Damn, this is absolutely random… XD Beware of the crack, yes. And of a OOC Tezuka…! –Sigh- Enjoy?

Tezuka's eyes shifted from his open book to the bloody lips his vice-captain were sporting. On Oishi's left, Kikumaru was limping. His own lips were bruised and he had the attitude of a paranoid boy, looking everywhere around him. Oishi held his hand comfortingly, but it didn't seem to have any effect.

"NYA! OCHIBI!" Eiji screeched.

Except that, contrary to his usual behaviour, he didn't glomp the boy. Instead, he ran away and hid behind his partner's back.

"Hoi, don't be that way, Eiji-sempai!" Ryoma scolded lightly. "We just want your happiness, nya."

"Yes, Eiji," another voice added in. "You can't escape fate. You can't escape us."

"Fujiko-o-o-o!!! Why did you do that to me?" Kikumaru whined, trying to take a step back with Oishi. "I'm your best friend!"

Fuji looked surprised. "But, it's because you're my best friend that I did that to you. Aren't you happy that you kissed Oishi?"

Tezuka choked, spitting his green tea on the book. 'Oh crap, oh crap'

"KISSED?!" Eiji yelled, finally giving up on hiding. "You took our heads and crashed them together so our lips met!"

He pushed Oishi aside gently so he could confront his friend.

"You just had to kiss him willingly before we forced you to," Fuji countered, his voice stern.

Eiji shivered with rage. "Don't make me mad, Fuji. You don't want to see me when I'm angry."

"Actually, I do want," Fuji corrected with a smile.

Instantly, Kikumaru tore his clothes away and slowly became greenish. "RAWR!"

Everyone blinked. "Is that it?" Ryoma asked, walking toward the green- and without big muscles- Kikumaru to poke him.

"I'm not angry enough," Eiji shrugged, turning back to his white smooth skin.

"Ii data."

They turned to see the tall boy with glasses. "Inui!"

Tezuka rubbed his hands in satisfaction. Phase one could start.

--

The first thing to do is to confront the source of the problem- the juice maker, in a place where you can be alone with him or her, Yukimura of Rikkai had written.

Leaving to a more isolated place, Tezuka started talking to himself. "And since I have problem with the balls that are sent close to my left foot…"

He hated giving away his tennis flaws, but the situation was becoming too much. He heard the plotting of Echizen and Fuji- they planned to match him with either Kawamura or Inui.

He shuddered at the thought, blocking mental pictures that were all too disturbing.

Falling into his trap, Inui tried to spy on him and followed him in the clubhouse. After putting his stuff in the locker, Tezuka went to close the door.

"Inui. You need to do something about Echizen."

There was no answer, and Tezuka figured that Inui didn't want to show up, in case Seigaku's captain was just guessing Inui was there.

No such chance. "Inui… I know you're here. I made you follow me."

With a little whining, Inui came out from under the bench (did he think he was being subtle?) and bit his lip. "Does it mean all the data is wrong?"

"Would I give away perfectly good data just for you to follow me? Don't let your guard down."

The answer was no, but Inui sighed and crossed the notes he just wrote. "Why didn't you just ask me?"

"Didn't want to be too obvious in front of Them," Tezuka simply explained.

Them had become Echizen and Fuji, the terrible pair. Apparently, they played on a street tennis court in doubles and not only won 6-0 but also attempted to marry the opposite pair. And the scenario repeated itself endlessly…

Everyone who crossed their paths soon sang about the horror of the Matchmaking Pair.

"Echizen and Fuji," Inui cleared, an eyebrow raised.

Tezuka shushed him with a penetrating glare. "You shall not pronounce those names!"

Inui frowned before shrugging coolly. He was cool like that. "Alright. What about Them?"

"Undo the potion." It was nothing short of an order and Tezuka's eyes were fixed on the data specialist's ones.

Inui looked a bit uncomfortable. "I tried when they pushed Kaidoh into my arms… but I don't see any ways of getting our boy wonder back to his normal state."

"So the easiest to stop would be… Fuji," Tezuka conclude with a tired sigh. Inui, however, stared at him as if he had declared he could swim on the sun.

"No." Inui said in a breath. "No way we can try to only stop Fuji."

Seeing Inui's alarmed look, Tezuka thought it over and blanched- while keeping an emotionless face. "You're right. Not Fuji."

He sighed, racking his brain for a solution. "I think you should try again, with the juices. I'll think of a way to limit the matchmaking schemes. Tennis practices can't stay like this."

Ever since the pair had dubbed themselves Matchmakers, the tennis practices were punctuated by screams and kisses, resulting in a lack of productivity- in the tennis section, that is. Once it was over, at least three new couples had been formed, holding hands tightly in fear.

"Alright," Inui said, nodding to himself. "I shall test a bunch of new experiments on Echizen subtly."

And with that, he left Tezuka.

--

Beware of Matchmakers

If the juices end up turning your players into matchmakers, take control of the situation before damages can be done, otherwise, chaos will ensue.

Tezuka sighed. That much had already happened.

Don't let them pair up to achieve their goals.

The brunette gulped. He had let his guard down.

If you didn't manage to limit their activities, there are few options left, but there are ways to stop the spreading, or at least make sure it doesn't include you.

Hallelujah, Tezuka sang, hugging the book in gratefulness.

Because, yes, the situation had gotten that bad.

--

"Team, starting today, we will practice with the girls' tennis club," Tezuka announced, his voice betraying none of the inner turmoil he was going through. He couldn't believe what he had just done…

And none of his club members could believe what he had just declared as well, for they were gaping at him.

"Tezuka-buchou," a random second-year drawled hesitantly. "Why is that?"

A general thought was dancing in the tennis players' minds, quite apparent to the Seigaku captain. Obviously, they were considering quitting the club, which had fallen under the claws of chaos…

Tezuka took a deep breath, preparing himself for giving a long answer- a thing he wasn't used to.

Plus, he never thought he would say something like what he had prepared.

"I started to date Kira, the captain of the girl tennis club," he informed loudly, glancing at Echizen and Ryoma. The two didn't look surprised or impressed. "She's my girlfriend. I love her dearly. I care about her deeply."

Still no reaction from the matchmakers. Tezuka sighed… this was hard. Even without adding in the incredulous stares he was getting.

"We haven't been together since a very long time, but I feel like we knew each other forever. She's the one for me. Kira is my girlfriend, and I don't need another boyfriend. Because I'm not…"

The word was stuck between his lips.

"I'm not…"

"Gay?" Fuji supplied, a wicked smile tracing his lips.

"Hn. I'm not gay," Tezuka confirmed, his expression going back to his expressionless mask.

"Denial," the bespectacled brunette heard Echizen whisper. "We have to help him get out of his dark little closet, Fujiko!"

"But of course we will, Ryo-chan," was the reply that came to Tezuka's ears, making him whimper inwardly.

It took him great efforts not to run away, screaming bloody murder. "Actually, tennis practice is cancelled. You might all go home."

Club members' eyes had gotten so wide in shock that it was a surprise they didn't pop yet. Tezuka didn't see it, for he had vanished already.

He had an important call to make to a certain blue haired captain.

What do you think about it? Is it worth continuing? I have the end written (coughthrillcough)... I'd like to know your opinion about everything though.