I don't own Harry Potter.
Nine years later…
Sirius Black woke up to the sound of his alarm clock making its irritating buzzing sound. As he normally did for the first ten minutes of the morning, he stared at the completely white ceiling and then sat up and looked around the completely white room, devoid of any personality whatsoever.
Sirius swung himself out of bed and prepared to greet the day. When he finished brushing his teeth in the tiny bathroom next to his bedroom, he walked over to his desk and opened up a tiny black journal. He then picked up a pen and, after he dated the entry, he wrote:
I am my own unique person and only I control my destiny.
I will not obsess about death.
My 'death scene' does not mark how strong, masculine, or important I am.
Once he wrote this down, Sirius closed the little black book and put it back on the desk. He then opened the door to his room and went outside for a walk.
The grounds were very beautiful. They were incredibly spacious and filled with gravel pathways in addition to the green wooden benches that were arbitrarily sprinkled in every direction. Sirius, however, was not interested in sitting.
He continued to walk toward one of the white marble buildings on the grounds, humming the tune to the Weird Sisters' latest smash-hit. Sirius privately found it astounding that the band was still popular for so long. But then again, so was that Muggle Band, the Rolling Stones…
As Sirius looked around, he spotted one of his fellow residents sitting solitarily on one of the benches. Her black hair curtained her face, but he still knew who she was.
"Hiya, Bella!" he said with a grin. Bellatrix Lestrange looked up and spotted him. Immediately, her face got a very feral look and she lunged at Sirius, screaming, "Kill, kill, kill!" Luckily, one of Bellatrix's attendants caught her and held her back from actually hitting Sirius.
"Now, what did we say about those kinds of things, Bella?" the attendant said. "Remember those anger management tricks?" Bellatrix shook her head violently. "I think you do!" the attendant said with a smile.
Sirius smiled. "You mean you don't remember, Bella? Let me refresh your memory." Sirius cleared his throat and then began to sing, "I looooooove you! You looooooove me! We're a happy-"
"Nooooo!" Bellatrix shrieked, putting her hands to her ears. "Noooo! The Dark Lord will punish you all for singing such blasphemous things!"
The attendant rolled his eyes. "Come on, Bella, I think it's time for us to go inside."
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Sirius chuckled as he watched the attendant drag Bellatrix away by her heels, while Bellatrix clawed at the ground, desperately trying to stay outside. He then moved on and entered the white marble building.
After winding his way through several halls, he entered a room where a witch sat at a desk, writing something down on a piece of parchment. Sirius cleared his throat and she looked up.
"Oh, good morning, Mr. Black! You're here to see--"
"We had scheduled an appointment a little later, but I just wanted to be here early. Is he available right now?"
"I think so, hold on," she got up from her desk and opened a wooden door next to it and said, "Mr. Black is here to see you, sir."
"Lovely! I'm finishing a group session, but I think it wouldn't hurt for him to come in," a voice replied from inside.
The witch turned around and nodded. "You can head in now, Mr. Black."
Sirius smiled and walked into a small room with lots of books, a comfy-looking couch, and a wooden desk, behind which sat a man with black hair, glasses, green eyes, and a lightning-shaped scar on his forehead. Sound familiar? Around the desk, there were six chairs, which were occupied by Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Aberforth, Barty Crouch Sr., and Barty Crouch Jr.
"Sirius, you can take a seat over there. I'll talk to you when I'm done here," Harry said and gestured to a chair in the corner of the room. Sirius sat there and watched with mild interest. "So, Barty Jr., why do you feel this antagonism for your father?"
"Well, for one thing, I hate the name he gave me!"
"And what's wrong with it?" Barty Sr. demanded. "I think the name is perfectly fine!"
"Well, all of my friends laughed at me because I was named after my dorky father!"
"Excuse me? You think I'm dorky?"
"Well, yeah! I mean, you've never tortured any Mudbloods, or killed any blood traitors, or…"
"Of course not! I respect the law! Unforgivables are illegal!"
