Author's Note: First of all, many THANKS to all of you reading and reviewing. You guys really blew me away on this one. And another round of thanks to Kathy, Shelly, and Julie for assorted feedback and beta help. Second, I've become rather fond of Joe and received many requests for him to make a trip to Atlantis, so I'm planning a sequel in the near future where Joe gets to do just that.

Going Home - Epilogue

Elizabeth breezed through the door to the pier, barely noticing the gentle wind that caressed her hair as she stepped outside. Her attention was focused on the Daedalus, or rather the people disembarking from the parked ship. As she drew closer, she finally saw what she had been anxiously searching for and felt her heart skip a beat. Teyla and Ronon walked down the ramp, talking and laughing together. Directly behind them was John, his left arm in a sling, walking carefully beside Colonel Caldwell. Rodney and Carson followed, with Rodney talking nonstop and Carson studying the gait of the man in front of him.

She moved her eyes back to John. He didn't look that different from when he left and she found that sad. He'd been gone over a month and the only real improvement she saw was he no longer limped and his arm was not bound tightly to his torso as it had been. He still looked too pale and too thin, still carrying himself carefully in obvious attempt not to jar sore ribs. Three steps past the bottom of the ramp, he staggered as if he might fall, but Caldwell quickly grabbed his arm to steady him and she hurried her pace.

"John?" she called, not bothering to hide her concern.

Carson had stepped up to check on the pilot, but John was already waving off the hands that had helped him. "I'm fine, I'm fine; just got a little dizzy." He looked up at the towers of the city and smiled. "I missed you too, girl," he whispered softly.

Elizabeth smiled, suddenly realizing what had happened. "She's missed you too, if the way she's been acting is any sign. Radek already threatened to quit if I ever let you leave for this long again."

John's smile broadened into his wide, lop-sided grin. "My girl's been acting up, huh? Well, I have to say, I don't think I ever want to be gone that long again. I've missed everything about Atlantis. I knew this place had become home, but I guess I didn't realize how much."

"Now that you're home," said Caldwell, "I'd like to officially turn all of you over to Dr. Weir, delivered safe and sound."

Elizabeth nodded to the Colonel. "Thank you, Steven, for getting them all back to Atlantis. And thank you for waiting a few extra days until they were ready to go. It's good to have them home again."

John turned to Caldwell. "I think this is where I should thank you, sir, since I'm the one that held things up. I also wanted to thank you again for giving my father the grand tour of the Daedalus; he was very impressed."

"You're welcome, Colonel. I'm just glad everything worked out all right. And I was happy to show Colonel Sheppard around."

"We should probably both be glad he's retired," John smirked. "He said if he was a few years younger, he'd probably be after one of our jobs."

Caldwell quirked an eyebrow. "I'm not too sure this place could handle two Sheppard's."

John's face remained neutral. "Actually, my father is old school. I think the two of you would probably get along quite well. Up until recently, I've been quite the disappointment."

Caldwell seemed unable to think of a response, just staring quietly at John for a moment before turning back to Elizabeth. "I'd better get the unloading started, Dr. Weir. I'll just leave them in your capable hands." At Elizabeth's nod, he turned and quickly left.

"I think you freaked the man out," commented Rodney. "I've never seen him quite so speechless."

John bobbed his head once to the side. "I didn't mean to. I was just telling the truth."

They all looked up as Major Lorne and Dr. Nick Strauhan walked up to join the group. Major Lorne gave a quick nod to John. "Colonel, I sure am glad you're back, sir. I'll be happy to turn the reigns back over to you."

"Not just yet," said Carson. "I haven't cleared him for any kind of duty yet."

Frowning, John rubbed his head and looked at Carson with pleading eyes. "Surely I could at least be on light duty until we get the physical therapy over with. Then I could take some of the strain off Lorne." He glanced over at Nick. "You know how the military works, convince him."

