A/N: And a special thanks to my four fabulous reviewers… thank you for raising my self esteem! So, here I am, killing time during study hall… wheee!!! Hahaha this is fun to write… I love Fiyero!

THIMBLES! And on with the fic…

Saran VD

The Wedding

Chapter 1

Banging your head against the wall, I realized, doesn't help at all when both of your ex-girlfriends are planning their "fairy-tale wedding". As hard as I tried, I couldn't kill enough of my brain cells off to be able to lapse into a blissful coma. Not that I had any brain cells, but it's the thought that counts.

Meanwhile, Glinda was flipping through a ten-inch-thick catalog of wedding dresses, declaring every single one of them "darling", "gorgeous", or "exquisite". Elphaba sat behind her, with her arms around the blonde's waist and her head leaning on her lover's shoulder, sighing at regular intervals.

"Glinda," she said, interrupting what was sure to be yet another hour of terror, "I thought you had something specific in mind."

She sighed loudly. "Oh, I know what I'm going to wear, silly. I need to pick out bridesmaid outfits. Now, which one of these would suit Pfannee and Shen-Shen?"

"Oh, Glinda, I don't know them nearly as well as you do…"

"Elphie, you are no help at all!"

"Now, wait a minute…"

"Just because you weren't friends with them at Shiz…"

"Well, they didn't like me very much now, did they?"

"But they're my friends, Elphie! I want them to be there! I need them to be there!"

"It's always about you, isn't it?"

"Why in Oz would you say that?"

"Because all you can think about, all the time, is you! I can't take it! Always… you are always thinking about yourself! I've been generous already by allowing us to have this stupid wedding in the first place! Why should I allow the two girls who tormented me at Shiz come to my wedding?"

Glinda pouted. "But, it's my wedding, too."

Elphaba sighed. "Fine. Do I get to pick some bridesmaids?"

Glinda giggled. "Of course!"

She grinned wickedly. "Good. Now, darling Glinda…" Oh no, Elphaba was planning something. I knew that look… shit. "Which one of these dresses would suit Fiyero?"

I stopped banging my head against the wall and stared at her. "What?"

"Come on, Glinda. I need your help." She was ignoring me and my sputtering protests.

Glinda giggled yet again. "Oh, Elphie, you know that Fiyero can't wear a dress!"

"Why not? It's my wedding, too." She was starting to sound remarkably like her girlfriend (Wife? Fiancée?)

"Because he's a boy, silly!"

"No, he's a scarecrow."

I scowled at her. "But I'm a boy scarecrow."

She smirked. "Prove it."

I couldn't of course. Being a scarecrow means relinquishing your right to having a specific gender. Damn that Elphaba.

"No dress, Elphaba. Especially if Glinda is picking it out!"

"Hey! Are you insulting my fashion sense?" Glinda was swelling like an angry fluffy balloon.

"No! I'm just saying that you don't have quite the same tastes as I do."

"Fine. I'll pick it out." Elphaba was close to laughing.

"No dress," I said firmly. "You can do whatever else you want, but no dress."

"Ok, you're going naked." Elphaba turned her attention back to the catalogue.

"Wait a second…"

"Oh, come on, Fiyero, it's not like you have anything to hide…" She was so damn calm about it.

"Ok, enough jokes about that! It's not my fault that I'm a scarecrow!" I glared at her.

"Well, if I hadn't done that in the first place, you would be dead!" She stood now, face to face with me.

"Well, better being dead than seeing your ex- girlfriend marrying your other ex-girlfriend!"

"Funny dilemma, isn't it?"

I raised my arm to punch her, only to realize that 1) it was stuffed, so it wouldn't do any damage, and 2) I didn't have the guts to punch anyone, let alone Elphaba Thropp.

Lucky for me, no one noticed, because there was a big sparkly star in our faces. This big sparkly star was on the end of a big sparkly stick which was being held by Glinda the Good.

"Stop before someone dies!" she shrieked, pointing the wand at each of us in turn.

"Glinda, put the wand down." Elphaba sounded like an exasperated parent.

"Not until you children stop fighting."

"But Glinda, I'm older than you are."

"You're acting like a child, Elphie! Stop, stop, STOP!" She waved the wand each time she said stop, and accidentally sent me flying into the wall.

Elphaba laughed and wrapped an arm around a very surprised Glinda. "Thank you, Glinda. I didn't have to do anything. Now come, let's go look at dresses."

Glinda still looked shocked as Elphaba dragged her back to the coffee table and the catalogue.

I adjusted my straw (it had gotten all out of place) and went back to banging my head on the wall.