Decepticon Holidays

"As you can see, this is a serious danger to morale and to our mission in general. Something must be done."

Megatron flipped idly through the set of datapads Thrust had given him. "What danger is presented by human children gathered around a tree?" He supposed it might represent some sort of military training ritual, with these be-hatted bellringers used to inspire morale…but they were only children.

Thrust laced his fingers together in a small, pleading gesture. He seemed almost...giddy. The entire effect was highly disturbing. "If you've read my notes, you'll see that Christmas is based upon the ideals of kindness, peace, and charity."

"Yes, and?" Megatron replied in a strained voice.

"And these are hardly Decepticon ideals, wouldn't you agree?"

"Of course, Thrust. But aren't you taking this a bit too seriously?" Tacticians had a reputation for being inscrutable, but Thrust was verging dangerously into the territory of 'very silly'.

The tactician looked offended. "With the infatuation with Earth culture that our troops seem to have picked up? If this is allowed to continue, we might very well see Starscream exchanging gifts with human children!" His voice became higher-pitched as he grew more excited.

Megatron allowed himself a few sinister chuckles at that amusing image. Thrust took the datapads from his hands and replaced them with another one, which showed a picture of a nine-pronged device with burning tips.

"However, I have done copious amounts of research and found an alternative that will solve our problem perfectly!" Thrust's optics sparkled as brightly as those of the human children with their presents.

Not our problem, Thrust. Don't bring me into your little obsessions. But he indulged Thrust once more and looked through the new data. "And this…Hannukah thing is completely separate from Christmas?"

Thrust nodded, internally getting rather frustrated with Megatron's lack of ability and interest in understanding Earth culture. "It is celebrated by a different religious sect at the same time of year, and yet commemorates a military victory instead of encouraging generosity. If we were to divert their attention to this aspect of Earth culture, we could drive them away from the dangers of such Autobot-like values!"

"Thrust, perhaps you have been working too hard," Megatron said, pushed the datapad back into the tactician's hands. "But you may proceed with your little reeducation program as long as you do not interfere with our war efforts."

"Understood, sir!" Thrust put his fist to his chest and saluted triumphantly, as if he'd just found some sort of strategy that would win the Earth War with nothing more than Cyclonus and two rolls of duct tape. He turned to leave, practically glowing with Decepticon pride.

"Oh, Thrust?"

The tactician stopped and half-turned to face him, his glow flickering uncertainly. "Yes, Megatron?"

"Would this "Hanukkah" be the reason why my lieutenants are using Inferno to gamble in the hallway?"

Thrust tilted his head slightly in confusion, then bolted out the door. "Cyclonus, return my Mini-con at once! Inferno is not a dreidel!"

Megatron put his head in his hand and bemoaned the sorry state of the Decepticon forces.