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "I haven't seen you or your test results in over a month. I'm not really qualified to make any kind of recommendation right now." The choir boy look on his face told John he wasn't about to step between the head of the military and the Chief Medical Officer and take sides at this point.

Carson sighed and shook his head once. "Come see me tonight after dinner, Colonel. By then, Nick and Dr. Robbins and I would have had time to talk and we can check out any remaining questions we may have. I think we can probably release you to light duty, but you aren't to take on too much too quickly or you'll be right back where you were."

"I know," John said, his serious expression and tone a lot more sincere that what Elizabeth was used to or expecting. "Thanks, Carson. I need to be doing something, even if it's just paperwork."

Carson nodded with an understanding smile; then, suddenly distracted he looked across the pier. "Nick, there's Dr. Robbins, now. Come on and I'll introduce you." Turning to the others, he waved. "Goodbye, all."

The others echoed their goodbyes to the two doctors. Lorne left next, stating he needed to oversee the processing of the goods unloaded from the Daedalus, which made John happy that he wasn't cleared for duty yet.

"There's Radek," said Rodney, waving at his friends as he took off to catch the scientist. "I'll see you guys later for lunch; after I see how much of my city he's broken," he called over his shoulder.

Ronon grinned down at Teyla. "Want to spar?"

Smiling, Teyla nodded. "After we unpack our belongings." Turning to Elizabeth, she gave a respectful nod. "Thank you for allowing us to go see John and return on the Daedalus with he and Rodney. I enjoyed the trip very much. Your planet is an interesting place."

Returning her smile, Elizabeth reached out to grasp Teyla's arm. "I should be thanking you for bringing them back to us. I knew having the team together would help."

"And it did," Teyla replied. Turning to John, she placed her hand on his. "I am glad that you are recovering well and it was very nice to meet your father. He is a wise and honorable man. I hope we will be able to see him again."

"Thanks," said John with a relaxed grin. "I'm glad he got to meet you guys, too. It made leaving a little easier on both of us I think. He knows I have back up here, the best in two galaxies." John looked up at Ronon. "Thanks to you, too, big guy. Having the two of you there . . . well, it made a big difference. Not sure I could have done it without you."

"We will see you at lunch," said Teyla. Ronon clasped his good shoulder briefly as the two of them walked by.

Elizabeth gave the two parting teammates a smile and a nod before turning back to John. "Why don't you walk me back to the control room."

"I'd be happy to," John responded with a grin. They waved to Caldwell as he talked to some of his men helping unload crates from the huge ship docked on the pier, and he responded with a nod.

Entering the city, they walked quietly for a time. As they began to pass a balcony, Elizabeth diverted their path onto the outer deck. Approaching the rail, she looked out over the city, towers looming almost crystalline above them. Her sharp intake of breath at its beauty was matched by John, causing her to smile as she turned to look at him.

John closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as he turned his face up to the warmth of the sun. He stayed that way, just breathing in for several moments while Elizabeth studied him. When he finally opened his eyes, he looked around at her and smiled sheepishly. "I didn't realize until just now how much I truly missed this place."

Grinning, Elizabeth nodded. "It gets into your blood and your soul, doesn't it?" She decided he looked more relaxed, the deep lines of stress from before having all but disappeared. He looked younger and that made her want to chuckle, but she held back all but an impish smile.

"What?" he asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"Nothing; It's just . . . you look better, more relaxed."

The lop-sided grin made an appearance. "I guess it's time to fess up. In spite of the fact that you and Carson and Kate teamed up to force me back to Earth . . . it was a good idea. I didn't . . ." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, shifting his gaze back to the city as he struggled, the smile fading away. "I didn't know how screwed up I was. I thought I had everything under control and . . . I didn't."

"What makes you think the three of us ganged up on you?" Elizabeth asked, knowing full well that that was exactly what they had done.

