Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.

(A/N): Finally! An update! This has taken me forever... I'm sorry! Well, anyway, enjoy! Also, the name of the Chapter is courtesy of a Bumper Sticker, you should go out and find it!

Chapter 10: Let's Get One Thing Straight, I'm Not

Fuck! Just – Fuck! I can't even think of anything besides that at this point! I'm just so fucked!

The car was absolutely silent, my nails were digging into my flesh, and Neji was freaking me the fuck out. I don't know what the hell is running through his mind right now, and quite frankly I don't want to know. I just want to get the hell out of here!

Okay, the vehicle is running at 40… 50… No, 60 miles an hour. If I open the car door, jump onto the grass, and tuck and roll, I might – might – just break an arm or a leg and live to tell the tale. But if I – wait… What the fuck! Why is he going over 60 in a fucking 30 miles per hour zone! Fuck I'm going to die! Nooo! I'm gonna die a virgin! I never had the opportunity to feel the sweet sensation of –

Suddenly, I feel something smack me on the back of the head. I jerked away immediately.

Fuck! The first strike! This is it! This is the end! Waah!

"I'm talking to you Uchiha!" Neji bellowed.

I stared up at him and blinked. "What?"

"Stop spacing out like a hormonal little girl and listen to me!"

Hormonal little girl…? No wonder he's gay. Mental note: Like you're one to talk. But, since when am I a hormonal little girl? Wait, can little girls be hormonal? They're like tiny and non-threatening. Well, unless they're Sakura or Ino, but isn't that what you call a bitch? Even then, they're just fucking crazy so –

"Uchiha!"

"…What?"

"Are you listening to me?"

"If I say yes, will you let me live?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Stop mumbling! It's really fucking annoying…"

"So is your mom but you don't see me complaining."

"… My mother is dead."

Oops... Awkward silence.

"Just say what you were going to say, alright?" I said after a few moments.

"Stop fucking around with Naruto."

What the fuck? "What are you talking about? I was the one that got shot down." The bitter taste of rejection still lingered in my mouth. Or is that blood? I'm not quite sure anymore…

"Are you serious?"

"Is Gaara gay?"

"Excuse me?"

"It's a 'flamboyant yes' you moron."

He glared at me but I didn't really give a damn at this point. "What happened exactly?"

I really don't want to talk to him. "What are you, the gay sex police?"

"Will you stop being a smartass!"

"Look you queer little psychic, I don't feel like talking about it. Especially right now, it just happened like an hour ago."

"I know."

… What!

Note to self: Neji-proof/pervert-proof my home. "… Yeah, this is where you start to explain before I call the cops on your ass. Pick your words wisely, there's a can of pepper spray somewhere on my body." I gestured to all of me, then pointed to my dick. "And no, what you see there is actually my penis. And no – you don't get to touch it…" Fuck, please don't think I'm bluffing.

Neji started to laugh. The doubt and concern about jumping out of his car was quickly replaced with a need to run for my life. I undid the seatbelt. "Calm down, I don't want sex," he sighed, "an hour ago I was getting some until Naruto called Gaara." He had an annoyed expression on his face. "He was worried about Naruto so he basically just made me take care of myself and then go check on you."

… I feel safer, but the urge to vomit surfaced along with a strange need to choke Neji for getting something that I wanted, and a craving for fried chicken. I have never felt more in tune with a black pimp in my life. "It's comforting to know that you jacked off before seeing me. That was decent of you."

"Very funny you sarcastic bastard."

"I'm serious. That's on my list for a dream date, 'get heartbroken, get picked up by a crazy fucked up driver, find out someone jacked off before seeing me,' the list goes on. It's sweet of you to consider my feelings, and the fact that I don't put out on the first date. Thank you." My hand was on my chest at the end of that bit to emphasize the fact that I was in fact being sarcastic and pissed as shit.

"Cut the crap Sasuke."

"Apparently you already cut Gaara's with your dick."

"… I don't even know how to respond to that…"

"… I can't believe I just said that, so we're on the same boat."

Awkward silence. Oh what joy you bring me awkward silence, with your careful timing and gift of making me want to put a gun to my temple. A nice BANG after the pull of a trigger sounds just about scrumptious right now. Yes, I did in fact say scrumptious. No, I am not gay… Alright, scratch that and fuck off.

