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"Yōsei"

Author: Hikari Minamoto

Summary: He'd seen her body, lying there on the floor…bloody, broken, dead. But, here she stands. This is a dream, he tells himself. Some kind of sick genjutsu. Yet, those eyes that have haunted him for so long seem to peer into the very depths of his soul. This pain…why won't it stop hurting?

Rating: T+

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of Mr. Kishimoto's characters.

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Chapter 1 : Departure

Dead.

They were all...dead.

The scent of blood was overwhelming – the young Jounin could almost taste the sickening sweetness of it in his unbearably dry mouth. He swallowed nervously, lone eye widened in shock.

The girl's body was curled into a loose ball of flesh, and hair, and...blood. It had unfurled from her like the petals of a flower – a flower made of blood and sorrow and tears. The knife was still clutched tightly in her right hand, its blade sticky with gore. The violent tear in her once-beautiful throat told the obvious tale of suicide.

Hatake Kakashi, age 16, stood weakly over the body of yet another suicide – over the body of his last remaining teammate...his last friend.

"...Rin..."

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The funeral hadn't lasted long. In fact, thirty minutes had been all it took. Hardly anyone showed up really. After all, Kakashi mused – bitterness lacing his thoughts, she hadn't kept many close friends. And those she did have she'd pushed away after...

"Kakashi."

"Hn?" he grunted, eye still focused on her small grave. She'd been too young. Obito had been too young. Minato had been too young... Why had the gods decided to take everyone when there was still so much life left to live?

The Sandaime gently laid a hand on the boy's shoulder. "It will be alright eventually."

Alright? It'd be alright? Kakashi wanted to laugh aloud, but this wasn't the time or place. It did happen to be a funeral – Rin's funeral actually. No, that didn't sound right, but...that's what it was: "Rin's Funeral". So wrong, it was so wrong...

So instead of laughing, the silver-haired boy merely nodded. "I know," he said. "You don't have to worry about me, Hokage-sama."

"If you ever need anything, just tell me."

"How about you turn back time? Maybe bring them back? Think you can help me there?" he scoffed silently. Like anyone could offer him comfort now. The notion was ridiculous. That had always been Rin's job, and Kakashi wasn't about to let someone else fill her place so easily...

He nodded again, and Sarutobi removed his hand – sensing that he wasn't welcome here anymore. "You know where to find me," offered the older man, turning and heading away. Just like everyone else.

Kakashi only stared at Rin's grave in response, listening to the retreating footsteps. Was it safe yet? Yes, they were all alone now. The boy sighed and removed the hitai-ate from his left eye, exposing the blood red iris for the first time in weeks.

"Obito and I are here, Rin-chan..." he announced hoarsely.

Kakashi shuddered as he felt tears pouring forth from the foreign eye. Obito still wept, even in death, as was usual. He'd always been such a crybaby...

Wait, no. He blinked his blue eye several times, trying to hold back what was truly inevitable. Today, this was acceptable. Today, he could cry too. Kakashi bowed his head, fists clenched in frustration as his own tears began to escape him. Why? Why had this happened? Why did she do this?

"Rin-chan..." he choked through the thin fabric hiding his face. "...Rin-chan...Rin-chan..." The Jounin said her name again, vainly hoping that she might be able to hear him, rise from the grave, and smile saying that this had all been a big joke – gotcha. However, it was futile. There was no rising from the dead today. Rin was dead, and she would stay here – buried in the ground – for the rest of eternity. "How cold she must be," thought her former comrade. "I wonder if she felt that way while..."

Stop it. Stop thinking that. Kakashi forced the image of her lying there - eyes closed as if in slumber, face pale as the moon, blood viciously encircling her – out of his mind. "No, it was painless," he lied to himself. "She didn't feel a thing."

Yet, the memory of that wound kept pressing itself against his mind. It was crude. It was as if her blade had been dull, and her cuts had been forced. A proper blade would have slid right through, but this...no, this wasn't a proper cut at all. Kakashi felt his head swim a little and wiped furiously at his true eye. Obito could cry all he liked – he had loved Rin, hadn't he? But then again...

The silver-haired boy swallowed the thought. Right now, it was too agonizing to think about. He'd never see her again, why entertain such thoughts? No. Kakashi definitely hadn't loved Rin at all. Not in the least bit.

"Then why does it hurt so much?"

She'd been his comrade - the one who healed his wounds, his hurts, his troubles...all with that quiet smile, the warm touches, those dancing eyes... Those eyes he'd never see again.

"I should have been there for her. I should have been able to help somehow..."