The pilot sighed and kinked one side of his mouth in a one-sided wince. "Please, I may have been stressed out, but I was never that out of it. I know the three of you thought I was losing it. Carson and Kate kept tiptoeing around me while trying to get me to talk about what happened and asking if I'd given up hope. And you kept coming down to the infirmary to practice your bedside manner. But the real give-away was all the looks you kept flashing each other, like you thought I couldn't see there was a whole conversation going on that I wasn't supposed to notice."

Elizabeth reddened slightly, looking down at her feet and wondering if they had really been that obvious. "John . . . I'm sorry. We just wanted to do what was best for you."

The grin came back, making Elizabeth's spirits rise just a bit. "I know. That's the only reason I'm not furious with all of you, although I admit I was at the time."

"Yes, we knew you were unhappy with the decision, but it worked out all right. It sounds like you made peace with your father."

John leaned against the railing and looked out across the city for a moment, making Elizabeth wonder if their conversation was over. "I think . . ." He paused to take in a deep breath, almost as if steadying himself. "I think maybe that's the reason I was finally able to let go of some things. It's weird how after all these years . . . your father wraps his arms around you and suddenly . . . you're a kid again." His voice trailed off to the point she could barely hear him.

Elizabeth put her hand on his arm, startling him slightly. "John . . . are you going to be okay? I have to ask . . . and I have to know."

John turned to face her, the smile briefly crossing his features. "Yeah . . . I'll be all right. I know I'm not there yet, but . . . I think I know what I need to do to get there now." He sighed and looked down at his arm in the sling. "By the time I get through with physical therapy, I'll be ready to go."

Frowning, Elizabeth worked up her courage to say what came next, knowing he wouldn't like it. "Before you return to full duty, I need Kate to clear you. You've been through a lot and I need to be sure you're okay before I send you back out there."

To her surprise, he smiled down at her. "I know and it's okay. I want you to know that I'm ready. And . . . I need to know that I'm ready. I'm not willing to put my team at risk. Just . . . please don't ask me to sign up for sessions before then. I think I can handle this."

Elizabeth pursed her lips a second, not sure if that was the best course of action. She had come to care very deeply about John Sheppard in the past three and a half years, but she had also learned that he handled emotional issues by not handling them. "John, you don't need to do this alone." She didn't want to push, but she didn't want him right back where he had started either.

"I don't plan on trying. I have a team, Elizabeth, and they're my friends, my family. I think between my father and them, I've learned a little about leaning on others when I need to. Okay, I'm still not very good at it, but I'm getting there. And he's got them reminding me at all the right times."

Crossing her arms, Elizabeth looked at him skeptically. "Oh, really? I wish I'd gotten the chance to meet your father."

"Me too," he grinned. "I think you'd like him. At least the way he is now."

"And how is that?"

John turned back to face the city, sunlight glinting off the towers around them. "The way he used to be . . . like . . . like someone who's not ashamed that I'm his son."

oOo

John was pretty sure he'd finally unpacked everything. He decided he was definitely tired enough as he sat on the edge of the bed. Lorne had given him the quick version of the main events that had occurred during his absence and he was already imagining a pile of paperwork with no end. He'd probably make sure to omit that little part of his day when he talked to Carson.

A quick knock at the door instantly gave way to Rodney coming through, even before John had time to answer. "Hey, you ready for lunch yet?" asked the scientist.

Standing, John put his good hand on his hip. "Come in, McKay. No, I'm not dressing or anything, but thanks for asking before barging in."

Rodney looked at him quietly for a moment and then held out a box that was roughly one foot square and two inches deep. "Your father asked me to give this to you when we got back to Atlantis."

John stared at the box for a moment before taking it. He then just stood looking at it for several seconds. "What is it?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Rodney sighed. "How should I know? I just agreed to deliver it."

Setting the box on the table, John lifted the top off to reveal an 8x10 framed picture of his father and mother and himself when he was ten.

Rodney peered into the box. "Hey, I saw that picture in your dad's house. The glass was all broken out and the frame was a mess from that Butler guy and his friends."

