Pairings: Seishirou/Subaru

Warnings: This contains spoilers from volume 16 of X/1999. So... Don't read it if you don't know what happens.

Author's Notes: I just really wanted to write this. Seishirou and Subaru are total love for me. I don't know if I can say anything else useful here, so just read! I hope you like it.

:D

An Apocalypse for Us

Blood is the same as water. It is just as important for people to survive, and it is just as useless when it goes unconsumed – like now. Blood runs down my hand like fallen rainwater. It drips from my fingers and palms down to the road where neither water nor blood will do concrete any good. The cool, sticky feeling of the dark red liquid dampens the cigarette I'm holding. This blood no longer has a purpose.

The only thing with any value for miles is standing next to me. I took his cigarette.

My lips rest where his once were and the smoke curls around me. I can feel his eyes on me and they stay there until I turn to look at him. He really is as kind as I left him before. The sight of someone else's blood on my hands makes him miserable though it's been a while since he discovered what I am. He asks the obvious question about the blood.

"Because I am the Sakurazukamori," I say to his question.

That is why I kill. That is why this valuable thing and I must fight. Opposing sides always end this way. Beyond him and myself, let's not forget about the destruction of the human world. That's always a good reason for a fight.

The battle is explosive from the start and I wouldn't expect any less. Only I can kill him, and only he can kill me. Being explosive is the nature of this arrangement. Flames, lightening, earth-shattering quakes express it all.

Do you really think he fights for all those people? His shield is strong so he must have something he loves in this world. Of course he lives and fights for someone, but I know he also lives to see me die.

I'm flirting with disaster because I live for a reason too.

I think it's fitting for this to end on a bridge. The world he came from and the world I am from collide here at this spot where we can go nowhere else with the other in the way. The purity and goodness in him will survive to fulfill whatever purpose it was made for. The blinding flashes of power around me are welcoming. They are also stronger than I have ever seen them. Maybe I think it's great to go down with a bang.

The bridge shudders and finally collapses under our quakes.

I smile to him. I don't know if remembering his face looking unhappily at the destruction will bring me comfort in another world. The bandages falling from around his face only make me wish more passionately that he could look at me with two eyes. Even the replacement I'll give could not be better than the olive green expression I used to see. But, my body that will lose its power and purpose soon will at least be able to give him something.

Everything around us is falling apart, but have we wounded each other yet?

It's about The Time.

Sakura petals falls from the sky. They're glittering pale pink, contrasting with the gray remains of the bridge and earth, and the turbulent, dark water beneath. At a distance we are both calm, and he speaks to me from the binds I constructed for him.

Ah, Subaru…

I discard my shades and look at him with my mismatched eyes. My illusion slowly disappears. I want his wish to come true more than anything. He wouldn't know how much I want those desires he has to be realized. As long as I know, I suppose that is sufficient.

The last person I want to see die is the one in front of me. In a way, I have seen him die before, but that could never be the equal of watching his real body turning cold in my arms. His white face turning even whiter with a grayish tint is something I can barely imagine.

I am the only one that can grant his wish – so I have heard. But, conveniently, I know his wish is to kill me. I can't believe anything else even as I look into his uncovered eyes, one green and the other as blind as mine. He shows an expression so serious I don't know what to make of it. Could he be trying to persuade me out of our destiny? I on one side and he on the other, both know this battle must be continued until the end.

This is the last bang I planned.

Even more, the bridge is falling… How can it fall more? Our destruction knows no bounds.

Vibrations follow the climax of our battle. The last, final blow has been received. I can feel my breath leaving my lips, abandoning whatever will be left of me. The kekkai is disappearing, Subaru. I can see it vanishing over your shoulder.

My hand trembles as it clutches his clothes. The pain is indescribable, but I will lose it all soon. This is the first time I have felt the pain of death. The feeling is so strong that I can't move. His hand is pierced through my chest and I feel it immobile out of shock. Out of instinct… my breath… I try to pull it back in. I remember things all about my life and all about him.

The sound of my blood gushing and splattering to the road sounds almost far away. I only know it's my blood spilling violently because I'm the one sinking down. Subaru's arms rush to hold me up before I can hit the ground. They feel like the only things I have ever felt in my life. I can feel his arms more distinctly than even the obliterating pain.

Even though I'm dying, I still have the force to look up at him. Set in his face looming in front of me, his eyes are so wide and rimmed with wavering water. The space behind him is a scenery that is blurred, swirling, and dark. Only he exists.

He wants to know why.

I remember his sister to him and we share that memory. I finally tell him a secret of mine, which is her last spell. That was the secret that completed my plan here. It's hard to explain anything with my fresh blood spilling everywhere. My own blood on my hand looks exactly the same as anyone else's. The dark red distracts me for a moment, but I concentrate since there is so little time left. Time, which I have abused so much in the past, seems more precious than blood or air. My voice is only even and clear because of his desire to know why. If he asks me, I will do it. The story is fresh in my mind, so I let him know the simple facts. Her heart was stabbed and it has come back to me. That is all.

Still, he talks to me of his own secret.

His salty tears fall next to the blood on my hand and I can almost feel them. His embrace is so faint now even though he is probably crushing me in his arms. Subaru, I wish I could feel it better. This is the closest I have ever been to you. His words shudder with sorrow and show the horrible error here. I couldn't believe him until I was dying. I should have known Subaru would never lie. I didn't grant his wish at all.

Subaru-kun, you have always been so kind.

No matter what I suggested, I could never forget about him. My hand – the bloody one – reaches for his cheek. I smile and wonder how we could both be so wrong.

I have to think.

Behind my smile, I'm shutting down, but I still need to say something to him.

What did I do? Just now, I made him kill me. All my life, I think the greatest thing I did was for myself. A long time ago I gave something unreal and implausible a chance. I pretended just to test myself. I made him feel loved. I lied for a long time... and I also... To my unfaithful self I lied. Until he wanted to kill me, I denied the truth and created a new one. It was for me... I think, but no... That wasn't the greatest thing ever I did...

I don't think I can say it. My eyes feel so dim, my breath is so weak, and my body – my body might as well not be there. No. Without my body and my breath, I can't speak. I think I can say one last thing and I hope he remembers.

The greatest thing I ever did was die, because I died for him.