"Neal! This is sloppy swordsmanship, and it's utterly unacceptable."

Her squire sighed. "I'm sorry. I was just…it won't happen again." He raised his sword again, and let her begin with the attack again.

Less than a minute later, Alanna threw her wooden practice sword to the ground in frustration. "You're not paying attention at all," she grumbled. "I expect you to give this your full concentration."

"I know, I know," he said. "I'm sorry."

His knight-mistress frowned. "You'd better not have your mind on any of the ladies."

"I don't. I swear I don't. I'll do better this time."

"No," she snapped. "I'm sick of this, it's hopeless. You've been saying that for the last half hour. We'll spend the rest of the afternoon on your studies and I expect a much higher standard tomorrow."

Neal nodded and followed her, both of them stripping off their protective gear at the door to the practice court.

Alanna opened a book and laid out a map on the desk. "It's time to do some history. As important as it is, we've been focusing too much on healing lately. Today we're going to look at the Immortals War."

Neal stared at her, openmouthed. It looked as though he was about to say something, but he bit his tongue and nodded.

"You're to read these three paragraphs here," she told him, pointing them out in the book. "And then you'll report to me on the major details. Understood?" He nodded again and she busied herself with paperwork.

Fifteen minutes passed, and she looked up at him. "Neal? Are you still going? You're usually much quicker than this."

"What?" he blinked and then looked at her. "Oh. I, um…sorry."

"How much of it have you read?" She swore when he said nothing, causing him to cringe. "It's three paragraphs, it's not difficult. You've been completely useless all day!"

"I'm sorry. But…could we please do something else, just for today? Maybe mathematics?"

She slammed her fists on the desk and stood up. "So now you think I'm not good enough to teach you? You think that you can decide what you learn?"

"No, I don't. I know it's important to learn about. It's just that…well, my brother. He um, he died in the Immortals War."

Her face softened a little. "I know. But a lot of people, myself included, knew someone who died in the war. It doesn't mean we can completely ignore it."

"I know," he replied. "I really do. But it's just been on my mind all day already and I'm having trouble focusing because it's been five years today since…since…" He swallowed and looked down.

"You mean today is the anniversary of your brother's death?" she asked softly.

He nodded, not meeting her eyes. "And I know I shouldn't let myself linger on the past, but I keep on thinking about how much I miss him."

She walked around the desk, and Neal stood up too, unsure of what she would do. Unexpectedly, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him hard. He was even more surprised to find that he felt slightly comforted.

"I'm sorry," she was saying. "You should've let me know, I'd have given you the day off. Being upset over a loved one's death is nothing to be ashamed of. Jon found out the hard way that it's disastrous to try to get me to do anything on the anniversary of his coronation." She felt him look at her and took a step away to look back up at him. "Sometimes these things never go away. You can get used to it, and even think that you're fine with it, and then when you least expect it, it just hits you. Sometimes you just need to take some time to yourself and let yourself be sad or cry or just be alone, or whatever it is that you feel like you need. You shouldn't let it rule your life, but you've got to make the occasional allowance for yourself."

He swallowed again and nodded uncomfortably.

"You can have the rest of the day off," she told him. "And we'll leave studying this until after our trip to the Palace in two weeks."

He managed a grateful smile for her. "Thank you for understanding."

He was just about to go out the door when she spoke again. "Neal?" He turned. "You will let me know if something else like this comes up, won't you?"

He nodded slowly. "I will. Thank you."

"You know that I'm here if you need to talk about it, or if you decide that you don't want to be alone."

"Thank you," he said again. "But I think I just need some time to myself."

She nodded and gave him a small smile, and he shut the door, feeling that a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.