"Is this it?" asked Neji as we approached a shopping center with a furniture store.

I nodded and Neji turned into the parking lot, screeching to a stop before almost hitting a parked BMW. I hadn't noticed how scared I was until I realized I couldn't hear anything else but my heart thudding in my head, and the fact that I was clawing at Neji's seat and had to pry my fingers off the leather. We both exited the vehicle, Neji calmer than I. Only one thing was running through my mind at this time: How the fuck did he get a license!

Before I knew it, we were in the store and I went to the dining room section. I suppose I was still recovering from the frightening and possible shit-in-my-pants incident because I hadn't noticed the girls crowding around Neji and me until this moment. Neji glared them away, I merely ignored them.

"So, what happened?" Neji asked eventually.

I sighed.

"Look, I don't want to know. I honestly don't care, but Gaara is talking about this with Naruto as we speak. I at least need to report something back to him."

"… You're basically doing this to get laid, aren't you?"

Neji nodded curtly.

As annoyed as I was, I figured it wouldn't hurt to get a few things out of him.

"First though, why did Naruto call Gaara anyway?" I wondered.

Neji shrugged.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing. He didn't even wait for the phone to finish ringing."

My nostrils flared. "He probably changed his mind about telling Gaara how he rejected me. I bet he's just going to tell him in person now."

Neji gave me an odd look. "What are you talking about? Naruto was crying his eyes out when Gaara got there."

"… What?"

"How the hell did you not know? What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything! That's sort of why I'm pissed off, remember?"

My mind went back to how it felt to kiss Naruto, hold him, caress him. I sighed, trying to push those thoughts away, because the image of him crying, going hysterical with pain, was something I didn't want to think of.

"Then, what happened?"

"I started kissing him, a lot. He kissed me back… But he ended up freaking out and ran out."

Neji raised an eyebrow.

I sighed. "That's all. Alright, maybe I rubbed up against him a bit… and he asked me to stop, but I thought he was just being a little bitch about me being a guy. I know he wanted it." I sighed, feeling a bit guilty now. "It's not like –" I felt dirty just thinking about it. "I didn't force him into anything."

"Sure."

My fingers began to tap on a dining table frantically. I didn't know what to do. Was it my fault?

Fuck no it wasn't! Alright, maybe I felt pretty fucking bad about how it turned out and I would try to fix it, but I sure as hell didn't hurt him! I want him, I made that abundantly clear. Yes, I want his body. Yes, I'd pound into him like no tomorrow. I'd fuck that ass until – Shit. Yes, I want him. But I also want to be with him. I usually roll my eyes at the thought of dating someone, because it just seems like a stupid thought. As a high school student, you sure as shit don't know what your life is going to be like ten years from now. Shit, you won't know what it'll be like a fucking month from now. All you know is that it's going to keep changing and you can either move with it or be the one dumbass that tries to fight it. What the hell do you know about love? Oh, so you say 'I can't live without him!' right now. Let me show up at your house right now and offer my dick to you, you'll change your mind faster than a fat man chasing down an ice cream truck. Thing is, shit happens, and the experience will stay with you, but you're going to change your mind. You may not change completely, but you sure as hell won't be the same stupid kid you once were. Or maybe you will, fuck if I know, and fuck if I care.

Life is one of those things that will fuck you up when you least expect it. Maybe you see it coming, but you decide not to do shit about it. Or maybe, just maybe, you saw it coming, and did something about it. Who the fuck knows.

I don't know what's going to happen. I have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that this shit is going to blow up in my face like calling immigration after hiring the best gardener in the world. To think I'm having these kinds of thoughts is actually freaking me the fuck out. I usually don't give a shit about these things. It's like one of those after school specials is going on in my head… You know, like a conversation you wouldn't have with your parents because you sure as hell wouldn't have bothered to listen to their advice. It's the kind of thing you learn when you fuck up your own life and realize 'oh wait, that can happen to me'. Fucking idiots.

"You should talk to him," said Neji.

I glared at him. "That's what you told me last time, shit for brains."

"You actually have to tell him how you feel though."

"Fuck that."

"How about fuck him then?"

My nostrils flared. This bastard was trying to manipulate me. I liked where his thoughts were going though. "I'll see what I do. In the mean time, shut the hell up and don't get involved."

