"Harry! Wake up!"

Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, wished he didn't. He was on the tail end of a very nasty bout of the flu.

"What is it Ron?"

"Voldemort!"

Harry took the pillow and planted it firmly on top of his head. "Bloody hell, not again ..."

"No! It's Snape! Snape beat Voldemort!"

Now Harry was awake.

---

They had gotten to the Grand Hall and fought through the crowds to see the Dark Lord himself, snarling, wrapped in chains, and covered in enough anti-magic charms to reduce God Himself to a eighty pound weakling.

"I ... Snape? Snape caught him?"

"Snape beat him in battle!"

The Potions Master was there, confidently but seriously shaking hands with Dumbledore and various officials from the Ministry.

This 'all in the line of duty' attitude wasn't fooling Harry. If Snape was impossible to live with before ...

"What happened?"

"No idea, I didn't see it. But ..."

Hermione had made their way to them by now. "It was so fast ... Voldemort had entered through a stolen PortKey and was going to assassinate Dumbledore and any other teacher he could get his hands on. But Snape encountered him first."

" ... Snape beat him in a duel?"

"Snape and Voldemort were fighting for an hour. Then Voldemort got lucky and broke Snape's wand via a deflected spell."

"Then what?"

"We thought Snape was a dead man, but Snape just sneered at him, and pulled a big sausage from his trousers..."

"That bloody pervert."

Hermione smacked the back of Ron's head. "Literally; a big black sausage! Then Snape screamed a spell or something at Voldemort and knocked him out with one blow!"

"What exactly did Snape scream...?"

"... it sounded ... like ... Ecky Thump …"