"And that's why you're dorky."
"Okay, I think we're onto something! I'm sure we can explore this more later… in the next session. Now, let's turn to Professor Dumbledore and his brother. So, why have you joined this group?" Harry prompted.
"Well, to be honest," Aberforth began, "I hate him."
Dumbledore opened his mouth, but Harry cut him off. "Aberforth, you can't just say that you hate someone! You have to give a reason!"
"Fine! I hate him because everyone thinks he's so great, but he's really not!"
"And why is that?"
"Because he associated with Grindewald, he got out sister killed, and he doesn't really like lemon drops…"
"Lies!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "I do like lemon drops! You just hate me because I was more talented… and good-looking… and strong…"
"I broke your nose once! Don't make me do it again!" Aberforth waved his fist threateningly.
"Don't forget who turned you into a goat your third year!"
"Well, to be honest, I enjoyed that!"
"Okay, I sense a lot of animosity between you two. Can you dig deeper and find the source? Was it something at home? Sibling rivalry, perhaps?"
"There was none," Dumbledore said, "Mum clearly liked me best."
"That's not true! I was the one who helped her take care of Ar--"
"But I was a better student!"
"But I wasn't even trying! If I had tried, I definitely would've been a better student!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
Dumbledore reached for his wand and Aberforth put up his fists. They were about to fight when Harry yelled, "Okay, that's enough! You two need to stop fighting and work this out!"
"It's the way siblings are, Harry," Ron pointed out, "They can't stop fighting. It's in their DNA. Believe me; I've seen this sort of thing all the time."
"Ron, I don't think you should be interrupting Harry's sessions like that. He's a certified psychiatrist; I think he knows what he's doing!" Hermione snapped at him.
"And I don't think you're one to be bossing me around!"
"Ah, Heaven's Couple," Harry sighed, "You know, you two are the only ones I haven't been able to remedy from that disaster that we still never wish to speak about. And that's saying something considering…" Harry trailed off for a moment, looking at Sirius.
"Well, Harry, you have to admit that she is a pushy know-it-all," Ron pointed out.
"But he's a shallow git!"
"Is that what you think I am? Why you--"
Harry sighed. "I'm beginning to wonder if those books were really true. If it weren't for the fact that it accurately described the Horcruxes and the marriage of Tonks and Lupin…"
"Well, Harry, that's what happens when you meddle with time. You have to deal with the consequences. And, to be honest, I think it turned out for the better," Hermione pointed out. "I know I'm happy that I'm not married to Ronald!"
"And I'm happy that I'm not married to Hermione! Although that habit of correcting you when you're wrong does start to grow on you…"
"…but he does have great hair…"
"…those teeth…"
"…those eyes…"
"…those teeth…"
"…that smile…"
"…are hideous!"
"Ron! I had them fixed, remember?" Hermione smiled to show off her perfect teeth.
"Oh… that's right! I love you, Hermione!"
"I love you too, Ron!" And with that, the two arch-enemies embraced.
Harry blinked from behind his desk. "Okay… that was really weird…"
"I think I may have an explanation. Although I'm afraid that it's a rather paranormal one," Dumbledore said.
"Of course! You always have an answer!" Aberforth said sarcastically.
"Shut up, you little nose-picker!"
"Hey, that only happened once… in first year… Can't you just let it go?"
"No. Now, what was I saying? Ah, yes, my theory. I believe that on that fateful night nine years ago, something happened. When Miss, er, what was her name again? Ah, right! It was Slooprighther! Anyway, when Miss Sflooberhumdiffer--"
"Don't you mean Slooprighther?" Harry asked.
"Right. When Miss Slooprighther came into our world, something happened. We diverged from our predestined path, otherwise termed 'canon', and strayed into a new parallel dimension. Now, I believe, the two worlds are slowly beginning to overlap and we are beginning to revert back to our 'canon' states as described in the books Miss Flubbywubby--"
"Slooprighther!" Harry corrected.
