Author's Note: So...this is a one-shot that popped into my head at random. It's...kinda strange. Really strange, actually. And I don't actually speak l337 (leet)--all l337speak is courtesy of the excellent Wikipedia article. And yes, I actually looked up l337speak so I could write the l337 dialogue. And yes, I am having entirely too much fun typing l337. But, hey, l337 roxorz! ...just kidding. Translations for the l337speak are at the end. And just in case anyone fluent in l337 reads this...yes, I realize this isn't real l337. But I did my best. Enjoy, n00bz!

Shade of Fear: l337 style!

Durza grinned fiendishly as he waited for the elven princess to arrive, bearing the precious egg. His plan was foolproof! Obviously there was nothing better for an ambush than hiding thirty Urgals in extremely close quarters while they grunted and shuffled around!

Horses were coming down the path. "Hey," said one of the elven guards. His name is Glenwing, although it doesn't really matter since he's going to die in a few sentences. "I think I hear some grunting and shuffling. What if there's a trap up ahead?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Glenwing," said the other elven guard. His name is Faolin, and he is slightly more important than Glenwing, because although he too will die in the next few sentences, Arya will later angst about him in a romance scene with Eragon. "No one would be stupid enough to be that noisy if they were lying in ambush!"

Durza grinned even wider. What fools! They had been completely taken in by his brilliant plan.

"700k out, n00bz! Kekekekeke!" he cried as sprang out of hiding. He raised his hand and cried the words of the l33tspeak: "Pwnage!"

A burst of red light came from his hand and pwnd the two elven guards. See? I told you they would die. The elven princess, however, leapt from her horse and survived, thanks to her disturbing cat reflexes. Her name is Arya, and she is a very important character because she is the Love Interest™.

"What happened!?" Arya cried, apparently not noticing the horde of Urgals, all of whom were still hiding. Durza's brilliant plan hadn't included anything for them to do besides grunt and shuffle.

"W00t! I 4m t3h roxorx!" Durza said. "4nd I pwnd j00, n00b. 4ll jor 84s3 4r3 83l0ng t0 u5!"

"What? I can't understand a word you're saying!"

"83(4u53 I 4m t3h uberl337, 4nd j00 4r3 t3h suxorz, lol! Pwnage!"

"Would please talk like a real person now?"

"Itz tim3 t0 g3t t3h uberl337 3gg, gi\/3 it t0 m3!"

"Whatever, I don't have time to talk to you, you weirdo. I have to send the egg away before I am captured!" Arya raised the egg in the air and began chanting words in the Ancient Language. However, the Ancient Language was not as powerful as the new language Durza had learned: l337speak. This language allowed him to haxorz her spell, and the egg fell to the ground again.

"Pwnage!" Durza cried. "ZOMG I 4m t3h uberl337!!!111elevenzorz!"

"Damn—how did you do that!?" Arya cried as Durza tucked the egg into his pack. Because all fantasy characters have omnipresent packs that carry all of their belongings, of course.

"Thi5 5 t3h uberl4ngu4g3, 4n) i7 pwnz t3h 4//(i3//t l4ngu4g3, d00d!"

"Does Galbatorix know about this?"

Durza scowled. "Th4t n00b i5 t3h suxorixorage! h3 )03s//'t 4ppr3(4t3 t3h l337speak!"

Arya nodded. "Oookay…I think I understand at least a few words of that. Join the Varden, and we will vanquish Galbatorix and end his…er…suxorixorage!"

Durza grinned. "//0vv j00 4r3 t3h roxorx, lol lol! L3t'5 g0 pwnzorz t3h ki//g 0f suxorixorage!"

They shook hands, and Durza haxord them back to the Varden stronghold, where they were hailed as t3h uberl337. The Urgals, meanwhile, continued to shuffle around awkwardly until they were eaten by a horde of squirrels.

The end. Or as Durza would say…t3h 3//d, n00bz!

Author's Note: Okay...basically, Durza's lines go as follows:

"Look out, noobs! (noobs morons, sort of) (insane laughter)! Pwnage (instead of garjzla. Basically, he knocks 'em dead. Literally, in this case.)!"

"Woot, I rock! And I pwnd you, noob. All your base are belong to us!" (that last sentence is a pretty famous piece of 'Engrish'--a bad translation from Japanese. It's from Zero Wing, and again, there's an excellent article on Wikipedia).

"Because I am the uberleet (absolute best), and you suck, ha! Pwnage!"

"It's time to get the uberleet (really awesome) egg, give it to me!"

"Pwnage! Oh my god, I'm the uberleet (absolute best)!!!!"

"This is the uber language (best language), and it pwns the ancient language, dude!"

"That noob sucks, he doesn't appreciate leetspeak!"

"Now you rock, ha! Let's go pwn the king of sucky-ness!"

"The end, noobs."

...as you can see, it isn't really neccessary to understand what he's saying, because he never says anything that important. (laughs)