September 2005

Drinks

"What would you like to drink Lorelai?"

"Gin and tonic."

"Richard?"

"Dry scotch."

Silence.

"This is a very good gin and tonic Mom, excellent."

"It's the same gin and tonic from last Friday."

"But you only keep tonic for three days."

"So?"

"So the tonic from last Friday is not the tonic for tonight, therefore the tonic in my gin and tonic is not the same, therefore my gin and tonic is different from last Friday and it is excellent."

"Lorelai-"

"Take the compliment Emily, please."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Mom."

Silence.

"Mrs. Gilmore, dinner is ready to be served."

"Oh, good."

"Great."

"Can't wait to see what my mother hasn't cooked."

Dinner

"Lorelai, just because I do not stick my hand into the bowels of a chicken doesn't mean I'm not instrumental in the process that it takes to put a good meal on this table, a meal that is most likely the cornerstone of your food intake."

"No, the cornerstone of my food intake is Puffed Cheetos and Jones Blueberry Pomegranate Soda."

"Pomegranate? I haven't heard that word in such a long time. I remember the last time I had pomegranate, I was in the West Indies for business-"

"Of course you were, Richard. When do you ever go somewhere tropical for vacation?"

"-and I went out into the local town for lunch and ordered something totally alien to me- fruit salad."

"See? I knew we had something else in common besides being eternally tied to Emily Gilmore."

"It had the most exotic fruit-passion fruit, star fruit, papaya, pomegranates. It was fantastic. That reminds me, I should look into real estate down there."

"What ever for, Richard? There are hurricanes in that part of the world."

"There are hurricanes in this part of the world too, Emily. I just want to have some assets scattered here and there, for Rory."

"Well, we have that house on Martha's Vineyard, and the town home in London-"

"Don't forget the villa in Tuscany and the planetarium at Yale and the jet you share with the Grimeltobs."

"We don't have a villa in Tuscany."

"I know, I was hinting that you should have one because maybe one day Rory will get a divorce, see that her life in America is utterly stagnant, move to Tuscany, meets a crazy ex-pat who lives La Dolce Vita, a man who is good-natured and sexy and generally great but is already married with kids, and a sexy, stereotypical Italian man who leads her on and in the end she finds that only she can make her life rewarding and in the very, very end marries some struggling American writer. And she can't experience and do all these things if she doesn't have a villa that is in disrepair."

"Why would I buy a villa in disrepair?"

"Because she needs to hire this team of oddball construction workers who become her family and then she needs to have the toilet do something weird so that she can call her lesbian friend-that's who I was missing!"

"Rory has a lesbian friend?"

"I don't know, but this Rory does and she's pregnant and she comes to live with Rory and she has a beautiful baby boy who will have a gorgeous tan for the rest of his life."

"This is a movie, isn't it?"

"Why, mother, it is. Under the Tuscan Sun."

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm just surprised, that's all. I thought movies without DAR connotations were blacklisted by this section of Connecticut."

"I thought so too. I didn't even know you watched movies, Emily."

"Really, the both of you are being silly. I watch plenty of movies. I've seen Braveheart, Saving Private Ryan, The English Patient, I even saw The Matrix."

"No!"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Rory. We had a film fest."

"What?"

"Yes. It was one of those weekends when you and Christopher wanted to work things out and Rory came over for Friday night dinner and stated the whole weekend. We ate pizza, had ice cream, and watched movies all night. I had a particular fondness for The Lord of the Rings."

"You did?"

"Really?"

"Why is this so shocking to the two of you? Yes, I do see things! What, Lorelai, do you thing you're the only one who can grasp the concept of modern film? And you, Richard, when was the last time you went to a movie theatre, hmmm?"

"Well, Emily, I apologize for assuming you, what is the term, of the old school."

"Oh my God, the cook put something in the salmon."

Coffee

"So, Lorelai, have you heard from Christopher lately?"

"No, should I have heard from Christopher?"

"He has some very important news."

Silence.

"Well?"

"Oh, is this where I'm supposed to care?"

"I thought the two of you were making some headway?"

"No, we're done making headway."

"Yes, you say that and six months later I'll open the door to see you and Christopher draped all over each other, announcing your love."

"First of all, you won't be opening the door, your maid Margenta will and secondly, I do not drape. I lean."

"Lorelai."

"Emily."

"What are you waiting for Lorelai?"

"For George Clooney to make a wrong turn and up at the inn."

"Emily, why don't we leave it alone for today?"

"I will not leave it alone, Richard. I will not leave it alone because I do not want to subject myself to anymore false hopes and order any more luncheons and plan pre-engagement parties. I do not want her to come to dinner, distraught and behaving normally because she has thrown away yet another chance with Christopher."

"Mom, please, can we just sit here, drink this ridiculously expensive coffee and talk about the state of the economy or Jon Stewart? I'd rather talk about Jon Stewart."

"But Lorelai-"

"Who is Jon Stewart? I heard some of my younger partners talking about him and his politics. Is he a pundit like Tim Russert?"

"Oh, Dad, he is so far removed from Tim Russert, he's like Elijah Woods in The Good Son."

"So I'm going to be ignored? Is that how this family deals with issues now?"

"I rather like Tim Russert."

"Good for you Dad."

Sleep

"Richard?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Rory talked about this man, a Luke Danes. She told me about him, about him and Lorelai."

"Luke Danes?"

"Yes. He's a businessman. A small one."

"Does his business turn a profit?"

"Yes, but that's not the point."

"Well what is the point, Emily? I'm tired."

"What if he is the person who is holding Lorelai back? What if she is waiting for this man?"

"We have to let her live her life Emily. We are her parents, we support her in her decisions, and if she wants to be with a man besides Christopher, then she has my blessing. Every time I look at that boy I want to punch him."

"There's no need to get upset, Richard. I'll do it your way-for now."

"Thank you. I love you and don't meddle anymore."

"I don't meddle!"

Silence.

"I press for information."

"Goodnight Emily."

"Goodnight Richard."