"—yes, that—had brought into our world. Now, considering it took nine years for these effects to start showing, I believe that these two universes are merging slowly… very slowly. So now, Mr. Weasley and Miss. Granger are falling in love and Mr. Black has reverted to a sound mental state, correct?" He threw a glance at Ron and Hermione, who were now snogging shamelessly in front of everyone.
"Well, er, yes. How did you know that was what I was calling him in here for? It was supposed to be a surprise!" Harry turned to Sirius. "You're almost clear; you just need to have your hearing before the Board of Mental Health and then you'll be free to leave Azkaban Psychiatric Facilities for the Mentally Unstable."
Sirius smiled. "I had a feeling. But continue; this is an intriguing idea."
"You know, you're not the first man to say that to my brother. Although the first time it was in a more suggestive tone," Aberforth commented.
"Are you implying that I'm--"
"No, but I'm saying he--"
"That's enough!" Harry said. "Continue, Professor."
"Thank you, Harry, but there's no need to call me Professor anymore," Dumbledore said, "So now, if my estimations are correct, the worlds will be completely fused in about…" Dumbledore counted on his fingers for a moment. "… ninety years… give or take. By that time, we'll all be dead and everything will be the way it's supposed to be, although, those of us who were supposed to die might suffer from a slightly decreased lifespan."
"Well, then, you should croak any day!" Aberforth commented.
"I did not say that they would be turned into frogs; I said they would die."
Aberforth rolled his eyes and said, "Okay, you're the 'smart' one. I see a few holes in your theory, but I'm going to keep them to myself."
"Can I go now?" Barty Sr. asked. "I don't like being here and I feel that I've taken enough time off as it is."
"Mr. Crouch, you've only been here for about an hour and a half," Harry pointed out.
"And that's an hour and a half's work not done!"
Barty Jr. rolled his eyes. "See, I told you he was a dork!"
"I will not sit here and allow myself to be abused like this! I'm leaving!" Barty Sr. got up from his chair and exited the room.
"Father, wait!" Barty Jr. called out, running after his father. "I just want to be loved!"
"Well, that was weirder…" Harry said, tapping his pen to his lip.
"Yeah…" Everyone else in the room agreed.
Harry looked at his watch and then said, "I believe that our session is done for today. And it seems like we've made a lot of progress…" Harry looked over at Ron and Hermione, who were continuing to snog without shame. "Guys, time to go!"
Ron and Hermione broke apart, both blushing.
"I don't think you need to come back to this session, again…" Harry said with a smile.
"Of course… thank you for talking us into doing this, Harry," Ron said. "This is the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life."
"Me too," Hermione said as she stared into Ron's eyes. With that, the two left the room, staring into the other's eyes while wearing a lovey-dovey expression.
"I'm sure we'll reach a breakthrough eventually," Dumbledore said with a shrug and left the room with Aberforth.
Harry smiled and turned to his godfather. "I don't think there's anything else we need to discuss, Sirius. Be in this room at one o'clock this afternoon."
"Thank you, Harry," Sirius said and left the room.
Harry and Ginny, as it turns out, still got married and had James, Albus, and Lily as their children. Harry decided not to pursue the Auror career that he was destined for and, instead, decided to get a degree in psychiatry and set up the first wizarding psychiatric ward, getting permission from Minister Shacklebolt to convert Azkaban into such. Ginny still played Quidditch for the Holyhead Harpies.
After years of couples' counseling, Ron and Hermione finally reconciled and got married. They still had their children, Hugo and Rose. They pursued their 'canon' jobs.
Sirius was transferred into Azkaban Psychiatric Facilities for the Mentally Unstable shortly after it was built. He was Harry's first cured patient. After getting out, Sirius was employed by Fred, George, and Ron as a salesperson at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Eventually, he became a cofounder and helped create new items for prank-pulling. He never married.
Remus Lupin and Tonks got married after four years of dating. Teddy was their only child.
