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Johnny C's Guide to Life

Introduction:

Hello there, friend, and welcome to Johnny C's Guide to Life. If you didn't steal this book, and it wasn't a gift, then I am forced to believe that you actually paid money for this merchandice. Therefore I am forced to assume you are a concerned and sensitive induvidual seeking truth and understanding, one who cares deeply about the environment and his or her fellow humn beings, one who is eager to embark on the long but worthwhile journey to enlightenment. OR, more likely, you are an asshole who bought this book without even glancing at the title, in hope that a bit of light reading for your emotionally unstable girlfriend might pull her out of her deppression so that you could get some more sex out of her. You sick, pathetic, slime. The very thought of low life like you even touching my book makes me want to VOMIT. How dare you even enter the bookstore my book is in?! YOU FUCKERS!! GET AWAY FROM MY BOOK!!!

To the theiving dog who did steal this book, I know who you are, I know where you live, and I am coming to kill you. I will drag your entrails across the pitts of Hell and and rip the heart out of your living, breathing, body. I will then take your filthy shell of a carcass and chop it into five peices, feeding each peice to a different species of starving animal. Not cats, though, I'm allergic to cats. It'll probably be just different kinds of dogs.

Disclaimer (by the Editor and Publishers): The only reason we published this shit was for your entertainment. This person is obviously extreamly crazy, and no one should take him seriously. We accept no blame for any trouble that may arouse from the person that follows the advice from this book, including but not limited to: a life time sentence of jailtime, the death penalty, acceptance to an insane assylum, and being murdered by an angry mob. Thank you.