Maybe, just maybe, I'll be one of those lucky bastards that is actually happy, not just young and stupid.

Naruto's P.O.V.

"That's what happened?" asked Gaara.

I nodded, still sniffling and trying to remain calm.

Then, the corners of Gaara's mouth lifted and he began to laugh. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened.

"Are you serious?"

I couldn't respond, I was too stunned.

"So, you're basically freaking out because you think Uchiha just wanted to get in your pants?"

"Not necessarily… No."

"Then, what is the problem exactly?"

"I just told you!"

"No, I mean, now that you've established what you were upset about, how do you feel about it all?"

I merely stared at Gaara and blinked. What the fuck is he talking about? Since when is he my therapist!

He smiled, in his own little way. "You really don't understand what Uchiha feels yet, do you?"

"… What is there to understand? He wants Hinata, but he isn't –"

"Naruto, if he liked a girl, why would he want to have sex with a boy?"

I don't fucking know! He's confused!

"He acts differently around you Naruto, why is that?"

"He's a douche!"

Gaara chuckled. "You may be correct, but that is not what I mean."

"Then just say it! You're making my head hurt…" He really is.

"He likes you."

"Whaaat?"

"Uchiha likes you."

I stared at him.

"He wants you, naked, on his bed – the floor, the backseat of his car, against a damn tree, and –"

My face flushed. "That's enough detail!" I never knew Gaara had that sort of comment in him… It's disturbing, like the toy in any happy meal after it's been shoved up a kid's nose.

"Must I paint a picture for you?"

"Please don't…" I have seen and read through a Kama Sutra book before, I'm good.

"Then, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean, what's wrong?"

"With you. Why did you reject Uchiha? You like him as well."

"N – no, I don't!" That's such a lie.

Gaara just stared at me.

"I really don't!"

… The eyes of death continued to carve into my soul.

"Alright! I do… I like him."

Gaara blinked. Thank God.

"I just – I don't know…"

"You don't know a lot of things, we all know that."

"…"

"We also know that Uchiha and yourself belong together."

"… We're not gay for each other."

"Your dick gets hard whenever you think of him."

My face turned red. "H – how do you know that! I never told you –"

"Now I know."

I glared at him.

"So, you think he has feelings for Hinata, correct?"

I nodded.

"Then why was he kissing you?"

I didn't know how to respond to that. "He's fucking insane?"

"As true as that may be, Uchiha only does something voluntarily if he desires to do it."

What the fuck did he just say?

"He did it because he wanted to." Thank you for answering my unspoken question.

"Oh… Why didn't you just say that!"

"I thought you might understand…"

"Apparently you don't know me very well!"

"… Apparently not."

Gaara and I went silent for a few moments – seconds, minutes, whatever. I suppose it wasn't an awkward silence, it was more of a what-the-fuck-am-I-gonna-do-now kind of silence. Sea green eyes stared up at me, asking me a question I had yet to find an answer to.

"I should go talk to him but… I really can't right now."

"Can't or won't?"

"Both."

"…"

"I would feel stupid if I went to go look for him right after all of that happened…"

"As opposed to how you normally act stupid?"

"Yeah – Wait! Hey!"

"Settle things as soon as possible, it'll be easier on both of you. Why waste time?"

"But I don't know what to say to him…"

"Say, 'Uchiha, I want you'. Done."

"That's not what I mean!"

"Then, what?"

"Ugh… I just don't know what to do. I like him, but we're both guys, we go to the same school, and we –"

"Naruto, I want you to do something for me."

"What is it?"

"Check between your legs really quick."

"… What?"

"Is there a pussy there?"

"What the fuck, no!"

"Then stop acting like one! If it'll make you happy, why wouldn't you do it? If it bothers someone so much that they have to be a dick about it, I'll kill them and fix the problem."

… "That's something Sasuke would say."

"I am glad I could pass on the message then."

"… Right. I'll talk to him tomorrow, alright?"

"Then we're done here, unless you still feel unwell."

"No… I'm fine. Thanks."

Gaara stood from his seat. He took out his cell phone and dialed while he embraced me as his farewell. I waved goodbye as he left through my front door.

Oh cruel teenage angst, you have claimed me as your victim. Now fuck off, I want to move on with my life. Well, I want to move on with Sasuke anyway.

I sighed.

