I ask why?" Neji said softly.
"Some idiot spiked the punch."
Everyone in the room paled as they remembered that Lee plus even a drop of alcohol equals MAJOR DISASTER. Lee was mercifully unaware of this, having gone to find the loo.
Tsunade glared at Jiraiya.
"Hey, it wasn't me."
"It sure as hell wasn't me," she snapped back.
"Anko…" Iruka said suspiciously. The psychotic Special Jonin merely grinned impishly.
Lee came back.
"You know, I am rather thirsty. I think I will get some punch," he mused aloud.
"Sorry, Lee. All out," Tenten fibbed as Neji, Kakashi, and Gai secretly heaved the punchbowl out the window. "How about some water instead?"
"Don't bother. I sent a sand clone for soda," Gaara said tonelessly.
"Hinata…"
Hinata poked her head in when her father called her name.
"Hai, Otousan?"
"Why did I see your many-times-great-grandmother's priceless crystal punchbowl thrown out the second-story window?"
"Four words. Spiked punch. Rock Lee."
"I…see. Thank you. That is all. Return to your guests."
Hinata bowed politely and left. Hiashi dropped his head into his hands and wept.
"There, there, Tou-san," Hanabi soothed, rubbing her father's back. "It was sacrificed for a good cause."
Her father wept harder.
"Wait a second…" Sakura said. "Where's Naruto?"
The #1 unpredictable hyperactive knucklehead ninja re-appeared moments later in an orange-and-black Santa suit (O-o), dragging a huge bag.
"Sorry, all. I thought this would be more in the spirit of the season," he apologized with a shrug.
"What's with the sack?" Sakura demanded.
"I found it outside the door."
He reached into the sack and pulled out a brightly-wrapped gift.
"Let's see…" he muttered, checking the tag. "Ino Yamanaka, from Sakura."
Ino opened it and gasped, pulling out a very nice dress.
"It's beautiful!" she gushed. "Sakura, you shouldn't have!"
"But…I…"
Naruto shot her a look that shut her up (this explains all those packages). The adults shared a knowing look.
"Who's next…? Ah, Tenten, from Lee!"
"But…" Lee started.
"No need to be modest, Lee," Tenten put in. She opened her gift, pulling out a $200 gift card to her favorite weaponsmith's. She squealed in glee and glomped Lee.
"Oh, Lee! How did you…?" she demanded.
"Tenten…can't…breathe…" Lee choked out.
Gai came to Lee's (and Naruto's) rescue.
"I must confess, Tenten. Lee was busy, so I offered to pick it up for him," he said modestly. Lee gave him a grateful look before passing out due to lack of oxygen.
"Hmmm…" Neji mused.
"Next up…Kiba & Akamaru, from Shino."
It was a rawhide bone and some doggy toys. The Inuzuka and his ninken whooped and yipped in joy before tearing into them. The others sweatdropped.
"They're…excited," Kurenai noted.
"Chouji, from Shikamaru!" Naruto announced.
It was Chouji's favorite brand and flavor of chips…five bags worth. Chouji's eyes lit up like the tree in the corner.
And so it went. Everyone received something they loved from their friends. Finally, it was Naruto's turn to give his gifts.
"Okay. Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Tenten, Temari, I got each of you two gifts. First off…"
He pulled out five necklace cases. The girls opened them and gasped in delight.
"Naruto…they're gorgeous!" Sakura whispered. She had received a pendant shaped like a cherry blossom, Ino a bracelet the color of her eyes, Hinata a necklace with the Hyuuga clan symbol, Tenten a kunai pendant, and Temari a fan pendant.
"You didn't have to get us anything else," Ino protested as he pulled five scrolls out of the sack.
"Technically, these aren't from me…" he replied mysteriously. Jiraiya noticed the scrolls.
"What are those?"
"One-way Kuchiyose scrolls."
He unrolled them and slapped each of them in turn. Five boxes appeared.
"I don't want a damn frog!" Sakura growled.
"Whoever said all I could summon were toads?" Naruto replied with a twinkle to his eye. "I hope none of you are allergic to fur…"
The tops of the boxes were pushed off from the inside. The women went "Awwwww!"
Five extremely kawaii foxcubs blinked at the five girls and mewed.
"They're so cuuute!" Ino gushed, snuggling her kit, which had fur the color of her hair with streaks the color of her eyes. It wore a green ribbon and bow around its neck. The cub purred and rubbed against her.
Mama! It chirped.
Hinata's was the color of her eyes, with a silver ribbon-bow. She had a goofy grin as she cuddled it close and stroked its fur.
"Naruto, she's adorable!" Sakura squealed. Her kit was the same color as her hair, with the same color eyes.
Tenten and Temari didn't say anything, instead cuddling their cubs. Tenten's was a chocolate brown, Temari's a sandy color with streaks the same color as her hair.
"Gaki…how did you…?" Tsunade asked.
"There should be a card in the lid of the boxes. It'll explain everything."
Sakura found hers and read it.
To five special girls on the most special night of the year:
I don't go for mushy sentimental stuff. A friend for y'all to make up for being this baka's friends. Merry Christmas, brats.
Your friendly neighborhood Kyuubi no Kitsune
"I still don't understand. How did you…?" Kakashi began.
"It was that furball's gift to me," Naruto replied with his foxy grin. "You're lookin' at the first-ever signer of the Fox Summoning Contract."
"Do they have names?" Hinata asked.
"Yep."
Ino's spoke up.
My…name…Sparkle.
Hinata's opened one eye.
This one's name is Lavender.
My name…Kon-Kon, Sakura's kit mewed.
I'm Cocoa, Tenten's piped up.
I'm Sandy. Now shut up and let me sleep, Temari's complained.
"I like him," Shikamaru grinned.
"You would," Gaara mumbled.
Temari smirked and petted her new friend.
"Oh, Obaa-chan, I have something for you too," Naruto said, almost an afterthought.
"It's not a fox cub, is it?" she asked suspiciously.
"Nope. Just a way for you to get your paperwork done while doing something else, like sleeping or trying to earn enough to pay off your debts."
"This I've gotta hear," Shizune muttered.
Naruto gave a mischievous grin.
"Shadow. Clones."
Tsunade's eyes grew wide.
"Now why didn't I think of that?" she muttered.
"Oh, the things I could say…" Naruto replied. "However, seeing as my continued well-being depends on not saying anything…I won't."
Tsunade gave him a look.
"Very funny, outoto," she replied, sticking out her tongue.
Otogakure
"Sasuke-sama, a package arrived for you."
Sasuke turned to stare at the Sound ninja incredulously.
"A package? For me?"
"Yes, sir. We screened it and believe it to be safe. We detected no traps or explosives in it."
Sasuke nodded and the box, roughly the size of a human head, was brought to him. There was an envelope on top. Sasuke ripped it open and pulled out a note.
Sasuke-teme:
This is the only thing I could think of to get you. Merry Christmas, you bastard.
The dobe
Sasuke frowned. What did Naruto send him?
He opened the package and stepped back, recoiling in an initial rush of disgust. Then a grin broke out on his face.
Inside the box lay the decapitated head of Itachi Uchiha.
Sasuke whistled merrily to himself as he slaughtered every ninja in the Sound, save for Kin, Tayuya, Kimimaro, (all mysteriously resurrected), Karin, Suigetsu, and Juugo, who accompanied him on his way back to Konoha. It was the best Christmas gift he'd ever gotten.