Everyone had their "outs". Some shinobi drank away their troubles, others found their comfort in the arms of lovers, and still others hid away their emotions so they could never hurt again. Kakashi had been one to hurl himself in harm's way - hoping that the constant danger and life-threatening situations would distract him from the painful memories of his father, of Obito. It had worked. But he'd been too distracted it seemed – too distracted to notice he'd left Rin to fend for herself.

And then the Kyuubi had shown up. It was an absolute bloodbath. Kakashi and Minato-sensei had gone to fight, while Rin followed behind – "cleaning up" the battlefield by healing the wounded and ending lives painlessly if death was inevitable. The broken shinobi had been spared their pain, but she had taken it on in their stead. And when Minato had saved the village...something inside the young girl shattered.

Kakashi winced, remembering the memorial service. She'd been distant, quiet, cold. It seemed Rin's warm, loving manner had slowly begun to retract itself into the very depths of her soul. She'd isolated herself after the funeral – he could hardly remember seeing her. But then again, he'd been too busy doing missions with the ANBU. He hadn't had the time.

She'd been left alone.

The Jounin blinked warily, noticing that he'd finally stopped crying. Yet, the pain still remained lodged in his chest. Kakashi almost wished he could cry some more – cry it all away. Rin had cried too at first, but that had stopped after a little while. Kakashi supposed she had cried away all her tears, but maybe that wasn't it at all. Maybe she wanted to hurt – that way she could remember the boy who'd loved her...Obito that is, because Kakashi didn't love Rin. He couldn't. He didn't deserve to.

The young Hatake stared hard at the mound that marked where they'd left her. There wasn't even a stone or memento to honor her memory. Those who committed suicide were cowards – they didn't deserve to be remembered. Well, that's what the village elders said anyways.

Rin had probably had no "out". She had always kept her hurts bottled up inside, hadn't she? Obito had been able to talk to her before though. He and she were buds, Kakashi remembered. They always had a grand old time together – chatting away and laughing...he'd always been so annoyed by it. Now it was different. If only he could hear that sweet laughter once more, hear his friend's obnoxious comments. Obito...Minato...and now Rin...

He had seen how tired she looked all the time. He had seen how she shied away from the Uchihas, how she'd nearly vomit at the sight of blood. He had seen those beautiful sepia eyes fade into a dull brown. They'd lost their life, and she had lost her soul. Her will to live. She had lost her purpose.

Now this was how things had ended. He should have reached out to her. He should have offered the comfort she'd so desperately craved...yet he'd denied her over and over again. "Such a cold bastard..." he told himself, thoroughly disgusted. "This is your fault isn't it?"

Now he was starting to sound like her. Rin had blamed herself so many times for Obito's death. "If only I hadn't been so weak," she'd murmured one day. "If only I had noticed that genjutsu earlier...Obito would still be here..."

Kakashi replayed his promise to him over and over. Why hadn't he been able to protect her? Obito must be furious. He'd loved Rin...but Kakashi hadn't. No. He hadn't loved her at all.

But truthfully, he did. Oh so much, and right now...right now it hurt like hell.

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A distant figure shivered in the icy breeze. The dull brown eyes watched him carefully, wondering what he was doing just standing there. Why was he acting so oddly? Oh yes, that's right. Perhaps it had something to do with her death.

Rin shouldered her bag tiredly and turned to go. She'd used so much chakra for that ninjutsu, so much chakra! The girl could hardly see straight now. It was a miracle she was even conscious. Rin hadn't ever been one to have a lot of stamina after all, but now she had something to do. That something was disappear. Forever.

"A new life," she whispered, trudging heavily through the brush. "And new memories."

The girl paused momentarily and stole a parting glance at the silver-haired figure standing at her "grave". "Goodbye, Kakashi. Goodbye, Obito," she offered tentatively.

Then in a flash, Rin disappeared into the night breeze – dead to Konoha and dead to almost everyone who'd ever cared about her. Almost everyone. Little did she know that someone would hold onto her memory - waiting, hoping, praying for the day she would return to him. Praying for the day when they'd meet again, be it in this life or the next. No, Kakashi would not forget her so easily as she'd hoped.

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'Ello! I just wanted to pop in and say that I love this pairing and have wanted to do a fanfic like this for a while. However, I've been so busy with my other fic (Threnody of the Harbinger) that I've just pushed this one aside. Hope you've enjoyed it thus far, and sorry if it's rather angsty. ;P

I'll try to update soon and sorry it's such a short chapter. I'll be fixing that later on, so don't worry.

- Hikari

PS – I got the idea of Obito crying through Kakashi from bubblegum2000's oneshot, Metamorphosis. It's a very good story – you should read it sometime. ;) Anyways, just wanted to let you know that that wasn't a completely original idea.