Sasuke. Does he really like me? Uh, he was willing to rape me in his kitchen, so he definitely wants something from me – or in me? And Gaara said what he wanted was me… Not Hinata. Could he be wrong? Then again, the way Sasuke looked at me, and kissed me. He can't be wrong. Fuck. He's not. Damn, I really fucked up then!

What the fuck was I thinking! Well, I was freaking out that Sasuke was just going to hurt me in the end… It was for a good cause I guess. Still. Fuck this got ugly. Then again, it would have been worse if Gaara hadn't helped. Speaking of Gaara, where's Neji?

Sasuke's P.O.V.

"That has got to be the most awkward shopping experience for me," I said as Neji and I exited the store.

"The fact that you've had any kind of shopping experience further proves how gay you are," Neji remarked.

"I think having your dick in a man's ass trumps that though."

"…"

"Yeah, fuck off."

"Is that what Naruto told you?"

"… That's low."

"Like your chances of getting laid."

"… I'm going to kill you in your sleep."

"I don't sleep, I fuck until the sun rises." Why does that sound like a Chuck Norris joke?

"I doubt your one inch stump can do that."

"That was such a Chuck Norris joke!" Neji and I looked towards the freakish voice that screamed that statement. How the hell did they hear us from over there? And how did he know what I was thinking?

A tall figure walked towards us, and he was very familiar to me. Too familiar.

"Itachi, I told you to clean my house, not stalk me!"

Neji stared at my older sibling. Fuck, I wish I was adopted.

"But I haven't seen you in so long, little brother! I've missed you!" Itachi exclaimed in a flamboyant manner as he wrapped his arms around me. He knows I hate it when he touches me, and he knows that voice makes me want to punch him in the throat. Then again, that's why he does it.

"This is your brother?" asked Neji, finding that fact hardly believable. "Isn't he supposed to be like – a legend around here?"

"See! People do appreciate me in this town, little brother!" Itachi said, in his annoying voice again.

Neji merely stared at Itachi, clearly Neji understood that my brother had lost his mind.

"He used to be…normal," I said. "Well, he used to be cool anyway. I don't really know what happened to him though. The only regret I have is that he didn't die yet."

Itachi's eyes watered. "How could you say that! After I risked my life driving all the way here, three times over the speed limit!"

"…three…times…?"

He smiled innocently. "That means you have to multiply."

"I know what it means! That's just – what the fuck were you thinking!"

"Well, first I was thinking about this pretty Unicorn figurine I bought on eBay, then how I needed to get a manicure, which then caused me to think about the pedicure I got last week with this horrible lady that – "

"Shut up!"

"… What?"

"… Did you clean up my kitchen yet?"

"Yes."

"Then go home!"

"But Sasuke-Wasuke I want to spend time with –"

"Sasuke-Wasuke?" Neji repeated.

"Don't ask," I ordered. "And you don't get to stay at my house."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so you excuse for a human being."

Itachi sniffled. "How could you be so mean to your big brother?"

"Like this –" I kicked him in the shin. "RUN!" As Itachi cried like a little girl and held his shin in agony, Neji and I ran to his car and sped off. Had anyone gotten it on camera, it would have been awesome, and possibly movie worthy.

The car ride to my house was better than I expected, mainly because it consisted of calling someone to replace my broken window, and to deliver my new kitchen table in an hour. So, no bonding occurred. Hurray. Neji then got a phone call as well.

"…Yeah, I'm still with him… No, he's alright… Oh, okay, I'll tell him. I love you too, I'll be there to pick you up in five minutes."

"I'm guessing that was Gaara," I said, still feeling awkward that I heard part of their conversation. I was trying my hardest to forget the phone sex part.

"It was actually your mother."

"Don't you mean my father?"

"He's got an appointment tomorrow."

"Please give him AIDS."

"Done."

"… Did we seriously just have that conversation?"

"… Apparently."

"We should never hang out again."

"I am glad we can agree on that."

"… So, what am I supposed to know?"

"I think it's best that you find out tomorrow."

"Let me guess, it's related to Naruto, and it involves you two being nosy in some way. Wait, that already happened, twice."

Neji stopped in front of my house. I opened the door and stepped out. "Just make sure to trim your pubes tonight." I slammed the door and refused to acknowledge the fact that I heard that comment. Way to be a dick, Neji.