Fred, George, and Percy were all relatively unaffected by their brief brush with insanity. Fred and George ran Weasley's Wizard Wheezes with Ron and Sirius while they entered Percy in their sponsored "World's Biggest Prat" contest. Percy came in second; the winner was actually none other than Draco Malfoy. Percy worked as Kingsley's right-hand man in the Ministry and eventually became Minister of Magic. The year following his election, he won the "World's Biggest Prat" Contest. This time, the runner-up was Peeves, who had submitted himself as a practical joke fifty-two times.
Dumbledore was inspired to contact Aberforth again and seek family counseling to repair their broken relationship. He held the position of Hogwarts Headmaster until his death and published his thesis on fictitious worlds and their alternate branches. He won an incredibly prestigious and shiny award for it.
Neville became Herbology professor after Professor Sprout resigned. His dreams of giant dancing tacos plagued him for the rest of his life, in spite of his sessions with Harry. Harry attributed this repetitive occurrence to Neville's fear of flying.
Fudge lost his position of Minister of Magic after his attempted murder of Harry. He was transferred into Azkaban Psychiatric Facilities for the Mentally Unstable.
Severus Snape became Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher after Lupin resigned and Moody refused the job (a reformed Gellert Grindewald came to take the position of Potions Master… apparently Dumbledore had connections in the prison in which Grindewald was kept). In his off-time, he released a line of incredibly successful hair-care products called: "Grease-B-Gone: It's the One that You Want!". He, of course, died incredibly rich and famous… with great hair!
After the tragic death of Buckbeak (because nobody had gone back in time to save him), Hagrid decided that, for the sake of all of the living magical creatures in the world, and the unborn ones as well, he should resign from the Care of Magical Creatures position and resume his gamekeeper duties. Xenophilius Lovegood replaced him for an incredibly entertaining class. He was later murdered by a highly disgruntled Professor Grubbyplank, who, once again, was beaten out by a less capable male teacher. This, of course, devastated Luna, who took over the Quibbler and began to run "I Hate Professor Grubbyplank" articles sent in by students. As a result of this, and the uncovering of her part in Xenophilius' murder, Professor Grubbyplank was fired and institutionalized. Luna took her position in loving memory of her father. She married Neville, which Harry interpreted as a manifestation of her grief for her father.
Peter Pettigrew led a fairly normal life. He made millions of dollars becoming the greatest wizarding singer of all time; greater than the Weird Sisters or Celestina Warbeck. Everyone adored him and nobody even remembered that he was the one who betrayed the Potters to their deaths. He ended up marrying a Muggle supermodel and had fifteen kids. Bet you didn't see that coming, did you?
Moody refused to accept the position of Back-Up Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher. He decided to retire and lived a very comfy lifestyle, although he was always convinced that his rosebushes were conspiring to kill him and that his floor would give out at any moment. Some things just never change…
Azkaban Psychiatric Facilities for the Mentally Unstable (APFMU) was an all-wizarding psychiatric center founded by Harry Potter as soon as he got his degree in psychiatry. It hopes to rehabilitate its occupants so that they may be safely integrated into a normal lifestyle. It also provides therapy for those who desire it. Its most famous occupants were Bellatrix Lestrange, Cornelius Fudge, Barty Crouch Jr., Dolores Jane Umbridge, Former Professor Grubbyplank, and Tom Marvolo Riddle (otherwise known as Lord Voldemort).
Voldemort was never resurrected or killed, even though Fudge's failed killing curse did destroy the bit of his soul within Harry. Thanks to the help of Peter Pettigrew, who went back to him pretending to be loyal, he was found and captured by Ministry of Magic authorities. He was then placed in a solitary magic-proof room at Azkaban Psychiatric Facilities for the Mentally Unstable.
As for Mary Suewriter… she's still out there somewhere, still writing fanfiction; good ones or bad ones… well, nobody quite knows.
And that's the end of the story. Thanks got to Mina-chan AMD, Ogreatrandom, Flamespirit-eth, and Jellicle-in-the-box for reviewing for the previous chapter. Please leave lots of reviews!