"Byers, not Butler." John lifted the picture out to reveal a folded piece of paper underneath. Laying the photo on the table, he took out the letter and straightened it.

"Uh, how about if I meet you in the mess hall," offered Rodney nervously.

John took a deep breath at the sight of his father's handwriting and pulled tightly on his emotions. "Yeah . . . okay . . . mess hall," he managed to whisper. He heard the door close behind Rodney and suddenly the room felt very large and very empty. Backing up until his legs hit the bed, he sat down hard on the mattress. Taking a deep breath, he began reading.

John,

You're back in Atlantis now, home with your friends. I can't even begin to tell you how much I'll miss you. And I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me that we've connected again after all these years. It truly is a new beginning for us. I hope our relationship can continue to grow.

I don't know if you remember having this picture made when you were ten, but it's always been one of my favorites. For a long time, I couldn't look at it without thinking of everything I had lost. Mary and Jack have taught me to look at it and remember the good times and how lucky I am to have had them. I had a copy made for you, hoping you could do the same. I hope you'll remember the man I was then, and not the bitter man I became.

I figure the last thing you want to hear is fatherly advice, but I'm giving it anyway. I have three main things to tell you.

1. Quit carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Stop second guessing everything you've done and how things might have worked out differently "if". You can never know if making a different decision would have worked out with better results. I know you can't stop all the guilt, but try to be rational about the guilt you do carry.

2. Believe in yourself. I know this will take time to accomplish, but you're a wonderful leader (I've been told that by pretty much everyone) with skills that have kept a lot of people alive so far. Trust yourself. Your friends do.

3. Lean on your friends/family. Remember that they not only want to help, they need to help – just like you feel the need to help them. Don't shut them out. When they reach out to you, think about how you would feel if you knew they needed help, but they shut you out when you tried to be there for them. Trust them to help you.

I'm sure we'll be talking soon, even if it's just through emails and/or letters. Thank you for giving me the chance to be your father again. And always remember, son. I love you and I'm proud of you.

Dad

John sat staring at the letter for a long time, torn between the joy of finding his father again and the pain of leaving him behind. He could still feel his father's arms around him, giving him the strength to keep going when he'd begun to think he couldn't any longer. Standing, he walked over to lay the letter on the table and run one finger lovingly down the picture.

Suddenly he could hear his mother's laughter in his head, could see her eyes dancing as she scolded him for not sitting still. Memories of meeting his father at the airport after he'd been gone for a year flitted through his head. Smiling, he closed his eyes and heard his mother crying as she yelled at his father for stopping the purse-snatcher, only to hug him and tell him how proud she was moments later.

"I can remember the good times," he whispered to himself. Taking a deep breath, he turned around and headed out the door, determined to meet his friends in the mess hall. He would continue to pull himself together and be ready when his team needed him. The comforting thrum of Atlantis in his head seemed to echo her support. Stepping out into the hall, he stopped short at seeing Rodney leaning against the opposite wall, waiting for him.

"I thought you went to the mess hall."

Rodney shrugged his shoulders. "Thought I'd wait for you." The scientist looked decidedly uncomfortable as he looked down at his feet and then back up at John. "So . . . you okay?"

John grinned, realizing how relaxed he felt, especially compared to before they had left. "Yeah . . . I'm getting there. And Rodney . . . uh . . . thanks."

Waving a hand at the pilot, Rodney began walking down the hall. "Sure . . . whatever . . . let's go before all the cake is gone."

Grinning, John followed his friend, knowing that he would make the changes he needed to make. Glancing ahead, he saw Ronon and Teyla appear from a side corridor to wait for them and he thought about how truly lucky he was to have such a group to work with and lean on. Even with all his perceived failures and weaknesses, they trusted him and he knew they always had his back. He still had a long way to go before he had truly put himself back together, but with the help of his team, his family, John had no doubt that he would be okay.

THE END