My window was later replaced, and my kitchen table arrived along with my idiot brother whom I let sleep in the guest room. All in all, I didn't give a damn about the rest of the night, it was a miserable day so why the hell should I give a damn about anything else? Everything with Naruto had basically gone down the shit-hole. Toilet sounds too innocent and non-miserable to go along with my mood, so shit-hole it is. Ugh, I didn't feel like doing anything right now. Fuck school tomorrow. Hell, I don't even have an alarm clock anymore! Fuck, Naruto has it! Oh well…

Naruto's P.O.V.

Why the hell is my bed so lumpy! Fuck! I hate it! Ugh, school sucks as is, I don't need it to be worse with almost no sleep. Well, that's not really why I can't sleep. I'm too damn worried about tomorrow. About what Sasuke will say… Damn, what will he say! Hopefully, nothing.

My face flushed at the thought of what Sasuke could respond with. Unfortunately, I was thinking too romantically to make it plausible. But at least it helped me get some sleep…

Next Morning

Here I was, standing in front of Sasuke's huge house again, just wondering what I should do next. It was too early to really bother Sasuke. I woke up too early and was too anxious to sleep in, which is completely unlike me. And now, here I am, staring at his house.

"Are you going to come in or are you going to just stand there like a creeper?"

I blinked and noticed someone standing in the doorway of Sasuke's house, eating toast. What's this guy doing here?

"Um… excuse me?" I said, unsure of what to do.

"You heard me, are you going to come in or not?" he asked again, smiling this time. Why did he seem so…gay? Was this Sasuke's –

"Who are you?" I asked him.

"I'm Itachi! Sasuke's brother!" he said, way too excited to actually be an Uchiha.

"Oh! I didn't know Sasuke had a brother."

He pouted. My gay-dar went off. "Yeah, he never talks about me." He smiled again. "But it's okay! I still get to meet his little friends at least! So, what's your name?"

"Um, Uzumaki Naruto."

"Well hi Naruto, you're cute."

"… Thanks. Can I – erm – come in? I need to talk to Sasuke."

Itachi, Sasuke's creepy queer brother, smiled and stepped aside. "Of course you can! He's in his room. Don't take too long, you two still have to go to school." He winked at me as I walked up the steps. I was about to turn and run, but I needed to see Sasuke. I hurried off to Sasuke's room and closed the door as soon as I got in. I tried to lock the door, to make sure Itachi wouldn't come in and creep me out again, but I couldn't figure out Sasuke's stupid lock, it just wouldn't work for me! I was about to just kick it but –

"Naruto," Sasuke groaned.

Shivers went up my spine. I turned towards Sasuke and saw that he was fast asleep. Why did he call out my name? I approached him with caution.

"Oh Naruto you're so –" Sasuke groaned again. He smiled this time, a pretty erotic smile.

My face flushed immediately. Was he dreaming about me? Was he having a wet dream about me! For whatever reason, it didn't really bother me. Maybe, it could actually happen? But I need to wake him up first.

"Sasuke," I called softly, shaking his shoulder gently, wanting him to wake up.

Onyx eyes opened slowly, but they eventually looked up at me. He looked confused.

"Sasuke, I need to tell you something," I said. I needed to tell him how I felt. "You have every right to be mad at me, but just hear me out, okay?"

Sasuke's P.O.V.

What's going on? What's he talking about…? We were just having sex, great sex. Why is he talking?

"You're awake now, right?" asked Naruto.

Of course not, otherwise you wouldn't be here.

"Shut up," I muttered in a groggy voice.

"I'm sorry, but –"

I grabbed Naruto by his arm and yanked him down on my bed. He wasn't expecting it, so he came down fairly easily. I turned him on his back and laid on top of him.

"Don't be sorry," I continued, "just shut up and kiss me."

At first, I thought he was going to argue with me, but he didn't. Naruto was surprised, but he didn't seem angry or upset. He leaned up and kissed me. Fuck, it left me breathless, even in my imagination Naruto is adorable and irresistible. I didn't hold back this time, I kissed him and showed him just how much I wanted him.

I need to have him. Hell, I will have him right here and now.

Chapter 10 is now complete! YAY! It's been so long since I updated this... too long. So, let me know what you guys thought! The more motivation I feel, the faster the update! Now... click the damn button!

Until next time, Ja Ne!