The Perils of Mary-Sues

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean. If I did... let's just say it would be a disaster.

The Defeat

A/N: I'm really sorry it's short! I have no excuse to offer... I'll tell you if I think of one!

Jack looked around and saw the conveniently-placed rock nearby. The Sues were nearly upon them, and he climbed onto the rock.

"Wait!" he called, shouting as loudly as he could. "You want me, right?"

His words were met with screams of approval. Jack shuddered as he thought of what would happen if the Sues ever got their hands on him. Hopefully they wouldn't.

Then he noticed that some Sues were shouting "WILL!", others "JAMES!" and a few were shouting "DAVY!". Jack looked away in horror only to spot a couple yelling "CUTLER!". Shuddering again, Jack said,

"Or Will, or James, or – " with another shudder, "Davy Jones, or – " another shudder, "Beckett…"

The Mary-Sues screamed even louder.

"All to yourself, right?" Jack asked.

"YES!" was the answering scream.

"But if so many of you want me, or Will, or whoever, all to yourself, how are you going to do it?"

Dead silence fell over the Sues.

Then it erupted into screams.

Jack clearly heard "JACK IS MINE!" and "WILL BELONGS TO ME!" and "GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF HIM!"

And the next second all the Sues were fighting.

"Run!" Jack yelled to Will, Elizabeth, Norrington, Gibbs, and Ana Maria.

They bolted. And didn't stop until they reached the Pearl.

"Cast off!" Jack screamed.

Then they all sat down on the steps, out of breath and laughing.

"We got them!" Elizabeth gasped.

Everyone agreed.

No one did any work the next day, they just celebrated the defeat of the Mary-Sues. All the rum was consumed and so was most of the food. Jack sighed with happiness. No more Sues... It sounded too good to be true. It was.

No, this is not the end! Please review! I'll give you imaginary rum!